SRK Battle Poll V outros

Sano · August 12, 2007, 3:10am

METHOD MAN

Sitting in front of the steps of a building in Staten Island New York Method Man and fellow Wu-Tang Clan members Raekwon The Chef and Ghostface were all passing a blunt around one fine afternoon.

METHOD MAN: Yeah man you know what I’m sayin’?
RAEKWON: Yeah yeah!
GHOSTFACE: Yeah man you know what I mean?
METHOD MAN: Yeah man but do you know what I’m sayin’?
RAEKWON: Yeah yeah!
GHOSTFACE: Yeah man but you know what I mean right?
METHOD MAN: Yeah man you know what I’m sayin’?
RAEKWON: Yeah yeah!
GHOSTFACE: Yeah man you know what I mean?

This went on for about 15 minutes…

Kyle Travers from Final Fight Streetwise approached the trio after they were all out of marijuana.

KYLE: Yo yo yogurt! Where my frogs at? Kile Travers in the hiz and her house keepin’ it real time with Bill Maher! I’m comin’ to you straight from the hood!
METHOD MAN: You mean Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Wigga what the fuck you want?
KYLE: Nah man I’m down with the Hippity Hoppity. I know who all you Wu-Tangerine members are. You’re the M-E-T-H-O-D MANDARIN! Chillin’ with your homies Ghoulface Killer 7 and Rock One The Cooker. Say Word Perfect I’m from the streets!
METHOD MAN: Yeah Sesame Street. Aye yo Ironman (Ghostface’s other name) what do you say we do with this fool?
GHOSTFACE: This goes back to the Eskimoes and the Dominoes with the random hoes and the roaches in your Cheerios…
RAEKWON: (Smacks Ghostface in the back of his head so he can stop talking) Man shut the fuck up Ghostface no one ever understands what the hell you talkin’ about! Your ass is worse than Jedah!
KYLE: Whateva man I’m the troof, I saved Metro City a while back all by myself! Meanwhile look at yourself Method Madarin, you doin’ Right Guard commercials with Omega Redman. I thought you was a Five Percenter but you ain’t nothin’ but a Jive Percenter!
METHOD MAN: SAY WHAT? I should beat your ass down right now. JOHNNY BLAZE AIN’T A DAMN THING CHANGED! We used that money to fund the Wu-Tang Revolution son, I had to buy up some Final Fantasy Summon Materia with that cream yo! Come’on yall let’s go teach this fool to show some respect when he comes down to Shaolin Island.

All three Wu-Tang members rose up to beat the living snot out of Cody’s little brother, but Kyle just raised his right arm in the air and and snapped his fingers.

RAVEN: WHAT THE SHYTE!

The cast of Beat Down Fists of Vengeance, members of the Zannetti Family mafia came down in a menacing way, almost as if they were walking in slow motion. Leading the crew was Raven who spoke with a thick accent, had a scar to the side of his right eye and streaks of white in his hair. His right hand man Jason G was an African American male with corn rows and several piercings. Aaron, Zanetti’s son with a tattoo near his left eye and his hair parted to his side was also with the crew. Rounding out the squad were the gorgeous female members - the blonde haired blue eyed Gina and Lola the lovely woman from South America.

METHOD MAN: HOLD UP! You got the cast of Beat Down Fists of Vengeance to have your back? Where’s Guy, Cody and Haggar? Matter of fact, is God Hand busy? Seriously man BEAT DOWN FISTS OF VENGEANCE WHAT THE FUCK?
KYLE: Yeah well… Gene of God Hand is off fighting Guts I hear. And for some reason Guy, Haggar and my brother Cody are not returning my phone calls…
JASON G: Yeah man I’m here to say 'bout it ‘bout it because ain’t no one sayin’ 'bout it 'bout it. ‘Bout it bout it?
METHOD MAN: Yeah man I know what you sayin’!
RAEKWON: Yeah yeah!
GHOSTFACE: Yeah man I know what you mean!
JASON G: 'Bout it bout it!
METHOD MAN: Yeah man I know what you… man later for all that!
LOLA: Soooo… do I get to cut someone like a piece of shicken?
AARON: I miss my daddy…
GINA: Me too…
AARON: Damn your such a fucking slut! You’ll sleep with anybody!
GINA: I will not I… Say is that Method Man? He’s kind of cute…
METHOD MAN: Say word I could be your Noah, you could be my wiz!
RAVEN: (Started cracking his knuckles) IT’S TIME TO OPEN THE GATES OF HELL!
METHOD MAN: Not until I summon the rest of my crew. WU TANG! WU TANG! WU TANG!

Upon hearing his yell from down the block came the rest of the Wu-Tang clan. Gza, Inspectah Deck, Masta Killah, Rza and U-God. Even Shyheim the Rugged Child came through but the Falcon Avenger from Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law swooped down and carried the little boy away…

METHOD MAN: We still missin’ one more member of our crew. That’s why I got this Final Fantasy Summon Materia. (Method Man pulled out a red globe out of his pocket that was about the size of a baseball and held it up in the air). I SUMMON… JESUS!

A light came from above and an African American male with a long beard and a white robe came floating down to the ground.

KYLE: That’s Jesus? No wait that can’t be. Everyone knows that Jesus is really Japanese why didn’t you watch the Makai Tensho anime?
GHOSTFACE: Boy you need some book learnin’ from money earnin’ Mount Vernon and a match to a candlestick burnin’ with a…
METHOD: IRONMAN SHUT THE FUCK UP! It ain’t that Jesus, it’s Big Baby Jesus, AKA Russell Jones, AKA our old friend Old Dirty Bastard better known as the ODB!

The first thing ODB did was start singing lyrics from his song “I Can’t Wait.”

Big Baby Jesus
I can’t wait
N*** fuck that!
I can’t wait!
Big Baby Jesus
I can’t wait
N**** fuck that!
I can’t wait!
BIG BABY JESUS
I CAN’T WAIT
N**** FUCK THAT!
I CAN’T WAIT
BIG BABY JESUS
I CAN’T WAIT
N**** FUCK THAT!
I CAN’T WAIT*

METHOD MAN: (Touched ODB’s shoulder so he could stop singing) Yo Dirt dog first of all what up son and all that but we not allowed to use the N word anymore…
RZA: THEY WILL NEVER GET RID OF THE N WORD!
METHOD: RZA, now is not the time…
ODB: WE CAN’T USE THE N WORD NO MORE WHAT THE FUCK?
METHOD MAN: See, there was this incident with Michael Richards using the word at a comedy club…
ODB: HOLY SHIT COSMO KRAMER IS A RACIST WAIT ‘TILL I TELL BIGGIE AND TUPAC! THEY GONNA BE… (He takes a good look at Lola). Heeey you lookin’ pretty good over there with that rival gang! How would you like to get seranaded by an Angel? I like to sing this song to girls when I be at a club trippin’ over bitches and shit.

*Sweet sugar pie
Oh I wish you weeeeeeere mine *

KYLE: Okay now that everyone is here it’s time for us to rumble! I got the perfect song some REAL GHETTO MUSIC right here! Yo you got a radio?
RZA: Yeah I got one in my car hang on.

Since he had his limo parked on the corner, RZA gave Kyle his stereo and Kyle put in a CD, pressed play and put it on the ground. Straight from the Final Fight Streetwise soundtrack the Heavy Metal song that was playing was “What Dirves the Weak” by Shadows fall.

And only the cinders remain
As another night
Becomes a yesterdaaaaaaay

To this song Kyle and the rest of the cast of Beat Down started dancing and moshing, slamming into each other! Method Man took the CD out, broke it in half and put his own CD in.

METHOD: MAN FUCK THAT BULLSHIT WE BATTLIN’ TO ONE OF MY TRACKS!

10 Ten let the countdown begin
9 I was born in the mind
8 Take the head of a snake
7 Behold Armaggedeon
6 Ain’t no love for the rich
5 Only strong will survive
4 Cause we live by the sword
3 Plus sixty degrees
2 For the black and the blue
1 For the sun… step into millenium

Method Man’s cell phone went off and he lowered the volume on the radio as he went to answer it.

METHOD MAN: Hang on a second… Hello… OH YO WHAT UP REDMAN! …Say word? You gonna be on MTV Cribs again and this time you gonna show them a card board box as your new crib? Ah man I gotta see this! Yeah man I’m comin’ down and bringin’ the whole crew son! Yeah man later! (He closed his cell phone and put it away)

METHOD MAN: Forget all this we bouncin.’ No need for all this drama yall come on down with us to get on MTV Cribs.
RAVEN: WHAT THE SHYTE! That’s my favorite show!
AARON: Daddy likes that show… I miss you daddy… Haven’t seen him in 15 minutes…
LOLA: This Old Dirty Bastard, you are very interesting… and I’ve never made it with an Angel…
ODB: Sweet Sugar Pie…
GINA: Method Man, need an escort?
METHOD MAN: Yeah you can get it my little French Vanilla you know what I’m sayin’?
RAEKWON: Yeah yeah!
GHOSTFACE: Yeah man you know what I mean?
JASON G: 'Bout it bout it!

Everyone started to walk away leaving Kyle Travers behind.

KYLE: WAIT A MINUTE! We were supposed to fight! I was gonna prove to everyone that I am the greatest fighter from Metro City EVER! COME BACK HERE!

Avenger the Falcon swooped down and carried Kyle away too…

Despite all of my joking around I quite like the Wu-Tang Clan, Shadows Fall, Beat Down Fists of Vengeance and Final Fight Streetwise so please no death threats these is just jokes lol! I’m a huge fan of Old Dirty Bastard and even got to meet him once, RIP. What can I say about Method Man that hasn’t already been said. He’s one of the greatest rappers of out time. From the Wu-Tang Clan, to his solo albums, from TV, to commercials, to video games to movies he is everywhere. JOHNNY BLAZE AIN’T A DAMN THING CHANGED!

BP STATS

Character Name: Method Man. His birth name is Clifford Smith.
Sponsor: Falling Edge
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Juggernaut
Game Appearances: Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style, Def Jam Vendetta, Def Jam Fight for NY and Def Jam: Icon
Other Media: Way too many things to list with Method Man being a real person! Most noteable are his Wu-Tang albums and solo albums, many guest appearances on TV as himself on shows like The Chapelle Show. He was also in the short lived Method & Red comedy and the short lived show Stung on MTV. He’s been on The Wire, Oz and CSI. He’s appeared in the movies Belly, One Eight Seven and How High, and a slew of other things and appearances that would take too long for me to list. He appeared in the Wu-Tang comic book also. A sequel to How High is currently in the works.

http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/img/3/9/6/6/11016693-11045232-slarge.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1e/MethodManSubway.jpg

Sano · August 24, 2007, 1:24am

DEADPOOL

Sakaki Shio cracked his knuckles in anticipation for their upcoming bout. He was quite surprised that someone hired an assassin to take him down. At the Ryozanpaku Dojo Shio seemed overjoyed sizing up the masked vigilante that was standing before him. Miu seemed as confident as ever while Kenichi was a little worried…

DEADPOOL: WAIT A MINUTE! Hold the megaphone here! There is no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I am letting sano write my outro! Him and his obscure Capcom references, damn not even Weasel understands what he’s talking about half the time. You think people want to google search all these names you’re dropping like Bin Laden drops I’m a kill all you American dogs mix tapes every week? I mean come on, you’re crossing me over with Shijo Saikyo no Denshi Kenichi? First of all, A) What are you smoking and B) Stop being greedy pass that joint my Super Mario Brotha!

sano: See, I just figured since Capcom produced the video game Shijyou Saikyou no Deshi Kenichi: Gekitou! Ragnarok Hachikengou that everyone on this site went out and imported it, started watching fan subs of the anime and getting the manga in straight up Japanese like I’ve been doing.

DEADPOOL: Um, how about NO! Just look at your Method Man outro. You referenced Final Fight Streetwise and Beatdown Fists of Vengeance. You seriously think anyone played those games? And don’t think I didn’t catch you’re Falcon the Avenger reference from Harvey Birdman Attorney at law since Capcom’s making a video game out of that too!

sano: Yes I am quite sure everyone played Final Fight Streetwise and Beatdown Fists of Vengeance. And once they found out about Capcom making the Harvey Birdman game, they went out and got the DVDs of the TV show, brought a PS2 and a PSP if they haven’t already, downloaded Harvey Birdman wallpaper on their cell phones and added a Harvey Birdman ring just like I did. Except of course for the getting a PS2 and PSP part, I got those systems when I discovered Capcom was making games for them naturally. I’m not the only Capcom fanboy out there and there’s nothing wrong with me… nothing wrong with me… nothing wrong with me… nothing wrong with me…

DEADPOOL: And the correct answer is… WRONG GO GET A LIFE FOR 1200! Why don’t you try going outside and grabbing some sunlight for a change!

sano: What is this sunlight you speak of…

DEADPOOL: And when’s the last time you talked to a girl?

sano: Why I’ll have you know that I spoke to a girl a half hour ago, and I got the digits if you know what I mean!

DEADPOOL: Nice try unsmart guy, a telephone operator doesn’t count!

sano: …D’OH!

DEADPOOL: Man just look at all of the great lines Nemesis00 wrote for me, there’s no way you’re lame ass can match this level of humor so don’t even try, go masturbate to some Chun-Li photos sano YOU ARE THE WEAKEST ZELDA LINK GOODBYE!!

?Oh come on Wade. You can do better then this. What if I made up some cockamamie story about me slaying vampires and getting into bar fights with Indiana Jones? Yeah, that?ll surely win the love and affection from my internet peers. Well, they?re not really my peers. More so some guys on the net that think I?m really Bullseye. Why am I so chatty today? Must be the weird weather we?ve been having. Ok, seriously Wade, shut up.?

?Deadpool here. Listen, a job like that, is gonna cost you a lot of samolians. I mean enough to buy Toon Town twice. Uh huh. Yeah, that sounds like enough, if you include expenses. What do you mean I?m going to have a partner? Oh, him?.yeah, we really don?t play nice together. Besides, isn?t he on the side of the angels? O r l y? Fox 5??

?So, I?m to help him bust out a suitable inmate at the most guarded super human prison in the country? Then the three of us are to participate in an intra dimensional tournament thingy where the winner gets whatever they want? Sounds like a cake walk. Don?t worry Mr. Ominous German Accent Man, you?ll get it, or my name isn?t Deathstroke the Terminator. Hello? Hellooooooooo??

?Fine, I?ll tell the story. So we?re in a clock tower, and it?s completely nuts for a clock tower. I mean giant gears on the floor. Giant gears on the ceiling. I could make a Richard Gere joke, but that?s below me. Anyway, we?re just going at it, ninja style. I swing, he blocks. He?s swings, I block. I say something witty to distract him. He swings, and he gets my hamstring. I think he thought I was done for after that, but the old healing factor kicked in, and I was back on my feet in no time. That?s when I did something stupid.?

?He dislocated his shoulder, and after getting out, he popped it back it. It was sick shit! At that point I decided it was time for a change of scenery, and I figured that since he doesn?t have a healing factor, he?s tire out if he ran after me. So I ran. I jumped down a shaft in the clock tower, and found my way onto this spiral staircase. And there were zombies here. Fricken zombies, man! I never killed a zombie before, but it?s so much fun. Doctor Doom needs to make a zombie virus that turns people into zombies, so I can hunt down the zombies. If I could do that, I?d retire. It?d just be me and Bea Arthur in our little home made of zombie parts.?

DEADPOOL: I could copy and past his stuff all day, hell sano you should consider copying and pasting stuff from wookipedia even that will be better than your stupid ass outros bro. Siskel and Ebert say your outros have a nice beat and you can dance to it but you still get ten thumbs down. Yeah I’m counting toes and two failed erections 'cuz you’re writing skills ain’t turning anyone on and if you don’t like it you can go suck my dictionary ya big dork!

sano: Yeah, I dunno, I still like me Kenichi idea…

DEADPOOL: Okay, this kid is just hopeless. I’m sure Otacon gets more tail than you do and that’s bad. By the way, what’s your favorite website?

sano: Why that’s easy. It’s Shoryuken dot…

DEADPOOL: SHORYUKEN! (Strikes sano with the deadly uppercut) Now take a dirt nap and dream about Captain N in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Yeah I caught that post. Everyone else is dreaming about Jessica Alba good gosh you’re pathetic!

sano: (Laying on the floor) Uh… no… I always… dreamed of… Ryu knocking me out… with a Shoryuken… not… Deadpool… no…

DEADPOOL: Finally, you’re outro writer has been outroed! As for the rest of you overweight virgins that didn’t vote for me to make me the BP champion well later for all of this reading stuff. Watch this fan film instead! Meanwhile I’ll be looking at some pictures of Big Bertha wearing White Queen’s outfit oh yeah you’re buddy Wade is a chub chaser. Norbit should be considered soft porn!

sano: Who… are you… to talk… Big Bertha… of Great Lakes Avengers… is a pretty… obscure reference…

DEADPOOL: Okay Weasel roll the film. As for you sano I got 3 words for you. HADOUKEN!

[media=youtube]eCIcLlKMJks[/media]

Deadpool was created by Fabian Nicieza and Rob Liefeld in 1991, his first appearance was in New Mutants #98. While he first started out as an obvious spoof of DC’s Deathstroke (Slade Wilson / Wade Wilson, both masked assassins who wield two swords and have regenerative powers) eventually he came into his own and wound up being one of Marvel’s funniest characters, much of his humor even breaks the fourth wall. Oh and he did a Shoryuken before, see image below lol!

BP STATS

Character Name: Deadpool. His real name is Wade Wilson.
Sponsor: Nemesis00
Defeated: Snake Eyes, Rolento, Guy, Dan
Lost Against: Dracula
Game Appearances: X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse, Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Other Media: Several comic books from Marvel including New Mutants, X-Force, Deadpool, Cable and Deadpool along with various other comic book appearances. He has appeared in the 90s X-Men cartoon briefly a few times but never had a speaking role on the show.

http://images.wikia.com/marveldatabase/images/9/91/Deadpool_52.jpg
http://ianli.com/site/uploads/Art/deadpool_as_stan_lee.jpg

Sano · September 5, 2007, 11:52pm

Progress report: Working on a few other things right now but next up will be Ash, Jill Valentine, Yen Sid, Slash, Michaelangelo, Captain America and Colossus more or less in that order. I have the last week of September off from work so I should be able to get a few more in then. Ash might be up in a few weeks depending on how things go…

I think after them it’s not that many left, around 10 more characters or so. But once I get there I’ll look up who has and hasn’t been done…

Paolochun · September 12, 2007, 5:00pm

Yo. Nice to see this is still around. :lol:

And to think, this year’s BP is already underway. My writing powers will be focused there, for the time being.

Sano · September 12, 2007, 5:32pm

Lol can you please do Green Ranger’s outro no offense to Power Rangers fans but if I had to research whatever version of Power Rangers that was used in the '06 BP I’d go nuts lol!

I have read Area 88 before when it ran in Animerica magazine a decade ago so I can come up with something later on… still have the old remaining issues too…

Ash’s and Jill’s outros should be up in two weeks…

I’ll see about writing out a list of who is remaining… spoke to Jal a while ago and he is still reserved. As the winner he should go last and Hauzer right before him. Well, the ranking system is screwed up beyond recognition but at least I know those are the top two.

Sano · September 13, 2007, 1:29am

List of remaining characters and sponsors who still need outros. If there are mistakes, please correct. Marijuana is a hell of a drug…

Dan?
All characters finished

givequicheachance:
All characters finished

ShinkuuR:
All characters finished

Lord Doom:
All characters finished

Adam Warlock:
All characters finished

Kyoji:
All characters finished

sano:
All charactes finished

Falling Edge:
All characters finished

Jaldaboath:
All characters finished

MrQuotes:
All characters finished

Boleslaw:
Hauzer (Capcom Fighting Evolution)

m121akuma:
All characters finished

ShinAkumax:
All characters finished

Nemesis00:
All characters finished

9999:
All characters finished

Worthless Scrub:
All characters finished

Orochi Tempest:
All characters finished

Pained Auron:
All characters finished

Panicked:
All characters finished

Ducvader:
All characters finished

Diek Stiekem:
All characters finished

Return of Shiki:
All characters finished

mvsc2demon:
All characters finished

Honest Monk:
All characters finished

Monbaby:
All characters finished

Arcade Fire:
All characters finished

Tanion:
All characters finished

J.MM.R:
All characters finished

Tantin:
All characters finished

AkumaTX:
All characters finished

aragami:
All characters finished

4neqs
All characters finished

fatherbrain
All characters finished

Lantis:
All characters finished

Wolfkiller
All characters finished

The Damned
Beowulf
Reis(FF Tactics)

So yeah something like that… for now I call dibs on Ash, Jill(Diek said he was gonna write Jill’s, but I’m being a… well a dick lol) Michelangelo, Slash and Yen Sid since I have clear ideas for them. Everyone else is up for grabs except for Hauzer and Vile who should go last.

Anyone want to help out feel free especially if there are still sponsors lurking.

I’m all for by December any leftover characters I just make some huge BP party story, invite all of them and put up their stats. I really don’t want to mess with this in '08.

Paolochun · September 13, 2007, 6:30am

I’ll do Zaraki’s and Tommy’s, sure. Maybe Neji’s. Marco’s is also finished:

http://forums.shoryuken.com/showpost.php?p=3520354&postcount=51

Sano · September 13, 2007, 6:33am

Yeah it can wait until after BP don’t worry about it I know them 500 word stories must be a pain lol! Thanks man I’ll edit the above to take Marco’s name out. :tup:

Seriously though I didn’t even want to research Tommy when I battled against him. In my Hazzard Assist I was just going to make a bunch of Bulk and Skull jokes, the two bullies from the only season I ever watched which was only due to my little brother beating me to the TV every day from school… I was behind so many votes I figured ah man forget it… No hate but I can’t look up Power Rangers I just can’t.

ShinAkumax · September 13, 2007, 7:38am

I’ll do Kirk justice.

Sano · November 17, 2007, 2:57am

ASH J. WILLIAMS AND JILL VALENTINE

J. JONAH JAMESON: (On TV, being interviewed on the Larry King Show) I can’t believe that Peter Parker turned out to be Spider-Man and he revealed his identity to the entire world! To think he’s been on the Daily Bugle’s payroll for years! (Looks into the camera) PARKER! YOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRRR’E FIRED!

ASH: Yeah you tell’em Jonah! Who needs these costume freaks running loose?

Ash tossed back another beer while watching TV in the security room where he could see videos from all of the cameras in the S-Mart he works in. Since Deadites, demon possessed zombies constantly attack the store he is the only remaining employee. On one of the monitors he spots a beautiful woman wearing a blue sleeveless top, a black mini skirt and a white sweater tied around her waste. She is pushing a large shopping cart and is grabbing lots of items.

ASH: Whoa what a babe! Time for me to turn on the ol’ Ash charm and shake what Ms. Williams gave me!

When she gets to the end of the isle that contains coffee, sugar and spices Ash heads her off, resting an elbow on a shelf that has coffee and tea containers all while blocking her cart.

ASH: What’ll it be doll face? Coffee, tea, or me?
JILL: Get lost creep! I’m on a road trip and I’m just grabbing a bunch of supplies while we flee from Raccoon City… Ooops…
ASH: Raccoon City, yeah, I heard of that place. Didn’t they just nuke that town? I read about a hero who saved a few civilians out there, what was her name, yeah Alice, that was it.
JILL: WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT ALICE? She was just some mutated freak we picked up on the road while leaving the city! I WAS THE STAR! HELL I WAS A MEMBER OF S.T.A.R.S! SCREW ALICE!
ASH: Hey lady, calm down! Don’t get the sweater tied around your waist in a bunch. There’s no need for you to cut down Alice, unless of course you’re both covered in mud and I get to watch…

Suddenly a portal opened near the entrance of the store and both Ash and Jill took a gander. Rising from the portal where zombified versions of Captain America, Spider-Man, Cyclops and Wolverine!

ASH: Oh great it’s those Marvel zombies again. Am I gonna have to open a can of whoop ass on all your hides again?
CAPTAIN AMERICA: We have no idea who you are human. Prepare to have your brain devoured!
SPIDER-MAN: So we’re zombies now. Here’s what I wanna know. When we eat a person’s fingers, do we use our fingers, or do we bust out the fork and knife? And what about the blood, do we slop it up with some biscuits?
WOLVERINE: Shut up you damn nerd! If you start yappin’ about how you miss eating wheat cakes I’ll make sure you permanently shoot webs out of your ass just like every other spider!
ASH: Ah, let me guess… You guys come from yet another Marvel zombie dimension then the one I was in? Darn it all of these multiple realities are confusing. I’m putting in a vote for Superboy Prime to knock out reality once again so we can keep things straight, who’s with me?
JILL: What the hell is going on? Is it the T-Virus?
ASH: You can get a TiVo box over in aisle 20, appliances but that’s not the sitch. See sometime ago I said some magical words from a book of evil mojo called the Necronomicon wrong and zombies show up here on the regular. But don’t you worry there, missy (he pulls out his rifle that he keeps holstered underneath his long sleeved buttoned shirt aligned with his spine) me and my Boomstick are gonna blast these guys so hard Stan Lee is gonna feel it! Why don’t you go hide in aisle 43 where we keep the bread and go make me a sandwich?
JILL: No thanks! I can take care of myself!

With her pistol Jill begins firing shots at the zombified Cyclops and Wolverine but they run away so she gives chase.

Ash J. Williams shoots at Captain America but all of his shots are blocked by his mighty shield. The super zombified soldier throws his shield at Ash, who quickly jumps on top of the shield and rides it much like the Silver Surfer rides his board in the air. With one shot to the stomach and another shot to his back when Ash soars past him, Captain America goes down.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: No… Super Soldier Serum… fighting the zombie infection… massive gunshot wounds… are making me too weak…

Zombified Captain America crumbles to dust and dies.

ASH: (Lands on the ground and is holding the Captain’s shield) Wait a second, Captain America dies by gunshot wounds to his stomach and back? I’m sorry but that’s a pathetic way for Captain America to die. Now where’s that Tobey McGuire kid…

Zombie Spider-Man lands from the ceiling. Instead of webs he fires long sticky veins from his arms. One vein latches on to Captain America’s shield taking it away from Ash. Another vein reels Ash In close to his enemy, and he drops his rifle by mistake.

SPIDER-MAN: You’re good! I’m Bad! (Punches Ash far away, he flies practically to the back of the store. With his vein still attached to him Spidey reels him back in) You’re good! I’m Bad! (punches Ash far away, he flies practically to the back of the store. With his vein still attached to him Spidey reels him back in) You’re good! I’m Bad! (punches Ash far away, but this time he lands in Housewares!)

As Ash comes soaring back he manages to find the area where he hid his chainsaw arm! He takes off his fake right hand and puts it on! This time when he comes flying back to Spider-Man he jams his chainsaw into Spider-Man’s stomach!

ASH: Good. Bad. I got the chainsaw!
SPIDER-MAN: Man my Spider-Sense blows in in the Marvel Zombie-verse…

Ash chops him up into little pieces.

Meanwhile bullets aren’t doing much against zombified Cyclops and Wolverine. Cyclops fires a steady stream of blood and guts from his visor at Jill! She manages to dodge his line of bloody fire!

JILL: Darn it, I knew getting out of the way of that zombie’s path and letting him bite Cyclops during Marvel vs. Capcom 2 was a bad idea!

She took out her large Rambo Survival Knife and let it skid across a metallic shelf while running, causing a stream of sparks and heating the blade up, turning it red. When she was close enough she chopped off Cyclops’s head off like a knife going through butter! Prior to this, when she was close enough Cyclops wanted to hit her with his uppercut, the Gene Splice, but since she got to him first, he wound up saying -

CYCLOPS: JESUS CHRIST!

With his decapitated head on the floor he shriveled to dust and died.

WOLVERINE: I’m the best there is at what I do bub! And what I do is rated M for Mature BEEYATCH!

Jill dodged all of Wolverine’s strikes until she wound up in the Locksmith area where they crafted keys for costumers.

JILL: You may be the best there is at what you do, but I’m Jill Valentine, THE MASTER OF UNLOCKING!

She grabbed a box of unfurnished keys resting on the counter! When she tossed them at Wolverine the hundreds of keys stuck on his flesh like pins on a pin cushion! The zombified Canadian Mutant howled like an animal!

He shook the keys off of his body and began to approach Jill. Suddenly Tyrant rose from the ground in between the two, just like he does in MVC2! First he clawed Wolverine just like he does in the game taking him down! Then he tried to claw Jill.

ASH: Jill! Catch!

That’s right! He tossed a Rocket Launcher at Jill so he could perform her other MVC2 Super Art and destroy Tyrant! (This works in the game too but everyone here prolly knows that already lol!) She did just that, blew up Tyrant and a left over missile finished off Wolverine, so he was nothing but an Adamantium Skeleton on Fire!

She put down the Rocket Launcher, went for her cart and met up with Ash in the coffee aisle again.

ASH: Well gorgeous, looks like we saved the world and more importantly S-Mart. Those kiddies looking to get in on our PS3 + five Blu-Ray movie deals are gonna be happy cabin campers, not like I was but that’s another movie… or should I say story… Now give me some sugar baby!

Ash leaned in to kiss Jill but she grabbed a bag of Domino’s Sugar off a shelf and rammed it into his face!

JILL: Jerk!

She dropped 200 dollars on the floor to cover her expenses and pushed her cart out of the store.

ASH: (Covered in sugar, removing salt from his eyes) Oh yeah, she wants me bad… She’ll be back… Still hoping she brings Alice and a few buckets of mud…

Jill made her way to a black jeep and started loading the trunk. Inside the Jeep but keeping a low profile where LJ who was driving and Carlos and Alice sat in the back seat. Alice was nervously twitching like a leaf. She lowered the black tinted window on her side.

ALICE: What… was all that… noise…
JILL: (Finishing up putting all of the food in the trunk) Ah don’t worry about it. Just some zombies but they had nothing to do with Umbrella…
ALICE: ZOMBIES!

Alice kicked the door of the car open breaking it off of it’s hinges and pulled out two uzis from her waist! She went barging into S-Mart like a crazy bat out of insane hell!
JILL: ALICE! COME BACK! IT’S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF!
LJ: Man fuck that psycho bitch I told you we should of left her crazy ass! It’s Friday and my cousin Ice Cube got the hype jam going on! Let’s bounce before Alice brings all of Umbrella after us!
CARLOS: Wait a minute now why you cock blocking? Me and her were getting along fine! Last night I had this crazy dream where we made out! And then… I… smoked some weed and died… Eh… never mind…
JILL: (Noticed Umbrella helicopters in the distance) Fuck me. Ash can handle himself. Those two deserve each other! Let’s roll.

And they drove off, on the run to form a resistance against the mighty Umbrella organization. But not before partying with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker…

Alice came in with her uzis and managed to shoot up just about every single item inside of S-Mart!

ASH: (Runs to tackle her) Cocaine is a hell of a drug!

Alice runs up and hits him with a somersault kick! Via her super strength he goes all the way to the back of the store yet again, bounces off a wall and and goes soaring towards her! He pulls out a pocket sized edition of the Necronomican and says the three magic words, wrong once again!

ASH: NAMCO! FERRARI OH! NICKED TOOTH!

This causes the little face on the cover of the book to shoot a white beam at Alice! After his omega wall bounce he lands right on top of Alice! The two are embracing each other like lovers on the floor now.

ALICE: Nejutah… ebloj… eckupaa…
ASH: Whoa, now you sound like that weird chick in The Fifth Element. But whatever, I’m not much for pillow talk. Now hail to the the king baby!

Alice and Ash start making out. In fact they are still kissing while she turns into a huge grotesque Ultraviolet monster! Looks like Ash pronouncing those magic words wrong is gonna cause him trouble once more…

Frank West from Dead Rising walks into S-Mart. He sees Ash making out with a monster and Wolverine’s Adamantium Skeleton rising up, regrowing flesh on its bones. He thinks to himself that this isn’t so different from the last time he went to a mall. He heads over to the toy section to put on a Servebot hat, knowing it’s time to go to work.

Ash J. Williams hails from the Evil Dead movie trilogy directed by Sam Raimi. He has become a cult favorite of horror movies and he flourishes in comic books where he takes on Marvel Zombies and both Freddy and Jason of Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th. Not much more for me to say other than, “HAIL TO THE KING BABY!”

BP STATS

Character Name: Ash J. Williams
Sponsor: 9999
Defeated: Fulgore, Guts/Gatsu
Lost Against: Setzer
Game Appearances: Various games that use the title Evil Dead. Recent games are Evil Dead: A Fistful of Boomstick and Evil Dead Regeneration both for the PS2 and Xbox
Other Media: Appears in the movies Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness. Many comic book appearances including crossovers such as Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness and the current Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash series. In the movies he is portrayed by Bruce Campbell who many will recognize as the actor who does bad things to Peter Parker in director Sam Raimi’s other movie franchise Spider-Man lol! The Necronomicon has also appeared in Sam Raimi’s Hercules TV show where Bruce Campbell played Autolycus on that show and it’s sister show Xena. Obviously different actors have played Ash J. Williams in Evil Dead: The Musical. There has been a lot of talk about an Evil Dead remake where someone else will assume the role of Ash.

http://www.screamstress.com/wp-content/evildead.jpg
http://www.newsarama.com/Chicago_07/DC/fredy_jason_ash_t.jpg

Jill Valentine is one of the main characters of Resident Evil and one of the most popular video game heroines ever. She even appeared in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 making her well known to fighting game fans. So far she has appeared in both odd numbered of the main Resident Evil series, 1 and 3. It is still unclear whether or not she will return for part 5 however. She can currently be found in Umbrella Chronicles for the Wii.

BP STATS

Character Name: Jill Valentine
Sponsor: Pained Auron
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Psylocke
Game Appearances: Resident Evil 1, Resident Evil 3, Umbrella Chronicles and she is mentioned in Code Veronica. For crossover appearances, she is in Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Under the Skin and the SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters series. There is a restaurant called “Jill’s Sandwiches” in Dead Rising as a pun on Barry’s line in Resident Evil 1, "You were almost a Jill sandwich!"
Other Media: Appears in American Resident Evil comic books. Also in Hong Kong comics based on Resident Evil, even the Code Veronica one that was translated in the US (and was really good!) She appears in the second live action Resident Evil movie and is portrayed by Sienna Guillory. While she was not in the third movie she was in the novel version of that movie, where she is still alive and on the run. In 2008 there will be a Japanese CGI Resident Evil Animation. Even though it is said to be an entirely new story no one knows if Jill Valentine will make an appearance in this work.

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/7184/jillcr4.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/16/Sienna_Jill_Valentine.jpg

Sano · November 23, 2007, 3:18am

GAARA

Late one night in the Forest of Death Son Goku of Dragon Ball fame and Gaara were having a very intense fight towards the end of the D.O.N. Battle Stadium Tournament, an insane brawl between Dragon Ball, One Piece and Naruto characters!

Performing the Tanuki Nieri No Jutsu AKA the Play Possum Jutsu, Gaara’s sleeping body stood on top of Shukaku, an 100 Meter tall Tanuki (Raccoon-Dog) sand demon. Shukaku laughed hysterically at the fallen Goku, who was knocked out on the ground and his Super Saiyajin blonde hair turned back to black.

SHUKAKU: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH YEAH! LOOKS LIKE I’M HAVIN’ ALIEN FOR DINNER TONIGHT MMMMM BABY JUST LIKE MAMA USED TO MAKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The huge sand demon picked up Goku’s lifeless body and swallowed him whole!

SHUKAKU: YUMMA! YUMMA! TASTES LIKE ROBOT CHICKEN! OOOH, MAN… DIS LITTLE GUY’S GIVING ME A BIT OF INDIGESTION! WHERE DAT PEPTO BISMOL? MAYBE I CAN SWALLOW DAT MAIJIN BUU FELLA…

His rumbling stomach busted wide open as Son Goku busted out, floating up in the air with a gigantic white sphere over his head, the Genki Dama!

SHUKAKU: AWWWW MAN I HAD AN ALIEN BUST OUT MY STOMACH NOW RIDLEY SCOTT IS GONNA SUE MY ASS! NO FAIR PLAYIN’ POSSUM YA PUNK HAIRED PREDATOR!

GOKU: Hmph. Isn’t that what your host Gaara is doing? Time for a wake up call! GENKI DAMA!

Goku tossed the huge orb of white Ki at Shukaku destroying him, eclipsing everything in a bright white light!

SHUKAKU: I HATE THIS PART! THIS IS WHERE THE VILLAIN SCREAMS NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Shukaku’s body came apart and grains of sand flew throughout the forest! The explosion created a huge crater on the ground and Gaara was at the center of it. Putting one hand on the floor, he managed to sit up, feeling a lot of pain after his rude awakening. Goku floated down before him.

GOKU: Hey Gaara, are you okay? Here’s a Senzu Bean, it will take care of your wounds! (He tossed a small bean at Gaara and he caught it with one hand, holding it tightly and not devouring it just yet).
GAARA: How… Can it be… Shukaku… was defeated… Why… why are you helping me…
GOKU: Heh heh! You put up a pretty good fight Gaara! I still don’t understand why you’ve teamed up with the evil Cell and Frieza to hold this tournament.
GAARA: After… losing to Naruto… I wanted to prove, that he was wrong. That one didn’t need to fight for people he cared for to become strong…
GOKU: Hmmm. You’re friend Naruto was right. You can gain incredible strength protecting those you care for. Pretty amazing kid! Before this tournament began I had a fight with both Luffy and Naruto, I defeated the two but it wasn’t easy! Wow this generation is creating a lot of great fighters! I have to say you and Shukaku put up a better fight than Naruto and Luffy did! Still, if either of them had someone to protect I don’t think they would go down so easily. Both can be really strong when it counts!
GAARA: (Thinks to himself while he trembles) This Son Goku… Has even defeated Naruto!

GOKU: Yeah unfortunatley the two of us have been disqualified from the tournament, even if I won the fight in the end. Our fight took too long and we wandered way too far out of bounds from the area we where supposed to battle in. Hmph, I guess we are both losers who have to train more in the end!
GAARA: (Cracks a small smile and looks at the ground) Yes… we are both losers…

NARUTO: (Speaks into Goku and Gaara’s minds since he is very far away) EVERYONE! I need your power! I am fighting Cell in the final battle! He intends to fire a Kamehameha at the Earth to blow up the entire planet! I am trying to stop him with my Rasengan but I need your help! Please, lend me your power!

GAARA: Was that… Naruto… Speaking to me?
GOKU: Huh, that Naruto. After I explained gathering Ki to him from others to perform a more powerful Genki Dama he is trying to do the same with his Rasengan. Gaara! You have to put your rivalry with Naruto to the side and help him protect this planet! Swallow that Senzu Bean now, raise your hands up in the air and give Naruto your power! I will help out too!
GAARA: But… Couldn’t you defeat Cell?
GOKU: Heh, yeah I probably could but I’m not even supposed to be here. (A halo appears over Goku’s head) You see, I’m already dead. I’ve been given a day to live to stop the two souls that escaped from Hell, Frieza and Cell. Still, I can’t come down to Earth to bail people out all of the time. It is up to this newer generation of fighters to protect Earth! Now come on, let’s help Naruto!

Goku turns around and puts his arms up in the air. Small white dots of Ki begin to flow out of him and travel far off into the distance. Gaara swallows the Senzu Bean and all of his wounds vanish. He copies Goku’s movement and puts his arms in the air while he closes his eyes.

Miles away, Uzumaki Naruto is battling Cell in a gigantic stadium full of thousands of spectators (the final Stage of D.O.N. Battle Stadium). He stands on the platform moving his left hand over his right hand that is to his side, forming an light blue orb of his Ki AKA his Chakra. He is creating his projectile move, the Rasengan. Lots of small while spots of Ki are flowing into his Ranengan, coming from other participants of this tourney. Meanwhile Cell is far above him in the night sky charging up his Kamehameha, in one blast he intends to do away with Naruto and the entire planet!

NARUTO: (While thinking he projects his thoughts into the minds of the other people helping him create a Rasengan strong enough to stop Cell) Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usop, Chopper, Nami, Vegeta, Gohan, Trunks, Piccolo, Maijin Buu, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi Sensei, Rock Lee, Goku and Gaara, thank you!

With all of that energy he lifts the Rasengan orb above his head, it is now as large as Goku’s Genki Dama!

CELL: (Noticing the giant blue orb in the center of the Stadium) Huh huh huh! Not bad kid! Still, there is no way that you will reach me with that projectile! Earth’s fate is sealed! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Still having the Rasengan float above his right hand that he is holding up above his head, Naruto bites down hard on his left thumb causing it to bleed. He places it on the floor and yells “SUMMONING JUTSU!” The gigantic toad Gamabunta appears beneath Naruto’s feet, giving him a tremendous boost that sends Naruto flying high up in the sky towards Cell!

GAMABUNTA: Ugh, what do you want now snot?
NARUTO: Just needed a lift Gamabunta, thanks!
GAMABUNTA: (Smiles) Whoa, look at that Rasengan. That kid is something else! (Gamabunta vanishes leaving a cloud of smoke)

CELL: Impressive. But it is still not enough to defeat me! KAMEHAMEHA!
NARUTO: BATTLE STADIUM SPECIAL! GENKI DAMA RASENGAN!

When they are about 100 feet apart in the air, Cell’s Kamehameha and Naruto’s Genki Dama Rasengan collide! Even though Naruto’s projectile is much more massive than Cell’s white beam of energy he is still being beaten back to the Earth!

NARUTO: (Thinks to himself) It’s… Still no use! He’s just too strong!
GAARA: (Speaks directly into Naruto’s mind) NARUTO!
NARUTO: GAARA!
GAARA: (Speaks directly into Naruto’s mind) You don’t need our help! I know you don’t want to but you have to use the Demon trapped inside your body. Relying on such power has taken me down a dark path but you are not the same, you are strong enough to overcome it! The fate of the entire planet is at stake, you have no choice!
NARUTO: GAARA! Damn… he’s right…

Naruto closes his eyes and contacts the Nine Tailed Fox trapped inside of his body.
NARUTO: Come on, you heard Gaara! I need your power! If the entire Earth is gone you will be destroyed along with it!
NINE TAILED FOX: (Trapped in Naruto’s body he looks at the jail cell bars that are before him and grins viciously) …Heh heh heh…

While falling back to Earth Naruto’s eyes become red and the whiskers on his face become darker! Suddenly Red Chakra starts to flow around his Genki Dama Rasengan turning it purple! “HEYAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Yells Naruto as the Rasengan becomes a gigantic purple beam of energy! It beats back the Kamehama and reduces Cell to nothing, who screams in agony all while being reduced to dust!

After this move Naruto’s eyes and whiskers turn back to normal. “I… won the tournament…” he thinks to himself. He closes his eyes and begins to fall to his death. Goku is flying towards Naruto and Gaara is standing on his back with his arms folded.

GAARA: NARUTO!

Gaara takes a huge leap off of Son Goku and catches Naruto. Both begin to plummet to the Earth until Goku catches them both.

NARUTO: (Still with his eyes closed, yet smiling) Gaara… I couldn’t of done it… without your help… Thank you… friend… (after saying this Naruto goes to sleep)
GAARA: (With a stunned look on his face) …Friend? …Yes… Naruto… you are… my best friend…

Gaara’s eyes begin to water, though it is difficult to tell if he is about to cry or if it is just the wind in his eyes.

Gaara hails from the Naruto manga and anime. He is one of the most popular characters in the series who tends to rank among the top ten favorite characters in fan polls. In the beginning he starts out as a villain but his battle with Naruto changes him forever and he is now one of the good guys. He goes through quite an ordeal second half of Naruto and who knows what else fate has in store for the character.

BP STATS

Character Name: Gaara
Sponsor: ShinkuuR
Defeated: Sandman
Lost Against: Guy
Game Appearances: Appears in Naruto video games including Gekitou Ninja Taisen 4, the Ultimate Ninja series among others. Also appears in the Jump Superstar series and D.O.N. Battle Stadium.
Other Media: Naruto manga and anime

http://www.maj.com/gallery/SashimiPanda/Anime/gaara.jpg

Sano · November 26, 2007, 7:56am

YEN SID

Draco Malfoy of the Harry Potter series was being punished. He was forced by Hogwarts to head over to Yen Sid’s castle. The powerful Wizard stood over the young magician and looked down at him in disgust.

MALFOY: That cursed Harry Potter! *‘Oh that Harry Potter found the Philosopher’s Stone and the Chamber of Secrets! Oh Harry Potter is having tea and crumpets with the prisoner of Azkaban! Oh that Harry Potter washes his bum in the Goblet of Fire! Oh that Harry Potter gets to order around the phoenix! HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER!’ *BAH! Everyone knows that I, Draco Malfoy am the greatest student Hogwarts has ever known! So I sent 1,000 flying guillotines at Harry Potter, big deal! It is no reason to punish me…
YEN SID: ENOUGH! I am going to rest my Sorcerer’s hat on this chair. DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT! I want you to scrub this castle from top to bottom. DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT! I have to head out and will be back later this afternoon. DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT! I will take my leave. DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT! You’ll find some brooms over there in the corner. DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT! Just remember, whatever you do, DON’T USE MY SORCERER’S HAT!

Yen Sid vanished from sight. As soon as he left, Malfoy said to himself -

MALFOY: I think I’m going to use his sorcerer’s hat!

He took the hat off of the chair it was resting on and placed it on his head.

MALFOY: Now how can I use this hat to get out of work… (snaps his fingers) Brilliant! With the power of this hat I’ll bring those brooms to life and make them bring water from the well outside. If they wet the floor just enough soon it will dry and this place will be as good as new! No one’s ever thought of an idea this brilliant ever! While the brooms are taking care of my chores I think I’ll go have some fun!

Hours later and all while still wearing the sorcerer’s hat, Malfoy attends a strip club hanging out with his bet friend, Eric from the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon. They are both drinking shots of tequila and slamming their shot glasses hard on the table after every gulp. The opening song from the Robert Rodriguez movie Planet Terror (half of Grindhouse) played on the jukebox. Using the magic from the sorcerer’s hat, he got both Scarlet Witch from Marvel comics and Zatanna of DC comics to get up on the stage and strip for the two! Never mind that both Malfoy and Eric were both way to young to be drinking at a strip club! Course Malfoy cast a spell that knocked out everyone else at the club besides. Surprisingly Scarlet Witch and Zatanna had lots of clothing underneath their skimpy outfits and it was taking along time for them to be completely naked…

MALFOY: (Slams down another shot glass) How dare they treat me so poorly at Hogwarts! I am the greatest magician that has ever practiced magic EVER!
ERIC: You tell’em bud. You’re way better than that lame-o Presto. How dare the creators of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon make me look so dorky and say that I was the weakest part of the show? No, that was Uni. Stupid mascot characters like Snarf, Orko and Slimer! They’re just there so the kiddies don’t get too scared when the show gets too dark for them. Bah, how come they didn’t animate the time that Venger fired a giant fireball at us, I blocked it with my shield, it bounced back and destroyed him causing a portal for us to all go home? Yeah they don’t want to tell that story…
MALFOY: I KNOW! Have you seen the Harry Potter films? RUBBISH! And the books, do you know that hack J.K. Rowling had the nerve to say that I lose my hair when I get older? POPPYCOCK! Does anyone believe that a four eyed reject, an ugly poor kid and a pathetic Mudblood have the power to save the world? SUCH LIES!
ERIC: Look guy, I told you to lay off using the word Mudblood and making fun of us ‘Muggles…’

Their conversation came to a halt when Scarlet Witch’s bra went over Malfoy’s eyes and Zatanna’s bra went over Eric’s eyes! The two were finally going to see some naked women for the first time in their lives!

Much to their dismay however when they removed the bras from their eyes Hawkeye of Marvel comics and and Etrigan the Demon of DC comics stood in front of them blocking them from seeing anything good!

HAWKEYE: (With his arrow aimed at Malfoy’s head) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR WOMEN?
ETRIGAN: I DON’T THINK I AM GOING TO MIND WHIPPING THESE ANNOYING CHARACTER’S BEHINDS!
ERIC: (Stands up and raises his shield) So you wish to face off against Eric, the great cavalier and his trusty sidekick, Draco Malfoy? Bring it on SISSIES!
MALFOY: Um, yeah… Later for all that. Time to use a technique I learned at the Hidden Leaf Village. TELEPORTATION JUTSU!

By folding his hands and raising his two index fingers up in the air Malfoy teleported away. Hawkeye and Etrigan proceeded to kick Eric’s ass…

MALFOY: (Pleasantly walking down the road) Ah, now that was lots of fun. Huh, what the?

With one look at Yen Sid’s castle he saw gallons of water pouring out of all of the windows! The brooms had used way too much water from the well!

YEN SID: MAAAAALFOOOOOY!

Draco turns around and sees the magician standing behind him. His hands are balled up into fists as if he is about to punch the poor child in the face! Yen Sid quickly snatches up his hat from Malfoy’s and puts it back on his head!

MALFOY: No you see, it wasn’t me! It was Harry Potter!
ERIC: Who me?

Eric walked up to the two and magically transformed to Harry himself!

HARRY: I had disguised myself as Eric to see what you were up to Malfoy. Brainwashing witches to strip for you while using the sorcerer’s hat Malfoy, you are a truly rotten child!

With a wave of his hands Yen Sid wraps Malfoy’s body in chains! Then he drags him to the castle by the ear, all while Malfoy is yelling that it is all Harry Potter’s fault!

Harry grins and starts to make his way down the hill. Malfoy sees him heading off to a horse drawn carriage that has a cage on the end. In the cage are Eric, Hawkeye, Etregan, Scarlet Witch and Zatanna all gagged and knocked out! Harry turns to look at Malfoy and Voldemort’s top half can be seen floating above Harry! Looks like Voldemort has finally gained control over the young wizard!

MALFOY: NO YOU HAVE TO STOP HARRY! LISTEN TO ME YEN SID! HARRY POTTER IS EVIL! EEEEEVIL!

But of course Yen Sid pays him no mind…

Yen Sid is the wizard from the short The Sorcerer’s Apprentice in the movie Fantasia from 1940. The movie is considered to be a classic. The ballad named The Sorcerer’s Apprentice dates back to 1797 and the poem by the same name goes back to 1897. In Fantasia the wizard didn’t have a name so Disney Animators nicknamed him Yen Sid, Disney spelled backwards. He didn’t have a voice until Kingdom Hearts II came along and gave him a speaking role for the first time ever.

BP STATS

Character Name: Yen Sid
Sponsor: Wolfkiller
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Otacon
Game Appearances: Kingdom Hearts II
Other Media: The original Fantasia and the sequel, Fantasia 2000 where they also air the same short. Mickey has been shown wearing his sorcerer’s hat many times. In Mickey’s 60th Anniversary TV Special, Mickey once again borrows the hat but this time the owner was not Yen Sid but a random nameless magician voiced by Peter Cullen. Disney is producing a live action version of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice where Nicolas Cage will assume the role of Yen Sid.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/0/0f/200px-Yensid.JPG

Sano · December 12, 2007, 3:01am

Yeah looks like I won’t be finishing this up before the year is up lol! I had a week off from work but the way things turned out I had no time to contribute much. Ah well I’ll keep going until they all get done, sorry that it is going to bleed into '08 ack… hopefully a few more months… I should get another outro up in a couple of more days…

Sano · January 18, 2008, 8:20am

ROCK LEE

The young man from the Hidden Leaf Village was quite enthusiastic about being in director Michael Bay’s office. Sitting in a chair in front of Bay’s desk, he had his first balled up as a steady streams of joyful tears poured down his face. Might Guy, Rock Lee’s sensei was standing behind his pupil wearing his usual toothy grin.

ROCK LEE: So… you are making a movie about Fei Long’s life and you want me to play the role of a younger Fei Long? He is one of my favorite actors and I shall do my very best to bring his story to the silver screen! If I fail and the critics insult my performance than I shall run 100, no 200 laps around the state of California with my bare hands!
MIGHT GUY: That’s the spirit Lee! You will make a splendid actor!
ROCK LEE: Mr. Bay if at all possible I would like to recreate the amazing battle Fei Long had with Ken in Street Fighter II V! I think Sasuke would make an excellent young Ken Masters if he would wear a blonde wig…

MICHAEL BAY: Yeah, about Street Fighter II V… When I looked at it, it just seemed like a kid’s show, I just couldn’t stop laughing through out the whole thing. I saw 30 seconds of the first DVD and decided to disregard the entire thing, the same method I used when making Transformers the movie with regards to the Transformers cartoon. So we are going in a different direction. What I want to do is while you are fighting Ken, we are going to morph him into a Samurai demon who has been plaguing Fei Long’s family for centuries and kills all the males of the Sedawa family.

ROCK LEE: But… Mr. Bay… Fei Long’s last name is not Sedawa… And aren’t you just ripping off Dragon, the Hollywood movie based on Bruce Lee’s life which just… frankly… made stuff like this up?
MICHAEL BAY: No no this is COMPLETELY different. We are using the latest CGI techniques to make everything look great. Trust me, it will all work out fine!
ROCK LEE: I… am not so sure…

MIGHT GUY: Lee! Michael Bay is a professional and you must have faith in his work! You have to give it your best so you can put the Hidden Leaf Village on the map so it won’t be as hidden from Hollywood studios as it is today! Who knows, maybe one day you’ll get to star in a movie alongside Princess Fuun! (Guy gives his usual wink / big sparkly tooth smile / thumbs up to Rock Lee)
ROCK LEE: Yes… I see that you are right as always Guy Sensei! I will give the performance of my lifetime! Sakura, just wait until you see me on the big screen! You will fall head over heals for me and then we will get married the day after the big premiere!
MIGHT GUY: One step at a time Rock Lee, one step at a time…

A few weeks later Rock Lee was doing some warm up exercises on the set of the movie. They were filming in a room that had lots of mirrors like a funhouse room, similar to Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story… He is facing off against Silver Samurai of X-Men and MVC2 fame for the scene. Silver Samurai is covered with a bunch of green balls all over his body so they can motion capture him and create a CGI demon to fight against Rock Lee.

SILVER SAMURAI: Ugh, first Wolverine chops my right hand off and now this is what I’m reduced to. Oh well, beats sitting at home and watching more Lindsey Lohan movies I guess…

MICHAEL BAY: (Sitting in the directors chair with Might Guy by his side. Bay pulls out a big megaphone) AAAAND… ACTION!

???: FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY KISS MY DECEPTICON ASS!

Michael Bay yells “CUT!” and everyone turns to the back of the lot. In walks a ten foot tall Soundwave, drunk as all get out and carrying a bottle of Johnny Walker.

MICHAEL BAY: Oh great, not Wave Sound, again. Security, get this loser out of here!
SOUNDWAVE: MY NAME IS SOUNDWAVE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU NOT PUT ME IN THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE? HOW ABOUT PUTTING ME IN THE SEQUEL? ENERGON COSTS A LOT OF MONEY HOOK A ROBO BROTHER UP!
MICHAEL BAY: Ugh… Look I told you already Blaster Master, the kids today can’t relate to someone who can transform into a cassette player. Hell they don’t even know what a cassette is. Children today don’t even buy music anymore, they just download music illegally.
SOUNDWAVE: BUT… I CAN ALSO TRANSFORM INTO A PORT-A-POTTY, DON’T YOU WATCH ROBOT CHICKEN?
MICHAEL BAY: Yeah yeah, don’t call us Shockwave we’ll call you. CAN I GET SOME FREAKING SECURITY?

Two guards escort Soundwave outside but he is putting up quite a struggle.

SOUNDWAVE: THIS IS… ILLOGICAL… FUCK YOU YOU BITCH!

ROCK LEE: How… how very rude! Mr. Bay, I will do my best to give an outstanding performance despite this drunk robot’s presence! Mr. Silver Samurai, I hope we will have an amazing battle that will be viewed by future generations for years to come! (Rock Lee bows to Silver Samurai)
SILVER SAMURAI: Yeah yeah whatever…

Soundwave is still being dragged away while cursing like a sailor! He finally throws his bottle of Johnny Walker at Michael Bay but misses him entirely! After the bottle breaks on the floor, one drop of liquor soars through the air and lands in Rock Lee’s mouth, and that is enough to get Rock Lee drunk! Rock Lee starts swaggering uncontrollably and looks at Silver Samurai angrily!

ROCK LEE: And… just what are you looking at… BEEYAAAATCH!
MIGHT GUY: OH NOOOO! Rock Lee is a master of Drunken Fist! If he drinks even one drop of alcohol he becomes an unstoppable force!

And that is exactly what happened. Rock Lee destroyed all of Hollywood! Between this and the current writer’s strike, get ready for even more reality TV shows in the United States! Um, yay?

Rock Lee hails from the Naruto manga and anime. He is obviously based on Bruce Lee. He doesn’t win too many fights but has won over lots of fans and has quite a strong following. He is on his way to becoming a splendid Ninja, just you wait!

Character Name: Rock Lee
Sponsor: Pained Auron
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Agent Smith
Game Appearances: Vast majority of Naruto games including crossovers like the Jump Super Stars series and D.O.N. Battle Stadium.
Other Media: Naruto manga and anime. In the Boondocks episode Ballin’ Riley uses “Rock Lee” as part of his nickname when he plays Basketball. Character designer on the Boondocks cartoon Lesean Thomas (Sanford Kelly’s brother BTW) is a fan of Naruto so this is probably not a coincidence.

http://www.narutohq.com/gallery/albums/Naruto%20Wallpaper/normal_Rock-Lee-Wallpaper01.jpg
http://art1.sheezyart.com/image/0/4806.jpg

Oh and this is where I stole the idea of drunk Soundwave from so big up to the people behind this fan film. Lol, enjoy!

[media=youtube]9TYzRanykbQ[/media]

Sano · January 23, 2008, 1:15am

So I can have an easier time of looking up all of the information needed requiring the contestants lol!

http://forums.shoryuken.com/showpost.php?p=3346700&postcount=12

Slash and Michelangelo’s outros coming soon! :tup:

Sano · January 23, 2008, 11:10am

SLASH AND MICHELANGELO

Michelangelo has been missing for a long time after the Battle Poll ended. The three remaining turtles had no choice but to start auditioning for his replacement. They were scarfing down boxes of Pizza and they even had Pizza boxes outside for their visiting guests in a small room next to their living room in the sewer. Their TV was moved to the corner of the room so they could question potential future TMNT members while sitting on their couch. Splinter was off visiting Japan so the three brothers were on their own. “NEEEXT!” yelled their leader Leonardo. In walked Slash. He was really nervous and avoided eating Pizza in the guest room.

SLASH: Hey guys it’s me Slash, the fifth Ninja Turtle! I think you should sign me up to take Michelangelo’s place, it’s about time I moved up to become the fourth Ninja Turtle!
LEONARDO: Wait a second! Aren’t you one of our deadly enemies?
SLASH: Yeah that was a long time ago. Times have changed and I have bills to pay. Getting beat by Zaraki Kenpachi during the Battle Poll didn’t do much for my career. I’m begging you guys, give me a chance! I can be a good guy I promise!

The three Turtles discussed the matter among themselves while still devouring Pizza slices. After a bit, they had an answer for Slash.

DONATELLO: I’m sorry Slash, but if you joined the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles it would just be too confusing. You come from the older cartoon. We only have three TNMT universes running today. The current cartoon that continues with Flash Forward, the movies which went from live action to CGI, and the comic book version… Hang on, which comic book holds the current TNMT comic book continuity? Is it Mirage? Archie? Image?
RAPHAEL: Yeah I dunno. Michelangelo was the only one who read comics…

SLASH: Awe come on guys cut my a break! I’ve been shacking up with Venus De Milo and I got her pregnant! She laid about ten eggs and has them buried in Coney Island Beach. Now, they may take to the water like regular turtles do but you can’t tell with Mutant Turtles! I need to support my family!
LEONARDO: Venus De Milo? Who’s that?
DONATELLO: Oh yeah don’t you remember? She’s that female Turtle from the live action Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation show.
RAPHAEL: That crappy live action show? UGH. Never happened. How dare you mention that horrible show to us! Scram before I shove this sai where the sun don’t shine! NEEEXT!

Slash was cursing under his breath and he walked over to the TV in the corner and knocked it over before leaving! Raphael raised his blades and was about to throw down until Leonardo held him back.

LEONARDO: RAPH! Let him go. That Venus De Milo is annoying regularly, I can just imagine how she gets before she’s about to have children. I’m sure he has enough problems.

Slash made his way to the surface and pulled out a folded up newspaper he had in his shell. He was looking through the want ads and had lots of other job names crossed off in red ink.

SLASH: Nobody ever cuts Slash a break! Let’s see… Computer skills… Nah I’m not so good with that… Hey look at this! Kermit the Frog needs a stunt double for his next movie, The Muppets Take Mozambique! I’m there! I can live in Africa for a while and send checks to Venus from afar, yeah that’ll get her off my back… (Slash pulled out his favorite Palm Tree toy) Ooooh… My Binky! It will be just you and me forever!

Back in the sewer, the last three applicants had entered the Ninja Turtles’ living room.

???: Hey guys! My name is Rash and these are my buddies Zitz and Pimple. We’re best known as The Battletoads! We haven’t shown up in a video game in a while and hanging out with you guys can bring us back into the limelight! And oh yeah, three toads are better than one turtle!

RAPHAEL: …Seriously, WHAT THE HELL! You guys are TOADS! We are lookin’ for another TURTLE! What are we supposed to call ourselves, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtletoads?
DONATELLO: Yeah SCRAM! We don’t associate with your kind!
LEONARDO: Hey did you hear the one about how many toads it takes to screw in a light bulb?

All three Ninja Turtles started laughing! The Battletoads, sick and tired of Toad discrimination lashed out! Rash enlarged his fist and punched Leonardo in the face! Zitz made his foot grow to the size of a large boot and kicked Donatello in the stomach! Pimple gave Raphael a flying enlarged butt attack to the chest! The couch turned over and all of the Turtles went down! As soon as they were able to stand they pulled out all of their weapons!

LEONARDO: OKAY THAT DOES IT POND SCUM! IT’S TIME TO KICK SHELL… Whoa… that last attack has me feeling a bit woozy…

The other two Turtles felt the same effect, they dropped their weapons and moved about dizzily. The Battletoads then proceeded to kick their asses! It seemed that the Turtles were done for…

MICHELANGELO: Hey guys, I’m here to audition for the spot of America’s Next Top Ninja Turtle! Where’s Simon Cowell dudes?
RAPHAEL: (Lying on the ground with the other two Turtles after catching a massive beat down) MIKEY! You’re back! What took you so long?
MICHELANGELO: Hey bros! It took me quite a while to kick my… Pizza addiction! (He was really trying to kick his marijuana smoking habit) I had to enter rehab for a bit. But now I’m back and better than ever! I’m gonna lay the smackdown on these (Michealangelo sings to the theme of the 80s cartoon) *“ZEROS THAT JUST HAVE TO SMELL! TAKE A SHOWER!” *

RASH: Another Turtle! Boys, take’em!

Michelangelo skillfully avoided all of their blows and knocked all of the Battletoads in their heads with his twin nunchucks! He was quite formidable, the other Turtles have never seen Michaelangelo fight this well!

ZITZ: Ouch… That was quite a hit on the noggin…
PIMPLE: Yeah… I’m feeling woozy…
RASH: We’ll be back… Just wait until we enter the 2007 Battle Poll… We are shoe-ins to win…

The three Battletoads fell to the ground and were knocked unconscious!

MICHELANGELO: COWABUNGA!
LEONARDO: Michelangelo… It seems you’ve been training… while you were away… Welcome… back to the team…

The three Ninja Turtles remained on the ground and all of them fell asleep at the same time.

A huge explosion created a gapping hole in the wall! The final boss of Battletoads, the Dark Queen entered the room! The dark haired beauty wearing her trademark leather bikini made Michelangelo drop his jaw and nunchucks at the same time!

MICHAELANGELO: Whoa, who’s the babe?
DARK QUEEN: BATTLETOADS! TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I, THE DARK QUEEN WILL DEFEAT YOU! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
MICHELANGELO: Uuum, yeah listen doll face. I intercepted the Pizza Delivery guy before he came here and laced all of their pies with Nyquil, everyone here is gonna be out for a while. I knew someone was gonna fight the Turtles during auditions and I had to make sure I looked better than they did taking down any foes so they’d let me back in the squad with no questions asked! Now what’s say you and me blow this popsicle stand? I got a joint right here and we can go blaze up! (Michelangelo lit up his joint and took a nice long drag)
DARK QUEEN: IS THAT… THE GOOD CHIBA?
MICHELANGELO: Yeah I get it straight from Bebop and Rocksteady. They turned drug dealers after being absent from the cartoon game for so long. They always hook me up with good product! I’m supposed to quit, but one joint with a fine lady won’t hurt!
DARK QUEEN: WHY, YES. I WILL SMOKE THE GOOD CHIBA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MICHELANGELO: Alright dominatrix queen, you need to turn down the evil villain hysterical laugh a notch…
DARK QUEEN: Oh… dear… I humbly apologize. Hey wait a second, you are smoking the entire thing! YOU MESSIN’ UP THE ROTATION! FROM NOW ON YOU SHALL PUFF PUFF GIVE! PUFF PUFF GIVE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MICHELANGELO: Lady I told you about that villain laugh…
DARK QUEEN: ACK! Sorry, old habits die hard!
MICHAELANGELO: (Took another long drag before passing the joint to the Dark Quenn) Tell me about it…

Since Casey Jones was crashing with April O’Neil, Michelangelo and the Dark Queen wound up at Casey’s pad. He may not have won the 2006 Battle Poll but he sure got lucky that night. “COWABUNGA!”

Slash hails from the late 80s / early 90s Teenage Mutant cartoon episode entitled “Slash - The Evil Turtle From Dimension X.” He was Bebop’s pet turtle who he mutated so he could perform his and Rocksteady’s chores. However they used too much goo and Slash became unstable, physically stronger than all four of the Ninja Turtles. He is quite obsessed with palm trees, since his favorite object in the world when he was a normal turtle was a plastic palm tree which he named “Binky.” In the very first TNMT video for the NES, one of the enemies you fought was a fifth Turtle named Mechaturtle who used twin swords just like Slash does and despite his name wasn’t really mechanical at all in appearance. One might argue that this is where the inspiration for Slash originated from.

Character Name: Slash
Sponsor: Lord Doom
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Zaraki Kenpachi
Game Appearances: Super NES version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time but not the arcade version. The character may have been inspired by Mechaturtle of the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game on the NES.
Other Media: Late 80s / Early 90s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. There are also toys based on the character. It’s possible that he also shows up in some of the Archie comics that were based on the same cartoon.

http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0606/2020.jpg
http://www.narcomics.net/slash_skch.jpg

Michelangelo was obviously named after the famous painter / sculptor Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni. The turtle first appeared in Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle comic book in 1984. The title became a huge phenomenom leading to cartoons, movies, video games, toys, you name it. It was the first underground comic book to become that huge and it really did put the underground comic book scene on the map and paved the way for lots of other characters that were not from Marvel and DC to get into the limelight. With his fun loving attitude Michelangelo has a very strong fan following.

Character Name: Michelangelo
Sponsor: givequichachance
Defeated: Hyuuga Neji, Ryu Hayabusa
Lost Against: Megatron
Game Appearances: Every single Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game
Other Media: Comic books, cartoons, movies, etc. He’s everywhere. There was even a rock band of people dressed up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and went on tour for a bit. He can currently be found in the cartoon Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Flash Forward and he will return for the next CGI TNMT movie.

http://www.youthink.com/quiz_images/full_730712737.jpg
http://cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com/cracked/jp/creep04.jpg

Sano · February 12, 2008, 9:26am

DHALSIM

After dropping off his last fare for the day, Dhalsim drove his cab down Sunset Blvd. He has fallen quite far from his glory days of Street Fighter II. He now sports a full head of hair and a taxi man’s cap accompanined by the company’s yellow jacket. He was wearing a blue shirt and had put on quite a pot belly. Jeans and a dirty pair of Puma sneakers rounded out his outfit.

Dhalsim parked his car on the street and walked into a small building. He was going to see his Agent Darren Lamb (Agent of the HBO / BBC Comedy Extras). Darren was a rather tall, thin British man with blonde haired pushback haircut and thick glasses. He was a terrible Agent and after his client Andy Millman fired him back in London he figured he’d try his luck in the United States.

Since the door was wide open, Dhalsim entered Darren’s office and was surprised to see him sitting down with his head bent over and stairing at a picture he was holding in his left hand. His right hand was some where beneath the table. Darren was moaning and yelling "OH… YES! YES!

DHALSIM: (Clears his throat loudly) AHEM
AGENT: (Looks up at Dhalsim, seems surprised) HUH… Oh, it’s you Dhalsim… Wow… this is quite embarrasing…
DHALSIM: What exactly were you doing?
AGENT: Well you see, I was masturbating.
DHALSIM: You were mastubating? IN YOUR OFFICE?
AGENT: Yes, quite right. I was just looking at this picture of Makoto, and it just sort of happened.
DHALSIM: YOU WERE MASTURBATING TO A PICTURE OF MAKOTO?
AGENT: Yes well, I don’t fancy myself as a lolicon, it was just one of those things. Perhaps you should knock in the future before entering my office?
DHALSIM: …How about you don’t jerk off while you’re supposed to be working? Or I dunno, maybe lock the door?
AGENT: Lock the door, that’s brilliant! Let me write that down! (Takes a tissue from the box of Kleenex located at his desk to wipe his hands, picks up a yellow crayon and writes on a yellow pad) Lock… the… door… You know I wish I had different colored crayons to write in my pad… (puts down the crayon and lifts up his hand to shake Dhalsim’s) So how are you doing old chum?
DHALSIM: Oh I am not shaking your hand!
AGENT: Now don’t be like that! I’m sure your hand is just as good when you clean your pipes. And I know that you can stretch your limbs so it must be quite fascinating…

DHALSIM: …

AGENT: Right, moving on, please have a seat.
DHALSIM: (Sits down) So, have you got any work for me? I haven’t had a gig since SVC Chaos.
AGENT: Now now, that’s not exactly true. I did get you into Capcom Fighting Revolution.
DHALSIM: That’s Evolution. And I only had a a cameo in the Myanmar stage, and showed up one more time in Pyron’s ending.
AGENT: Right, they did request you to be a playable character in the game, they said they wanted a slow moving character with a long reach. I suggested they go with Anakaris.
DHALSIM: ANAKARIS? BUT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY AGENT!
AGENT: Yes, well I figured Anakaris fit the theme of mixing franchises more, and he had his own upcoming Puzzle game in Japan. Overall seemed like a better fit.
DHALSIM: WHY DIDN’T YOU SUGGEST ME FOR THE ROLE?
AGENT: Oh come on, I didn’t want to sound like I didn’t know what I was doing.
DHALSIM: But you don’t know what you’re doing! So what happened with Namco x Capcom?

AGENT: Ah yes, they were looking for a rather mystical Street Fighter. I suggested they go with Rose.
DHALSIM: ?
AGENT: What can I say? I quite enjoyed playing with Rose in Street Fighter Beta I.
DHALSIM: That’s Street Fighter Alpha! I guess you didn’t enjoy playing with me in any games at all, did you?

AGENT: Hmmm, let’s see. I played Street Fighter I and it just didn’t grab my attention. Then one day I saw Street Fighter III and I figured I’d give that series another go. Much later I played Steet Fighter Alpha I and had a blast. I knew they couldn’t top Alpha I so I didn’t bother with the sequels. Later on I played Marvel vs. Capcom 1 and loved it! I went to purchase Marvel vs. Capcom 2 but can you believe that the game sells for a hundred dollars now? No thanks. That’s about all of the Street Fighter games I’ve played.

DHALSIM: YOU’VE NEVER PLAYED A GAME I WAS IN?
AGENT: Hmmm, nope. Can’t say that I have actually.
DHALSIM: YOU’VE NEVER PLAYED STREET FIGHTER II?
AGENT: Street Fighter II? I think I missed that one. You know, maybe I should track that one down. Do you know if they’ve released more than one version of the game or if it’s available on multiple platforms? Let my write it down. (picks up yellow crayon and once again writes on his yellow pad) Street… Fighter… Two…

DHALSIM: …THAT’S IT! YOU’RE FIRED! (Dhalsim gets out of his chair and is about to leave)
AGENT: Now, now, let’s not be hasty!

AGENT: (phone rings, the Agent picks up the phone) Hello? …Why yes… I do represent Dhalsim… okay…
AGENT: (He puts his hand over the reciever end and whispers to Dhalsim) It’s Yoshinori Ono from Capcom!

Walking towards Darren’s desk in anticipation, Dhalsim starts hoping that he will finally get a steady working gig.

AGENT: I see… So you want Dhalsim to appear in Street Fighter 4? Yes… We can make that happen… I’m sorry what was that? You want him to put on some more muscle for Street Fighter 4? …No, that’s not gonna work. You see his is quite pudgy now and even when he was in his best shape he was quite a skinny fellow…

Dhalsim grabbed his Agent’s head and started punching him on his noggin while saying “YOGA! YOGA! YOGA!”

DHALSIM: (picks up the phone) YES MR. ONO I WILL TAKE THE JOB! …Uh huh… uh huh… Excellent! I will get into an excercise program right away! You will not be dissapointed! (Hangs up the phone)

AGENT: (Holding his head in pain) Now that was rather harsh…

The phone rang once again and Darren answered the call.

AGENT: Hello. Yes… You want Dhalsim to appear in the Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law Video Game? Hmm, I dunno. May I suggest Barry Off Eastenders?

DHALSIM: YOGA INFERNO!

Not much more about Dhalsim I can say that hasn’t already been said. He first appeared in Street Fighter II and has had a strong fan following ever since. After quite an absence he will make his triumphant return to the gaming world in Street Fighter 4. Oh and you can currently find him in a rather comedic cameo in Capcom’s Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law video game.

Character Name: Dhalsim
Sponsor: Tantin
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Jean Grey
Game Appearances: Street Fighter II series, Street Fighter Alpha 1 & 2, X-Men vs. Street Fighter, MSH vs. Street Fighter, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, CVS series, SVC Chaos, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash series. Cameos in Capcom Fighting Evolution and Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law. Will return in Street Fighter 4.
Other Media: Street Fighter II The Animated Movie, Street Fighter II V and the first Street Fighter Alpha Anime. American Street Fighter cartoon. Appears in SF related manga including Masaomi Kanzaki’s SF2 manga and Masahiko Nakahira’s Cammy manga. Appears in lots of Hong Kong Street Fighter comics. Also appears in Udon’s Street Fighter comics. Portrayed by Roshan Seth in the live action SF movie.

http://www.sabertoothgames.com/ufs/downloads/sf/dhalsim1280x1024.jpg
http://www.mvelasquez.com/Dhalsim.htm

Oh, as you may have figured out the idea for cab driver Dhalsim I ripped off from “Street Fighter the Later Years.” All the Darren Lamb Agent stuff from Extras, yeah he’s actually like that, only when Andy caught him masturbating in his office it was to a mini Hawain girl in his pen! Anyway, check out “Street Fighter The Later Years” and if you are able to, check out Extras! Funny stuff!

Sano · April 22, 2008, 8:30pm

Haven’t forgotten about this thread but I’ve decided just to create one big story for all of the remaining characters and put up the rest of the stats. I’m getting deeper and deeper into my MSH vs. SF fan fic and it’s getting harder to focus on anything else creatively, writing-wise.

Sorry about all of the delays and that I couldn’t give every one their own story since I was the one who wanted to see this finished more than anyone. Well hey, in my defense when I started this I was working on 2 other Fan Fics and modding the comic book forum by myself. Of course biggest excuse of all is my name is not Lantis, there can only be one.

Anyway give me a couple of weeks to crank that out, and we could look forward to BP VII and beyond.

Anyone who still wants to outro their characters, outro other remaining characters and so on, feel free but please do so ASAP.

Thank you for your patience.

Sano · June 30, 2008, 4:15am

EVERYONE ELSE

At a gigantic mansion at an undisclosed location, the last remaining members of the Battle Poll got together and threw a huge bash. It seemed like every other character had returned to the reality they came from except for these guys. Duck King of Fatal Fury fame was the DJ and he was scratching albums as the crowd mingled and danced to the psychedelic techno beat coming out of his sound system.

The U.N. Squadron pilots were flying above the giant mansion where the party was being held, setting off fireworks in the night sky.

Sentinel got down and was performing the dance, The Robot, naturally. A bunch of Borg jumped on top of him, took him down and assimilated Sentinel. He took on the look of one of the Borg and his Robot dance, became even more robotic. He saw Seven of Nine enter the scene and proceeded to ask her for her phone number…

Captain America and Colossus were off into a corner drinking their beverages. Captain America was nursing a club soda and his Russian friend was having a nice shot of vodka. “So Colossus, I hear that I’m currently dead in my own reality? And I left my girlfriend Sharon Carter pregnant? I never wanted to be a… well, a DEAD dead beat dad…” “Do not worry Tovarisch! People in our reality do not stay dead for long. I was dead for five years and I made a come back. You see, a couple of aliens got passed Professor X and Jean Grey, the most powerful Telepathic Mutants on the planet, kidnapped my corpse replacing it with a fake and brought me back to life, make sense no?” “…Okay Colossus, YOU’RE A DIRTY COMMIE AND A SKRULL THAT MAKES NO SENSE!” “LOOK WHO IS TALKING MR. I’VE BEEN FROZEN IN ICE SINCE WORLD WAR II FOR 40 YEARS! HOW IS THAT EVEN HUMANLY POSSIBLE?” “Boys, settle down please!” Storm walked up to the two and attempted to be the voice of reason. “All of these Skrull accusations are getting out of hand, a couple of aliens masquerade as a few of us and everyone gets a bit jumpy. When we return to our home dimension, you should come by my husband Black Panther’s palace and we can…” Both Captain America and Colossus responded, “…WTF YOU MARRIED BLACK PANTHER INSTEAD OF FORGE? SKRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLL!!!”

Tommy Oliver was worried about the fight that the Marvel characters were about to get into so he attempted to transform into the Green Ranger. “IT’S MORPHING TIME!” he yelled out but before he could complete his transformation, Guy kicked him in the back of his head and knocked him out! “Trying to sell morphine at this party huh? I will not allow drugs to be sold here! Drugs are bad, m’kay! Count your blessings that I’m not Final Fight Streetwise Guy otherwise I’d wave a gun in your face…” “Man, are you ALWAYS such a killjoy?” commented Rolento. “Who’s selling drugs around here? This is MY TURF!” threatened Geese Howard. “This is why humans are flawed…” added Sensui Shinobu.

“Captain’s Log, Star Date Six didn’t like Seven because Seven Eight Nine. See-ing that Sen-tin-el is put-ting the moves on Se-ven of Ni-ne I sha-ll try to ma-ck on thi-s six arm-ed wom-an!” Captain Kirk taped Spiral on the shoulder so she could turn around. “My na-me is Jam-es Tib-eri-us Kirk Cap-tain of the En-ter-prise. All Ali-en wom-en sleep with me no ques-tions asked so…” “What’s wrong with you? Why do you talk like that? Borg get to you or something? And I’m not really an Alien, I’m from the Mojoverse. Honey, you couldn’t handle a woman like me. Get lost!” “Af-ter sex-ing up Shuma-Gorath’s sister and put-ting her in a co-ma I wond-er if you could han-dle Cap-tain James T. Kirk?” “Hmmm, intriguing…”

“Ninja Gaiden is the greatest 3D action series ever!” “No you are wrong my friend! That title definitely belongs to God of War!” Ryu Hayabusa and Kratos were having this argument for the 1,000th time. Uninvited party crasher Nero intervened. “You guys are both wrong, it’s all about Devil May Cry!” Ryu Hayabusa commented, “Um, that is very nice Sora of Kingdom Hearts thank you. Have you seen Dante around?” “HA! HA! HA! Good one Ryu! Say Nero, you want to cry about Kyrie again?” “Wait a second, I wasn’t joking. You mean that is not Sora?” Nero starts to cry. “Damn… You guys are not cool… KYRIIIIIIEEEE!” Next he ran away from the party like a little girl…

“So, Seifer Almasy! Care to try your luck against the mighty Kenpachi Zeraki?” “I’d watch my words if I were you. I cut Squall’s cheek and your face is pretty jacked up as it is!” A mighty sword battle ensued and the Final Fantasy characters Zidane, Mustadio, Beowulf and Resis cheered on Seifer but as usual the only support Kenpachi needed is that of the small pink haired girl Yachiru who is always by his side.

Sugarman entered the party, a little on the late side. For some reason, when Zinedine Zidane saw that walking head with arms and legs he just couldn’t help but headbutt Sugarman in the face…

Hyuuga Neji was bored out of his mind since he wasn’t one for parties. He took one look at Blanka and decided to check out his Chakra network. “BYAKUGAN!” Within Blanka’s body he saw one network for his ki and another one for electricity! “These Street Fighters are interesting indeed…”

Everyone else danced the night away. Yuri (Shadow Hearts) did the Running Man. Ryan was Moonwalking. Cable was a master at Pop Lock and Drop It. You ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen Astaroth do a Tootsie Roll! Fulgore (Killer Instinct 2), naturally performed the ‘Fulgore’ dance off of the Zatch Bell anime, what else? Crono did the Great Saiyaman dance in honor of his creator Akira Toriyama. Ghost Widow did the Macerena and Green did the Twist. Oh, it was a grand affair indeed! No one gets down like video game characters, SERIOUSLY!

Hauzer stepped up onto the stage at the party, smacked Duck King away along with all of his dj equipment. He let out a huge growl and started breathing fire in the air! “GRRRRROOOOOOOWL! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I DESERVED TO WIN BP THIS YEAR! I WAS ROBBED!” Vile stepped up on stage piloting his mecha from Mega Man X 1 and blasted Hauzer off the stage! “HAUZER! Quit your bitching! I won fare and square! All I want to know is where is all of this power that I was promised, you know, to rule the world and stuff?” Vile jumped out of his mech and addressed the crowd. “I mean really, just because a bad guy won BP this year the “Powers That Be” decide to not give me the power that was promised to me? That’s… just… mad foul yo…” Viral Sigma agreed. “YOU GO BOY! Sniff sniff, I taught him everything he knows…” “NEVER!” yelled Zero who jumped on Vile’s back and started glowing yellow. “BEFORE… THOSE GODS… COULD GIVE YOU… POWER… I KILLED THEM ALL… NOW… I WILL SELF DESTRUCT AND BLOW YOU UP… AS WELL…” “…Dude it looked hella gay when you jumped on my back in Mega Man X 1 and it looks hella gay now! GET OFF MY BACK SUICIDE BOY!” Vile shrugged Zero off and destroyed him with his Shoulder Cannon! Zero’s head rested on the floor and he said, “This… is nothing… I’ll be back… in the Mega Man Zero series on the Gameboy Advance… And the first three games… Will be harder than ever…”

And then Spider-Man in Marvel’s 616 universe made a deal with Mephisto AKA the devil of the Marvel Universe so his marriage never happened, all so Mephisto could save his Aunt May’s life. This decision made it so his Aunt’s burned down house returned, Norman Osborn came back to life, his web shooters came back and everyone in the BP went back to the original universes they belonged to. Wait a minute, that doesn’t make any freaking sense at all! Well, like Marvel Editor Joe Quesada said, “It’s magic! It doesn’t have to be explained!”

THE END

Final stats for the rest of the remaining characters coming later, hopefully next weekend.

Sano · July 27, 2008, 10:45pm

Character Name: Greg Gates
Sponsor: Dan?
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Shao Kahn
Game Appearances: U.N. Squadron AKA Area 88
Other Media: The manga and anime Area 88
Fun Fact: Greg Gates flies an A-10 Thunderbolt

Character Name: Shin Kazama
Sponser: Dan?
Lost Against: Natsu
Other Media: The manga and anime Area 88
Fun Fact: Shin Kazama pilots an F-20 Tigershark

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/70/Area88Shin.jpg/230px-Area88Shin.jpg

Character Name: Mickey Simon
Sponsor: Dan?
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Yuri (Shadow Hearts)
Game Appearances: U.N. Squadron AKA Area 88
Other Media: The manga and anime Area 88
Fun Fact: Mickey Simon flies an F-14 Tomcat

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/70/Area88Shin.jpg/230px-Area88Shin.jpg

Character Name: Ryu Hayabusa
Sponsor: ShinkuuR
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Michaelangelo
Game Appearances: Entire Ninja Gaiden series, entire Dead or Alive series
Other Media: Ninja Gaiden anime and the Dead or Alive Live Action movie where he was portrayed by Kane Kosugi
Fun Fact: Kane Kosugi who portrayed Ryu Hayabusa in the Dead or Alive movie also provided Ryu’s voice in the first Street Fighter Zero (Alpha) Anime. He is the son of the famous Ninja movie actor, Sho Kosugi

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9d/Hayabusa_NG_Movie.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b7/Hayabusa_DOA_Movie.jpg

Character Name: Colossus AKA Piotr “Peter” Rasputin
Sponsor: Lord Doom
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Ralf Jones
Game Appearances: Several video game appearances including X-Men Children of the Atom, Marvel vs. Capcom 2 and the X-Men arcade side scroller from Konami
Other Media: A ton of Marvel comics and has appeared in every X-Men cartoon. Daniel Cudmore played Colossus in the second and third X-Men movies
Fun Fact: In the comics he was dead for a few years but he got better and is alive now lol!

http://z.about.com/d/comicbooks/1/7/9/R/colossus.jpg

Character Name: Sensui Shinobu
Sponsor: Falling Edge
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Alphonse Elric
Game Appearances: YuYu Hakusho video games
Other Media: YuYu Hakusho manga and anime
Fun Fact: He has seven personalities even though we only get to see four of them in the YuYu Hakusho manga and anime

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8174/31bgh7.jpg
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7652/SENSUI.jpg

Character Name: Seifer Almasy
Sponsor: Falling Edge
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Guts
Game Appearances: Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts II
Other Media: Kingdom Hearts II manga
Fun Fact: He is Squall’s rival in Final Fantasy VIII and is also Roxas’ rival in Kingdom Hearts II

http://ladybarronmore.googlepages.com/FFVIII_Seifer.jpg/FFVIII_Seifer-full.jpg
http://www.ffcompendium.com/misc/kh2-seifer-s.jpg

Character Name: Zero
Sponsor: Jaldaboath
Defeated: Vincent Valentine, Zaraki Kenpachi(twice)
Lost Against: Ralf Jones
Game Appearances: Entire Mega Man X series, Mega Man Zero series, ZX series, SVC Chaos, Onimusha Blade Warriors, and the Mega Man Battle Network series(but that is an all together different version of Zero)
Other Media: Mega Man X manga, brief cameos in the American Mega Man comic and the Hong Kong SVC chaos comic
Fun Fact: He died in the first Mega Man X game but has gotten better, so he can die and come back to life in more games ha ha!

http://images.kaneva.com/filestore/253921/1477771/MegaMan%20X%20-%20Zero%20In%20Shadows_ad.JPG
http://membres.lycos.fr/rykakun/megaman_zero002.jpg

Character Name: Viral Sigma
Sponsor: Jaldaboath
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Otacon
Game Appearances: Entire Mega Man X series
Other Media: Mega Man X manga, a brief cameo in the American Mega Man cartoon
Fun Fact: There’s a popular fan fiction theory that Sigma is in fact Vega(cape) of the Street Fighter series ressurected through the net, however there is no evidence to back this theory up officially and of course there is no proof that the Street Fighter and Mega Man games occur in the same universe

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/47/Sigma_MMX.png/256px-Sigma_MMX.png
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e0/Sigma_x8.jpg

Character Name: Zaraki Kenpachi
Sponsor: MrQuotes
Defeated: Slash
Lost Against: Zero
Game Appearances: Bleach video games
Other Media: Bleach manga and anime
Fun Fact: He started out as being a lethal foe but later on has become an anti-hero in the Bleach franchise

http://lustrousrealm.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/zaraki-saves-ichigo.jpg
http://www.whinatas.oi.com.br/Wallpapers/ZarakiKenpachi.jpg

Character Name: Captain Kirk. His full name is James Tiberius Kirk
Sponsor: ShinAkumax
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Dan Hibiki
Game Appearances: Star Trek video games
Other Media: Star Trek TV show, comics, movies and novels. Portrayed by William Shatner.
Fun Fact: Chris Pine will play a younger Captain Kirk in the upcoming new Star Trek film.

http://members.aol.com/waysted8/kirk2.jpg
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/rro/lowres/rron356l.jpg

Character Name: Geese Howard
Sponsor: 9999
Defeated: No one
Lost Against: Mustadio Bunanza
Game Appearances: Fatal Fury series, Art of Fighting series, King of Fighters series, every single Capcom and SNK crossover game
Other Media: Fatal Fury anime, King of Fighters Maximum Impact anime, Fatal Fury manga, KOF manga and Hong Kong comics, CVS and SNK Hong Kong comics
Fun Fact: The fact that he is dead in the Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury universe and alive in the King Of Fighters universe has lead to endless confusion and debates for years

http://eter22.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/geese_howard.jpg
http://www.projectbag.com/fatalfury/pics/ffmovie/geese1.jpg

Character Name: Yuri Hyuga
Sponsor: 9999
Defeated: Mickey Simon
Lost Against: Hauzer
Game Appearances: Shadow Hearts
Other Media: Nothing I’m aware of
Fun Fact: Not only is he an anti-hero, before the player learns his name he is referred to as “Rude Hero.” Like Michelle Tanner from Full House would say, “HOW RUDE!” LOL!

http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/T/ToiletPaperAlchemist/1123435091_ures1_yuri.jpg
http://www.freewebs.com/mmxcalibur/Yuri2.jpg

Character Name: Zidane Tribal
Sponsor: Pained Auron
Defeated: Monkey D. Luffy
Lost Against: Cammy
Game Appearances: Final Fantasy IX, Itadaki Street Portable, Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Other Media: He appeared in a Coke commercial that used Final Fantasy IX as a backdrop
Fun Fact: He was originally an Angel of Death

http://www.ffodyssey.com/wallpapers/ff9/04customwallpaper_zidane_eye.jpg
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e70/ChineezGurl/Zidane_Tribal_art.jpg

Character Name: Hyuga Neji
Sponsor: Panicked
Defeated: No One
Lost Against: Michaelangelo
Game Appearances: Naruto video games
Other Media: Naruto manga and anime
Fun Fact: Of all of the Genin AKA low ranked ninjas featured on Naruto, Hyuga Neji was the first to become a Jonin, AKA a high ranked Ninja

http://www.frenblog.com/naruto/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/hyuga-neji.jpg
http://www.narutomania.com/forums/attachments/forum66/2680d1131233619t-lucrecia-hyuga-neji.jpg