Man Rams Car Into Gas Station to Steal One Banana

d3v · January 10, 2014, 9:25am

Banana madness. We hear it whispered about, spoken of in hushed tones, but so rarely is it witnessed directly. Banana madness, however, has reared its ugly yellow head again, causing a Connecticut man to ram his car into a gas station and steal a lone banana.
The Banana madness struck about 2 am on Wednesday morning, when the man repeatedly backed his Ford Freestyle into the glass doors of the Newington, Connecticut gas station, took the banana, and ate it. Alarms were triggered, but the banana lust likely made the man completely oblivious to all sensory input other than what came from the soft, yielding banana meat.P

The Freestyle is said to have minor damage to the driver’s side taillight and rear bumper, as seen on surveillance video.P

This may be the most fascinating crime I’ve ever heard of. I pay 19¢ for bananas. They may be the absolute cheapest thing I buy with any regularity. They’re six cents cheaper than a game of Pac-Man. The man probably used more money in the gas spent ramming into the glass doors than that banana cost.P

And yet I wish I wanted something, anything, as badly as that man wanted that banana. 2P

The raw, wanton desire for banana that would drive a man to commit such a reckless act must be incredibly powerful. Such a banana hunger must make mere sexual desire seem like a passing whim, and drug addiction little more than a mild yearning.3P

This is banana madness. It’s time to stop pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s here, and we need to be ready.P

God help us all.

Tien_Gouki · January 10, 2014, 9:31am

Looks like kong’s banana horde was running low.

NickRocks · January 10, 2014, 9:33am

@SWBeta

SNAAAAKE · January 10, 2014, 9:35am

king k rool on the loose AGAIN ?

WTF-AKUMA-HAX · January 10, 2014, 9:49am

Dead Rising x Sean 2nd Impact stage.

Legend

RagingDemonStorm · January 10, 2014, 10:28am

Must of be in first place. Should’ve sandbagged to get a star.

maxx · January 10, 2014, 10:54am

couldnt have gotten some smokes…or some cereal…had to be a fucking banana. i know the racist forums must be making 4chan style memes over this.

d3v · January 10, 2014, 11:07am

Well whatever the reason, I’m sure he peeled out of there and split.

maxx · January 10, 2014, 11:10am

this pun might be funny…if it wasnt for the fact…he didnt.

d3v · January 10, 2014, 11:11am

Well I guess he’s in a bunch of trouble then.

WTF-AKUMA-HAX · January 10, 2014, 11:18am

Talk about barking up the wrong tree.

Denzel in Remember the Titans will rep the other side of it.

“Hey coach!”

DukeC · January 10, 2014, 11:20am

Insert generic phallic shaped object joke

deadfrog · January 10, 2014, 4:44pm

I hope he ate the banana as he raced away from the crime scene, and then tossed the peel out behind him to give his pursuers the slip, Mario Kart style.

orochizoolander · January 10, 2014, 5:02pm

That must have been a more apeeling banana then this one:

youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ZAGBL6UBA

Vynce · January 10, 2014, 5:42pm

Please don’t be white?

deadfrog · January 10, 2014, 6:15pm

Every banana is white inside!

Iduno · January 10, 2014, 6:15pm

Such strength in the yellow fever…

…Right, own up which one of us is this guy?

d3v · January 11, 2014, 8:19am

I do hope these cops wont be plantain any evidence to get a bunch o’ more raps on the guy.

WTF-AKUMA-HAX · January 11, 2014, 8:23am

Pretty green to commit this crime

Yellow bellied in the end to run away and flee the scene

When he was scared white by his actions.

What a “bad apple,” but a different kind of fruit here sitting out too long, planning this criminal plot, turning dark and potassium deficient.

WTF-AKUMA-HAX · January 11, 2014, 8:25am

His pajamas will be that and Cody Criminal-blue

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/16201431/Bananas%2BIn%2BPyjamas.jpg

Where the sentence fits the crime. :bluu: