Indeed. The problem is so many people that have kids don’t know the difference themselves. Hence why they have a bunch of kids in the first place. I don’t think there is anything wrong with using physical discipline as long as you use it in the right context. Out right hitting shouldn’t be used as a form of lazy parenting but when it comes to laziness America is number 1.
As a parent and noticing what is effective, I would say discipline to each child on case by case basis. For some kids, no matter how much you whoop the hell out of them, they are just stubborn. Beating the daylights out of them only messes up your relationship with your child if they are the type that doesn’t respond well to physical discipline. My daughter is 4 so, I am in not much need of whooping’s often but, even when I think I am going to get to that point, the threat of a whooping almost always works just as well as one itself.
Cater to each child as needed. I am for the whooping’s if it is actually going to make the child realize the behavior is unacceptable. If not, figure out another tactic.
Two things:
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Then don’t say that you beat the shit out of them. It conveys the wrong message and given the overall context of this thread, it has the capacity to be taken seriously.
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Ah, but they could understand how to drive prior to getting their license at 16. And they ought to know how to get a job (if not have held a part-time job) somewhere after 14, so…
Fair enough though; it doesn’t truly end until they’re independent.
Also…
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No I don’t (providing essentials for them is necessary to raising a physically healthy child, but imparting sense and understanding in them is far more important than anything past the essential needs to live), and I’m beginning to think you’re a self-entitled presumptuous bitch. lmao what a tool
“Is hitting your kids ok?”
Uhh… no. Why is this even a debate?
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Because not all corporal punishment is equal. For example: the way my family (extended and direct) was raised with a very clear understanding that you never had a reason to touch somebody else’s face and that doing so was insanely disrespectful. As such getting slapped carries a huge psychological impact with it. This means that if you do something that deserves a slap, something so damn stupid the other person had to cross that line, you done fucked up.
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Because even when you aren’t punishing a kid physically people still catch feelings when you come up with creative ways to drive a point home to a child really isn’t up for debating the finer points of hedonism and nihilism; especially how they flirt with the former and the latter without much thought. For exampe, the father shooting the laptop.
So…sometimes a kid just needs a good slap.
I dont have kids myself, but I think using the word “hitting” in the question makes the answer obvious. Its almost a semi-loaded question.
Everyone knows that hitting is bad.
Disciplining on the other hand, is necessary.
Most educated parents don’t hit their kids. Take from that what you will. Most parents are awful and didn’t plan to have children so much as “they just happened.” I shadowed a psychiatrist working in the prison system. At one point during group circle the inmates, all of whom had anger problems, started bragging about how bad they had it as kids and started comparing how badly their parents hit or beat them. Dr. Laurent, the psychiatrist I was shadowing then asked “Well if getting beat up as a kid was such a good thing, why are you all here today?” They had no answer.
Physical child abuse is too prevalent among blacks, especially un/der-educated and poor ones. I’ve seen blacks go to HYPS (Harvard Yale Princeton Stanford), but only a few came from real disadvantaged backgrounds and I knew of only one that cited physical discipline as a good thing. The rest went with the general consensus that hitting your kids is a backwards and harmful tradition. I recommend the book “Beating Black Kids.”
I understand most parents are touchy on the subject of how to raise their kid, but most simply do not know how. If your kid does not become a success in life, it is largely your fault. Parenting needs to be taken more seriously because you only get one chance per kid. I recommend parenting classes to all new and aspiring parents. If you fucked up and have a child at a young age or while still poor, it is still your responsibility to raise it right and give it the opportunity to surpass the situation it was born into. Your kid doesn’t have to enter the Ivy League, he just or she just CANNOT be a lazy leech who contributes little to society. Success means different things to different people.
I’ve had to work in Compton CA , Atlanta GA, Detroit MI, Palot Alto CA and near the affluent suburbs of San Francisco and my work involved child / family therapy. I’ve seen a large number of poor clients, and quite a few middle/upper class ones as well. The educated, middle and upper class parents did not hit their kids or would not admit to it. The poorer parents often times did and sometimes would proudly admit it but most would sheepishly admit it and often would claim that it’s the way they were raised and that they “turned out alright” (they didn’t). You shouldn’t be proud as a parent that you hit your kids, under any circumstances. You are teaching them fear, not how to be a responsible son/daughter/future wife or husband / citizen. The psychology is pretty clear cut on this one. Even with dogs, you will not find a single expert who claims hitting them works as an efficient training tool.
Still open? Are you kidding me… This thread is just getting more and more SRK by the minute. Now we have some idiot saying that the distinct difference between hitting and discipline is the reason why people have so many kids??? Are you serious… Show me a study, or anything intelligent that says or even comes close to proving that… I will wait.
This is why this thread is soooo not for this site. People just do not know what the fuck they are talking about but still feel the need to post like they are getting somewhere… Idiots.
Half-Ro, way to go man!!! That is a parent at work right there!! Love that one post, but 5 pages of bullshit to get to that one post is killing me…
Sorry to all you hopeful loser out there, but if you do not have kids of your own, this thread is not for you. No matter how smart or how informed you think you are, your children will challenge all of that and make you as Half-Ro said “take each case as they come” So pleas shut the fuck up so this thread can be closed.
People liking a post that says they would rather talk to science field experts on this subject rather than the “kids are dumb because their parents don’t hit them” and “I got hit by my parents and I turned out great” crowd. But, stupid, where do you think these field experts get their data from? I will wait… Yeah it is the very crowd you do not want to hear from. Love that post people, as it makes no sense and is just up the SRK alley!!! Regardless of how people say things, if you have no experience in a subject, you really should listen to those that do. It is the most logical thing to do. Ask the field experts, I am sure they will tell you the same.
Oh and BTW, I have posted like 5 times in this thread and have at the very least 1 like per post… Who else is bringing that kind of insight to this thread? No one, and that is why the thread needs to be closed!! People are just posting retarded shit and others are responding to it. Nothing most of these people are saying is of any substance. SO please stop trying to act like you have it pegged and just hold off on posting in this thread.
A 16 year old is an adult… This is the same person who raise children at 16, so you can now see how peoples personal experiences totally screw up what is reality. I would not trust that anyone at the age of 21 is fully capable of what they are going to be doing as an adult, shit 16 is not even real age. Have you not seen 16 and pregnant? Those are adults? Because those are our “normal” teenagers, driving and all, and still can not hold down a job, have no outlook on a career, and most likely, just like you are a high school drop out. Lets not even get into how they handle relationships with their peers/mates, as some could say it is because of their parents, but we all know it is because they are SIXTEEN YEARS FUCKING OLD!! I am sorry but I do not trust them (or you for that matter) to make anywhere near sound decisions in regards to children. Shit you can not even post on a web forum with intelligence. Raised children… GTFO with that shit!!!
Close this fucking thread, it is toxic and needs to be closed!!! Serious!!!
only if you can hit confirm into super. flashiness is important.
So you work for the state? Or what kind of organization? Is it one that will get the parents in trouble? All of the middle income families I know openly admit to spanking/physically disciplining their children. Do you know why, because I do not judge them, I can not bring harm to them and I am a parent myself.
Look no further than the new movie. “what to expect when you are expecting” That scene/trailer you see with all the men talking openly about how they have failed/come up short is real life. Not what you are experiencing, just saying’. Why would someone with a $120,000 home, 3 children and a beautiful wife admit that he lost his kid for 4 hours to any kind of social worker/psychiatrists? Why would they admit that their children eat cigarette butts on the daily? It is clear that people spank their children because it is a method of parenting that works very very effectively if used right and at the right ages.
If you believe other wise, get some friends, because they will tell you, it does not matter how much money you have or where you went to school, if you have no respect, there is a sure fire way to teach it to you. If you do not believe that, look at our justice system. Do you think the judge thinks of Jail as time out or a spanking? Really?
What I learned:
-Screw all the scientific studies and undeniable evidence that hitting kids stunts development and cause many other mental problems, everyone should hit their kids because that’s what their parents did to them and they turned out “ok”.
-Apparently you are a pussy if you don’t hit your small, defenseless child (makes perfect sense)
It’s also in part due to the fallacy that first hand knowledge is the best knowledge.
Telling someone ‘you’re not a parent, you can’t tell me how to parent’ is a lot like telling a doctor ‘you’ve never had this injury, don’t tell me how to treat it’.
Also, one of the hallmarks of intelligence is being able to learn vicariously. You don’t have to stick your finger in a light socket to know it’s a bad idea.
I am a parent myself. Our home is much closer to 500k than 120k, and that’s about average for the neighborhood.
Again, parenting is a touchy subject but the fact of the matter is very few parents know what they are doing. There are simply too many bad parents out there who refuse to change and up producing semi-worthless citizens. There are exceptional parents and there are awful parents and parents everywhere in between. My goal has always been to be an exceptional parent.
And it’s ironic that you bring up America’s penal system. Prisons have a lousy track record for actually rehabilitating anyone and have been shown to do more harm than good. The reality is that most inmates end up becoming repeat offenders. Notice how countries like America and Russia who have some of the longest sentences in the world have some of the highest crime rates in the world. The delusional believe prison will “scare people straight” but most reformed inmates credit now-mostly-defunct prison programs such as group therapy for their change.
How do you explain Asians? My Asian wife got beat. It’s normal she says. All are successful making lots of money.
What’s really funny is that apparently some of these studies on spanking used IQ tests.
If you somehow think IQ tests are a good measure of anything…well then your parents should’ve smacked you upside the head a couple of times.
They are looking at groups and comparing a control one to one with the spanking. So taking it from the point of view of your asian wife, there will be plenty of examples of these people growing up straight and having apparently normal lives. In all honesty they should poll adults and compare their place in life against the spanking/non-spanking deal.
that would probably be a better measure than giving 9 year olds IQ test. Jesus christ man, this country has gotten more dogfucked by stupid tests than any single slap could possibly have.
Damn you let another man spit in your face in front of your kid??? How do you even let that happen…
Not his kid.
Damnit all you need is a belt and a good lashing if they fuck up. You talk as though all kids respond the same to the same behavior. For example, i had this 5 year old cousin who listened to NOTHING. I tried yelling, putting him on time out, taking away his TV for the day, putting him in a chair facing the wall. Of all the times i had tried to talk to him and show him why destroying my house was wrong, he insisted on doing it. My mother Whipped him a couple of times on his ass with a belt and told him to sit down and listen. After that whipping, he listened to everything i said. Hell, it seemed as though he was actually taking the advice I was giving hiim becuase he never did that shit again.
Not every child is a devil who only understands fear
Not every child is a reasonable one who fucks up and always gets why he being punished.
Each and everyone of them is raised differently.
The only good part of this thread was the guy getting spit on and not doing anything about it. Kid probably learned more from that then six or seven beatings.
IQ tests mainly measure how well someone would perform in an academic environment (since that’s what they were created for). That’s also why IQ has a strong correlation to other skills that are very useful in an academic environment (such as reading skills).
But I’ve not met a single professional who hasn’t said that there are a lot of flaws in IQ testing. There are simply too many variables and dimensions to intelligence that standardized testing will probably never be able to measure (for example, creativity). And even if someone does have a high IQ it doesn’t necessarily mean they will excel in a classroom, just that they have the ability.
Correlation =/= Causation, so IQ might be correlated with a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean it’s causing or being caused by those things.