(Also posted in the 3rd Strike for XBL forum)
Today, work was slow. I’m talking insanely slow. I came up with the idea to make up a list off of the top of my head of my favorite super arts in SF III. Not because they do the most damage or they are the best for the character, but simply because they just look freakin’ painful. So, here they are.
#10 - Raishin-Mahhaken (Yang SA I)
Yang first hits you with what I’m assuming is some sort of pressure-point shot, causing you to freeze in place. Then, calculates the attack, and unleases a crap-load of Tourou-Zan slashes in a row with such an intensity it ripples the air and causes you to spin around like a rag doll before smashing into the ground with your shit completely ruined. Ouch.
#9 - Yami-Shigure (Ibuki SA III)
At first glance, this super art is easily to overlook in terms of awesomecore-ness. If you pay attention, you can see exactly what happens: First off, Ibuki immobilizes her opponent by THROWING KUNAI THROUGH THEIR OWN FEET. Even Jesus would wince at that shit. Next, she slashes at their mid-section multiple times back and forth so fast and hard the outline of her body blurs. Once this is finished, you land on the ground in a similar fashion to Yang’s SA I, with an equally “I just got my shit ruined” look on your face.
#8 - Houyouku-Sen (Chun-Li SA II)
While we’re all probably desensitized to how bad-ass this super art is from seeing about a bajillion times (usually two-three times per match), that doesn’t mean it doesn’t look insane! Imagine some crazy bitch with thighs like telephone poles flying at you with that raging PMS charm in her eyes :mad: , then hitting you with a flurry of kicks that stuns you to the point that you are left wide open for yet ANOTHER flurry of kicks. Right when you think it’s all over, you get slammed with a heel to your jaw that sends you flying about fifteen feet in the air, at which point she’s free to fly up right after you and juggle your brutalized body in any way she likes. That simply has got to suck.
#7 - Shinryu-Ken (Ken SA II)
There’s nothing really that special about this one, except that, oh yeah, Ken fucking PUMMELS YOU REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE while spinning around insanely fast up to a point about thirty feet in the air, at which time you crash down, landing flat on your ass. Truly a scary thing.
#6 - Shin-Shoryu-Ken (Ryu SA II)
Chosen above Ken’s SAII uppercut for one simple reason: the fact that the game actually goes in slow motion to show just how much pain the unfortunate soul on the receiving end of the definitive ultimate bitch-slap is in. Plus, after it is done, Ryu doesn’t even let you hit the ground before kicking your ass again.
#5 - Deadly Double Combination (Q SA II)
Do you know what a liver punch is? Anyone who has been hit with one of these will tell you it is probably one of the most painful things you can ever experience. We’re talking more pain than fishing hooks through herpes. Q dishes out an insane liver shot, immoblizing his oppenent in sheer pain for several seconds, and then using both his hands, he slams them down on your head. This bounces you off of the solid ground so hard (and physically impossibly) that you fly to unknown heights just to drop down in time for Q to ram his pimp-slappin’ piano glove into you one last time.
#4 - Kishin-Riki/Kishin-Tsui (Oro SA I)
With only one hand, Oro grabs you by the face and slams you into the ground, picks you up and swings you back over his body and back into the ground again, repeating until he simply throws you aside like a pile of broken…stuff. What’s worse, if he manages to grab you in the air, he throws you to the ground and follows it up with a barrage of knees to the spinal cord. Pure and simple pain all over.
When Kishin-Tsui, the alternate form of the super art is activated with two punch buttons, Oro brings out his right arm only once to grab you, jump to a height that the game screen even says “fuck it” when thinking about zooming up to, and drops you on your jelly-filled cranium.
What makes this super art so great is the versatility with which it can wreck you. It has three different ways to make you cry like a little girl, something no other super art in the game can do (excluding X-Copy. also excluding Total Destruction because it only has two variations, although it does make you cry because of how bad it sucks.)
#3 - Gigas Breaker (Hugo SA I)
Dare I say, more brutal than the Final Atomic Buster? I think so. This is true due to two things: one is Hugo’s gigantic size, which dwarfs Zangief. The second is that having your spine snapped not once, but twice over his back is far more unpleasent than simply having to put up with your face in a sweaty Russian wrestler’s ballsack for a few seconds before being KTFO. Add in the fact that after this is done, he German belly-flops you into a pancake makes it all the more clear: this is probably the most brutal 720 throw you’ve ever seen.
#2 - Shungokusatsu/RAGING DEMON (Akuma, available with SA I, II, & III)
One of the most feared and beloved supers of all time, the raging demon’s awesomeness has a lot to do with the mysteriousness of it. You never really see Gouki’s attack happen. In fact, all you do see is him grabbing his opponent, the screen going dark, a flurry of what can be assumed as punches and kicks being thrown, and last, his opponent lying on the ground. You don’t even see them fall. It’s just grab, rape, dead. To top that off, Gouki just stands there with his back to them, knowing they aren’t getting up. The definition of bad ass.
My friend Dave once speculated that the reason for the screen going dark is not that Gouki is hitting his opponent and Capcom wanted to create a dramatic atmosphere for the super, but that they needed to censor what was happening. This is because Akuma is, in fact, turbo-rapefucking his opponent within that second and a half. To this day, I still can’t look Dave in the eyes any more.
#1 - THE MOTHERFUCKING STUN GUN HEADBUTT (Alex SA III)
A personal favorite (obviously), and one of the main reasons I started playing as Alex and kept with the game, the Stun Gun Headbutt is absolutely without a doubt in my mind the most insane super art in the game. I also believe it is the most brutal super art I have ever seen. To fully appreciate its value, simply imagine someone doing this in real life. I mean, picture a guy as buff as Alex, seven feet tall, flipping through the air several times before landing and grabbing his opponent. Using the momentum from the flips, he slams his skull into the other guys three times as hard as he possibly fucking can, then pausing for a second to really give it to him a fourth time. This hits the guy so hard he’s wobbly on his feet and is open to be destroyed in any fashion desired. It’s almost too awesome for words to describe. I bet the guys at Capcom who made this game fell alseep at night and dreamed of doing this move to their enemies as a crowd cheered them on, only to wake up in the morning with a smile. If anyone ever pulls this off in real life without the use of stunt wires or gymnastic equipment, I think the world would explode.
So, there it is, my top ten most brutal super arts in third strike. In conclusion, I’d like to thank God my boss didn’t catch me doing this, and welcome you all to comment or debate the list. Remember, no EX moves and such, strictly super arts.
