SRK Tier Discussion OS XII

[Muff_Daddy]

I’m also done with your dumb chin dribble and am tired of shooting down your pathetic counter arguments.

I’ll keep this brief as well.

-I don’t know where you’re getting this Threat To Christmas shit from, but I’ve never seen Santa do anything remotely violent or go on the offensive against anyone.

You’ve also never seen a year in which Christmas did not happen. No one has ever been able to mount a successful assault against Santa or Christmas. If someone steps to Santa, Santa will go on offense. It’s just that no one has ever stepped to Santa.

Especially considering that mass increases the closer you come to the speed of light, so that the more you were carrying with you, the more mass you would have to support. Doesn’t make even a little sense if Santa could travel at light speed by himself, which he clearly cannot.

Again, trying to apply the laws of physics to what Santa does is like trying to apply psychology and normal human rationality to what Jack Bauer does. Millions of people believe in Santa and he does his job without fail. Jack Bauer charges in and destroys all traps and preparations and he wins. Santa is what he is.

-Also, Santa makes toys. Train sets and teddy bears and race cars and rocking horses and all kinds of low-tech garbage. What in any of that do you possibly think he could use as a weapon? When we talk about Batman being able to meet Santa’s level of tech, I have no doubt that this is true, since Batman almost certainly knows how to carve wood.

Santa gave Stewie plutonium on Family Guy.

Lois encourages Stewie to star as baby Jesus in a nativity scene during the Quahog Christmas pageant. Although Stewie initially resists, he eventually plays along in hopes of pleasing Santa, who he believes is omnipotent and thereby can supply him with plutonium.

…

The next morning at Christmas, the family has gathered in the charred living room, happily opening their presents; Stewie gets his plutonium, Peter gets his own copy of Kiss Saves Santa, Brian gets at what first appears to be a wine bottle, but actually turns out to be a book of some type, and Lois, as Peter would put it, is as cheerful as ever, despite still being heavily sedated (or as Peter kindly states, “Your mom’s just full of Christmas cheer and enough tranquilizer to take down a bull elephant”), sitting limply in a rocking chair and drooling. In the closing scene, the Griffins wishes everyone a Merry Christmas (though Lois is still too numb to speak clearly).

-Also, there’s the fact that Santa is completely made up, and all of the feats attributed to Santa are actually accomplished by parents and then lied about to children. But since the rest of the list is composed of fictional characters as well (especially that “God” guy), I’ll let this one slip.

Wow, you were consistent for once. Since you brought this up though, you could argue that Santa is actually the realest of the fictional characters on the tier list since parents in this reality actually convince their children that Santa is real! It’s not like little kids watch 24 and ask, “Daddy, is Jack Bauer real?” ‘No, he’s not Billy.’ A parent might take their kid to go see a guy in a Batman costume and the kid might think that they got to see “Batman”, but that isn’t the same as the kid believing in Santa. Belief in Santa has “real power” in our world. It keeps kids in their bed. It compels them to go sit on a stranger’s lap. It keeps kids in line when they act like assholes and their parents threaten them by saying Santa won’t bring them what they want. Etc. Again, this has nothing to do with PT Batman vs Santa.

-The final nail in Santa’s coffin: The plot to The Santa Clause.

“…”

I’m done arguing about Santa. If y’all want to put it to a vote, let’s do it. I vote no.

So is that it? Santa can’t beat PT Batman because of a Tim Allen movie plot?

I’m with SRKev at this point. You guys using infinite Prep Time Batman as a perpetual standard for entry worked in a lot of situations, but not this one. I think Santa has him beat. If not out-right defeated, this at minimum a draw.

Summon all the S.H.I.T. members. Review all the evidence presented on both sides and vote on Santa.

[Muff_Daddy]

Also, before casting a vote, please consider the problem of the basic Milk and Cookies trap that Batman could use against Santa.

The whole idea of luring Santa into a trap or tricking Santa into his death is fairly absurd. I mean, Santa is known to eat milk and cookies, right? So why can’t Batman simply lay out cookies and milk that are filled with deadly poison for Santa? Seems like a simple enough plan, right? Santa slides down Bruce’s chimney, eats the poison milk and cookies, and then collapses? No. A thousand times no. The addition of the poison to the milk and cookies constitutes a Naughty Act which Santa has already seen and written on his list. Before Santa even slides down the chimney he has already checked the list twice. It would go like this: “Bruce Wayne, you added poison to a batch of milk and cookies two hours ago which were meant for me. Mr. Wayne, you’ve been very naughty. If I die, who will deliver the presents on Christmas?” Bam, light speed Santa punch to the face.

Ask yourself: How does Batman succeed in executing the poison Milk and Cookies plan against Santa? Santa eats all the milk and cookies that are set out for him, right? Since Batman knows this, how does Batman prevent Santa from knowing that the Milk and Cookies are laced with poison? If you can’t answer this, then you have to admit that Batman cannot Prep against Santa.

Vote now. Vote fairly.

[Ender120]

That’s right, Santa loses because of a Tim Allen movie. Evidence of a weakness is a weakness. Like the fact that Santa is constantly falling down and hurting himself, and then asking people to do his job for him (the job you keep insisting that he just “does”).

I would call being clumsy a serious Threat To Christmas, but not only does Santa fail to avoid the threat, the best he can do is ask someone to cover his ass.

Santa:

-Is not immortal, and instead has a revolving door of scrubs ready to take the place of whoever is stupid enough to die or be hurt as Santa (apparently he knows everything, but doesn’t know how to stay on his feet).

-Cannot travel at the speed of light, or near it, or anything approaching that idea. His reindeer do that for him, and without them he can move about as fast as an average man of his height, weight, and age (very slowly).

-Can shape-shift, but so what? Clayface shape-shifts too, and Batman handles him.

-Is not aggressive, offensive, violent, or even a good fighter. He’s a jolly old dude who likes to hang out and make toys for little kids. Show me evidence that Santa can fight, and that when he does fight he is unstoppable.

You seem to confuse the idea of Christmas with Santa. You showed a bunch of pictures of Batman celebrating Christmas. So what? Christmas (bastard pagan holiday though it may be), is a celebration of the birth of Christ. Your pictures only prove that Batman believes in Jesus, or at least is willing to humor the idea of him. Has nothing to do with Santa.

Also, where’s the evidence that Santa was the one who left Plutonium for Stewie? You admit that parents do the job for Santa, and then convince their kids that he’s real, and somehow this makes him the “realest” of the fictional characters. I’d say that makes him the weakest of them, since his job is done by non-powered parents and legal guardians, and they help him by giving him credit for what they did. Peter and/or Lois and/or Brian left Plutonium for Stewie. And no one gave credit to Santa but Stewie, but wtf does he know? He was tricked into believing in Santa by his lying parents.

But you are right. Believing in Santa does have “real power” in our world. The “real power” to control a child’s behavior and cause them to try and act better. You know whose power this is? The parents. Not Santa’s. Period.

The fact that we’ve “never seen a year in which Christmas did not happen” is not a fact. As a matter of fact (actual fact), it’s straight-up bullshit. Christmas has not been around since the beginning of time, nor has Santa. You say that Threats To Christmas exist, but also say that no one has ever stepped up to Santa. Which is it? If someone has stepped up to Santa, then we’d have evidence of what, according to you, would be an epic beatdown by a pissed-off Santa. But no one has, apparently, so we’re left with your speculation that Santa could even throw a punch, which I doubt given the shape he’s in.

Santa is based on Saint Nicholas, who visited a poor man’s house and left three bags of gold in each of the man’s daughters’ stockings drying over the fireplace so that they would not have to turn to prostitution. Giving your money to bitches so they don’t have to sell pussy = major failing of antipussy. Ho, ho, ho.

This is getting old. Say no to Jolly ol’ St. Nick. He doesn’t have most of the powers you keep claiming he has, and he loses in several glaring areas to the litmus test of the tiers.

In the words of Riley Freeman: Dat’s yo’ ass, Santa!

[Omega_Viscant]

Um, what’s his glaring weakness against PT Batman? You have tried and tired again to say that Santa’s weakness is the people who practice certain religions which don’t believe in him or his holiday. Um, so what? How does that have any outcome on the battle between him and PT Batman?

For the like fifth time, it’s not just abut beating PT-bats. It’s also about not having any glaring weaknesses. If some character had a weird anti-batman ability that made Batman instantly die no matter what, but that character could be killed by Chester Cheetah because he’s deathly allergic to cheese, then it’s not top tier.

Prep-Time Batman is the gate-keeper to the tiers. The general thing that you must do is to explain to the S.H.I.T. in what way your character can defeat Prep-time Batman, or at least fight him to a stalemate. You also have to show that your character does not have any of the weaknesses listed in the next section (and also doesn’t have any other glaring weaknesses). If you can do that, then your character is accepted. This is much harder than it sounds.

See? It doesn’t matter if Batman can even exploit the weakness. You have to show NO MAJOR WEAKNESSES PERIOD. So stop trying to deflect this shit into a conversation about whether Batman celebrates Christmas. If Santa can be pwnt by Krusty the Clown, he’s not top tier.

(By the way, if you want to refute this point, you need to show evidence of Santa fucking up a Jew. Otherwise, the weakness is accepted as true)

Furthermore, this is not some argument about non-belief hurting Santa. He’s not tinkerbell, and no one said it does. I said that Santa cannot enter the houses of Jews. This is a widely known and accepted fact, and it shows weakness.

LOL! The Nightmare Before Christmas was produced by Tim Burton, the same Tim Burton who directed Batman (1989). So we’re basing the character’s abilities based upon Tim Burton’s interpretation of them? Seriously? You’re digging pretty deep here to come up with a decent argument against Santa, but the thing is, Batman and Santa have been in existence as characters with (well-established abilities) long before Tim Burton got to do his interpretation of them. Is Batman limited to what Tim Burton says he can do?

Yes, Batman is limited by what Tim Burton says he can do. PT-Batman has any weaknesses that showed up during the Burton films, and sometimes wears the shiny bat-nipple suits of the George Clooney era even. However, he can overcome most of that shit with the power of prepping.

Stop trying to call us all hypocrites when you’re really just misreading the rules and making assumptions.

I’m cool with a vote, and I vote no. In addition to the glaring weaknesses, Santa suffers from the same problem as all the other characters you tried to nominate, Muff. The all have limited offense. You keep showing what a good turtler Beast, or NBA on NBC, or Santa is, but never showed how Santa is actually going to defeat Batman. Your arguments only skew to how Santa can evade defeat, not how he can win.

…seriously.

[Infernoman]

the only other thing I will say is, wow this thread is a no fun zone (yes yes SRK SERIOUS BUSINESS) but really now Ender you used the Santa Clause? I thought we’re assuming Santa is at his best vs prep time Bats with all of his best too?

Religion also has nothing to do with santa…I have seen people who may not be Christians but will acknowledge his existence for some reason.

I’m voting for a tier reset…aside from santa, there’s been nothing really new to even enter the tiers. again as i said it’s become stagnant and dead…hell some entries that have been long standing are long gone in the public eye. shit need’s a refresh and most members of S.H.I.T aren’t even here to debate new stuff. I say, we need new active members!

also I’ll leave this here: http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/2853/1291836436785.png Bats know santa is real…

edit - yeah no matter what is said at this point decisions have been made…whatever let this thread die since ain’t nothing going to be brought up for a few more years…

[Omega_Viscant]

I agree that the big problem here is that most of the S.H.I.T. isn’t here, or isn’t commenting. We could have had these votes over ages ago and been onto new discussions at this point. Ender, Shaft, and any other S.H.I.T.ers who are around, what should we do about this?

…seriously.

[Tanion]

the only other thing I will say is, wow this thread is a no fun zone (yes yes SRK SERIOUS BUSINESS) but really now Ender you used the Santa Clause? I thought we’re assuming Santa is at his best vs prep time Bats with all of his best too?

Religion also has nothing to do with santa…I have seen people who may not be Christians but will acknowledge his existence for some reason.

I’m voting for a tier reset…aside from santa, there’s been nothing really new to even enter the tiers. again as i said it’s become stagnant and dead…hell some entries that have been long standing are long gone in the public eye. shit need’s a refresh and most members of S.H.I.T aren’t even here to debate new stuff. I say, we need new active members!

also I’ll leave this here: http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/2853/1291836436785.png Bats know santa is real…

edit - yeah no matter what is said at this point decisions have been made…whatever let this thread die since ain’t nothing going to be brought up for a few more years…

I brought up Mayhem [Allstate] and for the most part the active S.H.I.T members like him. The thing is that, it does take A LOT to take down PT Bat’s. It is quite frustrating knowing that u may have some unstoppable godly move but is completely neutralized by a anti-spray of choice. Most of these nominations are silly…

Santa Claus: Really? I mean… REALLY? Put a box held up by a stick, then put cookies+milk underneath it. Game over. Santa cannot resist the temptation of cookies and milk. I’m surprised this weaknesses hasn’t been stated earlier.

Never Say No To Panda: At best can be middle tier. Yes, its annoying that he will mess up your shit but he is quite the small timer when it comes to pure chaos that Mayhem can bring. Plus the fact that he is a bear, means he has a weakness against Russians aka Zangief. Which either kills them or rapes them… or a little bit of both. And Zangief is no where in the top tier.

[Ender120]

The only thing to do would be to add people to the S.H.I.T. list without requiring that they push a character through nomination and election first.

It would probably please a lot of the crybabies (crybaby, really) in this thread, but it also removes the safeguard that you actually understand the rules before you’re able to vote on who belongs on the list.

I say we take a vote using whatever members are actually present, on any and all characters nominated in this thread.

The evidence has been presented for everybody, it’s time to S.H.I.T. or get off the pot.

After that, let the thread die for all I care. When someone worth nominating and inducting comes up, we can reopen the discussion.

Infernoman- this isn’t a no-fun zone. It’s just a lot less fun when people refuse to let go of a character after everyone tells them why he doesn’t belong, and then they pitch a fit and threaten to start their own tiers.

I’m not saying Beast and Santa Claus weren’t good ideas for nominations. What I am saying is that they don’t cut it. When that happens, and everyone is shutting you down, you either move on and nominate someone new, or you find the most irrefutable evidence imaginable, so that no one can say anything against your character.

Arguing forever and ever with the same arguments- never finding more proof than what you offered at first (and stubbornly refuse to admit is not enough to earn a spot on the tier)- is not how you do it.

There have been a ton better nominations than Beast and Santa Claus (Mr. Impossible comes to mind immediately) that never made the tier. Life goes on. Keep trying. Get back on the horse. Etc.

[Muff_Daddy]

Your arguments only skew to how Santa can evade defeat, not how he can win.

Tired of repeating myself to you. Your criteria was battling PT Bats to a standstill. Your rule used that word. Standstill. Santa doesn’t have to win, just tie. You think that not being able to enter the house of a Jew is a major weakness, but you don’t say why, it’s just your opinion. How does Batman win? You don’t say. You didn’t solve the problem of the milk and cookies trap. Your vote is cast so that’s that.

I’m not saying Beast and Santa Claus weren’t good ideas for nominations. What I am saying is that they don’t cut it. When that happens, and everyone is shutting you down, you either move on and nominate someone new, or you find the most irrefutable evidence imaginable, so that no one can say anything against your character.

Who is “everyone”? I saw supporters and detractors alike.

Keep voting.

[Omega_Viscant]

That’s cool, but I think the only members present are me and you.

Which I guess means we voted Mayhem (Like me) and Magoo in, and rejected Santa (?)

…seriously?

[Pertho]

Geico man still can bend reality enough to screw both Santa and Batman, if I didn’t have finals.

[Muff_Daddy]

Why not just PM the other S.H.I.T. members and link them to this thread?

[Syke1]

IMHO you guys should review every character, so far discussed in this thread, and just write a yes, no, or more info. In a post so people’s posts are asnwered.

[Ender120]

IMHO you guys should review every character, so far discussed in this thread, and just write a yes, no, or more info. In a post so people’s posts are asnwered.

Doing that currently.

EDIT: I reread the thread, including evidence submitted, and noted new nominations as well as the person to present the nomination, to help add new S.H.I.T. members. Here’s the list and my votes, with explanations as needed:

Old Spice Guy (BlueNu)- No, due to lack of antipussy.
All-State Mayhem (Tanion)- Absolutely Yes
Most Interesting Man in the World (Infernoman)- More Evidence, especially regarding antipussy and any powers besides being interesting and having stories to tell
Terry Tate (BullDancer)- No, and not just for the “no black people” rule. Show how he does anything other than tackle flabby white people in an office environment and the vote could change.
Kenny McCormick/Mysterion (TheEvilChinaMan)- No, but I like it. The problem is that, even though he’s immortal, he’s weak as hell and ridiculously unlucky. There’s a reason he dies in every episode.
Oprah (kz0060)- No, lack of antipussy.
Michael Angelo (ShinAkumax)- No. Just typing a name isn’t a nomination.
Bittorent (catchafire)- No, see above.
Beast (Muff Daddy)- No, he’s a fruity Disney character.
Segata Sanshiro (Wellman)- More Evidence. I like the nomination a lot, but I want to know how he fares now that the Sega Saturn is no longer around. Also, show how he doesn’t lose to the common weaknesses of Japanese men: blonde women, Japanese women, and atomic bombs.
Terry Crews (Silent Shinobi)- More Evidence. Ray Lewis would beat him in a fight of Old Spice reps, since Ray swallows universes, while simultaneously spitting their energy out of his mouth and growing six more heads on his shoulders to also spit out the energy.
Mr. Magoo (Omega Viscant aka Quiche)- Definitely Yes
Christopher Chance (Valaris)- More Evidence
7-11 Big Gulp (BullDancer)- No, it’s just a big cup.
Triple Dog Dare (Shodokan123)- No, it’s not alive.
NBA on NBC theme (Muff Daddy)- No, it’s just a song.
O Fortuna (Tanion)- No, see above.
Ride of the Valkyries (Infernoman)- No, see above.
Geico Commercial Guy (Pertho)- More Evidence. I like the nomination, and rereading made me consider the aspects of his power that allow him to call non-real situations into existence. Show more.
Final Destination Death (TheEvilChinaMan)- No
Sun (SRKev)- No, it’s not alive and it’s not even a big star compared to others.
Schrodinger’s Cat (TheEvilChinaMan)- No. Good nomination, but at the end of the day it’s just a cat. Being alive and dead at the same time doesn’t allow you also to be everything in-between.
NSNTP Panda (Syke1)- More Evidence. If you could show how he’d beat PT Bats, I’d say yes. I like his total lack of fear or regard for people’s things, plus teleportation and what seems to be mental control/paralysis.
Mufasa’s Ghost (Syke1)- No
Santa Claus (Muff Daddy)- No, but a good nomination. Loses to being clumsy.
Michael Jackson (Endless)- I’m torn. My heart says Yes, but my mind says No. While he does have antipussy, I don’t think he has antichildbutthole, so I’m going with no.
Emma Frost (Torrie De Goddess)- No, loses to Herbal Essence "X-Gene-suppressing, curl-enhancing shampoo."
Conrad Murray (Bowling Pin)- No
Steven Seagal (Yumi Saotome)- No. Like Weeks said, he wears a girdle. Plus Chuck Norris is the better martial artist, and he did no better than Random Tier.

Here’s the list without my comments to make it easier for other S.H.I.T. members to vote:

All-State Mayhem (Tanion)-
Old Spice Guy (BlueNu)-
Most Interesting Man in the World (Infernoman)-
Terry Tate (BullDancer)-
Kenny McCormick/Mysterion (TheEvilChinaMan)-
Oprah (kz0060)-
Michael Angelo (ShinAkumax)-
Bittorent (catchafire)-
Beast (Muff Daddy)-
Segata Sanshiro (Wellman)-
Terry Crews (Silent Shinobi)-
Mr. Magoo (Omega Viscant aka Quiche)-
Christopher Chance (Valaris)-
7-11 Big Gulp (BullDancer)-
Triple Dog Dare (Shodokan123)-
NBA on NBC theme (Muff Daddy)-
O Fortuna (Tanion)-
Ride of the Valkyries (Infernoman)-
Geico Commercial Guy (Pertho)-
Final Destination Death (TheEvilChinaMan)-
Sun (SRKev)-
Schrodinger’s Cat (TheEvilChinaMan)-
NSNTP Panda (Syke1)-
Mufasa’s Ghost (Syke1)-
Santa Claus (Muff Daddy)-
Michael Jackson (Endless)-
Emma Frost (Torrie De Goddess)-
Conrad Murray (Bowling Pin)-
Steven Seagal (Yumi Saotome)-

Happy Voting, all.

[Bowling_Pin]

I was not seriously suggesting Conrad Murray.

Muff Daddy, my greatest rival. Unfortunately, I have given you the leverage needed to convince us that Santa is a contender, but you have squandered it. In this case, for the sake of making things interesting, I will play devil’s advocate here.

For Santa to be a contender, we must prove the possibility, and then probability, of defeating Batman. Defeat is a very broad term, but at a minimum, he must be able to knock Batman out in a physical fight, must be able to do so consistently to the point where it is expected, and have a counter to every possible plan Batman has to defeat him. By ignoring the physics argument I presented earlier, then you remove the possibility of Santa traveling at light speed. Without temporal distortion, then it is not Santa who is absurdly fast, but rather it is his reindeer; Batman can very easily counter the reindeer with games, their greatest weakness. With temporal distortion, Santa gains the light speed punch and the possibility of knocking Batman out in a fight.

Omniscience alone does not help Santa. For example, you can be aware that Batman is going to punch you in the face five seconds. This alone does not stop him from punching you in the face. You must not only be aware of what’s coming, you must also be in the position to stop it.

If Santa Claus has temporal distortion, then it is he who has the power to beat Batman in a fight, forcing him to concoct a plan to defeat Santa, which is compromised because Santa is omniscient.

I’ll give Muff another chance to defend himself here before I make a vote.

---

EDIT: I changed my mind.

I’m voting yes for Santa Claus.

This is because I hate Mentos.

[SRKev]

It kinda sucks that a comic book character can’t be nominated until they have been portrayed by someone in real life. I have a great character in mind but I can’t find a single picture of him being cosplayed at all.:mad:

[Ryusuke]

Michael Jackson (Endless)- I’m torn. My heart says Yes, but my mind says No. While he does have antipussy, I don’t think he has antichildbutthole, so I’m going with no

I believe he does have antichildbutthole. Here is some proof:

Comparing Michael Jackson with Gary Glitter: Why Jackson’s Career Continued after Abuse Claims & Glitter’s Didn’t
JACKSON SEXUAL ACCUSER NOW RECANTS AFTER DEATH! [thecapt.blog-city.com]

Its one thing if you’ve been found innocent. Its totally different when your charges have been recanted.

Im not a member of S.H.I.T. but I vote:

Michael Jackson

[Bious]

cut

Didn’t someone say Ivan Ooze? Cause if Akuma is on there he definatly needs a spot.
Although, if you’re done taking people then nevermind.

[Pertho]

Steven Seagal (Yumi Saotome)- No. Like Weeks said, he wears a girdle. Plus Chuck Norris is the better martial artist, and he did no better than Random Tier.

Small correction here: Steven Seagal was the first american to reach gdlike ranks in his art from a bunch of japanese tight asses, he is buddha and he had to slow all his movements to super slow speed because he was going to fast for the cameras. Chuck Norris got denied by Bruce Lee to be a teacher and wears a cowboy hat. :-/

[Ender120]

I’m voting yes for Santa Claus.

This is because I hate Mentos.

I don’t agree with your reasons, but I’ll still pray for you BP.

It kinda sucks that a comic book character can’t be nominated until they have been portrayed by someone in real life. I have a great character in mind but I can’t find a single picture of him being cosplayed at all.

I’m not an expert on the live-action thing, but I don’t think cosplay counts. It probably has something to do with most cosplayers being fruits and hurting nominations more than they help.

I believe he does have antichildbutthole. Here is some proof:

Its one thing if you’ve been found innocent. Its totally different when your charges have been recanted

I like his music, you like his music, we all like his music. But be honest, you know he did it. Also, as has been mentioned, he loses to fire and stage equipment, and whether he actually did put a finger in the kid’s butt or not, the stress of going to trial led him to painkillers, he eventually got addicted to them, and he eventually died. So he’s owned by his own meds.

Didn’t someone say Ivan Ooze? Cause if Akuma is on there he definatly needs a spot.
Although, if you’re done taking people then nevermind.

The reason I left Ivan Ooze off was because I couldn’t tell if it was a new nomination, or if it was a question of why he didn’t make it in last time. I don’t remember the arguments for or against Ivan Ooze when he was last nominated, but if someone wants to make a case for him, there’s no reason we can’t discuss and vote on it.

Small correction here: Steven Seagal was the first american to reach gdlike ranks in his art from a bunch of japanese tight asses, he is buddha and he had to slow all his movements to super slow speed because he was going to fast for the cameras. Chuck Norris got denied by Bruce Lee to be a teacher and wears a cowboy hat. :-/

Seagal gets props for naming the daughter his wife gave him after the woman he was having an affair with at the time, but that’s where it ends. Most of his movies had to go direct-to-video because he’s such a terrible actor, and he has a major weakness for caring about animals and the environment, both of which Batman would exploit to no end.

Plus he wears a girdle.