Fat plumber addicted to 'shrooms runs all over the place murdering defenseless turtles. He’s constantly seeing talking mushrooms all over and is trying to find a chick he hooked up with once, but keeps going to the wrong place. And this is a game we buy for our kids?
Super Turbo.
It is the fifth iteration of a sequel.
…that’s all I’ve got. 
You start of as a broken man in a rest room outside of town. You’ve received a letter from the wife you killed just days earlier. Your dumb ass is supposed to meet her, cause you decided to forget about the whole “you killed her” thing. You combat monsters who don’t care to fight back, you watch other monsters rape each other, some annoying fucking kid decides to fuck your shit up. A dude wearing a pyramid is trying to stab you for no apparent reason. Then you remember that you were really sexually frustrated and your wife didn’t put out cuz she was dying from cancer or some other bullshit terminal disease. So you killed her. And now that you remember, you feel guilty and you kill yourself. End of game. Also, there’s this fat baseball team drop out puking in a toilet and the game zooms in on his buttcrack.
Ok so like in this game you battle dinosaurs, then you skin the dinosaurs and end up wearing them to fight bigger dinosaurs.
You either pick a Chinese character or you lose to one(Hong Kong counts), everything is unsafe, some say it caused the fighting game lull of the 2000s, its community is full of assholes, and the only places to really play it are SoCal and Tokyo.
& Unlike some games that get faster online, it becomes Virtua Fighter Final Slowdown 
Everyone should put the name of the games they are describing in spoilers so people can confirm their guesses.
This thread is godlike.
In this game you play as a pirate, but he’s not really a pirate, he’s not manly enough, he can’t grow a beard. Basically the gameplay involves clicking and the premise of the plot is to save the governors daughter who’s ugly as sin due to those 16 bit graphics…
Man this game is too good, anything else I say will just make it sound great.
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You’re a dolphin in water.
Ecco by any chance? I could never beat that game… too hard for me as a kid
You got these 3D blocks all the same size, they’re all textured like they were rendered on a C64. But here’s the great part, you can stack and join the blocks to make stuff, get a bunch of green ones to make a hill or something. Once you’ve spent HOURS doing this, there are these little block people called creepers that run around destroying everything you made. 10/10 IGN
You get rudely woken up from your nice cold nap on a space ship that looks like a giant grey brick by some naked purple computer bitch who is looks like one of those annoying teenage, lesbian, feminist bitches and a captain who’s mouth can only move up and down, this is still more expression than the player character has, a big cyborg-ish guy who probably has massive skin problems and really needs a fucking shower because he never takes his fucking half ton giant green metal armour off.
Anyway the captain gives you the purple bitch on a USB and a pistol that doesn’t have any ammo in it for some reason and tells you to go save humanity from an evil group of aliens that seem to have a complete fixation with the colour purple making about as intimidating as a fucking Care Bear in Jurassic Park.
The Aliens are interested in this humongous ring, planet thing for some reason so you set off to go punch everyone in the face because that hurts as much as a full round of machine gun ammo for some reason and shoot them in the head with a pistol which is so ridiculously overpowered it makes all other weapons including rocket launchers and Sniper Rifles completely useless in comparison.
It had a bunch of sequels/spinoffs which are all pretty much the same idea.
10/10 game of the year 2001.
I have a second, equally favorite game, that I’ll go ahead and describe in the BEST worst way possible:
Touch fuzzy, get dizzy
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So you play as this kid with gravity defying bangs. You start out by getting a scar put into your forehead by eminem’s retarded cousin who happens to be your classmate. You don’t talk to anybody, but suddenly you meet an Asian girl, and fall in love, and become a social butterfly, because what Asian woman isn’t capable of doing that to whitey? You then have to ultimately go to the future to beat some dumb sorceress who wants to rule the world by making herself omnipresent, but by doing that kills everyone in the world leaving her no one to rule over.
Then there’s a bunch of other kids fighting with you but none of you remember that you were all orphans in the same orphanage. Early alzheimers, nigga.
Sent to the Internet with Smoke Signaltalk. Buy your matches and blanket in the Trading Outlet for $20 shipped. Firewood sold separately.
I am not sure that we can be friends anymore, Corey.
I mean, I can easily look past the whole religious differences, and your Asian fixation, and whatnot.
But actively promoting taste cancer, like you’re a leaky nuclear powerplant, is another matter entirely.
Old School Gamers UNITE!
You’re nobody, you break out of prison, you kill a lot of people, undressing them and wearing their shit like you’re Hitman, except sometimes you pose their bodies for necroerotic thrills. You go to these clubs, take all their jobs as it seems their members don’t do shit, eventually you turn into the leader of the clubs. Sometimes the world is in danger and you have to save it. You save it. World still pretty much ends there since the population of the world has nothing else to say but the same sentence over and over again since game God didn’t put enough words in their brains. So enjoy purgatory doing side quests.
In an adaptation of 2000’s hit film Charlie’s Angels re-imagined by the man responsible for Kingdom Hearts II, you play as three giggly teenage girls who gallivant about a substanceless fantasy world solving mysteries and helping people with completely mundane problems they could easily solve themselves, all while listening to all three of these bizarrely dressed player characters make with “witty” banter which typically just amounts to them all flirting with one another in extremely awkward ways. At one point, they stop mid-mission to take a dip in a hot spring, just because they’re in the area. A minigame has the protagonist giving another woman a back massage with the goal heavily implied to be the induction of an orgasm. There’s also a rail shooter section and a sports coaching simulator tire-ironed in there, and a math game that you have to play in order to get full completion and the best ending.
you drive a whole bunch of cars you will never, ever even come remotely close to affording in real life. you can’t smash them up in an ironic fit of rage either cause this game’ damage engine takes around 10 hits to even show the metal slightly warping. the music sucks, online is garbage, there’s no story mode and yet the developer makes you wait 4-5 years per sequel.
I demand to know what games are being discussed in these posts.