Hes paying her to pretend.
My reply is going to be half silly, half serious.
On working at a fast food place: The hell with his reputation being a problem. His competence would be more worrying! Here is a so-called man (I’d call him a child, but I know children who are more competent, mature, and kind-hearted than he is so this would be insulting them) who would have a pretty good chance of not cooking the food properly. Or worse, not using the cooking equipment properly. In other words, he’d probably either make customers sick (moreso than fast food in anything but moderation already does) or burn the place down. I want you to imagine a McDonalds collapsing in a pile of smoke and ash… the customers have fled, so have the staff (one of them mercifully yanked dsp out the door with them, otherwise he would have perished in the flames)… and when the franchise location owner drops by to ask how this happened? dsp explains, “There was a glitch in the frying equipment, NOTHING I COULD DO HAHAHAHA!”
On his parents: I say this as someone who can only piece together a fairly likely guess on his childhood and home life, but… I am going to bet that his parents honestly tried to be decent to him as a kid. I am also going to bet he had some problems as a child, perhaps at school, that they truly didn’t understand; 80s life was very, very harsh to certain kids who did not ‘fit in’ with their peers and it was harsh in ways that society didn’t quite grasp at the time. Ways many are only now starting to come to terms with, but left some kids turning into very messed up adults. So I’m going to guess his parents would be disappointed to see how he has turned out and how he thinks about them. I have to assume they legitimately tried, but he may have slipped through the cracks anyway.
The good news is that such situations can be repaired; it takes a lot of work, but if such a person shows even basic conscience… you can eventually straighten them out, they will appreciate what their parents did provide and they will become much nicer to be around once the realization sinks in. The bad news is that dsp doesn’t* show any of this, he shows no interest in being a decent person. phil goes around hurling racist slurs, is very openly sexist, and is otherwise clearly an awful, horrible person with few redeeming qualities and no interest in figuring out what’s wrong with himself. At some point, dsp’s failures stopped being his parents’ fault and lay squarely on himself. He is 30-something years old, he has access to all sorts of information that could help him, and… he does nothing. Unless something happens to drastically alter his life and force him to rethink things, he will probably remain as he is for much (or even all) of his life.
On one level, I find that really sad and wish he could change for the better. It’s not hard to look at one’s own life (or even a friend’s life) and ask “Is there a realistic way I/they could have turned out to be the next dsp? Or perhaps I/they was/were somewhat like him at one point, but got out of it… what turned things around?” That is a chilling line of thought… the sort that usually ends in a seemingly random phone call to one’s parents to thank them.
On the other hand, he’s clearly not going to improve. My sympathy and well-wishing has since taken a backseat to joining with the rest of you in laughing at him.
*: Edited to fix a typo I didn’t notice. “Doesn’t” originally read as “does” which made the sentence make no sense. Oops.
i’m convinced he never spoke to a single npc during his play-through of catherine, no one can be that bad at the game when it gives you pretty much every technique to climb
OMFG!! 
The next time I’m having it rough, I’m coming to this page, hitting some DSP vids, and laugh myself better. Thank you, Darkside Phil. You’re possibly the best videogame comedian ever.
…What? He’s not acting? O_O
-Starhammer-
…and with that I’m done. Is this guy fucking retarded? This guy is fucking retarded. Did he forget that he could have saved himself a lot of unnecessary block-pushing at the very end if he had just used the Energy Drink he obtained much earlier in the level?
Doesn’t even make a fucking difference if he was playing on Easy or even Very Easy mode, he’d fail just as hard. Wow this guy is fucking retarded
people watch LPs, cause their to lazy to read a FAQ
The things I come back home to. Alright, let’s go see how phil screwed up this time…
“There’s like 700 things to keep track of!” - Not in that case there weren’t. It has been a long time since I played and even I saw plenty of solutions… some of which only take 2 or 3 actions. Sorry, 2 or 3 actions provided you aren’t constantly shoving things off the map while going “Whoooouaaaaaaht!? That’s not what I did” because you’re either using broken controllers or have really, really bad muscle control.
“This is wrong, I can’t remember how I did this!” - Well, he could try writing down the steps taken… or not constantly doing an Undo and experiment until he sees what kind of cause-and-effect relation is going on. This isn’t a Kaizo Mario style game where you have absolutely no time to spare and must be pixel-perfect in every movement.
“(The baby spit) always hits me perfectly everytime!” - Clearly ignoring the dozens of times he manages to dodge it, I see. Between this and his constant “I didn’t do that”, while he might not be suited to working at a fast food place… I do know one job he could hold down. He could rewrite history for 1984’s nation of Oceania.
There needs to be an anti-dsp edition of Catherine. Instead of “Love Is Over” at the death screen, it would read “Hate Is Over”. Or maybe we could replace the monsters with dsp, so players have to flee from him rather than dream beasts! Best in-game motivation ever, no doubt.
At least now we know he wasnt completely spoiled.
im also surprised how many idiots are on youtube. Sure DSP is dumb, but there are worse channels like pewdiepie, oinson, and a few others. Most of all the top most viewed channels are ran by complete idiots, and they get the most subs cause youtube is full of idiots.
Red rick Dias must be a DSP alt account…
or he is just obsessed with him.
Yeah, I really wish youtube got rid of comments, just have likes and dislikes.
I just want to see the OP post get 100 LOL’s now.
Contributan
Heh… so you figured me out, huh? Everyone, I have a confession to make:
I am actually darksyde phil. Rather, darksyde phil is another identity I’ve been using as the antagonist in a narrative of my own creation. It was I who attended these tournaments, being an unlikable punk, spewing racist and sexist rhetoric for the last several years…
…All so I could create the ‘Red Rick Dias’ persona who would act like a near-opposite of my ‘darksyde phil’ identity, decry those actions, and infiltrate Shoryuken.com from the resulting positive publicity. It was far too easy, all of you fell for it! FOOLS! Haaaa-HAHAHAHAAHAHA HAAAA! My master plan is already complete after having been in motion for half a decade, and now it’s too late to stop me! Soon SRK will be ruined!
Wait, no. That makes no damn sense whatsoever.
Just like Norman Bates being his own mother.
I just put the LOL count at 100. Mission Accomplished.
First SRK post to have 100 LOL’s?
Doubtful. GD gets way more LOLs and activity than most forum sections. Which is kind of sad.