i’ve been dating this girl for about 8 months and everything is great. she always buys me gifts, takes me out to nice dinners and takes me on small vacations. she’s pretty wealthy since she’s a nurse practitioner and makes around 180,000 a year before taxes.
anyways, i’m kind of desperate for money but she doesn’t know this and I felt too embarrassed to tell her so I decided to rob her. I know it sounds like a stupid plan but she’s not that cautious with her money because she stores a lot of cash in a safe in her attic, so I figured it’d be pretty easy to steal. I initially tried to get her to take me up to the attic so I could see the safe but she kept refusing and told me I don’t need to go up there, so I couldn’t get it that way.
Eventually, I was desperate enough for the money that I decided to buy a ski mask and act like a burglar and steal the money through force. I know this sounds extreme but I really needed the money and this was the only way I knew how to get it. I wound up storming through her front door and demanded her to take me up to the attic to the safe and she seemed pretty scared and I felt bad but the problem is she’s pretty strong, so when I grabbed her and forced her towards the attic, she fought back and sort of took my mask half off and I freaked out that she might find out it’s me, so I just ran out of there as fast as I could.
I failed to get any money and I know she probably called the police. Should I even bother seeing her again? or should I risk it and go over there and see if she’s alright? do you think she’ll press charges if she finds out it was me? I really do care about her and I feel bad about this. this happened 6 days ago, if it matters
tl;dr I have a rich girlfriend and I attempted to rob her but failed
“Honey, I heard you were robbed! I came to console you, but don’t you think I’d better go up to the attic to check on the safe? that burglar could have came in through the roof!”
/Asian drama
Yeah, you fail. Did you even sleep with this girl you dreamed up? :tdown:
@goodm0urning
i almost burned myself with coffee when i started laughing after reading your post. good shit as always.
@bike_seat
that’s just incredible. why would you do that? why? why are you so… desperate for the money anyway? you never cleared that up in the first place. if you were strapped for cash so you could buy a decent unit to play Diablo 3 on, then that’s pretty understandable. good luck not getting thrown into jail.
Yikes, if anything i think you should have my name, even though posting here might have made this situation even worse since this is the INTERNET!!! Goddamn, if I were to rob a close one, I wouldn’t reveal anything to a bunch of random people, let alone ask for help!!!
My advice: Just give up and turn yourself to the police, before it gets worse. I mean it, sure you’ll spend some time in jail but this doesn’t have to get worse. You’ve admitted to the crime. the guy above me is already quoting for evidence and unless you are batman before he gets famous and recognised for his services to… wherever you are, you don’t have a way to get out. Still i wish the very best for you… even though this is already spiraling down as it is…
The only justifiable reason for this is you stupidly got involved with a mexican drug cartel and need to pay them before they kill you.
Anyway, you did it wrong. What you should have done was get two friends you completely trust and let them know where the safe is, have them wait outside as you go in and seduce her, be sure to leave a door unlocked and once she’s in the bedroom text them on a cheap throw away phone that it’s time to go. You get laid, they grab the safe and head out. once done with sex head out and meet up with them. along the way pull the sim card out of the burner, snap it and toss it out, then get rid of the phone elsewhere. Once you meet up with friends, depending upon what type of safe it is you should be able to use liquid nitrogen and a sledge hammer to bust the lock open. if not, be creative, saws, drills and blow torches can get you far. Then split the money 3 ways as they now have just as much of a burden to deal with as you do. get rid of the safe, I suggest a deep hole in a highly wooded area or the bottom of a hard to reach lake area. from then on never speak of the incident again.
Edit: Never turn yourself in. if you’re going to prison anyway, make the bastards chase you. savor the freedom you have left before the system takes it away from you.
Judging by this guys post history, 99% sure it’s a troll. If not, the fact the such a decision could be made by him should instantly tell anyone that posting rational advice is completely useless anyway.
#1 If this is true, punch yourself in the throat. #2 If you are just trolling, punch yourself in the throat.
What happened, did you make a loose-lipped promise to your niece after her failed spelling bee that you’d pay for her to go to Harvard, and your plans to get the money any other way failed because of some old creepy guy with strange ways to cope with the loss of his wife and you and your friend Duff couldn’t knock off a liquor store because you guys couldn’t decided who was Kyle and who was Steve?
God, you make me want to jump the next flight to America to punch you the throat myself.
