Ugh. Hate Superman Returns.
The shit doesn’t even function as a stand alone film. Now, I don’t know that it’d be a good idea to do yet another take on the Superman origin story, but, having seen the Donner film about four years ago, I definitely felt like I was missing something here. Theres zero character development, and emotionally, theres no reason to care about any of these characters.
Now the primary conflict between making good Superman stories is that fact that he’s fucking Superman. Dude can lift giant crystal islands into space and can’t be hurt unless its kryptonite or magic or red suns or whatever. Because Superman can’t be hurt, you have to build tension in a way other than the threat of physical violence to the protagonist. They attempt to do this through his relationship with Lois Lane, but I had no real emotional stake in whether they got together.
Oh Lex…Lex, Lex Lex. for the live-action movies, Superman, Superman II, Superman IV and Superman Returns, Warner Bros neglected every possible valid aspect of Lex Luthor. In these movies, Lex is not a scientist, a businessman or a politician. He’s a fop, an opportunist and a jerk. Dude’s a dumbass His plans are ridiculous, obtuse and fatally short-sighted. I mean, ok so he grows his new continent and drowns half the world’s population. Then what? He is, in fact, the opposite of a genius – he is a man who keeps saying he is a genius. Hes a poser, vain but not in the good way, because he surrounds himself with idiots who can suck up to him. The Lex of the animated show doesn’t have a two-bit ho and a slobbering idiot in a straw boater for a staff, he seeks out and hires the best and the brightest people in the world (a strategy that sometimes backfires for him when they get wise to his plans for universal domination). What does it say if I’m watching the $200-million-plus Superman Returns and I keep wishing I was watching a cartoon(Justice League) instead?
His evil plan is so ridiculous, and the way it resolves is not particularly involving. He’s just sort of defeated and then the movie ends. Luthor and Superman only have one brief scene together, again, Singer seems to be relying on our foreknowledge of their relationship rather than what’s actually present in this film.
When you do a Superman movie, you really only got two options.
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Focus on the villains. That why I think Batman Returns works so well, because its a movie about how these people defined themselves in opposition of Batman, and you got three characters who are infinitely more complex and interesting than anybody in Superman Returns.
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Show Superman as a God. You can’t show Superman as “Oh, he’s got relationship problems just like us, he’s gets along with his stepparents just like us, he’s such a regular guy!” NO. Superman is NOT a regular joe. He’s fucking SUPERMAN. He’s a GOD. Thats why Supreme, Miracleman, hell even All-Star Superman are so much fun because its open to commentary on what its like to be a God. Superman Returns so desperately wants to be like the Spider-man films, but they can’t because it lacks the emotional pull of seeing a guy who’s a regular guy first and a superhero second. Superman, on the other hand, can do anything he wants, and doesn’t seem to give a shit whether he gets in on with Lois again(and neither does the audience).
So…yeah. Fuck Superman Returns.