Dan and Skullo

As Ortega and Dan began to rev their engines, Trash was talked in massive amounts.

Ortega: Man, I’m gonna burn you so bad, you gonna look like a weenie that was on the barbeque too long!

Dan: Man, them steroids have gone to your brain!

Just as Sakura was to yell go, they saw a purple streak coming directly at them, freezing them both in amazement. As it rumbled closer, they could see it clearly. A purple 2003 Bentley Azure convertable pimped out with red plush interior, hydraulics, red Tireflys, a Kenwood sound system blasting Jay-Z’s ‘Big Pimpin’ and topped off with fuzzy purple dice in the windshield.

Ortega: Who in the fuck?

Dan: Man, whatchu think u doin’?

Two men hopped out the car, Allen Snider and Retsu. (Thought I’d let 'em go into story limbo? No way! :D)

Allen: You all claim to be pimps, right?

Ortega: Yea, so what? Who are you some assistant pimp? I already got my understudy.

Allen: hmmph, No friend see I am a pimp of the highest order. This is my assistant pimp, Retsu.

Dan’s eyes flashed with the memory of the gi-clad old man.

Dan: You son of a bitch! You broke my nose back in Japan!

Ortega: You got beat up by an assistant pimp? Damn you suck!

Allen: Look gentlemen, We all see to be owners of fine vehciles. Care to add one more to the race?

Ortega: What’s the stip, chump?

Dan: Yea, what’s your angle?

Allen: No angle. I just love kickin’ but and chasin’ tail.
With that the three men prepared to race.

Retsu stood over with Skullo and Scorp.
Retsu: I’m getting too old for this, you know.
Skullo: nods
Scorp flips Retsu the bird.
Retsu: Oh, you want some, huh? As Skullo tried desperately to hold the two warriors apart, Sakura screamed:GO!!!

JUSTICE BUMP, BIYATCH!!! :lol: :stuck_out_tongue:

*Meanwhile Mel Masters and his Hamster Ho Bijou are in his Herb Green Cadillac Power Wheels on the streets of Detroit. Mel is pimpin Bijou for some Yu-Gi-Oh cards… *


Mel: Good work Bijou! I got 10 rares from that Hamtaro mofo.

Bijou:french accent Just doing my job.

Mel: Well keep it up at this rate i’ll whoop Amy and everyone’s ass in Yu - Gi - Oh.


Just then E. Honda walks by and see the lovely Hamster…

Honda: How much for a night with that bitch?

Mel Pimp Slapped E. Honda

Mel: Respect the ho’s Biatch!

Honda: How much?

Mel:Hey aren’t you that sumo guy that my dad beat the shit out of?

Honda: Your Dad?

Mel: Ken Masters, Foo

Honda: O your Kens Bastard

Mel Pimp Slapped Honda again

Mel: What do you want with a French Hamster Ho?

Honda: It’s a long story…

Honda: I was tryin to get a part in Eagle’s new porno but before you get da fine bitches you have to do either gay or animal porn. I didn’t want to shame my rep so i did the animal shit. After a few months i made it to the big leagues but i realized that i like the animals more than the ladies.

Mel: Wow you are one screwed up Fat Bastard!

Honda: HOW MUCH!

Mel: 15 rares motha fugga.

Honda: Fine here…

Mel: Go suck that guys dick off Bijou

Bijou french accent: O La La


*Later that Night at McVaffes *

Honda: You ready for my hot man chowda?

Bijou french accent: Bring it queer bait

Honda attempted to have sex with Bijou but she just exploded (physics you go figure it out)


The Distinguished Chaps and Blanka just got finished watching Skullo and Sakura getting Intimate and were looking in on Honda’s Room when Bijou blew up…

Sephiroth:Wow…

Alucard:Dude that’s not cool…

Blanka:Hrmphhh!

Sephiroth: Ok Blanka thats was the sickest thing i have ever heard, i will not dress up like the Fonz and comb your back hair.


Meanwhile, on another side of D-Town…

Magneto : CRAAAAACK!

Chang : Yeah man, all’s we gotta do is rob this bank, and then we’ll buy some crack for yas.

Choi : Chang, are you sure this is a good idea?

Chang : Of course it is!

Choi : I sure hope you’re right…

Chang : Choi, I’m too much of a criminal genius for this to go wrong. The red dude goes in, kills everyone, then we get we get the cash and split it 3 ways! He can go get some crack, and we get the money!

After a few seconds, everyone in the bank gets infinited and KOed.

Chang : Okay! I’ll bust open this safe and we get the goods!

He tries to smash it open, but it doesn’t work.

Choi : Damn you suck Chang, I’ll open it!

He tries to crack the combination, but it doesn’t work.

Magneto : CRAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

He uses his magnetic powers, and opens the safe. He gets the goods and flies away.

Chang and Choi : DAMN!

They see Kim and Makoto run towards them

Chang and Choi : DOUBLE DAMN!

They see a beat up police car, and out of it comes Edi E. and his trusty gun!

Chang and Choi : TRIPLE DAMN!

We rejoin God Sakky, Dan, and Skullo, who are running from the nine Nas-Geeks.

God Sakura: CAN YOU REMIND ME WHY I’M RUNNING FROM THEM?! I’M GOD, REMEMBER?!

Dan: Well, yeah, but your vitality’s shit!

God Sakura: Oh, yeah.

The nine shadowy giants finally catch up to and surround the Street Fighters, and the sky grows from black to crimson as they shadows take on physical forms.

Geeks: Ha ha ha! Do you not know where we get our powers from?! With our RPG rulebook and some Heroclix, we can summon the powers of the mightiest superheroes in all the omniverse!

Dan: Uh, wuh duh fuck?

From the darkness of these giants, out came Spider-Man, The Hulk, Deadpool, Venom, Wolverine, Captain America, Cyclops, Phoenix, and the most heinous of all, Archie.

God Sakura: This shit’s getting old! GOD-RYU-KEN!

With the God uppercut, the superheroes disappeared in an instant, dematerializing into salt. Yet the resounding boom of the geeks’ voices could still be heard.

Geeks: Uh, what the hell?! Sheng Long, it’s not working!!!

The voice of the EGM April Fool’s Joke rumbled throughout the land.

Sheng Long: Never send a geek to do a joke’s job.


E. Honda found himself stumbling out of the chaos that became the McVaffe’s lot, looking for any sign of life after the explosive entrance of God Sakura. It seems however, that he came across a Puerto Rican Ryu cos-player and a Mega Man cosplayer, and left them behind. But before he knew it, his ass was plucked right under him.


(Ramos52’s entry took place before God Sakura’s entrance, right?)

I would assume so.


Dan, Skullo, and Sakky look to the skies to see a dark figure flying towards them. The Fanboys make way of their master’s path as Sheng Long enters.

Sheng Long: (to Nas-Geeks) God damn, ya’ll so fuckin pathetic. Get ya’ll asses down to the comic book store or something and leave this to me.

Nas-Geeks: (wheeze) Yes sir.

Sheng Long: Retards… Now, where were we? Oh yeah, I was about to knock the living shit outta ya…

Sakura: You don’t scare us! (rushes toward Sheng Long)

Dan: Hold up, ya stupid bitch!

Sakura: GOD-RYU-KEN!!!

Sakura’s fist passes right through Sheng Long.

Sheng Long: (Laughing) Fool! Don’t you realize I am not a part of what you mortals call reality. My entire existance is subjective. Hell, even Capcom USA doesn’t know whether I exist or not!

Skullo: (signs)

Dan: You’re right, we ARE in deep shit…

Bump before the dream is dead…

Thank you. I was away for a week, but I’m back now. PREPARE FOR MORE PIMPLY GOODNESS SOON!

Bump :wink:

“I’ve put this off for far too long…”

m121akuma:LADIIIEEEES AND GENTILEMEN!!! WELCOME TO THE NEXT PORTION OF “DAN AND SKULLO”!!!

And “applause” sign flashes above m121. The SRK audience begins clapping estatically. pirate360 gets up on his chair and whistles wildly.

m121: Thank you, thank you. Remember, this Pimp Fic is sponsored by McDonalds, Churches Chicken, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Subway, and most other fine fast food chains. Please visit these restaurants as often as possible, preferably for every meal of the day!!!

Akuma: (off stage) Excellent…

m121: Now, without further ado…ON WITH THE FIC!!!


Sheng Long: There is no one who can stop me!!!

Unknown voice: I think not!!!

Sheng Long turns around to see Akuma standing behind him; an entire army of Fast Food workers from around the world at his command.

Sheng Long: Well, well, dear brother…and what do YOU plan to do?

Akuma: Same thing I did to your mom last night!!!

Dan: Waaaaiiit, if you two are brothers, then wouldn’t she be your…

The fast food geeks give a painful moan at the thought of Dan’s implied statement. Sakura screams in terror. Skullo assumes the fetal position and cries uncontrollably.

Akuma: Shut the fuck up, Hibiki! As for you, Sheng, You’re ass is goin’ down, mutha fugga!!! ATTACK!!!

The fast food geeks charge at Sheng Long. A cloud of spraying condiments forms, with sporks and plastic cup lids fly everywhere. The dust soon settles, and the fast food workers are all unconcious.

Sheng Long: BITCHES!!! You got ketchup on my GI!!!

Akuma: (enraged) That’s it, you bastard…SHUN…GOKU…PIMPSMACK!!!

Akuma grabs Sheng Long. A white flash of light blinds everyone. When it clears, Akuma can be seen with a look of horror on his face. His “Mack Hand” has been easily deflected by Sheng Long.

Sheng Long: What was that, HO?!?!?

Akuma is knocked to the ground.

Sheng Long: I take it nobody’s a big enough dumbass to oppose me.

Dan: (thinking) C’mon Dan…You’re a pimpmasta…This is your only chance to prove yourself once more…DON’T BACK DOWN!!! (Aloud) I AM!!! I AM THAT DUMBASS!!!

Sakura: Sure are…we’re all dead…

Dan: (thinking) C’mon Dan…You’re a pimpmasta…This is your only chance to prove yourself once more…DON’T BACK DOWN!!! (Aloud) I AM!!! I AM THAT DUMBASS!!!

:lol: Dan’s too good.

But, uh, I’m busy with something at the moment.

Plug

The Ansatsuken Kid, written by Bowling Pin! Coming soon! Buy the video game now!

Anyway, I hope that SOMEONE…perhaps the reader of this very post…will try his hand at the pimp game.

how long has this been going on, christ, too much good ganja is going around or something

“ill bills the fucking name dont wear it out, i grab ya by fucking throat an then i tear it out”

:wink:

its on like donky kong

heh, this stuff’s pretty funny

Damn, this has got to be the funniest thing I have EVER read! That anaconda shit was too good!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Keep it up folks!

Nice stuff.

Update this fic quick

ENOUGH IS FUCKIN ENOUGH!!! This lack of updates has gone on too damn long. Time to take care of business.


Sheng Long: howling with laughter YOU?!? You’re a nobody, a muthafuckin NOBODY! You’re a Pimp Padawan! You got beat down by a fast food manager TWICE!! You failed a simple test with a TRAINING BITCH!!! How do you possibly expect to defeat me, the essance of the uppercut?

Dan thinking Damn, he’s got me there. Cmon, say something witty. Now’s the time for the ol’ Hibiki charm…aloud STFU n00b!!! J00r t3h ghey!!! PWN3D!!! k thx bye!

Everyone else::wtf:

Dan:thinking SHIT!! That’s what I get for staying up all night on SRK! I can literally feel my intelligence slowly draining…

Sheng Long: Yes, pwned indeed, young Hibiki…

Sheng Long made a charge at the former Pimpmasta. Dan closed his eyes, preparing for the excruciating pain (and humiliation) to come. Suddenly, a familiar voice rang in his ears.

Yoda: Think you are doing, what the fuck do you, hmm? Parry you must. Save you it can. Fucktard you are, yes, mmm!

Dan felt a mental smack to the back of the head. His course of action was clear now.

Dan: PIMP PARRY!!!

A flash of pink light filled the air. When it cleared, Dan could be seen, open-palmed, smack the fist of his attacker away. A wiff of baby powder rose from his hands and filled Sheng Long’s eyes.

Sheng Long:SHIT, this stuff BURNS!!! That was fuckin’ lame, Hibiki!!!

Watching the fight, Sakura pumped her fist in joy, while Skullo gave a V for Victory sign, followed by a pelvic thrust in Sakura’s direction.

Akuma: Fools.

Suddenly, they both stopped.

Akuma: Save your celebrations. That was nothing. You think a flash of baby powder can stop him? My brother is much more powerful than that. He’s fuckin gangsta. This battle is futile.


There, that’s enough for now. If no one else posts in a few days, I’ll keep going, but please, don’t let it die! Think of the puppies!!!

Sheng Long grunted, and the sky burnt red with the blood of his anger; surrounded by white powder dust, he extended his fists and gathered the particles of the substance as if it were ki. When he was done, he had a ball of pure baby powder sitting in his hands. Sheng Long took his index finger, and wiped his teeth with the powder.

Dan: Um, you should get a toothbrush for that.

Sheng Long: But really.

Sheng Long instantly teleported in front of Hibiki and put him in a headlock. Long chewed on Dan’s hair, and attained a bright, clean set of teeth.

Dan: 'WOT 'DA FOCK!!!

Dan unleashed a flurry of kicks to Sheng Long’s jaw, who did not react to any of them. Sheng Long casually slapped Dan, who ricocheted into a building.

Akuma: I leave my comfortable hospital bed for this?

Sakura: And where did you come from?!

Akuma jabbed Sakura in the chest.

Akuma: Shut the fuck up, fucking poseur. My pretenders get dealt with.

Sakura got up.

Sakura: I am -SO- a real, authentic, Satsui no Hadou fighter! Really, before it got all popular!

Dan was caught in a grapple by Sheng Long, who by now amused himself by molesting the poor shotopimp.

Dan: AIIIIEEE!!! GET OFF ME, GET OFF ME!!!

Sheng Long: That’s right. SCREAM, SCREAM a blood curtling cry to all you’ve ever LOVED.

Akuma: Whoa, he’s…the ghey.

Dan heard Akuma’s statement from several yards away.

Dan: The ghey?!

Sheng Long: :lol: That is correct. Bitch.

Dan: Then…it realy does come down to this!

With hesitant tears in his eyes, Dan transformed into his secret alter ego: Mai Shiranui.

Mai: W00t!!!

Sheng Long gasped in horror.

Sheng Long: UGH!

Akuma: Hmm?

Sakura: The fuck?!

Skullo: !


Meanwhile, in Japan…

Andy Bogard: WHAT THE SHIT?!


Mai: Actually, I mastered the ability to transform into any SNK bitch I want! It sure does help when I want to masturbate and all I have is a mirror!


Meanwhile, in Japan…

Andy Bogard: whew


Sheng Long: No way…no way would I tap that. Ugh. UGH.

Akuma: This revelation disturbs me.

Mai: NOW! points to Sheng You wanna molest this shapely woman body?! DO YOU?! PUNK?!

LMAO!!!

Wow…this is hard to follow up…

:lol: :lol: :lol: