Yep. It feels weird bumping the intro thread all the time. Plus I feel the stories (however short, out-of-character, or irreverent) will be more at home here.
Slayer smoked his pipe and softly puffed. He strolled and eyed the greenery, contemplating his loss to the succubus.
“Hm. I forgot that were beings on other worlds that could rival the Gears themselves,” he murmured. “There is still much that I need to know. Very-”
Without warning, a burst of energy struck him square in the chest. The force sent him crashing through a patch of bushes.
CHEMICAL LOVE!
“That only means you’re OLD, and losing your touch!” laughed a bitchy voice.
Slayer got up, and brushed off some leaves and dirt. He came face-to-face with a guitar-wielding, red-leathered nymph.
“Aye… typical, time-traveling witch,” he said in a nonchalant tone.
I-no smiled. Similarly, her hat grinned, bearing rows of sharklike teeth.
“So, old man, you came up empty-handed. Tsk, tsk.”
Slayer merely shrugged. “Hmph! Do not pretend that you didn’t fare the same. That one time you decided to join, you were thwarted by that drunkard industrialist in a suit…”
I-no turned almost as red as her outfit and grimaced at the memory. “Why, you!”
“But, all of this is said and done. All, except for the fight that you’re trying to start for whatever reason.”
The time traveler partly returned to her usual self and laughed again. "Oh! I just can’t risk anyone interfering with my travels and alterations. Be it Man, Gear, or Bloodsucker.
“And… I wanted to face Lady Morrigan!”
I-no wielded her guitar like a rifle, and charged towards the vampire. Her hat roared, and released a green, note-shaped burst of energy.
“Interesting,” said Slayer. He backpedaled, and for a split-second, curiously vanished. As soon as he reappeared, he was in a charging stance as well, his near hand poised to deliver a powerful dashing punch.
Character Name: Slayer
Sponsor: Panicked
Defeated: Evil Ryu
Lost Against: Morrigan
Video Game Appearances: GGXX, GGXX#R, GGXX/, GG Isuka
Great start! Currently I want to do Guts, Alucard, Dracula, Mr. Smith and Iceman for now, I have a few ideas for those characters. I’ll start on those next week and try to catch most of the left over characters during my time off from work.
If any sponsors want to do their own please speak up. So far Deadpool, Wesker, Akuma, Vile and Hauzer are off limits… well on December 31 everyone should be up for grabs so to their sponsors, you have about an entire month. I think that’s fair, thoughts?
But yeah we should still try to get these all in before 2007. At the very least at the end maybe we can throw a big party with all of the left over characters present and put up their BP stats or something if we don’t get to them all, they can have a big New Year’s Eve Party!
Where Shang Tsung has taken over command, assuming that Kahn was killed in action…
However he is quite suprised to see his master accompanied by Reiko and Reptile enter the throne room alive and well.
“Shao Kahn?! But I thought you were…”
“You weak pathetic fool! My defeat was only a minor setback!
Now get off of my throne!” commands Kahn
Shang Tsung quickly scurries away in fear.
“But Master, I was just overseeing in your absence.”
“Spare me your pathetic excuses sorcerer!” replies Shao Kahn as he takes seat on his throne.
“Be happy you still live! I have not forgotten your treason when you allied with Quan Chi!”
“Forgive me, my emporer…” pleads Shang Tsung
“We have more pressing matters now… Onaga has taken over my Tarkatan Horde, and you and Quan Chi are responsible for his awakening!
He must be killed again to ensure my reign over Outworld.” says Shao Kahn
“Reiko, summon Goro… we are going to solve the problem Tsung created…”
Reiko nods and takes off.
“And you Shang Tsung, you will be our decoy… you will be the one that keeps Onaga occupied, so we can lay out my trap.” Kahn smirks at Tsung
While Tsung looks shocked…
“This will be a fitting payment for your treachery, muhahahahahaha!!!”
Character Name: Shao Kahn
Sponsor: AkumaTX
Defeated: Greg Gates
Lost Against: Mustadio Bunanza
Bret Hart lounged at home and sighed. He had a lot on his mind. Although he had (to an extent) made peace with Vince McMahon, he couldn’t help but reflect on the past:
-The Montreal incident of 1997 and his move to WCW thereafter
-His brother’s (and subsequently, his brother-in-law’s) untimely demise
-Goldberg’s kick that ended his career, and the stroke he suffered a few years later
Bret had hoped to win the Heaven Clash to right all the misfortunes he suffered in the past. But it appeared that some things were not meant to be. He vowed to try again if such an opportunity arose. But for now, he was curious as to how the WWE was like today. Moreover, he was concerned over how his nephew, Harry Smith, was faring.
Let’s see how things are at the madhouse, thought Bret. He grabbed the remote and switched on the TV.
WWE Raw
*JR: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another edition of Monday Night Raw, live from our nation’s capital, Washington DC! I’m JR, Jim Ross, and with me is my broadcast partner Jerry “The King Lawler”!
King: And we’ve got a great show slated for tonight JR! The feud between DX and Rated RKO will come to a head tonight inside a steel cage. Plus the champ, John Cena, is here to address the crowd!*
As soon as Lawler finished his sentence, the famous “are you ready” question blared through the arena. Green pyro went off, and DX’s music hit. The crowd cheered and held up their signs.
JR: Speaking of DX, here they come! The Game, Triple H, and HBK himself, Shawn Michaels!
The pair known as the original DX then ran one of their usual promos.
Oh, Shawn, thought Bret. You too, Hunter. You look ridiculous. Old men doing these juvenile stunts, heh. What will Vince think of next?
-An hour or so later-
“My Time is Now” blared through the arena as a burly man in a marine cap, a black shirt, camo-pattern shorts and Reebok pumps marched down the ramp. He carried with him the familiar championship belt with the diamond-studded “W” spinner.
“The champ! Is! Here!” declared John Cena. He raised his mic and belt up high, and the crowd roared in approval.
That guy’s still champ? thought an amused Bret. Whatever rakes in the money I guess.
“I survived last night’s pay-per-view,” said Cena. "I’ve disposed of that Samoan Joke Umaga. And being the fighting champ that I am, I’m looking for the next guy to step up to the plate.
“So I say to all the guys in the back: if you want some, COME GET SOME!”
After a few minutes, “The Circuit” blared on the sound system. A scantily clad figure with messy pink hair emerged from the curtains of the entrance.
JR: Bah Gawd! That’s Poison! What’s that Jezebel doing here in the WWE?
King: “Jezebel”? I think you mean “Ahab” JR. I’ve heard nasty things regarding that manager’s gender!
“So you’re ‘The Marine’ eh? You don’t look so tough,” said Poison. "Then again, not very many people look so tough compared to my client.
“Ladies and gentlemen, meet the future of WWE, and soon-to-be new WWE champion, the German Giant…”
And with that cue, a colossus with a pink shirt and chain belt burst onto the scene.
“DAAAAAH!”
JR: Good Gahd Almagthy, King! That’s…that’s Hugo!
King: He’s huge! Doesn’t he remind you of someone?
JR: Indeed King, his similarities to the late Andre the Giant have been well-documented.
That’s the guy I fought in Heaven Clash! thought Bret.
Hugo and Poison made a beeline for the ring. Hugo stepped over the top rope and into the ring with ease. Cena, unmoved, engaged the giant in a fierce staredown.
Without warning, Cena dropped his mic and his belt and started punching Hugo. The assault seemed to have little effect, however. Hugo was merely absorbing or otherwise deflecting the blows with his massive torso.
Hugo stretched his arms and clapped Cena on the head, hard. He then lifted the champ over his head in a military press. Smirking, Hugo, tossed his victim out of the ring, and sent him crashing to the floor and security barricade on the outside.
ULTRA THROW!
JR: Bah Gawd! He whipped the champ like a gubmint mule!
Poison and Hugo reveled in the ring as a dazed Cena lay outside.
Well that was different, chuckled Bret. Vince still undoubtedly like the big men, though.
Name: Bret “The Hitman” Hart
Sponsor: Return of Shiki
Defeated: none
Lost Against: Hugo Andore
Videogame Appearances: Smackdown vs. Raw series from THQ/Yukes
Other Appearances: WWF/WWE for many years as part of the Hart Foundation and then later a successful singles career. Former five-time WWE champion and former WCW champion.
With each shout of the shotgun, an unholy creature falls dead at his feet. Vincent lowered his firearm to reload.
Sensing opportunity, a surviving monster leaps and targets the gunman’s vulnerable head. The monster would have been successful…if it weren’t for a boomerang that lopped its head off at the last possible instant.
“C’mon, now!” complained Yuffie as she caught her returning weapon.
“Oh, sorry,” apologized Vincent. He wiped the blood off his face and weapons. “I was, as you can see, occupied.”
“I,uh, followed the tourney like you told me too.”
“Ah, yeah. How did that turn out?”
“Well, that Zero 'droid didn’t make it all the way through, but his buddy won the whole thing! There was a lof ot unbelievable delays and controversy, but somehow, winners were declared. Of the team I followed, it was Cammy-that blonde, no nonsense gal- that advance the furthest.”
“That’s good to know. I would’ve wanted the Slab to finally rid this world of the Jenova taint, and similarly rid myself of this…taint in my body. There is still a lot about myself that I don’t know. My pain…I think I’ll have to do this the hard way, and alone.”
“Aw, don’t go all Linkin on me now, Vinny! I can help you. Looking for loot and offing critters is never a bad idea. How about, lemme join?” asked Yuffie.
“I suppose so,” said Vincent. With a start, a new wave of creatures emerged from the shadows. Vincent drew a second gun, and resumed firing.
“Woo hoo!” cheered Yuffie as she tossed her weapon at the mob.
Name: Vincent Valentine
Sponsor: Lantis
Defeated: none
Lost Against: Zero (MMX)
Videogame Appearances: FFVII, Dirge of the Cerberus
After Kerrigan regains her senses after her defeat, she finds that she is not at the Zerg Hive…
"What’s this place? Have I gone back in time?!"
Wonders Kerrigan as she looks around, she finds herself in some primitive city, filled with strange humanoids, some mounted on strange animals…
“And why is my combat interface so cluttered?!”
“LFG Strat SS”
“What?! are you talking to me green humanoid?!”
“No I want to go Strat, you nub!” replies a green skinned, ugly humanoid standing near Kerrigan
“That’s some nice epic armor you got there, where did it drop?” asks a very pale looking human, who looks quite dead.
“You dare to adress me Terran? I am Kerrigan, Queen of the Zerg and I…”
“Cool, can I join your guild?” asks the undead human
“You annoy me Terran begone!” shouts Kerrigan furiously
“Can we at least duel?” asks the undead one
“I’ll show you dueling Terran!” shouts Kerrigan as she slashes the poor guy in two with one of her claws.
Not far away some green skinned guards become aware of Kerrigan’s presence.
“Ogrimmar is under attack!! Get that female demon!!”
Kerrigan spots a mage who seemingly can create portals to other places, as he just sent a few humanoids through one.
“YOU!” she shouts as she grabs the mage by the throath
"Make me a portal to the Zerg Hive!!"
“But I don’t even know where that is…” responds the frightened mage
“NOW!! unless you want to join your dead undead friend there!!”
Fearing for his life the mage quickly raises his hands and casts a spell
"Please Elder Gods takes this demon where she needs to go!"
A swirling portal appears, with the Zerg Hive seemingly visible on the other side.
Kerrigan smirks as she thanks the mage by decapitating him, then she steps through.
“Ahhh home sweet home…”
As the guards finally reach their destination, they only find two corpses and no trace of the Zerg Queen.
“We must inform Thrall at once…” says one guard
Character Name: Kerrigan
Sponsor: OrochiTempest
Defeated: Ghost Widow
Lost Against: Thor
Video Game Appearances: Starcraft, Starcraft BroodWar
Once upon a time out in the forests of a far away land there was a small village named Smurf Village. This town was filled with mushroom houses inhabited by small blue creatures known as the Smurfs. The Smurfs usually lead a trouble free existence picking Smurf Berries and singing all day. Today was not one of those trouble free days.
All of Smurf Village was suddenly trapped inside a giant orange hemisphere. The Smurfs ran in panic yelling all throughout their home just like they did on every other episode of the Smurfs. They were being menaced by 100 large 6 foot purple variants of the Smurfs that repeated the same word over and over again. “GNAT! GNAT! GNAT!” These little blue folks didn’t stand a chance.
With amazing speed the large ‘Gnats’ were struck with a barrage of throwing daggers and arrows! About twenty of them fell to there deaths! The Smurfs believed that an army had come to rescue them in their time of need but no, it was just one man!
This one eyed man clad in black armor is known as Guts. His left hand is mechanical and he can fire arrows from it at top speed. He is rather quick at tossing throwing daggers as well. He houses a ridicoulusly large sword on his back named Dragon Slayer.
With him was a small naked flying Elf name Puck and a dark haired woman dressed in a cloak named Caska who had the innocence of a child.
GUTS: Hmph. Looks like we got here just in time. Someone was stupid enough to use a Behelit.
PUCK: Yeah Guts! They say it’s a new Orange Behelit. I wonder just what it’s powers are?
CASKA: (Got on her knees and started touching the Smurfs on the ground playfully, laughing). Oh… Heh he hoo! Awwe!
GUTS: …Whatever. Look after Caska. These oversized raisins are going down!
With one arm Guts quickly removed his oversized sword and cut down about 80 Gnats with blinding speed, chopping them up as if they were nothing! After five minutes all of them were hacked up into pieces and the man known as the Black Knight stood on a pile of their corpses! He rested his mighty Dragon Slayer Sword behind his back when he was done.
All of the Smurfs were cheering and yelling, and many of them began talking to Guts all at once so he couldn’t comprehend what they were saying. A female Smurf walked to where Puck and Caska were standing far in the back.
SMURFETTE: Hey you there! Come on down!
PUCK: Um, you mean me? (Pluck flew to Smurfette’s level hovering just above the ground, they were just about the same height.)
SMURFETTE: (Put her arm around Puck’s shoulders and winked at him) So what are you doing Friday night handsome? I got tickets to see the Blue Man Group…
PUCK: UM, GUTS! HEEEEELP!
CASKA: (She happily applauded seeing Puck and Smurfette together) Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ah!
A young paige to the King of the region named Johan came from the center square of the Smurf Village. He was holding his stomach from an area where he was bleeding massivly.
JOHAN: It’s… it’s… Pee-Wee… He used a Behelit… to sacrifice all of the Smurfs… to grant… his wish… so that he can… sing like… an angel… he’s… just up ahead…
Johan soon collapsed. Papa Smurf used some healing spells to tend to his wounds. Everyone else including Guts ran to the center square.
Pee-Wee the rather short blonde haired squire was kneeling on the floor in the center of a satanic circle. He held a small orange orb in his hand that had lots of cone shaped points, and two eyes and a mouth scattered randomly on the orb.
PEE-WEE: (In his usual terrible singing voice)
*I’ve done what you asked
Sacrificed all of the Smurfs
That was my TAAAAAAASK!
Now grant me the ability to sing
So I can get some girls
and rock some BLING BLIIIIIING! *
The orange Behelit floated up to the sky and the points, eyes, and mouth arranged itself and took on the appearance of a small version of Don Patch from the Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo manga and anime! “AAAAAAAAAAAH!” screamed the miniature Don Patch who was bleeding from his mouth! Soon he vanished, and Pee-Wee was transformed into - Justin Timberlake wearing Pee-Wee’s clothes! This is when Guts and the rest of the Smurfs arrived at the scene. Next Pee-Wee broke out in song!
PEE-WEE:
*I’m bringing sexy back
Them other boys don’t know how to act
I think you’re special whats behind your back
So turn around and I’ll pick up the slack.
Take em’ to the bridge
Dirty baaaabe…*
Smurffette, Sassette, Nanny Smurf and Caska all started to swoon over the now handsome Pee-Wee. Guts on the other hand started bleeding. No, not from the symbol on his neck that bleeds whenever demons are nearby, his ears were bleeding! He pulled a strap on his metallic arm and fired off a cannon shot at Pee-Wee! With this the magic was undone and he turned back into the small shrimp that he was, soaring away from the village.
GUTS: Damn I can’t stand these new age pop stars!
Pee-Wee landed outside of the village, head first. Next to him was Brainy Smurf who was also standing on his head having been tossed out of Smurf Village just a little while ago.
BRAINY SMURF: And they think I’m sooo stupid. If I see Pee-Wee coming to the village with a Behelit and an evil grin you can bet I’m gonna say something to annoy Hefty so I can get tossed out of the village in time…
But Guts’ battle wasn’t over yet. From the Satanic Circle it seemed like some one was about to appear.
GUTS: Could it be? The God Hand? Finally, it’s time for my vengeance - GRIFFIIIITH!
He unsheathed his mighty sword ready to take his opponent down!
But to his suprise it wasn’t Griffith who appeared nor any members of the God Hand, but it was Gene from the video game God Hand!
GENE: Oh yeah! Have fist will travel!
The young brawler with the famed God Hand armament got into his fighting stance ready to take anyone down!
GUTS: Huh. This Orange Behelit’s a strange one. Still, after my loss against Ash I can always use the practice. HUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAH!
And once again the Black Knight charged into battle!
Guts AKA Gatsu is from the popular manga Berserk by Kentaro Miura that tells the tale of a man in medieval times who is a slave to fate. The one time Guts makes a decision for himself things end badly, very very badly… While there was a German Knight named Gtz von Berlichingen with a prosthetic arm who lived long ago in real life, Miura has stated that Guts is an original character and chalks that up to a coincidence.
BP STATS
Character Name: Guts AKA Gatsu
Sponsor: Honest Monk
Defeated: Seifer Almasy
Lost Against: Ash
Video Game Appearances: Sword of the Berserk: Guts’ Rage for the Dreamcast and also Beserk for the PS2 in Japan
Other Media: Berserk manga and anime
Old man Taylor just finished working on his books and was ready to close his Mom and Pops Candy store. It was already 6:00 PM, long after school hours and he didn’t make that much money around this time. He started to fidget while he looked for his keys so that he could lock up.
Four shady looking men walked into the store. All were wearing white business suits with matching fedora hats and two of them were carrying guitar cases.
Still, the very impish Mr. Taylor who stood about four feet and was hunched over made no harsh judgements, figured they may be possible musicians looking for a late night sugar rush. He spoke to his new costumers studdering as he’s been known to do.
MR. TAYLOR: H-h-h-h-hello folks! It’s getting d-d-d-d-d-d-dark out there. I’m just a-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-out to close up shop. The Misus is a-w-w-w-w-w-w-ay so it’s just me r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rright now. W-w-w-w-w-w-what can I do for y-y-y-y-y-y-ou boys?
One of thugs walked over to the counter and looked the old man in the eye.
THUG: Hi ya pops! We’re here to collect.
MR. TAYLOR: C-c-c-c-c-collect? I think I paid up all my taxes and don’t owe no one nothin’ th-th-th-th-thanks. You must be mah-mah-mah-mistaken.
THUG: I don’t think you understand Gramps. We’re here to collect Protection money. You know, in case you have a little… accident.
The Thug tipped over a glass jar filled with gumballs! As it shattered all of the muticolored gum drops rolled all over the floor! Next he grabbed the old man by his collar and hoisted him up.
THUG: Listen up Methuselah! We are gonna come here every week to collect our fee and you better pay up or else!
MR. TAYLOR: B-b-b-b-but this store is already under protection!
THUG: I don’t care about what other gangsters you are payin’ off. That’s got nothin’ to do wit’ us!
MR. TAYLOR: You d-d-d-d-d-d-d-don’t understand. This store is under the protection, of the Bub-bub-bub-bub-bub(his voice instantly becomes much darker)BATMAN.
A Batarang emerges from the old man’s sleeve, he grabs it with two fingers and quickly tosses it at the thug’s head knocking him out! Mr. Taylor pushes a button on his belt and all of the gumdrops on the ground began to emit a rather large smoke cloud! In this cover Mr. Taylor rips off this costume to reveal his true self - The Batman, the legendary cape and cowl wearing crime fighter!
Yes, earlier that day the true owners of the store, Mr. and Ms. Taylor had won an all expense paid trip around the world, courtesy of Wayne Enterprises. Giving Batman enough time to set up shop at the Candy Store and encounter this new set of goons that were shaking down stores in his beloved Gotham City.
THUG #2: It’s… The BAT!
Batman quickly leaps over the counter ready to take down the rest of his opponents. The two goons that had guitar cases open them up to reveal Tommy Guns and start firing at the Caped Crusader! The bullets bounce off of his bullet proof suit as if they were tossing spitballs at a tank! Batman dashes towards the goons revealing a silver Batarang. This shiny weapon once thrown moves in a semicircle motion counter clockwise and slices but of the Tommy Guns in half! Thug #2 recieves a a kick to the stomach, a left jab to the chest and a mean right hook to the face taking him out! Thug #3 is stupid enough to try to fight The Batman as he tries to grab his legs. Batman knocks him back with a backflip sommersault kick! The goon bounces of some shelves that housed more candy, falling towards Batman who finishes off the job with and backhanded elbow to his jaw!
Thug #4, possibly the smartest of the bunch ran out of the store as fast as his legs could carry him. Once he was ran toward the corner of Finger Street and as soon as he turned to hide in an alley he bumped right into the Batman falling down!
THUG #4: (Started to back away while looking at Batman) You… you… don’t know who you’re messing with! You think the Joker’s returned from the graves a few times? Well, he ain’t got nothin’ on Mr. Geese Howard!
This goon turned and tried to make a run for it but a Batarang attached to a lasso roped around his legs and Batman reeled him in with his Bat Grappling Hook. Next he lifted the man up by his collar just like what happened to him when he was under the guise of Mr. Taylor.
THUG #4: PLEASE! LET ME GO! I CAN’T GO BACK TO THE JOINT! I JUST CAN’T!
BATMAN: Today’s you’re lucky day. I want you to deliver a message. You tell Geese Howard that this is MY TOWN! I AM THE VENGEANCE! I AM THE NIGHT! I AM THE BATMAN!
Just before releasing Geese Howard’s employee Batman broke his right arm, which of course was followed by the goon’s dreaded scream! He went running off into the night, far away from the Dark Knight.
Batman looked up into the sky and saw the Bat Signal. His night was just getting started. He fired his Grappling Hook into the sky and swung away.
Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 written by Bill Finger and illustrated by Bob Kane way back in 1939 and has been kicking butt ever since. His character has gone through many revisions and as of late in the comic books, after the recent Infinity Crisis his character has softened somewhat.
BP STATS
Character Name: Batman. His real name is Bruce Wayne.
Sponsor: Kyoji
Defeated: Hataki Kakashi
Lost Against: Master Bison
Video Game Appearances: Over 40 games that have the name Batman in the title. He also appears in Justice League games and can currently be found in Justice League Heroes for the PS2 and Xbox.
Other Media: Detective Comics, various Batman comics, Justice League comics and many other comic book appearances. Other notable mentions - He was played by Adam West in the 1960s TV show, Michael Keaton in the first two Batman movies by Tim Burton. Currently he’s being played by Christian Bale who dawned the cape in Batman Begins and will reprise his role in the sequel. In cartoons, he has been voiced by Kevin Conroy on Batman the Animated Series, Batman Beyond, Justice League and guest appearances on Static Shock and Superman, just about all of the Paul Dini and Bruce Timm shows. He is being voiced by Rino Romano on the cartoon The Batman which is in it’s fourth season.
GJ so far guys. I haven’t been in a writing mood the last two days or so, but I’ll see if I can squeeze some fic-writing in between my homework. So far I’ve plans for:
Natsu
Shermie
Ralf
Ken and Dan
Geese and Terry*
Naruto characters (Gai/Rock/Kakashi/maybe Neji) - may or may not be a touchup of one of the hazard stories I wrote. We’ll see
Edit- * unless, judging from that last story, you’re planning to write a Geese outro too. In which case I’ll have to settle for writing just Terry’s.
Oh no I wasn’t planning on writing anything for Geese so go ahead.
Still want to do Alucard, Dracula, Mr. Smith, Iceman and Morrigan for now. I want to do Conan and Popeye too but I don’t have good ideas for them right now, still thinking about those two…
ICEMAN: (Stairing at a mirror in the bathroom of the X-Men mansion checking himself out) Oh yeah ‘Da Cajun’ has flown the coop and know I can finally put the moves on that southern belle of the ball Rogue! There’s no way she can resist me and my second hand Ice Assist! *Ice! Ice! Baby! *
Rogue was all alone in her room sitting on her bed looking like the bus was late picking her up from school on a rainy day. She didn’t even budge when she heard a knock on the door. Still Iceman entered uninvited and nonchalantly sat next to her.
ICEMAN: What’s going on Rogue? You haven’t left your room all day. Talk to the Iceman baby!
ROGUE: It’s… Gambit. Of his own free will he joined up with Apocalypse ta become one of his Horseman. Now he’s gone for good.
ICEMAN: Yeah, yeah, Polaris left me too(Iceman rolls his eyes) but, I’m dealing. We can be there for each other. Maybe even…(Iceman grabbed her gloved hand) comfort each other if you catch my snow drift!
He gave her a big old wink, let’s just say that subtlety was not one of his Mutant Powers.
ROGUE: Bobby, you know that ah absorb the thoughts an’ memories of everyone I touch. There’s no way we can be togetha.
ICEMAN: (Staring at Rogue’s breasts and drooling, lost his train of thought for a second…) Um… uh… oh don’t worry about that! I’m an Omega Level Mutant now! I can become 100% Ice, I’ve even frozen all of my internal organs! Your power only works on flesh! C’mon babe, you and me together - now that’s some movie magic doll face!
ROGUE: Oh Bobby, it’s been so long… an’ you’re so cute… ah…
Rogue leaned in to kiss Iceman on the lips. Even though Iceman’s entire body was made of Ice, him still being an organic being means that Rogue’s power still worked on him! She drained all of his memories and started to absorb his life force as well!
One particular memory she got from Iceman stood out moreso than the others. It was back when Iceman was working with Spider-Man and Firestar and was one of his Amazing Friends.
Spiderman was crouched over a statue of a gargoyle on a tall building and Firestar was giving him a shoulder massage. Iceman pulled up to Spider-Man on his Ice Slide.
ICEMAN: How’s it going boss! I picked up your favorite. A triple foam double mocha fudge latte with four Equals and one third of a Sweet and Low just the way you like it!
SPIDERMAN: (Took the cup of coffee, took one sip and splashed the entire cup in Iceman’s face) WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ICEMAN! Is that what you call one third of a Sweet and Low? Tastes like half to me. And I said double foam, not triple foam! What kind of rocket scientist does it take to fetch me a decent cup of cof…
Spider-Man’s rant was cut short when the trio saw the twenty foot tall Videoman terrorizing the city. Videoman looked like an oversized video game sprite of an alien from really old videogames like those you would see on the Atari 2600.
ICEMAN: Don’t worry Mr. Bossman Spider-Man! I’ll take on this guy by myself! And after that we’ll all go home and I’ll shine your shoes like always!
Iceman approached the baddie on his Ice Slide.
ICEMAN: You’ve got to be the greatest video game boss that will ever be created Videoman! But you’re going down you 2 bit sprite!
Videoman flicked him away with one finger. Iceman crashed against a building and his Ice shell broke off revealing his clothing underneath! Next fell into a big green garbage bin. Both Spider-Man and Firestar were laughing their asses off!
Rogue snapped out of it, opened her eyes and Iceman was gone! She now weighed 300 pounds!
ROGUE: Ugh, what a dork! Ah can’t believe ah ever thought he was cute! An’ who wears a tight red sweater with baige pants, bleh! Say… where did he go?
Rogue stood up not unaware of how fat and grotesk she became.
ROGUE: Uh oh… looks like Beast’s Bean Burrito ah ate last night is actin’ up…
The Southern Mutant laid a massive fart and a big cloud of light blue smoke with Iceman’s face at the end came out of her butt! During their kiss she had absorbed his entire body! After ‘passing gas’ she returned to her normal gorgeous self.
ICEMAN: (Still in mist form) AH DAMN GIRL THAT’S SOME STENCH!
Later that day Iceman was hanging out with Spider-Man at a bar. The two have gotten long over the time Spider-Man was ego tripping back when they worked together, especially after the day Iceman snapped and bopped him in the back of the head with an Ice Chair!
SPIDER-MAN: Let me get this straight, you and Rogue?
ICEMAN: Oh yeah the Iceman cometh if you know what I’m saying! I’m not one to give details…
Spider-Man: Since when frosty?
ICEMAN: …but all I’m gonna tell you is I was all up in Rogue’s Bootay!
Iceman first appeared in X-Men #1 written by Stan Lee and illustrated by Jack Kirby in 1963. Since then he’s been a member of the Defenders, Champions and was a founding member of X-Factor. Now with the X-Men once again his powers have become incredibly strong over the years.
BP STATS
Character Name: Iceman. His real name is Robert “Bobby” Louis Drake
Sponsor: Adam Warlock
Defeated: Proto Man, Godzilla
Lost Against: Hauzer
Video Game Appearances: A slew of games including the X-Men video game for the NES. Also appears in X-Men: Children of the Atom, Marvel vs. Capcom 2 and X-Men Legends 1 & 2. Currently he can be found in Marvel Ultimate Alliance that’s on just about every current game system out right now.
Other Media: Was a main character on the cartoon Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. Had guest appearances on the 90s X-Men cartoon and X-Men Evolution. He appeared in all three of the live action X-Men movies played by Shawn Ashmore.
Alucard made his way up the long staircase in Curse Castle leading to his father’s throne room one dark evening. He had just defeated the Grim Reaper and had an annoying minature sickle sticking out of his back which he finally pulled out and tossed aside. Once he finally made it to Dracula’s throne room he saw his father drinking from a chalice and he even had a blood red mustache.
ALUCARD: Father. I see you have not given up on your addiction to drinking human’s blood.
DRACULA: Oh no my dear boy I have switched to drinking pig’s blood. Yummy yum yum! It does a body good!
ALUCARD… This I do not believe. What are you hiding from me?
DRACULA: Sigh, very well…
A laser beam from Dracula’s ring struck a wall that opened up vertically. It revealed Ganon, a rather large pig of The Legend of Zelda series bound in chains and suspended in the air with his legs and arms spread apart. There were even seperate chains for each of his fingers so they couldn’t touch each other.
ALUCARD: What is this madness?
DRACULA: Ho ho ho, my dear boy - You can’t expect the great Dracula to quench his thirst from an ordinary Pig now do you? You must have me confused with one of those pretty boy vampires Buffy the Vampire Slayer deals with.
Ganon struggled while yelling and soon broke free of two chains, one that suspended his middle finger on his right hand and another that suspended his thumb, he was finally able to snap his fingers and teleport! He was free of his chains and laughed like a madman as he teleported all over the place, even standing on walls and the ceiling!
GANON: (Laughs) NYANYANYANYANYANYA! (His voice goes from being very high to very low) You fools thought you could capture Ganon and suck on my blood forever! Now it is I that will drink of the blood of you *pathetic walking mosquitos! * NYANYANYANYANYA!
A huge spear appeared in Ganon’s hands. He was ready to take down both Dracula and Alucard and return to Hyrule to battle Link once again!
DRACULA: (Teleports to Alucard’s side) You are not the only one who can teleport my dear friend. What say you Alucard? Help out your dad this one time, for old time’s sake?
ALUCARD: …I suppose. (Alucard unsheathed his blade). You know you never took me fishing when I was a lad…
DRACULA: OH NO LET’S NOT START THAT UP AGAIN…
Dracula is of course based on Bram Stroker’s book titled Dracula written in 1897. Vlad Tepes Dracula was also a real person that lived from 1431-1476, who of course wasn’t a vampire in real life but like they said on an old episode of G.I.Joe, ‘Vlad the Impaler’ had a nasty habit of turning people into Hors doeuvres… While the character of Dracula has been around for a very long time it’s the Castlevania series that made him into a video game icon.
The name ‘Alucard,’ Dracula spelled backwards or perhaps even A. Lucard or other variations appears in lots of fiction related to Dracula, sometimes it’s an alias Dracula is using, other times it’s referring to his son which is the case in the Castlevania series. While Alucard had already appeared in Castlevania III for the NES it was Symphony of the Night that made him a superstar. There are those that believe that Kid Dracula of the Kid Dracula games and the Parodius games are in reality a younger Alucard, but I’m gonna leave it out of his video game appearances because prior to this people thought that Kid Dracula and Dracula of Castlevania were one in the same. Lament of Innocence later debunked that theory by having Dracula not become a Vampire until he was well into adulthood. So people then turned to Alucard as being Kid Dracula of course. I’ll say it’s a possibility at least. ^_^;
BP STATS
Character Name: Dracula. Also called Count Dracula. His real name is Count Vlad Tepes Dracula
Sponsor: Givequicheachance
Defeated: Cobra Commander, Sigma, Reis, Deadpool
Lost Against: Hauzer
Video Game Appearances: He’s in every single Castlevania game in one form or another.
Other Media: The character of Dracula is everywhere, from movies to books, to comics, etc. The Castlevania Dracula has appeared on the cartoon Captain N: The Game Master as ‘The Count.’ He also appeared in IDW’s American Castlevania comic book. It’s already confirmed that he will appear in the upcoming Hollywood Castlevania movie as the story will focus on his origin. There’s a really good chance he will appear in the upcoming Castlevania Anime as well.
Character Name: Alucard. His real name is Adrian Farenheit Tepes.
Sponsor: Kyoji
Defeated: Vergil
Lost Against: Setzer
Video Game Appearances: Castlevania III, Castlevania Symphony of the Night, and Castlevania Legends. He appears as Genya Arikado in Castlevania Aria of Sorrow and Castlevania Dawn of Sorrow.
Other Media: He appeared in the third season of Captain N: The Game Master as an out of character yet very comedic blonde haired California surfer/skater type. Also appeared in the very short Castlevania Symphony of the Night manga from Konami.
Heh I have not forgotten, I have just actually had a job now and don’t have as much time as I used to for drivel writing, consider this a placeholder until tomorrow.
*It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood
A beautiful day for a neighbor
Would you be mine
Could you be mine
Won’t you be my neighbor? *
Mr. Rogers started his TV show by singing that song as always. Next he put on his sneakers, cardigan sweater, sat on his couch and addressed his audience.
MR. ROGERS: Why hello boys and girls and how are you today?
A knock was heard on the door.
MR. ROGERS: And just who might that be? Come with me children, let’s go see who it is!
He opened the door and standing there was Agent Smith himself!
AGENT SMITH: Misterrrrrrrr Rogerrrrrrrrrrrs.
MR. ROGERS: Why look boys and girls, it’s Mr. Agent Smith! Can you say, “Douche Bag?” I know you can!
Agent Smith disappears from the door and is now in Mr. Rogers’ house. There are 100s of Agent Smiths in the living room now. The one closest to Mr. Rogers speaks.
AGENT SMITH: We have discovered that you are working with Neo. We would like for you to come with us.
A playfull tune from a piano plays in the background while Mr. Rogers’ small miniature train flies in midair. As soon as it’s close to Mr. Rogers he hops on board the small toy.
MR. ROGERS: Looks like it’s time for me to say goodbye kids! Thadeus, I’m coming home!
At super sonic speed the train flew up high in the sky taking Mr. Rogers away! The 100s of Agent Smiths destroyed his house by flying after him at an even faster rate!
RIP Mr. Rogers! No disrespect meant to him or his loved ones, this is my very twisted way of giving him props for his children’s show that I grew up watching. Man, I need a lot of therapy… anyway, Agent Smith is in many ways the main villain of all three of the Matrix movies. He is played by Hugo Weaving who also played Elrond in the Lord of the Rings movies, so let’s just say if Hugo Weaving showed up at a comic book convention there would be a long line of people waiting to get his signature…
BP STATS
Character Name: Agent Smith
Sponsor: AkumaTX
Defeated: Rock Lee, Don Corleone
Lost Against: Vile
Video Game Appearances: Enter the Matrix and The Matrix: Path of Neo. There is some speculation that he is in some way Agent Gray in The Matrix Online game.
Other Media: All three Matrix movies. While he doesn’t have a physical appearance in the Animatrix quite a few of the Agents resemble his appearance in a few of the shorts. Portrayed by Hugo Weaving.
