Anybody have any good jokes? I haven’t been able to tell a “good” joke in a long ass time. Most of the jokes I knew as a kid did not stand the test of time. I’m guessing getting older has something to do with that. But yeah, I tried to think of a good joke yesterday and I had nothing. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the only funny things I’ve heard lately is through crazy conversations and the over exagerated ideas that are added to them. So if you’ve got something, post it up here and I’ll try it out around my office and tell you how it went. I’d like you to keep things as original as possible, so try to refrain from posting canned jokes from the internet. I want to hear something that you’ve heard while you were out with friends or something.
whats the diff between michael jackson and acne? michael jackson doesn’t until you’re 13 to come on your face.
what’d one tampon say to the other? nothing they’re both stuck up bitches.
a seal walks into a club. <rimshot>
pickupline/joke:
how much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice, hi im <INSERT YOUR NAME HERE>
a catholic priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are on a sinking ship.
pastor says: "WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST"
rabbi says: "FUCK THE CHILDREN"
priest says: “DO WE HAVE TIME?!?!?”
what’s the difference between a dead guy and a black guy?
buried deep down, you know theres a good person inside
how do you find all the mexicans in a city?
roll a penny down the hill
your mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car
what’s worse than finding one dead baby in a garbage can? finding one dead baby in ten garbage cans.
What did the Mexican fire fighter name his kids?
Jose and Hose B.
SORRY HEART NANA,
I DON’T KNOW ANY OTHER JOKES BESIDES THIS ONE!! I WISH I WAS FUNNY!!! ;_;
Two Jews walk into a bar. They buy it.
Two cupcakes were baking in the oven. One cupcake turns to the other and says “Boy, it sure is hot in here!”
The other cupcake replies: “HOLY SHIT! A TALKING CUPCAKE!”
Yo momma is so fat when she went to the ocean all the whales started singing “we are family, even though your fatter than me…”
Heres another A clown and a priest are at a birthday party. And the clown is molesting me, and the clown is my dad and he’s not really a clown…My dad molested me…LOL Im just kidding I never met my dad. He ran away YEARS ago.
The best joke of all time:
Q. What’s the difference between a hooker and a jar of mayonnaise?
A. When you’re done with the jar of mayonnaise, you don’t have to slit its throat and throw it into a dumpster.
Whats the difference between an apple and a baby?
You don’t cum in the apple before you eat it.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
As the newborn puppy said**,“YEAH, I’M OUT THIS BITCH!”**
-Starhammer-
How is a blonde like a screen door?
The more you bang 'em, the looser they get.
What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller.
A hooker, a rabbi, a priest and a black guy walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up, and asks “What is this? A joke?”
So a feminist and a fishjie walk into a thread…
Who walked in first?
Yo mama is so fat she deep fries her toothpaste.
What do trees drink at a party?
Spoiler
Root Beer!
If the earth was a sweater where would the niggas live?
A) in the HOOD!
Quick comeback jokes
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yo momma dry her clothes in the oven.
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that nigga be in bed sheets playing Xbox
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that nigga momma hit a gainer out the roof
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that nigga got mad in the club and did a psycho crusher
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that nigga got a box chevy with motorcycle seats
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yo lil sister used to come to school with a OJ glove
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that nigga died on the sofa with the remote in his hand
I can go on foever 
Is your father a baker? because you’re such a cutie pie.
i asked my grandma if she ever tried 69. and she said “No but i have done 53 that’s all the sailors i could screw in one night”
whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven
what does beer can sound like in jamaican? Bacon!
Here’s a few of my own that have gotten some laughs over the years.
Why was Yao Ming always injured?
He was made in China
Why are so many squirrels born in the fall?
Because they like to save their nuts for the winter
What do you call a Rabbi with heartburn?
An acidic Jew
I’m sure you’ve heard of a 69, but have you ever heard of a .8?
No? It’s a snowman getting head.
What do you call a Chinese man that can’t lie?
Hunbelievable
What do you call an Indian guy that likes to punch women in the crotch?
Punjabi
What was the name of the first black Philosopher?
Niggaples
a blondes house is on fire so she asked her friend what should she do her friend said call 911 and the blonde said whats the number