Ask Zig: Being White!

You are wrong. People who eat lots of curry have the worst B.O. Ever. Period.

why do white people like seinfeld so fucking much?

and 30 rock.
and the office.

people who eat lots of curry smell like curry. white people smell something foul that doesn’t even have a food attached to it, which is worse IMO.

You want some crazy BO stand next to a sweaty ethiopian. My gym class back in high school was packed with ethis and the lockeroom reeked of herbs and spices.

What’s with those ugly hyphenated last names?

Why do white people sometimes name their kid with a last name that doesn’t match either parents, whether the wife took the husbands name or not?

Why do white people look at the ground when they walk past people of color?

I rest my case.

in the hierarchy of the aryan nation, who is top tier, and who is bottom?

i have also heard italians are the black people of the white race, is this true and why? where do non-italian whites stand on guido’s/guidette’s?

I was always under the impression that Irish are the blacks of the whites. Either way, I’m both Irish and Italian, an thus know the streets.

Any political map will serve fine as a tier list. Just start in Northern Europe and work your way down, then throw the Irish at the bottom.

Alt for Norge.

Remember my response regarding White women and perfume? The same principle applies, albeit for the worse.

Because only we understand why those shows are funny.

-Hyphenated last names are yet another wound inflicted upon us by Women. What they lack in physical strength they make up for in sheer cunning.

-It’s a backup plan in case the kid turns out to be a belligerent douche. Makes it easier to disown him.

-To avoid the slim chance we’ve met a Gorgon, whose gaze can turn you to stone.

Tier 1: Jews, Lawyers, Neo-Irish (extinct), Lion Tamers

Tier 2: Russians, English, Baldwins, Welsh, Swedes, Starbucks, post-Coppola Italians, Spike Jonze

Tier 3: Scottish, French, Germans, Spaniards, Norwegians, Knights Templar, C-Groove Ken/Guile/Sagat, Leno, Canadians, Steve Carell

Tier 4: Pre-Coppola Italians, contemporary Irish, Eminem, Marduk, Indiana, Nick Lachey, Fox News

Tier 5: Cowboys fans, the NHL, Segways, Greenpeace, Democrats, Vega, NASCAR

Yo Zig, long time reader, first time poster

What’s it like being white? Do you have to wear sunscreen in the summer in Seattle?

OK I’m not going to lie to you, I haven’t read any of the posts in this thread

-Thankfully no. Sunlight in the Pacific Northwest is filtered through a massive smog cloud in the Earth’s stratosphere, significantly reducing our exposure to the Sun’s radiation. This protective layer was built in Los Angeles throughout the 1960’s and '70’s and now covers most of the western US.

-Well get to it!

I like how this is a mixture of races, characters and random semi-famous white people.

Highly accurate I might add.

As a white man, please rate the pulchritude of current* white female celebrities. Some annotations explaining the rankings would be appreciated. I am interested to see how your people evaluate your own features.

*some latitude can be given

why do white people enunciate every syllable in words, and speak very slowly and clearly? then when someone says “kai axe u a question?” which clearly translates to “can i ask you a question?” white people be all like “NO DONT AXE ME!”

It’s even funnier when white Americans try to speak other languages. Then they really over enunciate and speak ber-slowly.

Apologies on the late response, as I’m still recovering from PAX East. Should have the latest answers done today or tomorrow.

Here’s all you need to know: There’s Heidi Klum, then everybody else.

And we lost her to Seal. God dammit.

All arctic species move slow in order to preserve body heat and energy. Minorities are used to fast-paced communication because they evolved in tropical and desert regions, where one must speak as fast as possible in order to relay a message before passing out from heat exhaustion.

Why did white people invent carpet? (Not to be mistaken with rugs. I’m talking stapled to the floor.) If you think about it, carpet is pretty gross.

Yeah.

My apartment has carpet in the kitchen. WHAT THE FUCK