Marvel versuz capcom 2

EDIT: Yeah this is my fanfic for mvc2. This storyline has absolutely nothing to do with the street fighter canon nor does it have anything to do with the marvel universe. any coincidental similarities here are merely just that, coincidences, and should be taken as such. the characters have power levels in this story based on their in game counterparts. translation?

mags, cable, storm, sent, commando, etc… are the heroes, while the low tiers are the fodder which get beaten into the ground by said heroes. i hate anime, most of the SF cast, and all the marvel low tiers, and it shows.


Magneto sat in his living room floor, staring vacantly at the ceiling. He was depressed. Despite being the self-proclaimed Master of magnetism, he couldn’t score with a chick to save his life. His last serious relationship ended horribly and it had left a gaping void in his life that even his favorite activity, triangle jumping, couldn’t fill. Nothing held any meaning in his life anymore. He had literally hit rock bottom.

Ever since the nasty break up, he had lost all his motivation to live life. He no longer met up with his clients at work and could no longer make rent on his fortress. He was eventually evicted and forced to live in the projects. While there, he met some dealers and got hooked on weed. The sense of euphoria gave him a temporary escape from his woes. It induced a sense of laziness and apathy that suited him quite well.

But today just wasn’t right. He just felt empty. It’d been a while since he’d felt the warm embrace of a women and enjoyed her gentle caress…
"Damn I’m losing it… I need something to my mind off this shit… Don’t really feel like blazing tho…"
He went to the fridge and looked around. The 40 oz steel reserve jumped out immediately. He chugged it like it was water.

Two minutes later he was still reeling from the horrible aftertaste. But at least he was in a better place. Alcohol, oh wonderous companion and friend he thought. A crazy idea popped into his mind - he would call up his ex girlfriend for a booty call! He decided to rehearse before dialing…

“Hey baby I was thinking me and you should get together… nah that doesn’t work. how about… hey baby I’ve missed you so much… nah that just sounds gay. even if that gay gandalf actor did play me in the movies. nah i should just come clean… baby i still love you. okay i can do this. I CAN DO THIS”

magneto pumped himself up, and after a few pep talks, grabbed his cell phone and called up Psylocke.

ring ring ring

a sexy female voice answered in an exasperated tone:
“Yeah? What do you want”

"Umm? me? Umm I"
shit be strong stop stuttering thought magneto. he sputtered the first phrase that came to mind:
“This is a joke right?”
“No no no i’m sorry baby that came out wrong. Look i’ve just been thinking, why’d we break up?”
“Because… you wanted to kill humans and I wanted to protect them. Fundamental problem right there. Plus you’re a JEW. think about it.”
“baby i have been thinking tho. give me a second chance. i’m not into that shit anymore. I’ve changed! I promise”
“i’ve heard THAT one before. I can’t even trust you anymore Magnus!”

Magneto shivered with pleasure. She hadn’t caled him that in a loooooooong time.

“Look baby, I love you. I’ve changed. I promse!”
“Look theres nothing left to discuss. Its OVER. accept it. I’m going clubbing tonight with a guy I met, Dan Hibiki. he’s twice the man you are. and a sweetie too.”
“Wait baby! don’t go!”


magneto choked back his tears. no, he’d have to stay strong. no wait, fuck that. he was a master of magnetism. he could have any woman he wanted to. including psylocke. he donned on his helmet.

“Tonight, i’m a going clubbing. but I gotta figure out what clubs shes gonna be at though…”

rock bottom

rock bottom- pun?
cool story though.


This has potential. With time this story can come to win.

Chaptur Too - Magneto Goes Clubbing

Magneto staggered out onto the street, a half empty can of steel reserve in his hand. he had rolled a J earlier, just in case he’d be needing it. he had a feeling he’d need to.

Who the hell was this dan hibiki guy? wtf was he doing with psylocke? or better question, what was Psylocke doing with this cat? what did Dan have that the most powerful Jew in the world since Moses, didn’t?

“I gave her the best sex in the world! I gave her ALL the bling. whatever she wanted, I could and WOULD give her. I listened to her! I cared about her! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, kill a few humans and try a few plots for world domination and all of a sudden I’M a bad guy? there’s just no winning! women are impossible! ugh”

well whatever. he had obtained the location of psylocke. All it took was bribing wolferine with jean grey’s naked body tied up in a car. too easy. but after all, he WAS the master of magnetism. he could accomplish ANYTHING. unless of course, he was jailed in a plastic bubble room. then he was screwed. but he definitely didn’t want to relive that fiasco.

At long last, he arrived at the club. Being a villain and all, he made a grand entrance. He ripped a parking meter off the sidewalk and used it to bat aside the bouncer. He then flung the doors open and glided in gracefully, floating a few feet off the air. Lil Jon’s music was blaring loudly. Magneto looked around the sea of people when he saw her.

Psylocke. DAMN. she was still SMOKING hot as usual. she had let her hair down and it flowed down. sexy. she was wearing her tight skin hugging ninja outfit as usual too. and those LEGS! daaamn. But wait? What was this? some jackass in a pink outfit was grinding on her ass? So this was Dan? He had been replaced by some pink fruitcake with a ponytail?


Magneto quickly glided over.


Dan continued to grind.


Dan stopped. Psylocke looked up.


“What the hell are you doing with that loser!” magnus retorted.

“Hey! Who are you calling a loser?!” Dan yelled.

“Dan! No dont!” Psylocke grabbed Dan, trying to restrain him, obvious concern in her eyes.

“Its okay baby! I’ll handle this.”

“Are you sure?”


Magneto cackled. Dan growled.

“I am teh seikyo master! My style is the strongest! Prepare to get your ass kicked, PUNK! I have singlehandedly defeated muay thai master Sagat, and now I shall similarly pummel YOU”

Dan began to roll around on the floor shouting out nonsensical japanese phrases and sticking up his fist and throwing out autographed pictures of himself.

Magneto stared, confused.
“This has GOT to be a joke.”

Dan suddenly lunged forward and punched magneto. It was deflected by a strong force field.

“BLAST! Your defense is strong. However, lets see how it lasts when I attack you with my GADOKEN!”

Dan slapped his hand forward and out came a tiny ball of energy. This again was deflected by the force field.

“WHAT?! How can this be possible!? ARGH!”

Dan began to pant heavily, charging up his powers.

“DAN NO DONT!” psylocke screamed.


A powerful series of tiny balls of pink flame erupted forth from Dan’s hands. Magneto rolled his eyes and walked back a few steps. The energy fizzled out before they could even touch his forcefield.


“Hes NOT a mutant! He’s a human!”

“What?! You’re dating humans now? Was I really that bad that I drove you to resorting to becoming a despicable HUMAN LOVER?! AAAAAAAAAAAGH WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? WHYYYY? very well. but first… this fruitcake likes to shout out the names of his attacks does he? Very well then…”

magneto cackled and folded his arms across his chest. dan took up a defensive seikyo stance, and put his arms up in guard position. in the blink of an eye, magneto dashed across the room, closing the gap between him and Dan in an instant.

“SNAPBACK NIGGA!” and slapped Dan in the face, sending him hurtling across the room. he was knocked unconcsious. Magneto then turned his attention to psylocke.

“Baby come on. Be reasonable. You’re dating a guy in a pink shirt. you can do better than that. Im offering you my true love!”

Psylocke rolled her eyes.

“OKAY. i guess you’re right. I admit I just needed someone to take my mind off you. So I took the first desperate chump I found eating from a garbage can. I really dont care about Dan I just wanted to forget about you. But I couldn’t. I have missed you. We were so good together, an unstoppable pair. Alright, you get ONE more chance. I want things to work out this time.”

“me too baby.”

they embraced. Magneto felt alive once more. He quickly flew over to the dj, with pyslocke wrapped in his arms.

“Fuck this lil jon bullshit. We’re gonna play NWA, STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! This is how JEWS GET IT ON!”

and with that he punched the DJ in the face and knocked him out, replacing the sounds of lil jon with that of ice cube and dre.


from out of nowhere, Dan flew towards magneto, his feet extended in a lethal flying jump kick attack!


Magneto took the brunt of the blow, unable to throw up his force field in time. He flew stagged back a few steps and fell to the floor. He slowly picked himself up.

“Okay. So you want to play with the master of magnetism do you? FINE”

And with that, magnus took out his joint and smoked it while Dan tried to attack.

“Now you will face. the HIGHER MAGNETO.”

He glanced at psylocke. She nodded and stepped towards Dan.

“PSYBLADE!” she spiralled up into the air, knocking Dan up with her powerful psionic energy. Before Dan could hit the ground, Magneto was there. He kicked Dan’s body, bouncing him back up. Then he leaped up into the air and pummeled Dan with his fists. He finished with a lethal kick that send Dan plummeting back to the ground yet again. Magneto gave him no rest as he followed Dan’s descent, pummelling him on the way down. Before Dan could land, Magneto launched him back up into the air, where he followed with a lethal series of punches and kicks. Higher and higher he went, continuing the lethal barrage. He finally finished the assault by grabbing Dan with purple orbs of energy and emitting a magnetic tempest of solid steel.

not since dragon ball z had such a horrific beat down been witnessed.

Dan’s limp body hit the ground. He wouldn’t be getting up for a while.

Magnus left the club with Psylocke, happy and reuinted once more. a powerful unstopable duet of love. NWA continued to blast in the background.


“Sir, the new prototype Sentinel is ready.”
“Is it all up to our system specs?”
“You better believe it baby! Reinforced titanium alloy armor, dual hydrogen fuel cells, flight mode, laser beam, better handling, speed, and killer drones up the yingyang. We have also programmed a new and improved AI for it, MutantPWN Version 2.1, that will easily neutralize those mutant menances. And by neutralize I mean horribly maim, dismember, and rend.”
“Excellent! Are we ready to deploy teh first test unit?”
“Good. Make it so”

Rouge was making out with Gambit behind some bushes and sucking his… life force out when Wolferine broke up their little romantic rendezvous.

“Sorry kids, but theres trouble astir. I just saw a Sentinel fly by. This one seems different; Nothing I’ve ever seen before. Could spell trouble and its making me uneasy.”
“Mon Ami, can this wait? Why must you cock block?”
“Because if this Sentinel catches you with your pants down, there’ll be nothing left to block. Besides you know you can’t make out with rogue anyway, what with the power stealing shit and the screaming and the dying and all that. Now stop thinking with your dick and follow me. That goes for you too woman. It could be anywhere…”

Almost as if on cue, a large shadow loomed over them. Looking up, they saw a dark, pitch black shape hovering over them, a harbinger of their impending doom and destruction. Its eyes were fixated on the mutants with a lifeless stare that evaluated its prey with a cold and surgical surgical detachment. It slowly landed on the ground, stirring up a large cloud of dust. The big robot spoke, and its voice was like thunder:


Wolverines claws popped out on reaction.
“Yeah okay bub? Well have a little taste of BERSERKER FURY KILL DEATH BLOOD DISMEMBER MODE!!!”

With that he leaped into the air, closing the distance between him and the Sentinel. It responded only by pointing its finger at wolverine, as though it were a god casting judgement and condemnation on a pathetic mortal, and mouthing the words

three drones spiralled toward wolverine, hitting him directly in the chest. Before wolverine could even hit the ground, another set of three drones were already on their way, smashing into his body with full impact. A final set of drones hit their target, showing little mercy on wolferine’s battered body. Sentinel sped across the ground like a freight train and kicked Wolverine high up into the air.

Rouge and Gambit winced in pain, watching helpless on the sidelines. Sentinel launched himself into the air, pummelling Wolverines already broken body with a series of punches and kicks. With each blow of metal upon flesh Wolverine gave out a weak and muffled groan. Finally Sentinel shot out its fist with a triumphant ROCKET PUNCH, smashing wolferine’s face and sent him spiralling back down to the ground. he landed on the ground with a loud THUD.

Wolverine moaned.

“healing factor… Pushed to limit… can’t … regenerate…”

Sentinel landed and began ROCKET PUNCHING WOLVERINES BROKEN BRUISED AND BATTERED BODY. When sure that wolverine would not be getting up, it kicked Wolverine off the ground and spit out a large orb of yellow energy that burned off his flesh. It gave one final stomp to make sure wolverine was dead, and turned towards Gambit and Rouge.

They gulped. This did not bode well. Before they knew what was happening, Sentinel was upon them. In a few seconds it was all over.

The news gave a report about three dead mutants found broken and horribly mutilated and burnt. They were later identified as members of the X-men.

“Ha! The sentinel has performed brilliantly! This is better than expected! We have already destroyed three of the x-men!”
“Sir, I may have some bad news for you. The X-men and other mutants, out of sheer terror and fear, have raided most of our research facilities and depleted our funds in retaliation. I’m afraid we are very low on resources right now”
“Hmmm… We may have to license out our new Sentinels to the corporate sector. You know, for personal, private use?”
“You mean as hired arms, thugs, mercenaries, bodyguards, muscle for hire?”
“Okay, consider it done”


Hey, these are good, keep it up. ^^

Chaptur 4 Captain Commando Makes A New Friend

Commando felt bored. He felt like stirring up trouble but didn’t know how. He just knew that he had to. Oh, he would make everyone pay alright. They would ALL suffer for what they did…

Back in the day, when he had been but a scrawny kid attending junior high, everyone picked on him and gave him merciless beat downs. It had devastated and destroyed his self esteem. His rejections by every girl in the school had finished off whatever little self respect he had left for himself.

Then one day… all that changed. He had been walking home in the alley, trying to avoid bullies, when one of his tormentors found him and shoved his face into a wall. Commando peaced out and when he came too, he saw a magical set of crimson shades lying on the ground next to him. Without a moments hesitation he donned the shades and was INSTANTLY transformed. He was now protected in body armor and had a cool looking glove on his arm. He had been turned into a cool stud! Or so he thought…

When he went to school the next day everyone mocked him. His armor was the color pink, and there was a big yellow star on it, and it looked gay and fruity. The kids were sure to remind him of it. Unable to take anymore, Commando felt a strange feeling in his arm. Before he knew what he was doing, he screamed:
“CAPTAIN FIRE!!!111” and shot a ball of flame at the nearest tormentors. They instantly caught on fire and began screaming. Commando cackled in delight and began gleefully and sadistically taking aim with his glove and shooting huge fireballs at them. He laughed a wicked and un-natural laugh as they burst into flame. He then ran to the football field and screamed
"CAPTAIN KEEE", a bad and botched mispronunciation of “kick” and did flying flaming jump kicks of death that left everyone incinerated. The school burned down that day, nothing but a pile of rubble and charred bodies. He had then disappeared without a trace, travelling the world in search of companions. since he had no social skills, the only people that would be his friends were:
a baby, a ninja, and a mummy.

He was supposed to be a sworn protector and defender of the world, but really, he just took pleasure in punking people to extract vengeance for his past miseries. However, deep down inside he was still just a scared and weak insecure pansy with no real fighting prowess. He just knew how to set stuff on fire and learned how to strum a few (discordant) chords on his guitar. He wanted RESPECT, and as he read the classifieds section in the news, he found his answer:


A wide grin spread across Commando’s face. He was going to make a new friend in the family. The only problem was the price tag. This wasn’t really a problem though. All he needed to do was rob a bank. He assembled his crack army of baby ninja and mummy. No planning was required. They simply drove up to the first bank they saw, burst in, and demanded cash. When everyone laughed at Commando’s fruity outfit, his glove came ablaze with scorching hot flame and he ran around slapping at all those who dared mock him. They caught fire and ran around arms flailing around and screaming in agony. Nobody was laughing anymore.

The mummy started spinning around and slicing limbs off, while the baby launched itself at people, and the ninja, well… I dont really think there’s any need to elaborate what ninjas do. Suffice to say it was a display of REAL ULTIMATE POWER! The team retrieved the cash and headed out. When they saw that the place was surrounded by cops, they looked to Commando, who laughed. The poh-lice fired their bullets, but captain commandos fruity pink armor absorbed all of it. He then raised his glove arm triumphantly into the air, yelled:
“CAPTAIN COLLIDA!” a botched pronunciation of corrider, SLAMMED it into the ground, and a blue burst of energy blew away all the mother fuckin poh-lice. The NWA themselves could not have done it better. They would have been proud indeed. It was a beautiful site to behold, unless you were the cops, in which case you were probably mortally wounded.

Captain Commando danced and skipped all the way to the post office, where he sent in his order for the deluxe Sentinel unit. He waited gleefully for it to arrive. Until it did, he had trouble sleeping, eating, and performing normal everyday functions. He soiled himself a few times. one week later, UPS showed up at his door and he soiled himself again. THE SENTINEL HAD ARRIVED. It was garbed in sleek black titanium combat armor. it was a beauty indeed.

Commando danced around with delight and flicked the ON switch.


The Sentinel came to life and powered up.
“Running level 1 diagnostic. Check. Systems nominal. Greetings master. Would you like to be my friend? Y/N?”
“Acknowledged! I am yours to command!”

and with that the pair headed out.

NEXT TIME, TEST RUN!!!1111111111

Woah! These stories are really good! I got really into the stories as I was reading, keep it up!

Chaptur 5 Test Run

An evil grin spread across Commando’s face:
“Come my minion, tonight we shall sow the seeds of destruction and devastation across the land! All will finally bow down to me and give me the respect which I have sought for so long and been unjustly denied!”

Sentinel acknowledged with the dull roar of his rocket propulsion system. Commando leaped onto Sentinel’s shoulders and together the two flew off into the sunset, headed straight for the towering skyscrapers in the middle of the city.

People below on the streets screamed when the deadly duo descended upon them. Commando hurled large fireballs from his glove of death as Sentinel began stomping down on anything that moved. After a few minutes, there was very little that did.

Commando leaped off Sentinel’s shoulders and glanced around for any other victims. The city was ablaze in flames. There were overturned cars, piled up on top of one another in a burning funeral pyre for the victims trapped within. Commando ran across the streets laughing gleefully. He turned the corner and ran headlong into a hard metallic object. Commando stumbled back a few feet and took a hard fall. He looked up and realized the metallic object had actually been thick body armor that belonged to a towering behemoth of a man that now glared down at him. His arms were folded across his chest. With undisguised contempt, the man spoke:
"I’m JUGGERNAUT! You better watch where you’re going kid. And watch where your aim with that little glove of yours too, because it seems one of your puny fireballs hit me. There was only a slight tickling sensation, but its the principle of the matter that counts."
And with that, Juggernaut grabbed Commando and slammed him hard onto the ground. He began pounding Commando into the pavement with two big and brutal fists.

“How dare you disrespect me!” Commando feebly cried. “You won’t get away with this!”

"Silence weakling!"
and with that Juggernaut landed a viscious uppercut that sent Commando flying across the street. He quickly gauged the arc of Commando’s descent, and crashed forward in a brutal headcrush that intercepted Commando’s fall, slamming into him headfirst before he could hit the pavement. Bones snapped.

Commando whimpered. Anger flooded his entire body. He got up and KICKED juggernaut viciously in the shins.

Juggernaut laughed and was about to grab him when Commando turned tail and ran for his life.

Juggernaut followed close behind and prepared to close in when he ran headlong into Sentinel. He stumbled backwards and fell. Commando laughed, hidden safely behind Sentinel.


Juggernaut growled and lunged for Commando. But Sentinel intercepted with a well timed ROCKET PUNCH, smashing into Juggernaut’s body and sending him flying back. Juggernaut was pissed now. He lunged again toward’s Commando, only to get hit with another rocket punch. Juggernaut screamed in rage and launched into another devastating headcrush. Sentinel stood his ground as his arms formed a large metallic shield around his entire body. He did not budge.

Juggernaut looked up. For the first time in a long time, there was FEAR in his eyes. Sentinel KICKED juggernaut in the face and sent him flying up into the air. Commando laughed and slammed his glove into the ground.

A blue flame of energy shot skyward and hit Juggernaut where it hurt. Sentinel flew up and began pummelling Juggernaut’s body. He landed another rocket punch that sent Juggernaut hurtling across the air and headlong into a skyscraper. The force of the impact knocked Juggernaut clear across the entire building and out the other side, where he began a long ten story fall to the bottom.

On his heels was Sentinel, who helped speed along the descent by hitting Juggernaut multiple times with what could only best be described as a large frying pan.

Juggernaut hit the ground with a bone crunching crash that left a small crater in his wake.

"but… but… I’m juggernaut… I’ve got the cytorak gem! I’m invincible! I dont’…"
Sentinel hovered above Juggernaut and STOMPED the crap out of him until Juggernaut stopped moving.

Commando laughed.

“Yeah that’s right! YOU GOT OWNED SON! Bring it on! Cuz its been BROUGHT!”

Juggernaut did not respond.

“GET UP!” screamed Commando as he kicked Juggernaut, who did not budge.
“GET UP! Um, Sentinel a little assistance here please”

“ACKNOWLEDGED MASTER!” Sentinel responded, and kicked Juggernaut up off the ground yet again, sending him skyward yet again.

Commando cackled and prepared for his finishing move:
a botched and nasally pronunciation of captain sword, his glove shot forth a white beam of light that pierced the heavens. Commando then slammed the glove down onto the ground. The beam of light followed the trajectory of the glove, sending Juggernaut plummeting downward through yet another conviently located nearby skyscraper.

Commando walked up and cackled.
and with that he pissed all over Juggernaut’s body and walked away.


k so i’m in china now, living in teh ghettos with slow dialup, so wont be posting for a while. i’ve got some ideas tho. i’m gonna try and introduce all the usual mvc2 teams some way somehow. its getting hard to think up of new ways to describe the same combos over and over though… lalalalala merry christmas and all that. have a great day

I dunno about you, but whenever I think of Marvel, I think about something like the ghettos of China. … Take pics of the environment if you can, because I’m interested.

Chaptur 6 Hyper Viper Beam

sorry no pictures of china :sad: lol totally forgot about this thread too.

Rogue and Gambit were passionately making love.
"Oh baby Mon ami I love the way you suck that… energy out of me"
Gambit smiled weakly, as he felt his life forces quickly being drained away.

“No problem sug. Almost done.”

Rogue was about to put her gloves back on when a large rift and tear in the space time continuom appeared. It was the color blue. An old man with grey hair stepped out of the portal and looked in disgust at the two naked writhing bodies before him.

“I came here … to save this!?”

“What the?! Who are you?” Gambit and Rogue demanded.

“Name’s Cable. Came here to save your sorry asses. In a few minutes a large robot will come here and completely annihilate the both of you. All that will remain are the charred remains of your unrecognizable bodies. I hope I didn’t spoil your date. I’ve been known to cock block on multiple occasions.”


“Okay then, let’s get down to business. Where’s Wolverine? I’m gotta make sure all three of you make it out alive.”

“Hold the phone. Aren’t you Cyclops son who they sent forward into the future? You telling me you’ve now travelled back in time in order to save us from being killed by a large robot?” Gambit asked.

“Actually. No. I came here to stop this crazy stupid pirate bitch named Ruby Heart from opening up a treasure chest that will unleash some generic evil demonic king upon the world. Halfway there I received notice that three of the X-men were killed, so naturally I came to intervene. Now, let’s get down to business.”

As if on cue, Wolverine burst upon the scene.

“there’s trouble! Something ain’t right - there’s … what the? Whose the old geyser?”

“Name’s Cable. came to save you chump.”

“Ha yeah right bub, save me? Get outta here rookie.”

“Oh please, this ain’t MVC1. There’s a large Sentinel here, the likes of which you have never faced before. Now step aside junior, or you’re gonna get every adamantanium bone in your body broken.”

“I don’t like your attitude bub.” Wolverine glared, and extended his claws.

Cable rolled his eyes.

“No wonder my mom rejected you and chose dad. Freaking obnoxious stubborn IDIOT!”

Wolverine growled in anger and let his berserker rage get the best of him. He lunged forward, claws now fully extended.

Cable pulled out his pistol and shot Wolverine in the face, who staggered backward from the pain and lay on the ground whimpering.

“Ugh. I really didn’t want to do that. Anyway lets get the hell out of here.”

TO BE CONTINUED!!!1111111111111111111OMGLOL

chaptur 6 hyper viper beam CONTINUED OMGLOL

Cable gave a careful glance of the surroundings.

“Alright, looks like everything is clear. Lets get outta here”

“Hold up mon ami. Why should we trust you? You just shot our friend in the face!”

"Yeah whatever. Look I’m still trying with all my effort to purge from my brain the image of you and glove girl over there sprawled all over each other engaging in disgustingly raw animal sex. Its taking all my effort not to have this Wolferine guy - "


“Shutup Wolferine. So like I was saying, I’m almost on the verge of asking Wolferine to claw out my eyes.”

“I’d do it for free bub”.

"Okay that’s nice. Anyway, I’m considering just letting you idiots die altogether. However you might be useful later on as cannon fodder, until I can figure out what we’re dealing with here. "

“CANNON FODDER?!” Rogue screamed

“Yeah. helps build my meter. This big gun… no dear not in my pants. On my back… needs a lotta battery. It is actually powered by the brutal beatings administered and received in combat. This is the future baby”

Wolverine growled angrily.
“I smell trouble… a gay guy riding a flyinig robot seems to be headed straight our way”

“Okay kids. Things are going to get dicey. Why dont you all run along while I take care of business”

“HOLD IT BUB. no one patronizes me like that. I’m gonna tear you limb from …”

Cable rolled his eyes and delivered a spinning roundhouse kick to Wolverine’s face that sent him sprawling.

Wolverine roared in anger and extended his adamantium claws.

Cable groaned in frustration and super jumped 60 feet into the air and floated there, using his laser gun as a floatation device. He surveyed his surroundings. A large flying robot was indeed closing in.


“Shutup idiot. Luckily thanks to future technology I can jump multiple feet in the air, while using my grenades, gun, and laser, which allow me to float suspended in the air indefinitely.”

Wolverine unleashed a string of profanity as one of Cable’s grenades exploded in his face.

Wolverine picked himself up when a large BOOT STOMPED HIM IN THE FACE.


Cable looked down to see a Sentinel beating the crap out of wolverine, while a gay man repulsed all of Wolverine’s fiercesome berserker barrage counterattacks with what appeared to be a power glove.


this shit is too funny, i can’t wait to see what happens next, i wonder when magnus is coming back.

chaptur6 cont lollerskating

Gambit and Rogue watched helplessly from the sidelines as Wolverine was mauled to pieces.

“You think maybe we should help him?” Gambit asked.

“Okay. How about I take on the gay guy and you take down the robot?”

“WHAT?! Why do I have to take on the robot? That guy’s HUGE! I’ll get massacred! How about I take on the gay guy and you take on the robot?”

“Uh… how about NO. in case you forgot I can only drain powers from living beings, not from cold hard steel.”

“BUT I -”

“Look - do you want to have sex with me EVER again? If you do I suggest you better start listening to me”


“Yeah well guess what? I’m a woman. All of a sudden I’m not longer in the mood.”

“But… you… ok fine, you win. I was wrong and you are right as always. I love you!”

And with that Rogue and Gambit launched into battle.

“ROYAL FLUSH!!!” Gambit roared as he launched a flurry of kinetically charged cards at Sentinel. Normally, these cards would maim and render his victims. However in this case, they bounced harmlessly off Sentinel’s cold hard casing. Gambit gulped.

“Doin’ good hon!” Rogue yelled as she wrapped her legs around Commando who could only stare in bewilderment as her lips found his.

“mmmmm mmmmm” moaned Commando in pleasure.

“Wait… are you ENJOYING THIS?” Rogue asked

“Well this is the first time I’ve ever been kissed by a woman. This is a dream come true!”

“WAIT. Are you telling me that you’re not actaully GAY?”


“You are wearing a PINK SHIRT with PINK PANTS, and have styled your hair in a style that is what can best be described as FRUITY. You project an aura of FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL and you’re telling me you’re straight?”

“Um… wait!!! Dont stop kissing me! I love you!”

“UGH I can feel your hard on! Gross! Sorry Gambit, looks like you’re on your own. This guy is creepin me out. Bye loser!”

And with that Rogue flew away. Gambit looked on in horror as his true love left him to die. A cold hard metallic fist slammed into his fist and everything went black.

“YOU IDIOTS!” Cable screamed in exasperation.
“Maybe next time you’ll listen when I tell you to clear the area and move to a safer location. Leave this to me.”

Commando turned to look at the new arrival. An old grumpy man. Hmmph. Nothing he couldn’t handle.

“EAT POWERGLOVE BITCH!” he screamed, still angry that he had just made out with a chick only to have creeped her out and scared her away, AGAIN.

Cable rolled his eyes as he blocked Commando’s fireball and shot him in the face.

“Well that shut him up good. Now to take on the robot!”

“You’ll never defeat him” Commando moaned weakly, bleeding profusely on the ground.

Cable grinned and whooped out his huge laser cannon.

Commando’s eyes opened wide in terror.

“HYPER VIPER BEAM!” Cable yelled.



“NO U IDIOT IM BLOCKING!” Sentinel protested.



Commando could not believe his eyes. In mere seconds this old man had laid waste to his beautiful robot. He quickly pressed the teleport button on his power glove and escaped to safety.


Cable quickly grabbed the unconscious Gambit and Wolverine, signalled Rogue to follow, and beat a hasty retreat.


“TWO …”

" ONE…"


“Heheh SUCKERS! TRICKED YOU! You thought I was going to self explode but it was just a ruse!”

And with that Sentinel flew away.

hahahaha tooooooooo funny. keep up the good work.

Chapter 7: skanky bar whores and ROM infinites

9 PM - Earl’s bar in Seattle Washington

Cable glanced at his watch. According to his sensor readings, Ruby Heart, would appear at this location in precisely ten minutes, order some drinks, get drunk, hear a rumor about a precious buried treasure chest buried deep off the Puget Sound, and go on a wild goose chase that would unleash destruction upon the world.

He would be ready to stop her. He figured if he couldn’t talk her out of it, he could always shoot her in the face. That had always solved his problems in the past.


Five more minutes before Ruby arrived. He decided to order a drink.

“Sup. hi 2 u? Whiskey pls. Straight. Double. Makers Mark. kthx.”

Feeling generous, he tipped five extra dollars. He just had a very long day. After battling Sentinel, he had deposited Wolverine and Gambit’s broken body back at the X mansion while avoiding Rogue’s desperate and awkard attempts to have sex with him. There was no way he was going to hit that without HEAVY protection, since mere contact with her pussy would cause his dick to go limp and shrivel up. He was old, but he didn’t need any help accelerating the process.


Due to the generous tip, Cable got his drink earlier than expected. He grabbed the shotglass and slammed it without blinking. Good shit. He ordered another.


Cable decided to review Ruby Heart’s file. He pulled out his laptop and entered her name into the wikipedia:


Middle aged soccer mom. Had always been unattractive in high school, and was an outcast who was often rejected and mocked by others. College had been pretty much the same story. Eventually married an ugly accountant out of desperation and cranked out three children whom she did not love.

Hit midlife crisis and left the family behind. Began to turn trick for crack and cocaine in order to escape the harsh disappointment of life, thinking that she had finally found men who desired her. They didn’t. But they weren’t exactly lookers either. After all, they were paying for sex with a crackwhore.

Ruby heart eventually stumbled upon a web site about REAL ULTIMATE POWER: PIRATES and decided she too wanted this power. She watched Pirates of the Caribean as part of her training. Then she slept with various men in high positions in order to secure her own boat. Then she offered unattractive men free sex as incentive to join her crew.

Began to rape and pillage various third world country shorelines.

The next part of her history is unknown, but it appears that her ship stumbled upon some toxic waste in the middle of the ocean. It reacted with the cocaine coarsing through her bloodstream, turning her into an amazing fighter. However, this has been unverified. However, what is known is that her fighting skills involve some basic uninspired and unimaginative attacks that have been seen before.

She is easily controllable, as the sight of any exposed penis will cause her to spread her legs. Still haunted by her past, she wants to feel desired, and will satisfy any man who asks.



Cable had drank too much and his vision was starting to blur. SHIT. If only those incompetent xmen hadn’t been such a goddamn pain in the ass, he wouldn’t have to be drinking in a desperate attempt to forget how annoying they were.


An old man with an attractive woman walked into the bar. Hmm, she must be a gold digger he thought. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was…

"PSYLOCKE? WTF?! I didn’t know you were into older men. Well listen, if you like the older men, I’m all yours. MMM… boobies. " Cable grinned

“Ew… Magnus… that creepy old guys hitting on me.”

“MAGNETO?! YOURE SLEEPING WITH MAGNETO? FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN YOURE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY!” Cable blurted out, before stumbling off his bar stool and hitting the ground, hard.

Magneto glided over and stared down.

“Pathetic. I could crush him for you my love, but he appears to be inebriated.”

“SCREW YOU MAGNETO! YOURE A DIRTY JEW! DIE JEWS DIE! I’m gonna travel back in time and make sure your mom gets the OVEN while your dad gets the GAS CHAMBER!”

Magneto turned blind with rage and launched a sliding kick that sent Cable up into the air, which was super jump cancelled into a light kick.

“Aw shit” Cable moaned “This Jew is fast”

He groaned in pain as the hits of Magneto’s ROM infinite. Magneto then stopped. Cable blinked, confused.

“WHICH WAY AM I GONNA ATTACK? YOU GONNA BLOCK HIGH OR LOW? FUCK WITH A JEW AND YOURE GONNA GET JEWED BITCH!” Magneto screamed as he triangle jumped behind Cable’s back and kicked him, before triangle jumping back in front of Cable and slapping him in the face.

“Geez. This is NOT happening” Cable thought.

It was at that moment that an ugly blond woman strolled into the bar.


Magneto, momentarily distracted, messed up the timing on his infinite, and missed.

Cable pistol whipped Magneto in the face sending him reeling. He cocked his gun and grinned.


LMAOROFL, you got to continue this shit.

Magneto staggered backwards, and tripped over a bar stool and fell flat on his face. Snarling, he picked himself up and dashed over to Cable in a blind rage, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a very large gun.

“Game over. HYPER VIPER BEAM!”

Magneto scramed in agony as he got demolished by a painful 100 hit super.

Ruby Heart watched all of this and found herself very turned on.

“Wow, two hot sexy old men going at it. I dont know which one I find more attractive, that Jewish guy getting owned or that guy with that huge weapon…”

Psylocke also watched on, crying out when her lover stopped moving.

Casting aside all caution and stealth that ninjas usually have, Psylocke clumsily ran over to Magneto’s side, cradling him in her arms.

“Magneto… dont die! DONT DIE!!!”
“Baby! I just want to say… before I die … that after we broke up my life was an empty meaningless void. I tried to fill it with weed and booze, but it only made things worse. But now that we are together once again, pounding your pussy into oblivion has given me something I have not had for a long time … hope.”

Psylocke melted away into butter and sobbed on her lovers chest. She glared at Cable and fired up her psionic blades. She looked at him and uttered one word.


Cable laughed.

“Oh please bitch. Youre an assist character. What could you possibly do?”

Psylocke launched herself at Cable, who was prepared with a timely guardbreak. He fired a shot at Psylocke, who blocked.

"AHA, looks like you’ve used up all your actions on your normal jump! Now you’ll be unable to block as I AIR HYPER VIPER - "

“IM COMING TO SAVE YOU OLD MAN!” Ruby Heart slurred as she launched herself in between Cable and Psylocke. She was blasted backward by the force of the beam. Ruby Heart moaned in pleasure as the beam set her ablaze with pink flame.

“Damn that guy knows how to treat a woman good”.
And with that she keeled over and started to throw up.

Psylocke, realizing what had happened, took advantage of her sudden opening. She threw herself at Cable, launching him up into the air, and followed up with a vigorous beat down and ended it with the coup de grace - her “partol the forests” super that launched psionic flames at the victim.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Cable screamed, who, already having been beaten to an inch of his life by Magneto, was unable to withstand Psylockes psionic super, which normally tickled. In this case, it mortally wounded him.