this one was kinda short but still good as fuck, keep it up man.
I usually hate fan fics with Nazi-like hatred but yours is quite entertaining. Kudos.
Just stumbled on this. You sir, win.
Just stumbled upon this too. LOL, good stuff.
====
I read Higher-Jin’s thread (thinking-out-loud, admittedly) about a possible MvC2 movie or show or whatever.
Y’know, I always thought MvC2 could be treated as something with dueling, a la Yu-gi-oh or Pokemon. Using Sentinel as an example:
JWong smirked as he adjusted his card holder. “So, upstart,” he said, “What do you have that can match my Green Eyes Black Robot?”
And of course, that means Storm is the Dark Skinned Weather Magician Girl.
Cable lay on the ground, writhing in agony. It was bad enough that probably every bone in his body was broken. What made it all the worse was the humiliation of having been defeated by an assist character, by a low damage super no less. It was too much to bear. He groaned, spitting out blood. As he lay on the ground, he spotted some movement in his peripheral vision. To his horror, he realized that it was Ruby Heart, licking her cracked lips and slowly crawling towards him on her hands and knees, her breath reeking of Jack Daniels and cheap K-mart perfume. Ogod ogod please dont rape me, he thought. Mercifully, he blacked out.
…
Darkness enveloped him, and he awoke to the sensation of pain. Excruciating pain, the kind you get when you’ve just literally gotten your ass kicked, by a Jew. An old, gay and magnetic Jew. Ugh. Cable tried to tentatively move a finger. This sent shockwaves of pain reverberating across his body. He tried opening his eyes for a moment, hazarding a glance at his surroundings. The sight that greeted him was one of nightmare most foul. An evil sea hag, whose unnatural, unwholesome, undescribable face and wretched body defied description was perched atop his body. He blinked. Suddenly it dawned on him that this was far worse than he had thought. Indeed, this was not just any sea hag, but the dreaded RUBY HEART! For he realized now that he had lost track of time, and what he had hoped would have been hours or even days that might have elapsed had only been SECONDS! He had blacked out, only to awaken to the sight of the drunken crackwhore fumbling around with his pants! Ogod.
He willed himself to pass out again. He willed the techno virus to take his life and end him. But no, the massive body injuries he had sustained had substantially weakened his psychic powers. The techno virus, which normally threatened to consume his entire body, and which was held only at bay by his mind, did NOT spread! How was this possible??? Unless… unless the virus was sentient and it was … TOYING with him, leaving him intact for the terror that was about to unfold. Indeed, this was the only possible explanation for how, despite being drunk and utterly repulsed, he managed to get a metallic rock hard erection. Ruby Heart appeared to become aroused at the sight of a metallic dick - she had never done THAT before. And here she had thought she’d seen EVERYTHING under the sun (except a book on why turning tricks and parenting didnt mix). He opened his mouth to scream, but Ruby Heart mistook it for a moan of pleasure and drowned it out with her tongue, which probed inside his mouth like a foul larvae.
For it was bad enough to get owned by a low tier character, it was FAR WORSE to get RAPED by one. After what seemed like an eternity, it was all over. Ruby Heart dismounted, stumbled around without her panties on, and left. He prayed to god nobody was around to make a sex tape. After what had just happened, he vowed that he wouldn’t just stop Ruby Heart from unleashing the Abyss, he would kill her too. It was the only way he could regain any of his manhood back.
Of course, he’d need a team of fighters in order to undertake this task. This was no trivial thing - he couldn’t risk getting raped again. He’d have to hold some kind of fight audition to find suitable teammates. The fights themselves would have to be located in completely random and arbitrary locations of course, that had nothing to do with anything. They just needed to look pretty. He went onto craigslist and placed the ad. he even signed up for a fake email account as well, so his inbox wouldn’t get flooded:
FIGHT TOURNAMENT
r u a good fighter? we r hosting a team fighting turnament - everything goes! beams, rocks, lasers,icicles, playing cards, leaves, zombies and fireballs in a 3v3 team rumble! no glitches tho, except jugernaut. he sucks so bad, he needs it.
get to fight in exotic locales such as an ice glacier, a clock tower, a desert, or some underground cavern. duke it out to prove
ure worth. winners will save the world. losers go home and get labelled as low tier. Steven Seagal need not apply.
Prefer - batteries and assists
APPLY 2DAY!
wtf lol good shit.
I’m just starting but very interesting so far.
Cable groaned. This was day 5 of his fighting tournament, and so far his applicants had been the sorriest group of misfits that he had ever laid eyes on. From an ugly fat purple dude that threw bubbles (BUBBLES!?!?!? WTF!?!?!) and wore some hideously tacky “infinity gauntlet”, to a tiny little lego toy, they were all failures at life. The one who was currently auditioning was particularly pathetic.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, AMERICAN IDOL!? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!? YOURE A GIANT FUCKING CACTUS! IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?!?!”
Amingo stared at the ground, cowering before Cable.
“Um… I can throw out tiny little cactuses that heal people???”
Cable tried to contain his rage but could not do it any longer. He got up and walked toward Amingo. The cactus, realizing that he/she/it was probably in for a world of hurt, began to flee, but it was far too late.
“FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Cable yelled. Everyone around Amingo ducked for cover as Cable lobbed grenade after grenade at the poor cactus. An explosion of blue energy erupted as the grenades exploded, paralyzing Amingo. Cable then walked up calmly to the giant green plant thing, and handed him/her/it his gun.
“Here, just do everyone a favor and please, shoot yourself.”
Amingo, tears trickling down his/her/its face, begged for a second chance.
“Look, you’re morbidly obese. You have no useful skills to speak of, and you probably don’t have any friends either. What reason do you possibly have to live? I sure as hell can’t think of any. Just take my gun. I have a lot more where this came from. Now, I’m gonna walk away and trust that you do the right thing.”
And with that, Cable turned around and left the building in disgust. He was never going to be able to find any useful fighting partners. He needed to look harder, but where and more importantly HOW was he going to attract the top talent?
He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice the sound of a single bullet exploding into a ripe cactus.
…dang, that was crazy
GG
lmao
man i love ur story shit is too funny. but im curious y do u post every 4-7 months?
Shades of a young Steinbeck.
yeah im hella lazy
NEW POST COMIN UP NOW!!!111
Chaptur I Lost Track?!?!
A lone figure walked down a beaten down dirt path, disappearing off into the horizon. His name was Ryu, and he was looking for his next fight. The legend of this man had grown to epic proportions, and as such, he was misunderstood. People painted him as a noble warrior. They would wax poetic about how Ryu sought spiritual enlightenment through the fight, constantly testing his skill, mettle, and perserverance against new opponents, and in the process, discover hidden truths about the universe.
But in actuality, the guy was just an antisocial jackass who liked to beat the crap out of people. He didn’t really speak much, and conversations with the few people he interacted with, mostly just opponents, went something like this:
Opponent: "Hello"
Ryu: "…"
Opponent: "Want to fight?"
Ryu: “…” ties headband, adjusts fighting gloves
Announcer: "Round One, FIGHT!"
Opponent: "HYPER SUPER SLASH WAVE OF DARKNESS THUNDER STRIKE!!!11"
Ryu: "Shoryuken"
Opponent: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
or it would go something along the lines of this:
Fan: "YO HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME??? ITS RYE-YOU ISNT IT?!"
Ryu: "…"
Pale Otaku fanboy: "NO ITS REEYUUU I WATCH LOTS OF ANIME SO IM AN EXPERT ON JAPANESE! YOURE JUST SOME DUMB GAIJIN WHO DOESNT KNOW ANY BETTER! BAKA DESU!"
Ryu: "…"
Fan: "YOU IDIOT YOURE JUST AS WHITE AS ME! AND IT SOUNDS REALLY STUPID WHEN YOU MIX ENGLISH WITH RANDOM JAPANESE CATCHPHRASES! YOURE A LOSER!"
Ryu: "Shinkuu…"
Pale Otaku fanboy: "OH YEAH WELL MY MOMMY THINKS IM COOL!"
Ryu: "HADOUKEN!!!
Fan: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Pale Otaku fanboy: “OH MY GOD IM GETTING DISINTEGRATED BY RYU’S FAMOUS FIREBALL WAVE ATTACK, THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY - AAAAAARRRRGH IT BURNS OH GOD IT BURNS SO BAD OH MY GOD THE PAIN!!!111”
But today, the conversation would get a lot more interesting. Ryu had found an advertisement for a fighting tournament promising tough competition, and Ryu was immediately interested. Here was yet another opportunity to punch people in the face and get away with it. He was meeting up with his only friend in the world, a guy named Ken. Ken too liked to beat the crap out of people, and the only real difference between the two was that Ken got laid. At least he did, until he got married. Now all he did was fight in order to take his mind off the fact that his wife Eliza had gotten fat and bloated after giving birth, and no longer had sex with him. Ever.
The two met up at a McDonalds for some hearty Big Breakfasts.
Ken: "Sup."
Ryu: "…"
Ken: "Man this sucks. My wife has become a frigid bitch, and nags me all the time. I want to slap her, but I’m afraid my fist might catch on fire and turn into a dragon, and I’d go to jail for domestic abuse."
Ryu: "…"
Ken: "I mean what happened? Before we got married, I got bjs all the time! Now its like she won’t even touch me! UGH!"
Ryu: "…"
Ken: “…”
And with that, the two headed off to the fighting tournament. They travelled for days, encountering very few travellers on the road. That is, until they encountered a most pitiful sight. At first they could not recognize it. They saw what appeared to be a pink and red blob pulsating off in the distance. Up close though, they realized it was the broken bloodied form of none other than Dan Hibiki, twitching in pain on the ground. When he saw Ken and Ryu, he exclaimed:
“I knew you two would be coming down this road. You’re headed to the tournament aren’t you? Well I’m here to issue a warning. A few days ago, outside of the tournament, I was at a club where …”, Dan choked back the tears of humiliation, “I FOUGHT A SUPER STRONG OPPONENT AND HE NEARLY KILLED ME! HE WENT BY THE NAME OF MAGNETO, AND HIS ATTACKS WERE AS LIGHTNING! IT WAS TOO MUCH AND HIS FLURRY OF BLOWS OVERWHELMED ME!”
Ken laughed out loud.
"LOL! um… dude, youre a noob who cant even throw a fucking fireball without it fizzling out after travelling 3 feet. anyone would be a super strong opponent compared to you, you fucking failure!"
Ryu laughed as well, one of the few times he showed emotion, and joined in on the verbal abuse:
"Have you seen this guys uppercut? Its not even invincible, and has such low priority, a jumping roundhouse could stuff it! PATHETIC!"
Dan glared at the two fighters.
“YOURE NOT LISTENING! AKUMA WAS DEFEATED! Ah, I’ve got your attention now. I don’t need to speak in caps anymore. I had been destroyed by Magneto and was walking home to lick my wounds, when I noticed Akuma had been following me for quite some time. He told me he wanted my pink candy ass, and i cried and begged and pleaded, but he raging demoned me in broad daylight… Multiple times…”
Ken and Ryu grimaced. They knew all too well what it was like when Akuma wanted some “candy ass”.
“But then… another man came to my rescue. He too had a pink outfit on, and he called himself Commando. He yelled ‘nobody ass rapes me in high school and gets away with it’!. Akuma laughed and went for another raging demon, but before I knew it a demonic robot from hell smashed his face in. repeatedly. Akuma was beaten about like a rag doll. I wanted to cheer for joy, but I was in too much pain from being violated, and passed out. When I came too, I found the fruity pink suited guy and the robot engaged in battle with Magneto. Before I knew it, Magneto had destroyed the robot. He had called it a Sentinel I think. Either way, Magneto glided off, leaving the guy in the pink outfit crying profusely over the loss of his robot. Let me reiterate here: Magneto >>>>>>>>>> Sentinel >>>>>>>>>>>> Akuma >>>>>>>>>>>> Me. And Magneto is headed to this VERY tournament that you two are going to!”
Ken and Ryu listened to this tale in amazement, not sure whether or not to believe it. Yet the wounds on Dan’s posterior were consistent with that of a raging demon attack. Whether or not Akuma had been defeated remained to be seen, but the fact that Dan had indeed been Akuma’s bitch for the night was undeniable. The two warriors looked at each other and realized that they would need to train long and hard before they could be ready to face such strong opponents.
Lol thats some wierd stuff, funny how even though your making fun of ryu, there’s still not much to make fun of cause he’s kinda a stale character.
Wow.
This is omazing.
This is good stuff here. (subscribes)