Cheesy Jokes

General Discussion
541

Greatest. Thread. Ever.

Not sure if these were posted, but here goes.

(My brother’s least favorite joke) There are 10 types of people in the world, the ones who know binary and those who don’t.

Now time for horrible puns.

Q: Why is watching geese fly educational?
A: They’re in formation.

Q: What do you call exploding Chapstick?
A: Lip balm

Q: Why did the newlyweds go camping for their honeymoon?
A: Because they wanted their sex to be in tents.

Two men go hunting one day. One man accidentally shoots his friend. He runs to his friend and sees him laying motionless on the ground, unconscious and bleeding profusely. Panicking, he grabs his cell phone and calls 911.
Hunter: Help! I think I accidentally killed my friend!
Operator: Sir, please stay calm. First, make sure you friend is dead.
The operator hears silence, followed by a gunshot. The hunter then says, “Okay. What next?”

Saving the worst for last (This one is easier told out loud instead of being read). A brunette and a blonde decided to have a girl’s night out. When coming up with a suggestion for what to do first, the blonde says, “How about we go to the ballot?” The brunette says, “It’s pronounced ballet.” After the ballet, the two then go to a restaurant, and see no parking. Disappointed, the blonde says, “I guess we have to pay for a val-let.” The brunette says, “It’s pronounced ‘valet.’” They pay the valet and go inside to eat. When the bill comes out, the blonde says, “Can you pay for this one? I left my wall-ay in the car.”

542

My girlfriend told me that out of all my friends my penis was the biggest.

543

1)i originally heard that as “whats the difference between a ferrari and a dead hooker…dont have the car in my garage”

2)man walks into a bar…ouch

im going to hell (and u likely all know this one):

  1. girl walks in on her mom in the shower, and surprised, points at her boobs and says “what are those”. Mom says “breasts”. Girl asks “When do I get that?” Mom says “in ten years when you turn 16”. Girl points at moms vagina and says “whats that”. Mom says “pubic hair”. “When do I get that?” "In ten years when you turn 16.

Mom gets out of shower, and goes to her room to get dressed. Dad goes into shower. Halfway through, daughter walks in on him. “Daddy, whats that” pointing to his dick. “Thats a penis darling”. “When do I get that?” said the little girl

“in about 15 minutes, after your mom leaves for work”

544

You have tried this horrible joke THREE TIMES in this thread. It’s still not funny. What’s your problem???

545

I’m sure this has been typed already, but here it is…

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Cheeeeese

546

Can’t think of any cheesy jokes at the moment, but I do recall some cheesy pick up lines me and my friends made up a while back.

“We’re your parents retarded? Because you are one special lady.”
“Are your parents terrorists? 'Cause your da bomb!”
“Do you work for UPS? Because I saw you checking out my package.”

547

don’t have a cow . have a calf and raise the stakes

548

i tried a cheesy joke with my teacher today. I’m suppose to do a presentation on the unabomber(sp?) so she asked me if hows it coming. I said, “its gonna be explosive.” :smiley:

549

I dont get it?

550

here’s one for the canadians (adjust it for u americans…just change the newfy to be from Texas or a random southern state)

3 men (one from Quebec, one from Ontario, and one from Newfoundland) are driving down a country road one day, when the car breaks down. They walk the rest of the way up the road, and eventually find a farm. They knock on the door of the farmer, and when the door opens, its an old man and the HOTTEST girl in the universe.

They tell the farmer that their car broke down, and they need help. He informs them that he was just about to go to bed, but in the morning he can call a tow truck and get their car fixed up. For the night, they’d be allowed to sleep in the house, so long as they do NOT try anything with his hot daughter.

So they all try to get some sleep, but hour by hour it eats away at them, until finally the Quebecor snaps. He leaves the room, and the after an hour finally returns with a HUGE grin on his face. When the others ask what happened he says:

“I went up to her room, and she was already dripping wet. We must have fucked in like 30 different positions, and I got head in 12 different positions. If you’re gonna go fuck her, be careful though. There is a creaky stair on the way to her room, and if you step on it, pretend you’re the cat to fool her father the farmer. He yelled out “Who’s there?” and I just meowed!!!”

so the Ontario guy goes up next, and sure enough the creaky stair makes a noise, the farmer shouts from his room “who is that?” and the Ontarioian (???) goes “Meow”, and the farmer goes “oh, must be the cat”. So he goes up, does his things, and comes back down, making sure to avoid the creaky step. He see’s the Newfy, and tells him all about it, and warns him about the creaky stair.

So the Newfy goes up, visions of blowjobs dancing in his head, so excited he is skipping up 3 steps at a time. He enters the room, bangs the living SHIT out of the girl, then casually walks back down the stairs, basking in the afterglow of good sex. He steps on the creaky stair, and the farmer yells out “Who the hell is that?”

the newfy replies “It’s just me, the cat”

551

Yo momma so skinny she can hula hoop with a cheerio.

552

:rofl:I love one-liners:rofl:

A guy from another department came to my office, and asked to borrow a can of compressed air. When I gave it to him I said, “here, don’t blow it all in one place”.

553

do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong!

554

Why was the water Pokemon trainer not good at Streetfighter? Because he used too many slowpokes.

555

Why did the skateboarder lose with Zangief?

Answer

Spoiler

He bailed on his attempted 360!

Why was the skateboarder bad at World of Warcraft?

Answer

Spoiler

He had a hard time grinding to 80!

Why couldn’t the skateboarder figure out how to do Ryu’s special moves?

Answer

Spoiler

He lost the manual!

Who is Tony Hawk’s favorite Street Fighter character?

Answer

Spoiler

I dunno, he probably never played it.

556

Not really cheesy but in Gran Torino Clint had a great one (for those who didn’t see it he plasy a racist)

a spick, jew, and n**** walk into a bar…the bar tender says get the fuck out.

557

Have you heard the pizza joke?

answer

Spoiler

Nevermind, it’s pretty cheesy

558

Q: How did i blindfold my asian wife?
A: With Dental Floss!

559

I thought the answer was gonna be T. Hawk, lulz

:rofl:

560

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, let those bitches cry in the dark.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh, it’s kind of an obscure number… You probably won’t know about it…

^_-;