One more for the road before the weekend. LET’S GO!
Location: The Pit II (Mortal Kombat II)
TODAY’S MATCHES
CONQUEST DIVISION
-Amorph Fighter-
The Blob (Clay Fighter series) from fatherbrain
VS.
-Berserk Archer-
Bowyer (Super Mario RPG - Legend of the Seven Stars) from Boel
In: Bizarro world
WAR DIVISION
-Porn Legend-
Ron Jeremy (Celebrity Deathmatch/porn star) from Warpticon
VS.
-Hungry Beast-
Cookie Monster (Sesame Street series) from Omega Viscant
In: Cute hairy creatures who like to EAT UP!
FAMINE DIVISION
-Masked Pilot-
Char Aznable (Gundam series) from m121akuma
VS.
-Possessed Mecha-
EVA-01 (Neon Genesis Evangelion series) from KMD
In: Man vs. Machine
DEATH DIVISION
-Hero of America-
Captain America (Marvel Comics character) from odin
VS.
-Relentless D.A.-
Jack McCoy (Law & Order series) from EvilSamurai
In: America In My Mind
Which one will prove their strength to the world? GO!
How the hell does Ron Jeremy beat Cookie Monster, aside from beating him off? Cookie monster is the ultimate eating machine. He doesn’t just eat cookies. He eats furniture, electronics, and even the World Trade Center before Muslims made it cool. What’s to stop Cookie Monster from just eating Ron Jeremy? Jeremy’s legendary resistance to putting his body parts in a mouth? --Oh wait.
But let’s talk fighting ability. Can Ron Jeremy even throw a (non-donkey) punch? Cookie has been shown to get severely violent and have super strength when something stand between him and a cookie. John Cena knows what I’m talking about.
But ok, for the sake of argument, I’ll even play on Jeremy’s terms. Jeremy gets lots of pussy. That’s awesome. But nothing will get you as much pussy as the Three Cookie Monster Moon Shirt. (for the uninitiated)
Bowyer. (Disablin mah buttons)
Cookie Monster. (Ron Jeremy is passé)
Not voting. (Double Anime Is Gay rule)
Jack McCoy. (Nostalgia for when I had Jack McCoy first in BP)
So, Char Aznable against Eva Unit 1. How the hell is a squishy human going to stand against a semi-sentient biotech robot? Well, the fact of the matter is, deep down inside, Eva Unit 1 is just Yui Ikari, a very lonely woman who is still on the rebound from a very bad relationship and in desperate need of some lovin’, which Char is more than qualified to give. He is quite the lady’s man, after all, having seduced Lalah Sune. Kycilia Zabi totally gave him special treatment, probably due to getting some special treatment on the side, if you know what I’m sayin’. And he was totally hitting up Haman Karn after the war. With a little bit o’ the ol’ Aznable charm, Unit 1 will be under his charm in no time. Before you know it, she’ll be letting him inside her (if you know what I mean), and I have no doubt that with his Newtype powers he can get a 100% synch ratio.
Then he can have her rip out her umbilical cable and S-2 engine and just wait for her to power down.
Char wins.
Oh, and I’m pretty sure you gotta vote all 4, Lothar. Sorry. You can always KO the winner next round.
Captain America represents America. Who runs America? Lawyers.
What was Abe Lincoln? A lawyer.
What was FDR? A lawyer.
What was Bill Clinton? A lawyer.
What is Barack Obama? A lawyer.
Who became Barack Obama’s bitch in exchange for a pardon for his crimes? Captain America.
Who committed those crimes? Captain America.
Who is a more experienced lawyer than Obama that has chucked hundreds of criminals into Federal Pound Me In the Ass prison and shoved needles in more arms than Obama could ever conceive of? Jack “Hang 'em High” McCoy.
“I thought the corporations ran America, not the lawyers who are merely well paid by them?”
**The lawyers are the pimps that deliver the naive john that is America to the diseased corporate whores. Without them, nobody would get paid.
**
"Isn’t Jack McCoy vulnerable to sneak attacks such as newly “uncovered” evidence, surprise revelations from unreliable witnesses, bullets from vengeful ex-cons et cetera?" Not with Stealth Armor Lennie Briscoe on his side! Captain America is though. We all remember when he got shot.
"Isn’t Lennie Briscoe dead?" Haven’t you seen RoboCop? How do you think he got outfitted with stealth armor and a laser cannon in addition to his standard issue firearm?
The only person to ever take Captain America to jail is, IRON MAN.
Does Jack McCoy have as much pull as Iron Man? HELL NO. He is a state lawyer and thats it.
And what happened when Captain America was about to be sentenced?
He was presumably killed by Sharon Carter, but was actually sent through a Time Stream, WHERE HE ACTUALLY ESCAPED FROM. And then defeated the Red Skull in his own mind, when Red Skull took control of Cap’s body. The man was smart enough to figure all this out, you think an old irish drunk like McCoy could handle him?
McCoy will hit the bottle again before he hits Cap. Cap doesn’t drink, it keeps him on his toes.
McCoy has been seen many times with a bottle in his desk, as he is irish. I’d sooner trust a russian surgeon than an irish lawyer.
Cap is also older than Jack, HE FOUGHT AND BEAT UP HITLER.
Also, Obama has put Cap as THE HEAD OF THE NATIONS SECURITY, after he was pardoned.
On the tier level of American power, it goes Obama > Cap > A huge list of jabronis > Jack The Drunk McCoy.
The whole nation mourned when Cap died, do you think they would care if an old lawyer died? They would NEVER dare persecute Captain America again, they saw the mistake they made. Jack McCoy is just another dustmite in the whole pile of lawyers in America.
Even the GODDESS would choose Cap to lead the infinity crusade over a whole slew of heroes.
The Goddess is basically on a super cosmic level that equals Galactus. You know who would choose Jack McCoy? A poster hanging in AA meetings.
We won’t even get to the fighting part, cause it doesn’t matter who McCoy throws at Cap, he will take them out. Who are McCoys friends? More drunk lawyers? Who are Caps friends? Thor. Iron Man. AMERICA?
Cap walks away unscathed, because no Judge in their right mind would try to throw him in jail again, no matter what garbage McCoy would feed them.
It would be quite the opposite. McCoy is a drunk who had a drunk racist father. All Rogers has to do is remind him of that and McCoy finishes himself off.
I’ll also vote.
**Captain America
Bowyer
Ron Jeremy (Not even a gay cookie monster could eat that)
Coin flip says… Char **
