New Polish inventions:
Solar powered flashlight.
Three wheeler with a kickstand.
Submarine with screen windows.
Glass door with peep hole.
Helicopter with an ejector seat.
There’s a farmer who has 3 daughters, and he is SUPER protective over them. On one Saturday night, they all happen to have dates. So he is waiting by the door to evaluate these guys, shot gun at the ready.
The first guy rings the doorbell and says, “Hi, my name is Teddy, I"m here to pick up Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?” The farmer reluctantly lets them go on their date.
The second guy rings the doorbell and says, “Hi, my name is Joe, I’m here to pick up Floe. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?” The farmer reluctantly lets them go on their date.
The third guy rings the doorbell and says, “Hi, my name is Chuck and I’m here to-” BOOM! The farmer shoots him.
A group of three women walk into a donut shop at sit at the counter. The owner greets them and takes their orders. The first woman orders a plain donut.
The owner says “Don’t you want anything on your donut? Or in it?”
First woman responds “Nope. I don’t want anything done to my donut”
The Second woman orders a donut with icing.
Owner ask “Would you like anything in your donut as well?”
Second woman says "Icing on my donut is nice, but I don’t think I want anything in it
Third woman was gonna order a plain donut as well but sees that the owner really wants one of them to try a cream filled donut with icing. So she orders a donut with icing and cream filling.
Owner says “Alright. Looks like this one is going all the way with her donut”
The women begin eating their donuts and the first woman ask the third woman
“Hey…do you really like your donut with icing and even cream filling? Or did you just order that to make that guy happy?”
Third woman says “At first it was just to make him happy, but now that I’ve tried it. I love a iced, cream filled donut. I want one once a day. You two should try it”
Second woman chimes in “Icing on your donut is one thing, but cream filled? Now that’s just messy”
Thrid woman responds “Aw c’mon you two. Don’t knock it till ya tried it”
First and Second woman say “fine we’ll try it” and they order a second round of donuts.
Owner says " same as before ladies?"
Third woman says " We’ll all have cream filled donuts with icing"
Owner responds " Well OK then, guess you must have had a influence on them"
They all eat their donuts and the first woman responds “Wow…that is good. I mean it’s not something I’d want often but every now’n’then I’d like my donut with icing and cream filling”
Second Woman responds "It sure is. I wouldn’t have my donut like this as often as her, but more often than you.
Owner chimes in " See ladies? You never know what you may like until ya give it a try"
A guy sitting in the store over hears the owner and takes his advice. He sits at the counter
“Hey man. You know what I think I’ll try a cream filled donut with icing too”
The ladies give the guy a surprised look and the owner gives him a dirty look and says
“What kind of man wants his donut cream filled with icing???”
Latvian humor (some of these may not be written down the right way Im going from memory when I dated a latvian girl like 3 years ago)
knock knock
who is there
please
please who
please let me in its freezing outside
three latvian men are in a bar bragging about their sons.
first man says my son is farmer him get all potato he want
second man says my son is soldier him rape all daughters he want
third man says my son died at birth for him struggle over
wow! other men say, you are win us.
but all are feel sad
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, feminists can’t change anything.
What do you call a poor jew?
Spoiler
A myth
What do you call a rich jew
Spoiler
Boss
what does a black guy call a rich jew?
Spoiler
Mass’er
Why do women loooovee jewish cum on their beds?
Spoiler
because they’re gold stains
eh one more lame joke for the night…
What did the vietnamese woman say to her lover, when he husband came home early?
Spoiler
me love you wrong time
Q: Why can’t Asians have Caucasian babies?
A: Because two Wongs don’t make a white.
Why is their gates around cemeteries?
Spoiler
Because people are dying to get in.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Spoiler
Put a little boogey in it.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Spoiler
An investigator.
Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.
I don’t get it…
Q: How does a Jew make coffee?
A: He-brews it.
Q: How does the pope pass time?
A: He opens his window and watches the dei-go.
Take a good look at a donut. What part of the body does it remind you of? Then make the connection.
Sure, but then why do the women give surprised looks when they too have body parts that look like donuts? I noticed you were being very particular in how they were ordering their donuts, but the third woman eventually says, “We’ll all have cream filled donuts with icing” while the man says the same thing with, “I’ll try a cream filled donut with icing too.” So why should I make the connection with donut and butthole only for the guy and not the woman when they both say the same thing?
You were suppose to make that connection with the women as well. It’s the build up for the punchline. The owner is more than happy to encourage the ladies to try “cream filled donuts with icing” and the ladies are encouraging each other to do so. But when a guy is in to that, then it’s taboo ( hence their surprised reaction ) and a problem ( hence the store owner feeling some type of way saying "What kind of man wants his donut cream filled with icing ) Basically it’s a anal sex joke with the punchline being the double standard where a woman engaging in anal sex isn’t so bad where as a man doing so is the end of the world for some people. Maybe the joke could still use some work. I made it up on the fly. Do you think there’s potential here with this?
YOURE RUINING THIS THREAD
I’m sorry. And that gif is fucking terrifying. And if you promise to take it down I’ll avoid telling story esque jokes.
Three guys were on a roadtrip when suddenly their car malfunctions. It’s getting dark, so they find a nearby house to stay for the night. The house owner lets them in and welcomes them, but warns them not to touch his beautiful daughter. After dinner, they all settle in the guest room.
The three guys start thinking about going one by one to the daughter’s room for some fun. What they didn’t know is that the father made his daughter wear a special bladed chastity belt, so that anything that goes into her vagina gets cut. So the first guy sneaks into the daughter’s room and does his thing, then goes back to the guest room. The second guy sneaks out, does his own thing, and again sneaks back to the guest room. The third guy does the same.
In the morning, the father tells the three guys, “I have a surprise for you. If you didn’t touch my daughter last night like I told you, I’ll let you have sex with her before you go.” The father knows that the daughter had the bladed chastity belt, so he knows what it’d look like if anyone tried any funny stuff.
The first guy points at himself and says, “I didn’t touch your daughter at all last night!” The father notices that one of his fingers are missing, so he says, “Liar! You fingered her last night, didn’t you?” The first guy promptly shuts up, surprised and embarrassed.
The second guy says, “Not me, no cut-off fingers here!” But the father notices that his tongue has a deep cut right in the middle, so he says, “Fool! I know that you tried to lick her… down there!” The second guy shuts up as well.
The third guy says, “What about me? I still have all my fingers, and my tongue is perfectly fine.” The father says, “Alright. Go upstairs and have fun with my daughter.”
The third guy hurries up the stairs, into the daughter’s room and finds her completely naked on the bed. Excitedly, he takes off his shirt and drops his shorts…
Spoiler
Only to find out he doesn’t have a dick anymore.
Sorry to over think the joke but…you telling me these guys didn’t realize they lost fingers, dicks and had a severe laceration on their tounge(s) until several hours after it happened??? No one felt any pain, or anything missing, or suffering or possibly die from massive blood loss?