RECAP
[details=Spoiler]Against all odds, C.I.ARSENAL and CHRIS PARTLOW managed to survive the TECH TRAP.
PENGUIN calls out PSYCHO for just a promo this time. Love how blood needed to be spilled to get The Way of the Bauer™, like an HD remix this hour in particular will unlock all kinds of TROPHIES! Jack’s gets his demands quicker than silver: complete FOXHOUND stealth + bandanna, all for this unbreakable, unbuyable EHRMANTRAUT guy.
C.I.ARSENAL thinks Jack shouldn’t get JACK - which includes JILL - until the President of the United States endorses him with a PIMP’S SERENADE: “JACK WANTS HER, JACK NEEDS HER, JACK GETS HER!” Suddenly, the dead/undead souls of TERI, MARILYN, DIANE, CLAUDIA, RENEE, and even ANGEL NINA all occupied the nether regions of THE AUDREY and has rendered her permanently in need of THE BAUER SEED!! JILL VALENTINE, now updating her Linkedin profile, is shocked THE PSYCHO ONE has endorsed her… in real life!
WINGMAN tries to play the HOUSE OF CARDS with sister DARK ANGEL’s feelings but gets a slap from DOD for not letting her program(me) 100 WAYS TO DIE buffer. As BEHROOZ’s corpse becomes THE MAGIC CARPET SHAWARMA, DOD’s goons senses his rigor mortis giving him another stiffy - from his vibrating cell phone! SHEROOZ, his sister, left a voicemail detailing OPERATION WESTERN UNION! Message received! DOD gets spooked and orders DARK ANGEL to RTSD.
MIKE FLACCID tries to turtle and poke against Jack’s presence towards THE AUDREY’s baking pie, too bad Jack still S-Tier in negative frames! After getting a COMPLIMENT MIXUP, FLACCID returns to Audrey relieved. Unfortunately, he still leaves FRIENDZONED and uses her passive non-glances to take a hint phone call. SODA POPINSKI has just received FLACCID’s previously forged executive order surrender of THE PSYCHO ONE to finally pay for his OROCHI RIOT OF THE BLOOD thang years ago. However, thanks to Heller’s recent plan to keep Jack’s op a silent and deadly one without outside interference, FLACCID is forced to decide if booty - his, or Audrey’s - is more important than dranking watah!
Speaking of interference, PM BASED STEWIE and his hawt chief of staff PM DAWN, don’t trust that new allegiance over there, VIGILYANKEE and PRESIDENT WHO AM I?, so they conduct their own ahem bloody, secret mission of tracking Jack.
JACK and JILL get to the bottom of the former’s RESIDENT EVIL: Jack used to work with ERHMANTRAUT and left after seeing human trafficking + other incidents that violated Article 2, Section 9, Paragraph 18 of the TRIPLE P INTEGRITY. Jack’s plan to get close again is to formulate a scheme in which Jack pays back the money he owes EHRMANTRAUT while convincing him he ain’t no rat that led to ONE OF HIS GUYS’ death while putting a NORTON VIRUS on his laptop to track down DOD WHILE turning JILL into THE PSYCHO MERYL!!
JILL sees that this is a suicide mission, and worries about getting tortured, until Jack shows her the LIQUID SNAKE that will render her KO’d (as a captive) while he does the rest. If she is somehow able to wake up and FACE OCELOT, Jack has BRYAN FURY 1.0 on standby. JILL looks on incredulously wishing she became one of those other blondes that don’t know any better, like that KIM something chick. Too bad she has absorbed all of Jack’s PSYCHO BREATH, suddenly revealing her FINAL TRANSFORMATION via FOXDIE!! JACK “!'s” and punches his PSYCHO DICK during the “Ka-chink’s”!!
C.I.ARSENAL returns looking like MAX PAYNE and gets agitated with MILO JR.'s mini-investigation on the BLACK ADAM case, and orders him to focus on the STEALTH MISSION. Surely he’s just mad because a drone almost wasted him right?! RIGHT?! :bluu:
DARK ANGEL tracks down SHEROOZ, and tries to tell her not to worry about BEHROOZ, all while JASMINE joins in to SPOTIFY innocence. DARK ANGEL reports to DOD that SHEROOZ won’t be an issue, but DOD is not impressed, she’s watched enough HOUSEWIVES OF ANTI-GOVERNMENT to know collateral damage is necessary to solidify PROSPERITY YAAAAAS! DARK ANGEL, unable to perform BABALITY on DOD because of blocking, is forced to FINISH THEM! Who’s Next?!
As the perplexed PM BASED STEWIE shoots a deuce, JACK rolls up into DRAGON’S LAIR, and gets the FULL MONTY banstick. EHRMANTRAUT turns out to be BONK W/ HAIR and gets a PSYCHO BEG for mercy. He unloads JILL from his trunk and is temporaily looks like THE PSYCHO PLAN might work. Until ADULT BONK confirms the LIFESTREAM counter-drug to wake her up and then some.
-COMMENCE OPERATION SHIT JUST GOT REAL IN 24 SECTION
BRYAN FURY 1.0 has his sniper rifle locked into THE TORTURE ROOM. As she awakens, she gets a BDSM WEDGIE via CHAINS OF MISERY as she gets questioned by ROLENTO and EL GADO. They do part of ROLENTO’s super to hoist her up and delivers OH YOUR LEGS knifing! SHINDOO HADOKEN to make her messy, just right mmmmm. Then SPARKING! BRYAN FURY 1.0 laments that she’s gonna die, but THE CHLOE/JACK advises against his shot.
BONK W/ HAIR tests JACK’s knowledge of the UBS ACCOUNT. He asks him to verify the identity of WESKER (yeah, Mesker, but ya know). THE CHLOE tries to Google that shit down but WESKER obviously exists in THE NEW WORLD. Jack begins to sweat knowing he won’t get the chance to kill this entire room by himself, staring down a gun to his face. THE CHLOE reassures WESKER is just a deity, and Jack decides to roll with it! Ready to reunite with TRIPLE P, Jack braces as BONK … was just having a merry ADVENTURE with Jack’s PSYCHO NERVOUS SYSTEM, confirming the ruse! I can’t take this, yo!
As BONK waits for the PAYPAL, 1.0 sees the end is near for our PSYCHO JILL, but gets KO’d by SQUAD OF NINJAS before he takes a shot!!! PM STEWIE’S MEDAL OF HONOUR HAS INTERFERED!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!
Jack and Chloe painfully realizes 1.0 is still on the CONTINUE screen. Just moments before BONK gets wind of TOOL ASSIST, MEDAL OF HONOUR comes in guns ablazing! Jack manages to PSYCHO KILL a few of BONK’s goons while M.O.H. loses their trifling members too. Before ROLENTO/EL GADO can “drill” the JILL, they hear the gunfire and STAND THEIR GROUND. While GADO runs off, JILL puts ROLENTO into the TEMPLE MASSAGE!! Despite being three times bigger and WITH A GUN IN HIS BACKPOCKET, maybe ROLENTO was momentarily disorientated by her smelly body and/or her PSYCHO PERIOD so he walks to the table for EX KNIFE up until JILL manages to break free off the chains LETTING THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, and the knife. With taped wrists, JILL mashes the ACTION BUTTON until she PIERCES ROLENTO’S SPINE WITH A BEHIND THE BACK GASH!!! SEXIST STAB EVER!!!
JILL cuts the tape while avoiding automatic gunfire from DJ QUALLS. Using ROLENTO as a shield, she grabs his gun, landing HCB+P COUNTER…just do the damn thing!!! POP POP POP SO PRINGLES!!! PSYCHO MERYL HAS BEEN AWAKENED!!!
Jack manages to get the ROCKSTAR ONLINE PATCH onto the computer before putting BONK in REVENGE GUNPOINT for M.O.H. However, Jack is also forced to stand down. Before they could get converted to the BAUER SIDE OF THINGS, BONK was able to RUGBY THAT SHIT DOWN towards a soldier, and detonated everyone with that poor oaf’s GRENADE except Jack!!! IT APPEARS WHITE WOMAN AURA CONTINUES TO EVOLVE INTO JACK’S DNA, SERPENTINING INTO THE ATMOSPHERE LIKE THE MIST FROM FFIX!!! CHLOE studies the tracing of DOD’s whereabouts…
DARK ANGEL have AWKWARD DINNER with SHEROOZ. DARK ANGEL tries to discreetly advise her to leave, raising all full-brown blown suspicious. SHEROOZ prepares to call the authorities for protection against DOD til she notices the DARK’s knife. What’s with the knives today? Did Emeril sponsor this episode?! Before anyone can scream BAM a TYPICAL FEMALE SKIRMISH happens, resulting in BLACK MAMBA, accidentally. Welcome to the 24 death pool, SHEROOZ, say hello to your brother! Of course, JASMINE witnesses this and runs away from WHITE WHORE INFIDEL MURDERER, who’s clearly misunderstood thinking only guns kill people! SHEROOZ’s neighbor CHRIS HANSEN sees this suspicious chase and runs after them both!!
Yes, traffic is the most weaponized attack towards running idiots. BUT I DID NOT EXPECT A MOTHERFUCKIN’ DOUBLE DECKER BUS DSKLFJKLDSFHSDKGJHSDGJKHSDGJKHSDJHGDSKC@ 
DARK ANGEL JUST GOT HER WIG SPLIT, AND SHE DIDN’T PREVENT THE TRACING OF DOD!!! STATUS UPDATE: FEELING PAINFUL WATCHING THE BIRDIES.
Just when this hour couldn’t get any more …all over the place, C.I.ARSENAL make a private phone call about MILO JR.'s findings on NOT SO BLACK ADAM. OH MY DAMN… AFTER ALL THAT CRAZINESS HAPPENING ELSEWHERE THESE (GENIUS) FOOLZ HAD THE AUDACITY OF MOLE™ TO DO THIS!!!
The transcribed voice advises they can’t help him much if he gets caught. I. CAN’T. EVEN.
OK I’LL TRY:
I think person on the other line is either the Prime Minister Allistar or even BRYAN FURY 2.0 (Adrian Cross). As with usual mole discoveries on this show it cancels out another one that was “obvious” so I don’t suspect MIKE FLACCID anymore as he has bigger problems to worry about.[/details]
6 episodes left and I’m interested to see when that timejump is gonna happen
