What’s funnier than a dead baby in a water tank?
what
Spoiler
A dead baby in a water tank with a clown nose.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
.
Spoiler
A walkie-talkie.
What’s a bulldozer?
.
Spoiler
A sleeping cow.
Why is Yao Ming always injured?
He was made in China.
how do you get a baby in a blender???
turn it on
how do you get a baby OUT of a blender???
NACHOS!!!
Joseph Fritzel is to be flown to Chile for his expertise on keeping minors alive underground
Fucked a girl with a stutter last night. I just managed to finish before she said no
q/How many babies does it take to paint a house.
a/Depends how hard you throw them 
how are michael jackson and caviar alike?
they both come on tiny crackers
:nono:
Q: why did the atheist cross the one way road
A:To prove their wasn’t another side
How do you get a 1 armed man hanging on a tree to fall down?
Answer
Spoiler
You wave
Best thread!
what’s green and has wheels?
Grass…I lied about the wheels
Brunette drives up to a farm.
"Hey Mr Farmer, if I can guess how many sheep you have can I keep one?“
The farmer who was known to be a betting man agreed
"312"
Farmer was amazed she guessed correct, so he allowed her to take a sheep. The brunette returned to her car only to see the farmer sprinting towards her. The farmer asks
"Hey, if I can guess what your real hair colour is can I have my dog back?”
there’s a new sailor on a ship. the sailor asks his captain"hey. what do most of the sailors do on this ship when they get horny?" the capain answers," they all fuck a barrel with a hole in it for fucking." the sailor says “really? can i fuck this barrel too. since i’m really horny lately” the captain replies" sure." and takes him to where the barrel is at.
the captain tells the sailor"you can fuck this barrel anytime you want…but never thursdays" the sailor responds"ok. anyday except thursdays. gotcha, thanks cap"
the captain says" no problem." and leaves.
the sailor, says to himself,“well. i’m horny right now…and lucky me, today is monday” he proceeds to bang the shit out of that barrel through its hole till he busts.
next day rolls around,…he’s done doing his chores and says to himself “wow. i’m still soooo horny,…and fucking that barrel felt better than i thought it would…hmmmmm. i think i’ll go fuck it right now!“
he goes back to the barrel…unzips his pants, and bangs it again.finishes then leaves.
the next day rolls around,…he’s still horny! he says” wow. i’m still horny. i wonder if i can fuck that barrel again today…i think i’ll head over and take care of myself” he goes,…and again he bangs the shit out of that barrel.
the next day rolls around…hes still horny!!! but he remembers what the captain said about not being able to fuck it on thursdays. so he searches for the captain…and he finds him standing along with the barrel…and the sailor says to him,“captain…i am reaaaally horny captain…i know you told me that under no circumstances that i could fuck this barrel on thursdays…but i’m just still too horny…captain…sir…can i please fuck this barrel today…even if today is thursday?”
“no.” replies the captain.
“no?” the sailor asks.
“nope” the captain answers back.
“but…but…why? why can’t i fuck this barrel today?” asks the sailor.
the captain retorts in a yell…
"BECAUSE TODAY ITS YOUR TURN TO GET INSIDE THE BARREL!"
the sailor meekly answers back…"aye…aye…captain…sir…"
and gets in the barrel.
there’s a rabbit taking a dump out in the forest behind a very large bush.
he finishes, and hops out from behind the large bush only to discover a large bear also taking a shit from the other side of the large bush.
startled by the sight, the rabbit concocts a plan on a whim to distract the bear from getting the idea of eating him…but the only statement that pops into the rabbit’s head at that time is this…
“Mr. Bear, after taking a crap, do you have the problem of getting shit stuck to your fur?” says the rabbit.
the bear replies back, “no.”
and the bear promptly begins wiping his ass with the rabbit.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Answer
Spoiler
Wheres my tractor?
What did he say when he found it?
Answer
Spoiler
There it is
A ventriloquist visits a Native America reservation, and he meets the chief. As the chief takes the ventriloquist on a tour of the reservation, they come across some horses. The ventriloquist decides to have some fun with the chief.
He says to the chief: “Oh hey! I didn’t know you had talking horses here!”
The chief replies: “Horse no talk.”
The guy goes up to the horse and says: “Hey horse, how is the chief treating you?”
Cleverly throwing his voice, the ventriloquist spoke through the horse: “Oh, he treats me just fine, plenty of food to eat, and warm blankets on the cold days!”
The chief looks mildly shocked, and they continue the tour. They come across some pigs, and the ventriloquist decides to have some more fun. He turns to the chief: “Wow, you even have talking pigs!”
The chief replies: “Pig no talk.”
The guy repeats his trick, going up to a pig: “Hi pig, how is the chief treating you?”
Pig: “Oh he treats me very well! Plenty of food to eat!”
Again, a slightly shocked look flashes across the chief’s face, but he says nothing. They continue the tour and come across a sheep. The ventriloquist goes: “Oh wow! I didn’t know you had talking sheep here as well!”
To which the chief replies: “Wait! Sheep lie! Sheep lie!”
^_-;
Here’s a few random ones I came up with
What do you call the place where negro league baseball players sit?
– The nappy dugout
Confucius say: Pandora’s box so full of evil because tampon not invented yet.
Confucius say: Man who put firecracker in porcelain pot have big trouble in little china.
A funny site to see who would “Do You” wouldyoudomescore.com Good for a laugh and a chance to see what cute stranger would hook up with you.
(Another of my old jokes)
Yo’ mama’s so stupid when she first heard about Def Comedy Jam she thought they were gonna be using sign language.
Happy Wi-Fi day everyone!
8.02.11 :wonder:
What do you call a Chinese man that can’t lie?
Hun-believable