Cheesy Jokes

[Skeletroll]

If you have to explain the joke chances are it wasn’t that funny to begin with.

[chadouken]

Three guys were on a roadtrip when suddenly their car malfunctions. It’s getting dark, so they find a nearby house to stay for the night. The house owner lets them in and welcomes them, but warns them not to touch his beautiful daughter. After dinner, they all settle in the guest room.

The three guys start thinking about going one by one to the daughter’s room for some fun. What they didn’t know is that the father made his daughter wear a special bladed chastity belt, so that anything that goes into her vagina gets cut. So the first guy sneaks into the daughter’s room and does his thing, then goes back to the guest room. The second guy sneaks out, does his own thing, and again sneaks back to the guest room. The third guy does the same.

In the morning, the father tells the three guys, “I have a surprise for you. If you didn’t touch my daughter last night like I told you, I’ll let you have sex with her before you go.” The father knows that the daughter had the bladed chastity belt, so he knows what it’d look like if anyone tried any funny stuff.

The first guy points at himself and says, “I didn’t touch your daughter at all last night!” The father notices that one of his fingers are missing, so he says, “Liar! You fingered her last night, didn’t you?” The first guy promptly shuts up, surprised and embarrassed.

The second guy says, “Not me, no cut-off fingers here!” But the father notices that his tongue has a deep cut right in the middle, so he says, “Fool! I know that you tried to lick her… down there!” The second guy shuts up as well.

The third guy says, “What about me? I still have all my fingers, and my tongue is perfectly fine.” The father says, “Alright. Go upstairs and have fun with my daughter.”

The third guy hurries up the stairs, into the daughter’s room and finds her completely naked on the bed. Excitedly, he takes off his shirt and drops his shorts…

Spoiler

Only to find out he doesn’t have a dick anymore.

This is the stupidest joke I’ve ever heard. It’s awesome!

[BB_Hoody]

Fuck it whatever. I’m no comdedian. I tried, I failed. Now I wont try anymore. I’ll just stick to bad puns.

[Skeletroll]

Check it out guys, I found Pop Tarts made for negroes last night.

[shinquickman]

A student took up falconry as a hobby and brought his pet to school for show and tell. As he was entering the main door, the principal noticed the falcon sneeze, which gave the principal a face of concern. The student reassured “Don’t worry, she’s just got a little cold is all.” The principal then commands “I can’t allow you in school.” “Why?”, the student asks. “Because that’s ill eagle.”

[JokeeBoi]

What do you call a cow that can play music?

Spoiler

A Moo-sician

How do you make a tissue dance?

Spoiler

Put a lil boogey in it.

[Lightz]

Anyone hear what happened to the girl who stopped shopping at Hot Topic?

She was never scene again.

[SoVi3t]

Check it out guys, I found Pop Tarts made for negroes last night.

http://s1.postimg.org/roqgbqwf2/DSCN0586.jpg

Three guys were on a roadtrip when suddenly their car malfunctions. It’s getting dark, so they find a nearby house to stay for the night. The house owner lets them in and welcomes them, but warns them not to touch his beautiful daughter. After dinner, they all settle in the guest room.

The three guys start thinking about going one by one to the daughter’s room for some fun. What they didn’t know is that the father made his daughter wear a special bladed chastity belt, so that anything that goes into her vagina gets cut. So the first guy sneaks into the daughter’s room and does his thing, then goes back to the guest room. The second guy sneaks out, does his own thing, and again sneaks back to the guest room. The third guy does the same.

In the morning, the father tells the three guys, “I have a surprise for you. If you didn’t touch my daughter last night like I told you, I’ll let you have sex with her before you go.” The father knows that the daughter had the bladed chastity belt, so he knows what it’d look like if anyone tried any funny stuff.

The first guy points at himself and says, “I didn’t touch your daughter at all last night!” The father notices that one of his fingers are missing, so he says, “Liar! You fingered her last night, didn’t you?” The first guy promptly shuts up, surprised and embarrassed.

The second guy says, “Not me, no cut-off fingers here!” But the father notices that his tongue has a deep cut right in the middle, so he says, “Fool! I know that you tried to lick her… down there!” The second guy shuts up as well.

The third guy says, “What about me? I still have all my fingers, and my tongue is perfectly fine.” The father says, “Alright. Go upstairs and have fun with my daughter.”

The third guy hurries up the stairs, into the daughter’s room and finds her completely naked on the bed. Excitedly, he takes off his shirt and drops his shorts…

Spoiler

Only to find out he doesn’t have a dick anymore.

This is the stupidest joke I’ve ever heard. It’s awesome!

Meh, it was decent. Better version is:

Three guys going on a roadtrip when their car breaks down near a farm. Bla Bla bla they ask the farmer if they can stay the night. He agrees, but warns them that any man who tries to sleep with his beautiful daughter, will be shot and killed by the farmer.

So they all go to sleep, and as the first guy can’t fall asleep, he decides to go upstairs and check on the daughter. As he is walking up the stairs, he steps on one that creaks loudly. The farmer yell from his room “who is there?”. Thinking fast, the man meows like a cat, and teh satisfied farmer goes back to sleep. Dude goes up to the daughters room, and proceeds to have wild sex with her.

So he goes back downstairs, carefully avoiding the creaky step and tells the second guy what a freak the girl was, and warns the guy about the creaky stair, and how he had to pretend he was the cat to fool the farmer.

So the second guy goes upstairs, steps on the creaky step, and meows to throw off the farmer. Fucks the shit outta the daughter, then goes back downstairs (avoiding the creaky step) to tell the third guy about the crazy daughter, while reminding him to pretend to be the cat to throw off the farmer.

So the third guy goes upstairs, steps on the creaky step, and the farmer shouts out “who is there?”. Thinking fast, the third guy goes “It’s just me, the cat.”

feel free to add your own embellishment’s and whatever to make it more story like, I’m too tired/lazy to do that right now.

[Skeletroll]

snip

Apologies, I saw them at the store and was intrigued, but the thought of a watermelon flavored pop tart wss too disgusting for me to purchase.

Q: Why do blacks hate aspirin?
A: It’s white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get it.

[Easilyn]

I wish the cast of friday included George Carlin and Bernie mac

[BB_Hoody]

But Bernie Mac was in Friday wasn’t he?

[SoVi3t]

Q: Why do blacks hate aspirin?
A: It’s white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get it.

interesting…I always heard that joke as “it reminds them of their cotton picking days”.

[Easilyn]

Nope I just wish those 2 were in the first friday

[SoVi3t]

see how this one goes over:

Lady is getting ready for work, and hops in the shower. About 5 minutes into the shower, her daughter rips open the shower curtains, and her jaw drops.

Daughter points at the moms tits and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THOSE?” and the mom replies “In a few years when you hit puberty.” Daughter points at the moms bush and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THAT?” and the mom replies “In a few years when you hit puberty.” Satisfied, the daughter lets the mom finish her shower, and the father hops in the shower next.

About 5 minutes into the shower, the daughter rips open the curtains and her jaw drops.

Daughter points at the dads cock, and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THAT?”

And the father replies “in about 20 minutes, when your mom leaves for work.”

[Skeletroll]

Q: Why do blacks always have tears in their eyes after sex?
A: From the mace.

Q: What do brussel sprouts and anal sex have in common?
A: If you were forced to have it as a child, you’ll hate it as an adult.

[FOBio]

see how this one goes over:

Lady is getting ready for work, and hops in the shower. About 5 minutes into the shower, her daughter rips open the shower curtains, and her jaw drops.

Daughter points at the moms tits and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THOSE?” and the mom replies “In a few years when you hit puberty.” Daughter points at the moms bush and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THAT?” and the mom replies “In a few years when you hit puberty.” Satisfied, the daughter lets the mom finish her shower, and the father hops in the shower next.

About 5 minutes into the shower, the daughter rips open the curtains and her jaw drops.

Daughter points at the dads cock, and goes “WOW WHEN DO I GET THAT?”

And the father replies “in about 20 minutes, when your mom leaves for work.”

A man is coming home from work and sees bags are packed. He knows it’s his girlfriend who is having another tantrum.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” He asks.

“I can stand to be with you! You disgust me! I just found out you are a pedophile!” She yells at him.

“Pedophile, huh? Pretty big word for a girl who’s 9.”

[chadouken]

You know what the leading cause of pedophilia is?

Spoiler

Sexy kids

[NickRocks]

I read these jokes to my coworkers

[Skeletroll]

Q: What’s the diffence between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

[SoVi3t]

Q: What’s the diffence between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak.