what race am I now anyway, “n’gronian, please!” ?
but this is D&Dadventurehoes so that includes adding something to just the bling
“Bling Blong” @ Capital A Angelpalm
Your incoherent mutterings startle the futa, removing herself from a skull,she turns and sprays a white fluid into your eyes!
You have been inflicted with temporary blindness!
The enemy escapes!
You will have to search elsewhere for clues. You may also have to get your eyes looked at.
“Is this truly the best that you can do?” I said with a smirk on my face.
The stone statues begin to approach me, slowly yet with clear purpose. They attempt to lunge at me with their lances but I easily dodge every attempted strike with graceful yet nimble sidesteps. This same process continues for about 5 minutes.
“This is a waste of time. You’re about 1000 years away from defeating me, pitiful weaklings.” I said.
I easily escape their slow advances and head to the grand Deneralian library. As I walk in I notice that the entire place is filled to the brim with Zuns.
“It looks as though they working on something.” I mumble to myself.
They seem to be going in and out of the back areas, which are normally off limits.
You seemed a lolu, clothed in the skuul uniform of the pevermium obscurum Her hair is short and unkempt, she wears thick glasses and a heavy sweater. She notices you and . She tries her best to weave about Zun, with her heavy load of books, although appears to be having a great deal of difficulty keeping her balance. She notices you and turns to face you. This causes her to slip on nothing and fall. A shoe goes flying. You go over to help her up, but she recoils at the mark of heresy on your hand. She shuffles backwards frantically and bumps into a bookshelf. It wobbles and several small books fall on her with comical "boink"ing noises. She rubs her head and lets out and embarrassed laugh. Suddenly, a massive tome, the size of a coffee table, weighing twenty stone falls on her head.
The tome inflicts 541 points of damage!
Elyse Nakamura is gravely wounded!
You blink twice.although unconscious, her body twitches and contorts, on of her arms reaches for the sky unnaturally. Two more tomes fall, killing her instantly. Her small body is all but buried under the heavy magical tomes depicting nudity in frame by frame transformation sequences. The paper is made out of some kind of skin, and the words and images are embossed, creating a 3-d effect.
Only her arm remains. Upon closer inspection, you see a silver key on a coiled wristband. The tireless laborers do not seem to notice the blood and carnage before you.
Will you bend over and take it the key? Or will you study the tomes?
SRKDnD Rev. 2.1
Greetings True Believers! Despite the flawless roleplaying of SRKDnD ver. 1.1, I have decided to implement new changes, to make the experience even MORE perfect. These changes will bring increased balance and entirely new depths of strategy and depravity.
Change list:
Jobs have been added!
Jobs
Maid
With their steel plated skirts and iron headbands, they are deft warriors and are capable of taking a lot of abuse, both physical and mental. Their undying devotion makes them excellent meat shields. They wield brooms and mops with deadly precision.
Shaman
Masters of arcane and esoteric knowledge, Shamans indulge in a catalyst substance known as “mulch” which gives them clairvoyant powers. Mulch can be smoked, ground up and snorted or turned to a liquid and injected. The forbidden knowledge this substance grants is so alluring that powerful Shamans can die if they fail to gaze into the void at least once every 6 hours. Thus they are never seen without their War pipes, crystal bongs or razor sharp needles.
Idol Priest
Priests of the Eldritch Idol wear special headsets which allow them to channel the divine directly to their brain as well as speak words of power directly into the holy microphones. Unfathomably powerful with an appetite of destruction, they are sent into an insane seething rage at any blasphemy. They fight in powerful dance formations and wield heavy microphone stands.
Berzonker
These fur wearing, blood mad warriors are a rare sight in Essarcania. Totally insane, they are a threat to friend and foe alike. They spend most of their time screaming incomprehensible gibberish at inanimate objects. Some say, they are fighting a war only they can see. Others say they were born with serious brain defects. Regardless, their screaming, peeing twitching presence is terrifying. They fight with whatever they can get their hands on. Sometimes they don’t fight at all and just stroke random objects while crying and begging.
Assassin
These shadowy warriors are masters of life. Able to heal virtually anyone, they sneak up behind foes and heal them entirely. While weak and ineffective in face to face combat, a single assassin is able to turn the tide of battle quickly as he grants health and powerful enchantments to your enemies. They wield small pieces of string, feather wands and clumps of pocket lint.
Clear Mage
It is always apparent when a clear mage enters the room, they are recognizable by their brilliant and ornate mage robes, made entirely invisible by their magic. Indeed, clear mages are adept at making anything, short of people and thick objects completely transparent. It is unknown what kind of weapons they wield, as they are invisible…though legend says, befriend a clear mage, and perhaps they will let you see…
Competition Archer
With their high tech composite and stabilized bows and carbon fibre arrows, none or more accurate on the Essarcania Professional Archery Circuit. With unparalleled team work and capable of hitting bulls-eyes from hundreds of yards away, they are able to make a modest living for themselves in low stakes bow-sport. Masters of hand to hand combat, home made chakrams and diplomacy… they dare not use their bows to harm living things out of fear of getting banned from the EPAA
Quests Added:
-Sack of the Heretic Orphanage
-Legend of the 36 rare wolf pelts
-The tower of Rape II
**
Bug fixes**
-Mace of dervish reckoning now displays correctly in offhand
-Fixed clipping bug that allowed people to see into the women’s bathhouse.
-Fixed random bug that caused players to die instantly for no reason
-Gold Scryer no longer rapes player even if safe word of power is spoken.
-Fixed bug that displayed wrong skuul uniform when switching from Akijouhara skuul for the exceptionally beautiful to Senjogoharas skuul for the beautifully exceptional
**DLC
**
Armor of the Eldritch Idol Winter 2013 v. (Head) -6.99$
Armor of the Eldritch Idol Winter 2013 v. (Chest) -6.99$
Armor of the Eldritch Idol Winter 2013 v. (Shoulders) -6.99$
Armor of the Eldritch Idol Winter 2013 v. (Arms) -6.99$
Armor of the Eldritch Idol Winter 2013 v. (Feet) -6.99$
You all saw it! That orphanage attacked me! Burn them!!!
Barked the square jawed Menche into his Idol Priest headset. “Aye Aye captain” say your stable of choir boys/back up dancers in unison. You cross your sleeveless arms impatiently as they set to work on “Safe Haven 4 Kidz Orphanage” quickly nailing shut any windows and escape routes. Your hands drift past your rippling pecs and abs to your exposed midriff, where you sensually play with your belly button, as you always do when contemplating burning things. A cool breeze blows under your tight miniskirt and you grasp the giant, jeweled belt buckle bearing the likeness of the OverIdol for warmth. “Sir! We have secured the exits” says a particularly delectable, blond haired boy “we fear there may be more inside, what should we do?”
You can either burn the orphanage from the outside, and possibly lose out on any valuables inside, or you can gamble great reward but risk being infected with heresy by venturing into the scum pit.
Burn it from the outside, ain’t no heresy touching this perfection.
once this thread is closed, make a book out of it, u have a best seller
“Aye Aye Captain”.
The magical flames grow stronger and hotter. A few straggling children manage to stumble out in a a smoke haze, but they are quickly axed down by your subordinates. As the flames reach their peak, so does your feverish fisting of your belly button… You hear the supports crack and shatter and the building come crashing down. You remove your fist from your belly button with a loud, wet pop and smell the strong, sour odor. You shudder as you breath deeply and the smell of cooked heretics and belly button fill you.
Your mana has been restored!
Within minutes, the orphanage, the people inside and the priceless artifacts have been reduced to a fine powder atop a glassy plate.
You have acquired fertilizer!
You survey your work and say a quick prayer of thanks when you are interrupted by a gross and evil psychic presence. You turn to see a man in a long coat, obviously touching himself. “Hey um…is this where you get those unlicensed Hatsugoth Mik’u graphic sex novels? I thought it was around here, but i can’t seem to find this orphanage”
Said the n’Goo overlord to a his 7 year old Zun employee. She is at a work table which is basically a mensche, hunched over and in stocks with a sewing gun and cutting tools hanging from the ceiling.
There are hundreds of similar worker in similar workstations in this large warehouse like building. Everybody seems to be oblivious to the constant moans of agony and pleas for death.
“But…I can’t write…or read…I’m only good at sewing” Said the small girl, her tireless hands still moving. She is quiet for a moment as she quickly shaves a razor thin slice from the man. The hangs the 12x12 inch square of skin of a hook and presses a foot pedal, she uses a magical air dyer with one hand as she reaches into a bowl of powder with the other. Flicking tiny pinches of the powder at the square, she is able to cure the flesh very quickly…she then lays it atop the other sheets and begins to bind it in leather.
She pauses and asks “Why do we make books out of mensche? Don’t they have feelings too? Maybe there is something else we can make books out of…?” She looks confused and deep in thought.
How will you console her? (Note she is in shackles so you would have combat advantage)
Finally, some add-on content. Glad to see that we’re getting some dev support. The Assassin is looking to be a true force to reckon with. Regarding the DLC, is there some sort of package deal wherein I buy all 5 armor of eldritch’s together and get a discount? As opposed to buying each armor piece separately, of course.
And on an unrelated note, do you accept imaginary money as a form of currency?
I will do neither. I am not a monster.
I proceed towards the tomes and pry her cold lifeless body from underneath them. I carry her in my arms and exit the library, leaving my curiosity behind. I decide that taking her to the tranquil waterfall near the ancient tribal forest in Deneral is the best course of action. Once there, I dig a sizable hole with my bare-hands on a piece of land that is in close proximity to the waterfall and bury her there. I stare at the waterfall for what feels like an eternity, admiring it’s wondrous beauty.
“Why do I not feel sadness?” I quietly said to myself.
An unknown figure appears from behind me. “Your inherently stoic nature prohibits it.” the figure said. Apparently he had somehow managed to hear me, and I quickly turn around in order to see him.
As I gaze upon him, I quickly realize that he is Shaman. He is dressed in a long, elegant, dark blue robe and he sports a pipe of sorts in his mouth.
“My, my. And to who do I owe this pleasure?” I said.
“I’d like to have a word with you.” he replied, in a serious tone.
“Sorry, no can do. I’ve already spent far too much of my day here, I have urgent business to attend to back in the gallows of Deneral.” I said.
“Please, stay. You really do need to hear this. It is of the utmost importance.” he said.
He suddenly seems to be quite concerned, and a sense of urgency is clearly plastered upon his face.
I stare at him, puzzled.
It is actually MORE expensive to buy them all together.
DLC isn’t a free ride, you will have to make payment in person, in cash, in the local currency of my current whereabouts. Finding me is a meta quest.
It dawns on you, it is not just urgency…it is sexual urgency. For the shaman, while walking the Godshroom induced void opened himself up to psychic possession. His face begins to peel and melt and it is replaced by a cold stone visage. You can only recoil in horror as his arm becomes a mechanized phallonopaler and the wet “fwapping” sound becomes faster and faster.
None escape the liquid inquisition.
He makes brutal, but fair love to you atop the shallow grave. The tears of pain become tears of joy and acceptance as you find gallons of the God Idols love being pumped into you. Various bodily fluids flow and pool and seep into the ground.
Suddenly the ground begins to quiver and shake and booming pop music comes from the grave. Unable to control yourself, you frantically dig the body out with your bare hands. The voice of God speaks to you:
"You have sinned, you witnessed horror, you have pondered existence, you have atoned and you have taken in my holy spirit. Now the time has come for you to eat my flesh and be reborn"
You grasp the tiny, broken body and begin to weep, it glows and sizzles. An irresistible smoked meat smell fills your nose. You cannot help but salivate. Your first bite is tentative, a wonderful sensation of sweet and savory immediately dispels any hesitation. It is like the finest barbecue you have ever had, each bite juicy and meaty, dripping with sauce. Her bones are spicy and crunchy like kettle chips, her hair is refreshing and cool, it soothes your throat on the way down…it makes the perfect after dinner mint.
Completely full and satisfied, you relax and lie back on the cool grass. You do not see the inquisitor shaman anywhere, nor do you care. You gaze up to the sky and realize it is night time, a breeze flows over you and as you gaze into the billions of stars, you feel at one with everything. You drift off into a long deep, sleep.
You make up covered in vomit in a noisy back alley. You attempt to get up, but immediately fall back over. Your body feels weird…strange…you look down at your hands and they seem smaller than they should be…your arms seem unnaturally smooth. You look down and see what would have been a pure white uniform, if not for the putrid discoloration and bits of vomit lodged the many in buckles and frills. Your hands run up to your head and find a headset, you try to move the headphones and microphone…but they will not budge, they are permanently affixed to your head. You run your fingers through your hair and find it is tied up into a pair of pigtails. You frantically shuffle over to a puddle and stare down at your reflection. You gasp and blush at the beautiful little girl looking at you.
Tears stream down your face and you cover your mouth, joy overcomes you as you have become everything you have ever wanted. You have learned what thankfulness is…and you say many prayers of thanks to the God-Idol.
In your pocket you find a crumpled note with the words “Grant Cathedral” written on it.
“You have lost all your items!”
“You have lost all your gold!”
“Your level has been reset to 1!”
“You have been respecced as an Idol-Priest Lolu!”
"You have acquired “crumpled note”
With my mind weary from another night of searching to find imagery that would still be even remotely arousing, my body exhausted from that endless pursuit of the white animu horse, and my perception of realty and dream starting to merge together as one…I slip into a restless sleep. When I awake, I find myself in an abandoned shack in a wilderness that I don’t recognize. As I become more awake, I’m perplexed that my recollection of anything at all is naught. I see a bowl of stagnant water and a cracked mirror across the moonlit room. I splash some of the sullied water on my face and look at the refection of a stranger in the mirror. Still groggy, yet fully awake, I search frantically for anything to serve as a remnant of who I am. There’s a sealed letter, along with a few gold, a travelers cloak, and a dagger, in a satchel lying at the foot of the bed. I break the seal only reveal an unintelligible language written on the letter along with a map in the same language. Even though I can’t decipher the language, I somehow know the map is showing the path to the city of Deneral…
Kromo, is my dick hard yet? Or did It turn into a prepubescent vagina? I need to know, because my next action relies on it. :tup:
You feel some sadness as you look at the broken seal, for an intact seal of God-Idol is a prized collection item. You will have to make do with the unintelligible map. Upon closer inspection, the cloak is actually a Hatsugoth Mik’u snuggie. You clutch it tightly and feel its divine protection. You put it on and feel it awaken your latent clear mage abilities. Your small, but firm Zun backside is completely visible. They have yet to awaken fully, but you find this promising.
Gathering your items, you head through the down the forest path until you reach the main road. You walk in the quiet darkness for some time until you see a light at a fork in the road. There is a carriage with two men, one tall and skinny, with a wispy mustache and willowy hair…the other short and squat…with a mighty dwarven neck beard and dark hair awkwardly braided.
“Hail traveller” calls the tall mensche “My friend and I were taking a break from a long journey, perhaps a lovely lady such as yourself would like to join us” He says, making a grand sweeping motion with his arm, leaving his palm open to beckon you over. “We are heading Urdike Thror’um, you are more than welcome to partake in the many festivities”. The horse whinnies and stamps. You notice, now that you are closer, that it is completely white. You get a flash inside your mind as you recall your dream.
Will you ride in the carriage or will you continue to walk the path to Deneral?
It has always been a prepubescent vagina. Although it is high and dry. With the pressure of the upcoming visit…even hitting your subordinates no longer gives the sexual pleasure it used to.
Having no reason to trust these two, I use the power of MTH to calculate the chance of being molested by them. Still not knowing who wrote the cryptic letter or why it was in my possession, I have nothing to weigh the risk against. Having an almost mystic feeling of security from my snuggie, I decide to go with the travelers. Highwaymen or merchants, the white horse is too strong of an omen to ignore, and no risk outweighs the prospect of finding something that I haven’t been sexually desensitized to yet…
*grammar edit
Obviously I should do an elaborate dance routine explaining to him I burned them all and now I will burn him.
You are unnerved by anyone’s desire to visit the desolate city of Urdike Thror’um. You briskly stride past the two. At first they seem disappointed, but as pass by, the rhythmic swagger of your shapely bottom betrays clearmage abilities. “Its a clearmage! After her!” They whip the horse into a frenzy and begin to chase after you. While beautiful and fuzzy the Hatsugoth Mik’u snuggie was obviously not meant for running in. You feel something nip at your bottom and turn briefly to see the horse and carriage hot on your heels. The white stallion has a crazed look in its eye, its tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. You put everything you have into running, and try not to think of sound of the galloping hooves, the rickety wagon or the slapping of the horse’s massive, erect penis against its belly. You feel its horse breath against the small in your back and you have a flash of your dream once again. You vowed to never be raped by a horse again, and your resolve to keep the promise hardens.
The horse bites at you, narrowly missing you, but catching a portion of your snuggie. You feel something come free as your clear mage abilities are awakened. You run faster now, but in the darkness of the forest, you do not see a bend in the road and are sent tumbling down a steep slope, being scratched and poked by the undergrowth. The lust mad horse follows suit, and there is a terrible crashing and whining as horse and carriage slam into a tree and are sent flying awkwardly like a pair of bolos.
When you come to, you have a terrible rash in some pretty terrible places, but you are ok. You see up ahead the carriage, the horse strangled by its reins and the passengers crushed by the horse. Various goods are scattered around, you could probably scavenge some supplies. To your dismay, the snuggie is nowhere to be seen, but you feel like it is still part of you. You look up at the moon and sigh.
You have learned Nakedega!