The Zombie Apocalypse

word, well lets say hypothetically i was awaken at like 3am to screams, sirens, gun shots, and im like wtf, look out my apt window and i see what seems to be 10 zombies stumbling through the neighbors front yard and maybe a couple around the walk way.

okay, there are two entrances/exits in the walk way of our apartments (weird to describe. california shit) and if we had to, i could bust out the screen in the bedroom window, hop down into the little dead end alleyway, and then hop over the wooden fence to the other apartment building, granted thats if it was clean of zombies. there is the possibility of easily getting to the roof top also, but i doubt that would help very much, and i dont think roof top hopping would be that easy, but i have forgotten the layout. exit one leads to a main road and to the bay where there is also an island, exit to leads to the alley and another main road, without going into full description.

hmm, so i grab my back pack. unfortunately only 1 works. i like to have two. if we have bottled water, tossing it in the bag. mostly i would try to just shoot for bread and water. the basics that will keep us alive. of course at this point i have awaken my gf and showed her the situation, keeping all lights off as we get our shit together. i would probably go ahead and also get a good amount of water in me just so we dont fuck up the supply, and im not worried if i have to run and piss myself later on either. also other supplies besides food would be matches, flamables, and some cut up tshirts.

so in the back pack so far, water, food (Bread), and general supplies. also medical supplies obviously. bandaids, rubbing alcohol, etc… its cali so i dont have to worry about the weather but i dont know how these things spread disease, so pants, a long sleeve shirt, and a tshirt over top the long t shirt that i could use for multiple reasons. oh god, what else, i cant think right now. im already a pretty paranoid person who hides knives around the apt, so id be grabbing all kinds of shit. LOL

for weapons, i will handle the gun. she knows how to shoot, but shes a girl in a crisis situation, so yeah no. we have i believe 4 clips and enough bullets to load them all with rounds left over, so load them shits up. grab the kitchen knife, and my knives. she will use a knife and the wooden handle from an axe i have to help defend herself if necessary. i would prefer she be light because she is slower and weaker, so she needs to be able to skit along faster.

im missing a few things but whatever. of course cell phone and multiple chargers,etc… but time if of the essence, because for all i know its only 15 more minutes before those ten zombies turn into 30 and shit gets rough.

okay, if the coast is clear in our walk way, we’re going the exit 2 route and headed east to higher elevation. i would consider heading to the bay or the pacific ocean area, stealing a boat, jet ski, something, and just staying out to sea until this shit is over and wait for the coast guard to save us, but if the zombies are coming in to my neighbors house from where my apt is setup, that means theyre likely coming from the west and working their way east/north east, so rather then battle through that, not knowing how bad it is further west, im just heading east.

hmmm, i also have a bike, but only one and no pegs for her. i would tell her to bring the bike and if the alley is clear, we will find another one to steal hopefully and that would be even better, but your less mobile on a bike. people will be speeding, crashing into shit, and trying to maybe even steal it from you, so actually leave the bikes, we go on foot so we can be more agile and better protect ourselves from random shit, and hysterical people.

okay, thats part 1. LOL

EDIT: analyze this and make it better.

You’re right, all the food and supplies would not be gone in that amount of time. The rest will be horded by groups of not-so-nice people who turned all those stores into their personal fortresses. They might be willing to trade with you if you have something of value or if you have a pretty enough mouth.

Also, driving through town would be a bad idea too. The people who didn’t make it out who WANT to get out will see you as a great big opportunity or maybe they just want your shit.
Your best bet is to stick to the outskirts, on foot or bike and at night. If you come across an actual zombie and you’re not a total spaztard, you should be able to avoid them a lot easier than any lurking humans out there.

There is no contingency plan, that was your first mistake.

Miserable?! I’m giving them the opportunity to prove their worth and try to defend the human race! 'Not my fault if they don’t have the reflexes to take me out (or run out of ammo) before I infect them and bring them over to Team Apocalypse. I ain’t gonna be no foot dragger either. Nigga I’m going crimson-mode and doing straight up sprints and tackles with the quickness. #Undeadliness

Everybody would be dead within a few months.

Not everybody on SRK. Everybody on Earth.

It’s pure mathematics. The more zombies there are, the faster humans will die, and the more zombies there will be. Even at our great population size, it won’t take long before we’ve been replaced by the undead.

That’s not even taking into account the fact that a lot of people are unprepared to pay for their damn meal when they get to the drive-thru window, so the idea that they might be prepared for the end of days is ludicrous.

My plan: forget about stockpiling long-term supplies of food and weapons. Just having that stuff probably means you’ll get killed by other humans whose delusions of survival have led them to believe that murder is a necessary evil. Instead, whore it up with the chicky babes and hope that the zombies don’t interrupt in the middle of anything sexy.

[LIST]
[]Manx was making us knives and blades
[
]Someone else -forgot who- was making us boots
[*]Neesa was making us vote… That doesn’t help anything!
[/LIST]
We should be well equipped not just for zombies, but the Lizard People and Bots of spam.

Stay Alert. Inform your brethren. Stay Safe out there fellas.

Well, probably watch anime and masturbate to pornography until the power goes out. I would just have big jugs of water and a giant tin of diet milkshake powder…maybe some caffeine pills… that would hopefully give me the sustenance I need to continue to watch my shows until I get devoured by monsters. I would just defecate on the spot in order to be more efficient with my final hours.
In the event the power goes out or I exhaust my supply of entertainment, I would probably just dress up like a zombie and try to find a cute little girl to molest.

I have come to accept that I may get lucky if it happens and will live…for a few days at most but SHOULD I turn, I can trust that my GF will kill me dead. We actually had a discussion about this. If that’s not compassion and love, I don’t know what is.

No, they wouldn’t. This is a common misconception for people who watch slow zombie movies. We assume everybody knows about zombies, and doesn’t assume they’re not just hurt living people. These zombies didn’t just appear en masse. It started with a couple walking around, people tried to help them, and more people got bitten. Maybe some well-meaning idiot took one to the hospital, a nurse got bitten, turned, and went after and turned patients. Perhaps a couple police arrested one for biting people waiting for a bus, or just walking around downtown…those people turn in the hospital and go all bitey, and the cops go home sick, then turn later, biting family members, who head out and spread the love. NOW we have an epidemic. I firmly believe that you/a community can head off a Z-day by being alert.

Somewhat related: Telltale Games has been putting out episodic releases of an adventure game based on this premise, licensed from The Walking Dead franchise. The releases have a few flaws (no control inversion on consoles, for example, and there are a few places where you realize they actually railroaded you story-wise despite claiming not to)… but for about five bucks apiece, they’re pretty good. They’re up to episode 3 on several different systems so far; you should check it out if you’re interested in the zombie apocalypse theme and how it would affect people.

Fully on-topic: That Cracked article brings up a few things to consider. Going for the gun store has always struck me as a baffling plan; even Dead Rising 1 shows us what can happen to those who try it and aren’t Frank West. There is a reason why “robbing a gun store” is one of those things we inherently consider suicidally dumb.

Though if fleeing town immediately is a bad idea due to gridlock, when do you leave? Nobody will be around to clear up said car-jammed roads, unless the military does it for you (and in that case, with the conditions Black_Jaguar has laid out where they attack civilians on sight, you better believe they’ll have a checkpoint set up so driving through is extremely risky). Do you fight your way through zombies, to the nearest small airport, and fly out on a Cessna or something? Would they have an air presence to stop that, too? Would you essentially be trapped, reduced to fortifying an area and launching raids for supplies (while setting up sustainable farming if you can, though for many this may be impossible)? If air is out, would sea evacuation be out too (hey, let’s assume the same force that sets up road checkpoints and an air presence has a navy, because they do)? Seems like you’re stuck.

The more you think on the whole scenario, the more it seems like an incredibly bleak, near-hopeless situation. One might as well invent an Enertron so you get a full night’s rest in just a few seconds… …but you’re still hungry. (Those of you who got the reference, I just high-fived you over the internet.)

I agree with this, in the sense that our best and perhaps only chance is if somebody realizes early on what’s going on and nips it in the bud before the zombie population explodes.

Who says you gotta use streets/roads/freeways if a zombie outbreak happened?

I got a Dreamcast.
I got House of the Dead 2 on deck.
I think I’m more than qualified to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Maybe the fact that a lot of cars that get advertised as sport utility vehicles actually suck at going off-road and are mainly designed so that soccer moms can feel taller and more important than everybody else on the road.

That’s just a guess.

Well, if you want to go offroading during an zombie outbreak by all means, do so. Im talking more about driving through a field or just empty land, you know dirt and gravel. Not a street… Im pretty sure that most cars could handle that…I know for a fact The Wifes crappy Echo can.

In theory, any car can drive across a flat surface, but if you need to pull any kind of maneuvers it starts to get a little hairy. The moment you need total control in a tight situation is when the Echo is going to react to grass as though it were a sheet of ice.

Well, in the situation that we’re talking about, cars in gridlock on the freeway/streets/highway, I think I could manage to navigate The Wife’s car through a couple empty fields…Maybe that would be an issue for you but not me.

This is just assuming that my car wouldnt start for some reason and we were forced to take The Wife’s car.

Slow moving zombies are cake. Even if they catch some good Samaritans unawares, as soon as we know, we will mow them down easily. Won’t even be a challenge. Zombie outbreak is an exponential growth function. Exponential growth functions are pretty much flatline at the start. It will be more than trivial to pwn them before they reach critical mass.

They will never reach the “knee” of the exponential curve.

Running zombies are much more dangerous but with proper military ordnance not too dicey.

Return of living dead zombies use cheat codes, but since they are sentient and indestructible I’d just join them

Someone actually made a statistical analysis (probably a grad student bored out of his mind) that try to see how various zombie apocalypses, using different rates of infections and things like a cure being added into the mix. Since it is an exponential function, he even did something like have it a week to build up before military or people start killing zombies due to surprise and shock. I believe he tested quarantining, extermination, and the last survivor scenario I forgot what it was but I think it was trying to emulate curing it. Extermination was always the best one because it would eliminate the zombies the fastest and the less zombies they are, the lower rate of growth they have.

Here’s the paper. I only skimmed through most of it honestly. I really didn’t bother reading through his math, I just read the summary and looked at the graphs, but I probably would look at it more later.

  1. Get two katanas (strap them over my back in an X pattern)
  2. Get a couple Desert Eagles
  3. Throw on a trenchcoat, some shades, and some boots
  4. Get my family somewhere safe and protected with other survivors
  5. Proceed to go DmC/Underworld/Blade on everything in sight