Woman shoves 5k up her butt, gets hospitalized

[BEWD]

BULLS GAP — A theft charge is pending against a Hawkins County woman who allegedly stole $5,000 from her boyfriend and was then hospitalized for injuries suffered attempting to remove the cash from her “hiding place.”

Around 1 a.m. Tuesday, the Hawkins County Sheriff’s Office was dispatched to the home of Bobby Gulley, 249 North Ridge Road, Bulls Gap, on a complaint that his girlfriend was stealing from him.

Gulley told HCSO Sgt. Michael Allen he’d “set a trap” for Christie Black, 43, also of that address, by placing two envelopes containing $4,000 and $1,000 in $100 bills in an old medicine bag.

The medicine bag was then placed on a foosball table and Gully went to bed.

Gulley said that when he woke up, he noticed Black was still awake, but the medicine bag and cash were missing.

When Gulley confronted Black with the theft, Black reportedly vomited up a baggy containing partially dissolved pills.

“He then asked her where the money was, and she admitted to him she’d wrapped it up and stuck it in her rectum,” Allen stated in his report. “Black admitted (to Allen) to taking the money and medication because Mr. Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.”

Allen said Black attempted to remove the cash with a toilet brush and tongs but was unsuccessful.

“She was bleeding severely and was transported to the Hawkins County (Memorial Hospital) emergency room,” Allen said. “The wad of money was removed and collected as evidence.”

An arrest warrant has been issued for Black charging her with theft over $1,000, but as of Thursday afternoon the warrant hadn’t been served because she is still hospitalized.

As of Thursday afternoon, she remained listed in fair condition at Holston Valley Medical Center.

Spoiler

she’s white : D

source: http://www.timesnews.net/article/9066805/woman-hospitalized-to-remove-stolen-5-000-from-rectum#.UiC6c5Sj9Co.facebook

Damn I love a good story about a woman fucking up. Bet this chick wishes she used vaseline before her excavation attempt.

[Raz0r]

She found herself in a tight spot. I guess sitting on that money wasn’t her best idea.

[SNAAAAKE]

florida or not

[BEWD]

Damn we even got raz0r in on the fun lmao.

Also lmao at the reporting taking place in a town called “Bulls Gap”, which probably is what her asshole looks like after her failure

[Raz0r]

I read this story yesterday and thought it was perfect for SRK. I posted it on Twitter because I don’t really make threads on SRK.

[Vynce]

That’s an assload of cash. Should have tried castor oil.

[blitzfu]

Dam, she put the money in raw. At least use a plastic baggie to store the cash, then lube it up. Latinos get at her. you know why, don’t ask why

[BEWD]

Well she did wrap it up in some plastic from reading the story, so she wasn’t completely assed out

[rcaido]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

[Vynce]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

[NonSexualRice]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

Your stick looks funky.

You got the stick popping straight out of Captain America’s mouth.

[rcaido]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

Is this better?

[IMG]http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/6de2d200-4ccb-4fed-a06b-2979c927d8f2_zpsdf6eae09.jpg[/img]

[BEWD]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

Did you pull that out your azn wife’s ass?

[angelpalm]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

No I’m pretty sure he made his asian wife go to the bank and withdraw that money for the sole purpose of taking that picture. After all, she doesn’t want his unemployed ass to throw a temper tantrum and start throwing his Gerbers on the ground. She has enough on her plate, what with working six jobs while coming home on breaks to change his diaper.

[Vynce]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

Is this better?

[IMG]http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/6de2d200-4ccb-4fed-a06b-2979c927d8f2_zpsdf6eae09.jpg[/img]

Hell yeah it is. I can’t remember what movie I was referencing. The dude wants to fight the protagonist and he’ll only do it for money. But the guy can’t come up with the cash for a while.

[Joshkaz]

That stick is cute.

[rcaido]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

Is this better?

[IMG]http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/6de2d200-4ccb-4fed-a06b-2979c927d8f2_zpsdf6eae09.jpg[/img]

Hell yeah it is. I can’t remember what movie I was referencing. The dude wants to fight the protagonist and he’ll only do it for money. But the guy can’t come up with the cash for a while.

My cousin Vinnie…

[pedoviejo]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

No I’m pretty sure he made his asian wife go to the bank and withdraw that money for the sole purpose of taking that picture. After all, she doesn’t want his unemployed ass to throw a temper tantrum and start throwing his Gerbers on the ground. She has enough on her plate, what with working six jobs while coming home on breaks to change his diaper.

I almost feel bad for his “ASIAN” wife…

[Vynce]

meh this is what $5000 rolled up w/ $100 bill look like…

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/2013-08-31204616_zps28f2310e.jpg

That looks like a bunch of ones rolled up inside a $100 bill.

Is this better?

[IMG]http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r225/baklakiller/6de2d200-4ccb-4fed-a06b-2979c927d8f2_zpsdf6eae09.jpg[/img]

Hell yeah it is. I can’t remember what movie I was referencing. The dude wants to fight the protagonist and he’ll only do it for money. But the guy can’t come up with the cash for a while.

My cousin Vinnie…

Yes!

…Can you believe I forgot that shit?

[BEWD]

Pro-tip: Remove those images from your quotes guys, or some people in this thread are gonna have sore asses