Not many contributers this time around, i see. Not to worry, these threads tend to have a long shelf life.
So here’s a short from the other weekend.
My missus [Kaz the Mighty] was at the plasterers (that’s beauty parlour, to those not of the Cockney persuasion) one Saturday afternoon getting some work done on what i believe is an already impressive face. She called ahead and asked me to come collect her, so we could go straight to the shops after she was done. I apparently needed to be there soon as she was nearly finished. With this in mind, I quickly got our daughter, Heather, dressed, bundled her in the back of the car and we made our way there.
When i arrived, i went through the now familliar ritual of squeezing whatever i needed to take with me into my pockets before then unstrapping my daughter from her seat in the back of the car. Only on this occasion i didn’t notice that my iPhone 4 had managed to work its way free and fall, i think, into the guttering by the side of the pavement.
Heather and i walked towards the Plasterers, which was probably about 100 feet from where we parked, as quickly as a nearly three year old can manage, only to find that Kaz had decided to have her nails done also… which meant a further wait. Knowing this, i was faced with two choices: either take Heather to the park opposite, or stay put and play some games with my daughter on the iPhone. I chose the latter and settled down on the nearby couch with Heather.
It was then i noticed my phone was missing.
Dragging Heather behind me we ran, as fast as a nearly three year old can manage, back towards my car passing four different people on the way, the third of which being the most memmorable: a black bloke, wearing worn trousers which swung above his ankles as though he were waiting for a flood, his hair was unevenly cut, his shoes had seen better days and he wore a tatty beige jacket which was obviously too big for him. However, the thing which stuck out most was the fact that he was fawning over an iPhone 4. I continued on the where my car was parked but, of course, by the time i reached there, my phone was gone.
Now, logic would tell you that i should have chased this potential opportunist, rugby tackled him and asked questions later. Only the small fact that i still had Heather holding my my hand meant that this was impossible. So we made our way, slowly, back the the parlour where i relayed my story to Kaz.
Those who know me, or have read most of my stories, will already know that im not always the brightest LED in a Christmas strip of 250. Kaz is usually, the voice of reason; often saving me from getting into a fight, or suggesting an alternative course of action which i haddnt considered. This occasion was no different.
Kaz: Sifu, you’re such a doorknob!
On this occasion she was right, as i was always losing my phone
Me: Yeah, don’t need this right now woman.
Kaz: Headding toward the shops, was he?
Me: Yup.
Kaz: Take my phone, wait outside and call yours. If he’s dense, then he might answer.
Me: Well i’ll take your phone, but i dont think i’ll see him agan…
Heather wanted to come with me, but i insisted that she say with her mother.
I walked to the top of the road toward the local shops, in the opposite direction to where the car was parked, and sat waiting on a bollard.
As if by magic, i saw the same dude walking towards me, however this time he was carrying a plastic bag with, i assume, his shopping. He saw me, and immediately looked away. This of course made me want to scrutinize him more, so just before he passed i pulled out Kaz’s phone and dialled my number.
As if by magic MY RINGTONE went off in HIS POCKET, much to his surprise… Thankfully, through a combination of a misspent youth growing up in various Arcades, playing random obsure video games on countless consoles, and a need to have custom ringtones for almost everyone in my phonebook, i was able to reclaim my iPhone 4! [media=youtube]MQHYZy5aXw4[/media] is the custom ringtone i have for Kaz.
I approached him, trying to look menacing.
Me: Can i have my phone back, mate?
Bloke: Your phone?
Me Yup, the one in your pocket. The one you found by my car.
I took one step closer
Bloke: … Oh, this phone! I see, i was gonna hand it in, y’know, at the police station!
Me: Yeah… phone.
I walked back into the parlour, smiling to myself, and sat down next to my daughter who proceeded to watch an episode of Peppa Pig on my newly reaquired iPhone.
