Welcome to the adventure!
Hark! Brave travelers! You have chanced upon the experience of a lifetime! The wondrous and storied history of SRK’s premier roleplay and text based adventure thread lies before you! With no player limits, no stifling rules and unlimited fun and excitement, this is the adventure you have all been waiting for!
The year is 162X of Voxaloidian calender. The land of Essarcania is in turmoil! Great social change is in the works, an ancient darkness stirs! Who knows what horrors lurks in the festering bogs of of Tighting G’ane or what madness awaits in the abyss of Larvel Ott? Shall you break bread and make shady dealings with the Moddurs of the stick city of Tektak? Perhaps you will seek enlightenment in the mountain nation of Domowunn? The sky is the limit for all of the swash buckling sword crossing magical mayhem your heart desires!
Now a little about the game
The main hub town is known as “Deneral”. This is the last vestige of an ancient and glorious empire. It is known as “The Last Free City”. Relatively lax in its laws, its proud heritage means it is policed by a force of vigilantes who rise up to beat and shame all those who would defile it. Reputation is tantamount in Deneral, a person lives and dies by public perception. Those who have sullied their reputation are cast out and shunned, they are mocked as they walk the streets, life is practically impossible, and it is inevitable that they seek out refuge in one of the lesser cities. It is rape or be raped in this cutthroat world.
In other games, you choose your character, race class and backstory. This is not realistic. Your character will be assigned to you by our Lord GOD.
Sex
Male (M):
The dominant sex of Essarcania. They have a natural aptitude for science, literature and politics. Territorial and prone to homosexually charged displays of aggression, in groups they are a force to be reckoned with. When isolated, they are often baby soft and tender nerds.
Powers:
Salt of the World: Once per day, males have a chance to retry any failed check. Failing the check a second time gives them +1 strength but puts them in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Thurst: Once per day, a male can choose any female or female looking target and pursue her relentlessly. Is able to match speed and strength if unequal. Player ignores all checks until he is either knocked out or manages to put his penis inside her.
Female (F):
Having determined that the males of Essarcania are a bunch of idiots, the women decided to take up a nomadic life wandering the country in a massive cluster known as “the swarm”. This radical movement, while mostly peaceful has been known to suddenly shift moods and become a seething, frothing mass of screeching harpies. However, not every single female is part of the swarm…there are a few roving bands of lesbians as well as women on the rite of passage, who leave the swarm after their first blood dripping and must return with a female child as an offering to the matriarch.
Powers:
Hysteria of the Vagnus. Once per day, females may call upon a deep seeded irrationality and become a terrifying, spitting and screaming presence. Men and creatures must run a bravery check to avoid becoming brow-beaten.
Call of Rape: Once per day, women may target any man and accuse him of rape. Man must give her all of his gold or go to jail.
Futa (FU):
The enchanting penised women of Essarcadia, they are both feared and revered by the citizens of Essarcania. A simple, yet beautiful people, these are ridge caste society, where the size and girth of their penises determines their social standing. Very little is known about them, as they are a very secretive group, their voracious flesh hunger is apparent to all.
Powers
Indomitable Will: Once per day, a futa may choose any non futa creature or character and have their way with them. The defending creature may roll up to 12 die to resist or struggle, although it will have no effect.
Raging Eruption: Once per day and engaged in battle and in aroused state, does critical damage. Roll 2d6 for area and roll 1 omnisided die for damage.
Races:
n’Groo
A dark skinned race of proud warriors and skillful lovers. They are adept dancers and musicians and excel in all forms of physical compitition. They are prone to hysterical outburts of violence and irrationality. Their culture is based around the ostentatious displays of wealth, after their patron God-Hero Tyronius Shaqui’na slew an entire stable of Basilisks while clad in reflective jewels and shoes so garish and neon colored, the basilisk themselves turned to stone.
Attributes: Strength +5, Agility+5, Int -5
Special Abilities:
*n’Groo Rage: *
Once per day, your character may fly into an uncontrollable fit of rage. Gains+30 to strength and goes into haste. Damage to women and children is quintupled. Effect lasts until there is nothing else to ruin. Using the ability in lawful towns and city’s lowers the global approval rating of all n’Groos.
Soul Brothers:
All n’Groos innately have a secret language only they can speak, impenetrable to all but the most skilled of linguists, they can use this to communicate opening and in secret. Using it around other races causes them to feel awe. This can be manifest in spoken language, written or a series of fist bumps and hand gestures, should they wish to communicate silently.
Lolu:
(F and FU only) The beautiful and childlike heirs of Ani’mea, the East kingdom. While tiny and adorable, they are adept martial artists and powerful mages. The spend the entirety of their lives at various academic clans known as “skuuls” and their allegiance is marked by their Skuul Uniform which can vary greatly, from plain and militaristic, to ornate and daintily decorated.
Attributes: Agility +5, Int +5 Chr +5 Spd +5 Mgk +5 Str+12
Special Abilities:
Jailbait: Touching a Lolu is considered a crime in all lawful towns and cities. As such, none can resist their forbidden allure.
Mahou Shoujo: Once per day, the lolu can transform into their true form. The can harness the power of friendship, love and hope to inflict unspeakable horrors. Roll 1 die per npc in game world. Power is doubled under the sparkling moonlight.
Zun:
The descendants of yellow dog thiefs of the East kingdom. United by the tyrant Jengis Han, they seek global dominance by mastering trade and manufacturing. Excellent with math and engineering, as well as tiny, nimble hands, they are adept craftsmen. A lack of genetic variation makes them all look the same. Children mature much more quickly due to the rigorous family discipline and a staunch diet of cabbage and salted ox innards means they maintain their youthful appearances longer.
Attributes: Mth+150
Special Abilities
Fung-Ku
People assume that Zun people are adept martial artists and thus, take an overly cautious approach to them, making less effective in hand to hand combat. Multiple enemies cannot attack at once, they will instead for a circle around them and attack one at a time. Effect lasts until character gets knocked down or fails a skill check.
"Ethnic Food"
Survival skill: can prepare delicious meals from minimal ingredients. Normally inedible animals can be rendered into spicy noodle soups.
Mensche:
The handsome ice people of the North. Fair in skin, blue eyed with sweet smelling of breath. They are natural leaders of men. Despised, but secretly revered by the n’Groo and Zun people’s, Menche bear the burden as leaders of the world. Their scalps are prized trophies in unlawful cities and towns.
Attributes: Strength +3, Int +3, Spd +3, Chr+5, Mgk+1,
Special Abilities
Overseer (M only)
Under the watchful eye and careful supervision, other races get a +5 bonus to all stats when a Mensche is the party captain. They are also less likely to hurt themselves or get gouged in prices, gives a +1 to their trap avoidance checks.
Lone Girl (F only)
When a party faces iminant defeat or death, Mensche girl can use this technique which sacrifices other races to ensure her survival. Doing so will damage her clothes and leave them suggestively torn. If no other races are present, use M-Mensche, if no males are present, F with the lower intercourse count will survive. If both are at zero, character with higher Chr survives, if equal, higher Spd tie breaks, if equal, both die, but may come back as a ghost or creepy little girl with doll.
Hated
Outside of the richest sections of Deneral, Mensche are below the law, and are subject to any number of abuses, including theft and murder must roll snake eyes for police investigation, and again to get any kind of compensation. Menche hides are prized for their beauty and are extremely valuable, may be sold in any city.
Trull
A mysterious stink bog people. Overweight, pimpled and untouched by sun or love, these fearsome hoards plague Essarcadia…or so they would have you believe. Largely an old wives tale to scare children and as a racial slur, the Trull are a pitiful shell of what they once were. Mostly innocuous, they spend their time pestering the good citizens of Essarcania with inane banter. While weak and cowardly, they excel at stealth and exfiltration.
Attributes:
Spd:+10
Special Abilities:
Altakount
Once every 72 hours, character can change their appearance and backstory. If character has criminal record, must perform Chr and Int checks to make sure everybody doesn’t immediately see through a paper thin disguise.
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30 times per day, can target an npc, if they fail an intelligence check, the character may empty their gold account as well as assume their identity if they wish. Using this repeatedly in lawful towns will result in being banned.
Classes
We don’t believe in harmful social distinctions. As a classless society, everyone is free and equal. However, some people are born favored by God, and will be awarded additional gold and education (skill points). You are free to call yourself a ninja or a bard or whatever. If you call yourself a lightning dragon death reaper,or something stupid, you may incur the wrath of God. Or maybe you’ll be favored? God works in mysterious ways.
Religion
There is only one true God, Hatsugoth Mik’u, the Eldritch Idol. Worship is encouraged, but not forced. Worship of false idols is punishable by torture and death. As game master and living vessel-prophet of the World-Dancer, punishment and favors will be doled out based on merit and whim.
Weapons And Magic
Oh man, there are so many cool weapons, like, I’ve got this sword and its all spiked and shit and when you swing it it is all like “Shwwwiiiiiiing” it looks totally bad ass. I’ve also got this bow, it does like, a million damage, it shoots fuckin’ LIGHTNING, like, how cool is that? Like “BZAAAAAAAP!!!” When it hits people you can see their skeletons for a second it is so awesome. My cousin Tommy said he found a lightsaber but I was like “no way man, there aren’t any lightsabers here!” and he was like “nuh uh! I found one!” So I was like “you’re a liar and your mom is a slut!” He started crying after that.
There is also magic, which is also totally badass.
Do you have what it takes to survive in this deadly and exciting world? Do you have the skill and the wit to plunder its riches? Are you a bad enough dude to avoid being mercilessly raped by orks in estrus? Find out In SRK D&D: Shadows of the Ice Dragons Sword Dark Prophecy
The story starts with you, the “hero” being summoned to Deneral, heart of Essarcadia. Will you head straight to Loliguard castle and seek an audience with the God-Empress? Or will you faff about in one of the many taverns and complain about women? Will you seek out the legendary Futa gold Scryer? Perhaps you will engage in a traditional shouting match with a passerby. The choice is yours.
Choose wisely.