So then why is there talk of divorce?
All you guys are telling the OP that he might be able to reconcile need to look at a much bigger issue. If the current situation is causing this much havoc in their relationship now, I’d hate to see all the problems that will arise (and let’s be honest all marriages do have problems eventually, whether financial emotional and etc…) and what they will lead to. There are no easy answers in such matters.
Let this be a lesson to everybody. If you are getting married and you feel there are issues in your past that you feel that you have to air out but aren’t comfortable, than there is no shame in getting some premarital counseling together.
Good luck Rumble, we all know that you’re going to need it…
One of the requirements that can easily end a relationship if not met is the ability to deescalate and resolve issues.
This is also a very useful lesson in life in general and not just relationships.
Though from the information OP has provide, he’s way too careless and passive to be able to do this so I do not see him having any lasting successful relationships in the near future.
Im sitting here soaking up all the game in this thread and looking at the OPs and all I can think is that this dude is about to get fucked so hard. better get while the getting is good before that ass get got.
So, were you already in a relationship with your wife when you were still seeing your ex?
Ok. This will be quick.
We dated in 2010. Broke up. Then Met my wife .
My ex never contacted me till April of last year. When she got news that I was getting mmarried. I didn’t know she had a kid till we talked she then told me it’s mine.
Now I didn’t know how to tell my fiance. When she found out about a supposed kid she flipped out. I was talking to my ex about life and we would have lunch or coffee and talk about the little dude. I met him once and it then made me question if I was wrong thinking he wasn’t mine. I’m latino but look Italian she is latino looking Italian and the kid looks italian. (Light skin and brown hair)
So my wife went threw every account I ever had and tried to dig up stuff. There are 3 pictures of us taking a selfie.
now this is where the carnage started.
Had I known my ex and I had a kid I would of been with her. But we never talked till 4 Yeats later. Then boom “you’re kid”.
Now my wife is at war with me.
And I’m researching lawyers and most offices are closed but I have 2 that I’m call8ng. We have no kids or house. Just an apartment and a dog. That’s it.
I work 4 day 12 hour days a week and go to school for the other weekday. . She is out for blood cause I work a graveyard shift .
The story I posted earlier is what you need to stick to.
You can get this annulled. She can go kick rocks.
Talk to your damn lawyer.
Believe me bro every word that you typed has been gold. Sorry you went through this shit bro. 
Dude you yourself said it. she’s out for blood.
if some dude ran up to you with a knife and you had a means to defend yourself, you just going to run away still?
If what you are saying is what I think you meant. No holds barred and go for broke. don’t let her step on you because she feels cheated and is now throwing a temper tantrum because of selfish reasons. Don’t be that guy, don’t chance it. You have a job that’s paying for a business degree, don’t let this get in the way of that by spiraling out of control. deal with it now and kill it with fire now, even if you have to take a hit somewhere else in your life.
call your mom, and your friends and tell them you don’t want them to talk about you to her period. ignore her, and talk to a lawyer. you might not be into “breaking hearts or waging war”, but you yourself said she is, So why aren’t you defending yourself?
throw that chauvinistic bull shit in the trash, defend yourself, send her to kick rocks, and learn from your mistake in a real meaningful way.
You’re throwing out too many details.
You can just say important generic things, like instead of:
"We dated in 2010. Broke up summer. Met my wife in November of same year."
You can say:
“Broke up with ex before meeting new girl/current wife.”
Never post specifics, including but not limited to your place of work, names, exact hours, exact date/time, etc.
he hasn’t stroked her in 5 years, thats the equivalent of being in jail
some marriage problems and disputes can be solved with a good exploring of her walls, tension build up is obvious
after reading more on story hope you get it worked out
People in here talking about common law marriage and shit. You need to live together for at least 5 years in many states to begin with and I think it can’t be a roommate situation.
One fact I do know is that NY state doesn’t have common marriage laws. Now how many of you women hating motherfuckers want to move here?
<EDIT FOUND STORY ABOVE> When you said you were terrible and felt bad I assumed you fucked up. If you didn’t do anything wrong then I don’t see your wife’s issue. HOWEVER, you needed to establish IF THIS IS YOUR KID before having any meeting about that child. I have only had this happen to me one time in my entire life, and I DNA tested that shit down before I gave that woman a single cent. Guess what? It wasn’t my kid, I just made more money than the dead beat who was the actual father, and she knew damn well I wasn’t that kid’s father.
Lots of level-headed advice here. Most are dead on the money. It’s too bad OP is not listening and getting dat paternity test. That should have been the first thing he did, even before telling his soon-to-be-ex-wife.
If the paternity test shows that rumble is the father he’s fucked. Say hello to 18 years of court mandated child support. No escapes either, American courts will hunt you down wherever you hide whether it’d be in shack in Indo China or the ghettos of Bangladesh. Unpaid child support=arrested and jailed.
If the child is not his, he’s still fucked. OP has demonstrated he’s a white knight complacent with women walking all over him. He was willing pay for the wedding expenses even with no obligation. He didn’t smack his wife when she mentioned alimony either. This guy is a train wreck in the making.
Dude is 32, still in school for “international business.” OP goes to school and accumulates debt rather than getting paid and I suspect money problems were an issue not talked about. He best pray his degree can get him an honest wage and be able to keep it. I hope for OP’s sake it’s not his child because unpaid child support = jail in America.
I’ll end this with some good news. If the child isn’t his he’ll probably get off with a slap on the wrist. OP likely has no assets outside the apartment he can split with his wife. He goes to school and makes little to no money. If his wife works he might be getting more out of the divorse than her. The person with the most assets in the marriage is the loser, this just happens to be the man in most marriages, but in rumble’s case who knows.
Um no. Amazon corporation pays for my masters. Hence why I went to school again.
No debt, my GPA for my undergrad was 3.5, so I’m okay.
White knight for a wedding that was paid for us.
If the chick with the kid tries to take a dime from me I’ll bitch slap her and date again. I’m 32, not 52 and I still look like I’m 26. So I’m not worried about dating.
Anyways, paternity test was purchased for 111 bucks. So her and the kid are taking the test tmw. Mine is already put aside and fully used by me as when I got home. Also, law office contacted and free consultation tmw morning.
RUMBLE, sit down and type down everything that happened or is related to what’s going on in the divorce. From the time the ex alleged you conceived a child together, to when you met/started a relationship with your wife, to the status of the marriage up until this point and the point where the ex came back into your life to accuse you of conceiving. Dates and explicit details for each one, not just vague snippets.
A lot of people are being helpful but it’s hard when you’re really only giving scraps and pieces of what’s going on.
You should have this timeline and report written down anyway because you WILL need it. You need a concise recollection and story of all of the above. Any fluctuation will get you wrecked in a court of law. They will go Ace Attorney on your ass and pick out even the most minor of contradictions and use it to rip up any semblance of a chance to defend yourself.
Start with writing all of that up, starting right now if at all possible. You need to get down all the information while it’s fresh in your mind. Write it down in as much explicit detail as possible and pore over it several times to make sure ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is as you believe it to be.
It’ll help you out in the end, and if you decide to post it on here, it can help everyone here do their best to get you through a challenging time. But leave absolutely nothing to chance and do not think with anything but your brain at this point. No matter what emotions and feelings this is sourced from, in the end this is a legal proceeding. Think of it as nothing more than that.
this story is fucking weird and I feel like there has to be missing information. yea some women can be crazy but “you have a kid you didn’t know about from a really old relationship and you didn’t cheat on me” is not something I’d expect to lead to an immediate divorce and buckling down for war.
the story just doesn’t make sense as presented.
The ex has a kid without your consent means she doesn’t love you. She’s egocentric and only sees you as a cash dispenser.
Your current wife sounds “charming” as well.
Get that DNA test before everything else. If it’s not yours you should dump your wife anyway. She clearly does not give a shit about the “in sickness and in health” part.
Extremely related, since it looks like you keep rushing into relationships and ending up with the wrong people:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2zoZMg2NJY
if you dont have time to respond to this then its cool. but if you found out that the child may be yours five months before your wedding, why didn’t you get a paternity test during that time? or at least postpone the wedding until the issue was resolved? unless you’re saying that she contacted you april, but waited until september or later to mention the child, then nevermind.
either way the distrust of women in gd is astounding lol. when that indian chick made a thread on reddit saying that she didnt tell her husband she wasnt a virgin, everyone here vilified the woman, and so did i. but it sounds like you did almost exactly the same thing (didnt tell your fiancee that another woman’s child might be yours but consciously went ahead with the wedding anyway), and everybody is siding with the guy again.
in any case, you didnt do anything illegal (but i cant say irresponsible) so i hope it turns out ok. if i misunderstood any of these events then i apologize
Pretending to be a virgin to trick someone into marriage and possibly having a child with some chick you boned years ago is not even remotely the same. Besides people have called the OP out for being an idiot multiple times, anyway. No body is pretending he is a great guy. Everyone is telling him to cover his ass.