The Official SRK D&D Thread: Adventure Ho!

General Discussion
101

Lightning strikes you! You orgasm painfully!

The voice of God speaks to you!

Silence you impertinent fool!
God has not turned her back on you! YOU have turned your back on GOD!
You who wish for the world do not have the resolution to grasp it!
You seek handouts and effortless victory.
Glory does not come to the dissolute.
Glory does not come without sacrifice.
Repent, or die in obscurity.

Should you wish to gain my favor, I demand blood sacrifice. Seek out another player and slay them.
Brutally.
Break their bones and eat their flesh while they beg for mercy.
Do this in my name, and I will be pleased.

102

I fell from grace long ago, the sacrifice besides being demanded, its self satisfaction, Im not eatin it, but leavin the rotten body , and hopefully her soul also rots

103

A group of small girls surround you!

You try to struggle, but they overpower you and begin to tear your skin off with their teeth!

“Glory unto Mik’u!” One of them screams.

Ravaged, you lay in a pool of fluids and whimper to yourself, the air stings your exposed muscles.

Your strength has decreased by 12!
Your charisma has decreased by 40!
Your agility has decreased by 10!

You now bear the telltale tooth-marks of the forsaken!

104

I feel worse than when a succubus sucked me dry

105

Are you sure that was a real succubus? And not just some harlot with a really bad overbite?
They are known for transmitting the Klapp, which is a disease which causes a loss of stamina and poison damage.

106

sex is sex, sorry for the redundancy

now I need to find a white mage to heal me, this burning feeling is a pain in the ass

107

Oh yeah…some succubi have penises, but so do a lot of of the harlots in little Zunia.
You may need some heavy duty healing.

108

I want to play guys but be warned, just because I am a gurl doesn’t mean I am gonna take it easy on you!!!

109

Wait a minute; how the hell do you play this game?

110

Well too bad, as a girl its part of the rules we all go easy on you in hopes you sleep with us, sucker.
Of course the game will still be super hard, since as a girl, you need to be broken in an effort to prove that you are a cheap, hipster slut.

Its a battle of wits to the death. You must use every ounce of creative energy you have to avoid being brutally gang raped.

111

gang rape? there is a Village near to the west coast of Aldebria where they practice this ancient technique, its said thats the closest thing to touch God Aura, only a few ones have made it past that voyage.

you need to buy special garment for it.

112

This garment you’re referring to is actually the Kell-Issdra, the legendary necklace made of children’s earlobes. Its wearer is Caladur, and can only be obtained while she levitates in her sleep.

113

SRK DnD Rev 3.14
Hello and welcome back to the adventure!
As you all know the last 2 months have been a non stop roller coaster ride of violence and sexual mayhem as the forces of deviancy tried to overthrow the God-Idol. Of course they were brutally destroyed and the records of their exploits were obliterated from the timeline of our realm, but now we are back in full swing for season six of competitive SRK DnD!

Welcome Back Bonuses:
-Server Wide Pardoning for all heretics!
Consider your transgressions ignored! Your characters have been released from the sperm dungeons! This is a second chance to enjoy the game, with only a 70 percent stat penalty! The God Idol never forgives!
-New Mounts!
Overpower and hump 14 new animals from the lowly Gutterbark to the exotic Bog Dromedary! Embrace the forbidden with the new exotic mount pack!
-Reduced monthly fee!
Your credit card has only been billed for 11 and a half months! That is a 50 percent savings!
-Mouse Support
Control your game with the late
-Name change service!
Explore Essarcadia in style with a new, more fashionable name chosen by the God-Idol herself, finally! You no longer have to live with that crappy name you chose for yourself! Available on the whim of the God-Idol only.
-Royal Milk Bath!
The Order of the Heavenly Idol will visit your character at night and bathe them in holy fluids! Enjoy the moisturizing effects!

Gameplay and Balance Changes
-Dual Welding
Capsmiths rejoice! You can now wield two torches at the same time, potentially doubling your productivity! Be warned, only the most skilled smiths should attempt to shoe two futas at the same time, even a small mistake could end up with them ruining your guts with their mangled penises.

  • Loot algorithm
    Fixed a bug which caused treasure to drop when enemies were defeated.
    -Viagra Glitch!
    Fixed an exploit that caused futas to maintain an engorged status for months on end. To compensate for this, they will no longer lose the status until their target is destroyed.
    -Twitch TV support
    We’ve installed cameras in your home so that every moment of triumph and anguish is captured for the world to see! The roleplaying never stops! We won’t let you!
    -Bloody Mess
    More gore, more blood and now, new chunk effects in penile discharges. Bonemancer futa prestige class can now fire a 3 foot bone spike from their penis once per hour.
  • Lesser Iron Penis Cudgel
    Attack speed changed from .057 to 0.56

New Factions, Characters and Bosses
-The Imperial B-48 Royal guard is now active.
Players no longer need to fear the bands of Maurading Lesbians in friendly cities. The must now fear the maurading kill-idols of the God-Empress.
-Arch Futa Luka raid instance now active
Helplessly throw your soft, fleshy bodies against the hard shaft of justice in hopes of getting better armor. Your efforts are futile, the God idol laughs at your puny existence.
-Gwenne, sister of Dolleen
Added to home in Upper Tradejic

New DLC
-Season Pass 6999 Mikubucks
Allow you character to avoid entombment in the time vault as seasons pass! A must have for the serious gamer! Amazing value!
-Spring DLC 1999 Mikubucks
March…April…May…A mysterious time in Essarcadia, enjoy the world’s greatest RPG in the newest, freshest season of the year!
-Summer DLC 1999 Mikubucks
June…July…August…Summer, surf and…SWIMSUITS!? Things are getting hot in Essarcadia this summer!
Fall DLC 1999 Mikubucks
September, October, November…Ever wondered why they call it fall? See the leaves change colors and fall this season!
Winter DLC 2199 Mikubucks
December, January, February…Essarcadia becomes a magical winter wonderland covered in a cold, powdery substance not caused by futa ensyphillatic spore infection! Truly wondrous!
Please note Seasons DLC is not available to S. Hemisphere players. If you wanted to be treated like a human being you should have picked a better hemisphere to live in
-Occulous Rift Support 45006020 Mikubucks
Invite the God-Idol Directly into your eyeballs. SRK DnD is now available in jaw dropping, eye popping, brain melting 9D.
Spinal Syringe and lolitruth catalyst fluid sold separately

By reading this you have agreed to the new and updated terms of service. Full text available at the library of Miku, Shelves 36 to 490.

Happy Hunting, You filthy peasants.
Glory unto Miku! Death to the Profligates!

114

Fuckin Kromo. This shit’s hilarious.

115

I try to step back as I see the gigantic abomination move in, but I underestimate my opponents speed. I am sent flying backwards as the massive troll-tit smashes against my tiny frame, and I start to lose all control of my person about the time i feel my limp, used-up body smash through the stained-glass window of Hatsugoth Mik’u atop this unholy tower. As I feel myself falling, physically through the air and mentally inward again, I let go of all hope of survival. It is at such times when most would cry out to their god for help, but I find myself cursing Mik’u in my most desperate of hours.

Mik’u, maker of many promises and deliverer of few…I disavow myself from this false deity, accepting whatever fate befalls me from such heresy. I think back to my vow never to be raped by horses again but would gladly move to the far away land of Mez’Zeeko and take career as an entry-level prostitute where such practice is commonplace if it were to result in revenge against this new, still unknown enemy and her false idol. I would even go as far as taking oath with the god of blasphemers, @Kromo and freely accept the true death-sleep if it would pay for the death of my enemies.

"@Kromo…can you hear me? No?"
Figures, I muster up the last of my strength to create one last, apathetic grin and throw my middle finger to the ever-abandoning sky before I feel myself meet with the ground below.

Blackness engulfs my consciousness…

116

It might seem like there haven’t been updates, but that is just because we have been working so hard at improving the game. For example, we are planning on moving your credit card information to a new Password Protected™ server and increasing player convenience by making subscription payments one easy yearly payment rather than complicated month to month payments. Of course, with these improvements we will have to increase the monthly fee from $69.99 to $89.99 .
Also, in order to serve you better, we will be closing our call centres so we can retrofit our customer service experts with new, flame retardant harnesses to minimize downtime due to textile fires and escapes.