The Ansatsuken Kid

Media Outlet Fan Fiction Library
21

In front of teacher and pupil were massive cavern walls which blinked as the moonlight stuttered, obscured infrequently by the waves of the ocean.

Where are Aku?

Akuma turned to the depths of his former den, and with the swoop of his arm, ignited the flames which lit the halls.

This … was once my training grounds; my home. Come. I must teach you the discipline of pwnzage.

She followed him in, letting her thoughts wander as she did. The hell you doing? This place looks like shit! Dark, grimy, muddy, wet…come on, plant a patch of sunflowers or something.

Do not slight my abode once more, girl. Akuma responded directly to her thoughts.

WHA-WHA…WHA?! She was startled, and she jumped, bopping her head on the spiky ceiling, and landing on her back.

Fool. Do not be so easily pwned by life. Akuma marched onward, while Buletta caught up muttering curses.

More darkness. However, the veil of blackness now covered a large chamber. Akuma blindly leaped into obscurity and pounded his fist into the ground, erupting the flames which poured out of the underworld, providing light. The shadows fled, revealing an unscathed collection of Buddhist statues whose faces were as blank as they were ominous. The chamber itself had a platform to the side, and beyond this room were the unfathomable depths of the cave, which had yet to be challenged.

Whyre you always so flashy? You couldve done the smart thing and brought… Buletta pulled a tool from her dress. …a flashlight. Its a fucking technological wonder, I swear to God.

You must have the patience and the understanding to realize how important ones individual style is. For the strong to refuse to display their clout triumphantly, they request a world of equality. With equality, comes the murder of -our way.- The warrior cannot excel if there is equality among the people. Therefore…you must get boss, and ride your own cock.

…excuse me? Buletta slanted her eyebrows.

Or puss if youre a broad, Akuma retracted.

Humph. Bukake mouth. Buletta stretched her arms and yawned. Geez, what time is it now? Like, late? You got pillows Aku? … Aku?

Akuma had grabbed Buletta by her neck. He dropped her only to knee her in the belly, and as she briefly floated upwards from the blow, her back was met with a swift elbow, which made her an acquaintance with the floor and her shape a permanent decoration on it.

You are pwned. Akuma coldly walked away.

Aku…the hell are you doing?! Buletta pushed herself up, leaning on her knee, but was met by a sudden Gadouken, the force of which jettisoned her to crack the wall behind her. She fell limp.

Imbecile. Dare to contest me only when you dare to kill me.

Damn, Aku…youre a fag…

Buletta woke up, her head suffocated in her hood, having slept in the fetal position. Seems that dawn has finally arisen once more, and she could smell … beef brisket. Smoke ascended from the corner of this large room, behind a lot of stockpiled statues. She straggled her way, to the smell, and discovered Akuma, sitting comfortably on a bed of dust, partaking of brisket over an open flame. Buletta remembered how he had dismantled her; saying nothing, she quickly gathered enough ki in the shape of a gattling gun and shoved the end of it onto his head.

…womp, womp, womp. Akuma had known who was behind him, and was not impressed. He flipped over his meal and geared up his own ball of ki; now pupil and teacher stood…in a Mexican standoff.

…Im about to pull the trigger and do what I shouldve done a long time ago…

Idnt dat cute? She done made herself a trigger to match her fireball gun. Akuma began to laugh, a roar of a laugh which rattled the entire cavern. Buletta released her gattling gun, shooting a string of ki bullets into Akuma…which were quickly absorbed by the energy that gathered in his hands. He smiled.

…um, fuck. Buletta braced for the massive impact of the fireball, but, after several seconds, none came to pass. Instead, Akuma pumped the energy into his pants, producing a massive boner on his behalf.

Woman…your ass, your tits, your mouth, your whole existence…makes me wanna live just for you. Akuma pointed at her with his thumb. Money problems? Fuck that Baby Bonnie. Im loaded in my pockets in two ways.

…what in the hell?! Buletta bounced back, and constantly side-stepped around him, not quite sure what to expect.

Baby girl, youre just gonna tire yourself out like that. Now, why dont you rest your tired body right here? He sat right back down, patting on his schlong. Ill take care of everything…because youre the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen.

…hes…hes…Bah. Buletta turned her head. Fuck this. Thats one big wang.

She sat down, on his lap.

…pwn3d. Akuma chuckled. Now give me some love. Just as Buletta was about to sit on the promised lap, Akuma got up. Youre stale. She froze in place.

Im…stale? Buletta pointed to herself. Stale?

Yes, stale. Youre predictable. Your personality is limited to that of a screenplay. Akuma wandered further into the cavern, half-expecting to be followed by Buletta; she did. You are explosive, self-righteous, and cold-hearted, and yet, easily manipulated. You truly are still a child. One burst of ki from Akumas palm was enough to engulf the darkened chasm with more light. Know to take advantage of your foe; physical and mental. Without this knowledge, you will never be able to defeat anyone. She trailed behind him.

…is that a bat? She wondered out loud.

…a bat? Akuma looked up, and a bat shat on his nose.

Ha, pwned by shit! She squealed with a smile.

There is a way to defeat my skills of pwnzage, Buletta. Know my past and you will be able to fight fire with fire. Akuma stopped walking, and faced her. Do you remember…the Internet?

Er…yeah.

…you will flame with the very best of the flamers. You will learn how to shit talk, how to look stylish, and master the proverbial backhand fist, for it is the proverb the preludes the verb. Akuma ignited into a crimson glow. Buletta was just confused.

Um…sure. Buletta blinked twice before Akuma handed her a laptop computer with a wireless broadband card, allowing her a superb link to the Internet.

Open up Internet Explorer. Ive put the links you need to visit under Favorites. Akuma walked further on. You should stay here and defeat the opponents who will lash out at you. Buletta stared down into the notebook, and did as told. Akuma had descended deeper into his dark abode, and, as all old, dying men do, reminisced about his past.

GOUKEN! GOUKI! It is absolutely imperative that you fully comprehend this attack! The old man Goutetsu put his hand to his hash-woven bandana, and puffed into his hashish pipe. The weak point in his argument is utterly obvious! Gouken, Gouki, can you not find it? The two boys looked at Goutetsus chalkboard, looking at the flame which he had written.

To pwn in message board conflicts, you must at least be able to defeat this flame. Goutetsu waited for nearly a half hour before Gouken raised his hand. Gouken?

How about…apologizing to the flamer? Gouken received a swift kick to his jaw in response.

What a pussy. Goutetsu placed a dunce cap on Goukens head, and looked at young Akuma, who had finally come up with his own answer. Gouki, do you have a way to counter that flame?

…yes master. I would tell him to suck my dick, and call him a fag. Then I will post a link to a picture of a man getting teabagged in the mouth, with the words FAG typed onto it in Photoshop. Goutetsus eyes watered with pride, as his black sheep pupil had figured out the correct response.

My pupil…you have done well. You have PWN3D that bitch.

Akuma lowered his head. Those were better days.

Notes:

This is Episode 10+ because the last Episode 10 was kind of short. So I added some more onto it after the forum crash a few weeks ago. BTW, if you haven’t already, you might wanna check out Ansatsuken Kid at Fanfiction.net. All the episodes have official “titles” now, and the first few episodes are slightly revised. (IE, Buletta and Akuma now speak with less gangsta intonations. :confused: )

22

This is retarded. Buletta shoved her notebook aside and laid on the ground. The Internet has tons of bitches and whiners. I wish the Internet were real, then I could send a giant fist flying out of these assholes monitors.

The lights in the studio had faded, and the day had been successful. No more than a few hours after learning the Raging Demon, Hsien-ko had just become an international superstar in the culinary circles. The Chinese ghost had just defeated the Iron Chefs and the Seven Gods of Food Network. Now in New York City, her guest appearance on The View had turned her into an overnight sensation. She was at the top of the world, and owed it all to what the ghastly karate man had taught her.

Mei-Ling, weve come so far! Hsien-ko was dragging the carcass of a steer out into the freezer, while Mei-Ling sat patiently on Hsien-kos shoulder. This move is…instant! It literally burns the meat up with the heat of…hell! Raging Demon really…murders!

Sis, thats a nice name for it.

Nice name for what?

Our new brand of spices! INSTANT HELL MURDER!

Oh really? That sounds like a great name. Hsien-ko chucked the body into the freezer and locked it, and went back into her kitchen all by her lonesome, preparing more devastating dishes after the other.

Hey, sis; is it a good thing we came back to New York of all places? Those pirate girls are gonna start chasing us down if word leaks out. Mei-Lings little yellow body shivered at the thought.

Let them come! Ive got ANSATSUKEN POWER!

It will never be complete until she defeats her for the Raging Demon. Akuma scratched his head, and looking for some entertainment, grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket. It had wireless broadband access, a camera, MP3 ringtones, and could emulate CPS-3 and NAOMI games which he also played online. The cell phone has a thirty gig hard drive, and can even cook steak. He turned it upside down and looked at the words he had written on it: This shit is pimptight.

Aku is weird as hell. Buletta was still stuck on the laptop trying to figure out just what she was supposed to do. Wait a second…whats this? As she was scrolling down a message board, she found a thread entitled No one likes me. What should I do? What an angsty little bitch. She clicked it, and brought up the first post.

Buletta began to write a reply in CAPS MODE, but after it was chastised in the last thread, she decided to abstain from it, and instead take another approach.

She felt proud of herself. Buletta lurked on the thread for a few minutes before another reply was posted. She read it, and much to her surprise, she wasnt being flamed.

Was it true? Did Buletta really pwn? She kept refreshing the thread, hoping that shed get more responses.

Yes. Yes it was. She had pwned somebody. She gave herself a sigh of relief, and clicked refresh one more time; there was another reply.

She jumped off the ground and dashed to where Akuma was meditating (or rather, downloading Eminem MP3s onto his cell phone). He stood up, and placed his hand on her head.

Now, we go to the mall. The giddy little girl in Buletta was ecstatic.

The…the mall? Chyeah bitch!

I am glad youre excited, as you will be the one paying. Akuma felt his hand being pryed off, and Buletta was visibly upset.

The hell?! Youre not gonna force me to buy anything!

Yes I am. Im out of money. This cell phone is expensive as fuck. Akuma put placed his hand on her head one more time, and quickly teleported to a faraway shopping district in New York City. Hah. She still doesnt realize that whoever has the money, is the pimp…

Buletta had life savings. In fact, she was so dedicated to her life savings, that she could essentially retire now until the she reaches the age of 147. But she was also very violent when it came to her money. Akuma dragged her into a store which sold mens suits, and his eyes nearly watered at the site of a sharp, black coat.

Hey, Bul, hook me up with that shit. Akuma stood silently, like a golem, in front of the clothes, salivating. To his surprise, the saliva flew across the room when Buletta slapped him upside the head.

Bitch, that suit is brand new. Not only will we not be shopping here, but Goodwill, but well also get something on sale. Akuma let out a small ooh ahh, ooh ahh, ooh ahh, and, quietly, his heart swelled with pride. Now, lets shop for my shit. She dragged Akuma, by the ear across the mall and turned her head, browsing the stores available on this floor. Nothing of interest. But they did pass by one store, and Akuma picked himself up.

You should shop here. Akuma pointed up at the stores title.

Victorias Secret?

You can wear those panties to dinner. Thatd be pimp. Akuma was met with a roundhouse to the balls.

Faggot, fuck you, she coldly hissed. Buletta dragged him again, until she found an appropriate place to shop.

The aerial weapon Albatross, salvaged from the Neo-Nazi Badds in the late 1980s, was the latest trophy of a man who was no stranger to the addiction that was collection. While he admired his recent acquisition, the Albatross was not the current concern of Rugal Bernstein. The Albatross was stored in a hangar far away, while Rugal would be able to conduct his own personal business at his retreat in Greenwich, Connecticut.

A supposed robot-turned-street fighter-turned-bounty hunter, Sentinel had found Rugal after he posted a request on a message board. And now, they face each other eye to eye, speaking.

I am growing impatient. Rugal put his feet on his desk, angrily accosting his guest. I sent a bounty hunter a month ago to drag his body to this room, but still no feedback. She was supposed to be the best of the best, but now I know better than to trust a woman who has a coupon in the yellow pages.

I can kill her as well for free as a courtesy to you. Sentinel raised his head slightly. He was grasping the frying pan he had safely hidden away in his arm.

Thats awful generous of someone of your occupation. Rugal poured an agitated glass of scotch. You drink?

No, thank you… I would like to be on the favorable side of a man whose destiny is to become God, Mr. Rugal. Rugal took a swift swig of his drink and took a heavy breath.

…you flatter me. Now, go.

Theres one more thing, I need to add, Mr. Rugal…

Buletta, for the first time in…months, flashed her money like bling. She just left her stretch limo, had just picked up a blood-red dress which glimmered in the pale moonlight, and Akuma was decked out in an unfortunate green-black checkered suit, but his fiery persona and appearance still made him look out to be a dynamic porn star, at the very least.

Whyd I have you pick this restaurant? It looks shabby. Buletta sighed, but Akuma stood still.

Because, this is a good place to dine.

The name doesnt even sound good.

Chinese Ghosts is a fine name.

Suddenly, the front door of the restaurant opened, letting in a breeze. It was no longer the time for fond chit-chat; now the offensive would begin.

Akuma gave Buletta a cold stare. Before them both were their ordered meals; a plate of pasta, chicken alfredo. They were at the top of their game. They were outfitted in some of the best clothes money could buy. … At least she was. Looking slick, Akuma began the first offensive.

“Bitch…who do you think you are? Stepping up to me: your master…who bears the name Akuma, the most feared of all of the world’s fighters?”

Buletta chewed on her alfredo, and even slurped the pasta into her mouth. She grinned.

“And you eat like a child. If I were your man…you would be an embarrassment of a pussy.”

Buletta calmly sipped her glass of wine.

“Are you done Aku? First of all…I know who I am. I’m your successor; you need a successor because the old Akuma is weak now. He isn’t what he used to be.” Buletta got off of her seat, and in the softest voice she could muster (painfully, at that), she looked at Akuma. She appeared now as a woman whom a man would dedicate his life to. But Buletta was not looking for romance; she was looking for the power the future held. “The world needs a new Akuma. A new Satsui no Hadou. You got punked by Sagat’s crouching fierce punch, and now you’re nothing but a corpse of the old you. What you taught me may as well be bunk. You may call me an embarrassment of a vagina for slurping alfredo, but…I call you an embarrassment of a fighter, to be cast an excruciating death by a measly poke.” Buletta whispered into his ear. “The new Akuma, because the world doesn’t need the old one.” She quietly went back to her seat. Then, she returned to the naive, easily excitable child she was before. “So…did I pwn you or what?”

“…your attacks were crafted well. But you did not pwn hard enough; you did not call me a bitch. Because, you know deep down in the bottom of your vile heart…that if you had said the word bitch, my cock would have suffocated you faster than you could say the period at the end of a sentence. No. You did not pwn. But you’re free to try another day.”

“Dammit. I thought I was cool this time too.” The master and his pupil ate of their alfredo. The night would not cast upon Akuma today, for his student did not extinguish the burning sun.

23

Now watch as I shill that shit down. :lol:

*If you like Ansatsuken Kid, you’ll looooove… Less than Legendary! Thrill to the saga of Muay Thai fighter Adon, who’s poised to become the next legend in fighting history! Along the way, he encounters Sakura Kasugano, a young girl whose own dreams follow the same path! But what will happen when Adon takes Sakura for his student? There’s only one way to find out!

http://www.rit.edu/~gjj2192/hol/fanfic/index.html*

24

What is it, Sentinel? Rugal let himself out of his office and took Sent along for a stroll in his behemoth-large hallway, ornate with delicate craftsmanship like a clamshell, ordained with priceless works of art including nude Guile statues in various poses (The Thinking Guile, with ass firmly placed on a toilet seat; the Angry Guile, with arms placed firmly on his hips; and the Paratrooper Guile, who seemed to be saluting something in the sky).

Are you familiar…with the Top Tier? Both men came to an abrupt stop. The clocks in the hallway sounded like flashes between still reality, with the fighters as tense as they were.

…who isnt familiar with the Top Tier? Rugal broke the silence, with an angry shake of his fist. If I knew who else was on it…

In other words, you knew Akuma was a member of Top Tier. Sentinel and Rugal began walking across the hallway again, towards the door which lead to the golf course outside. Rugal sure loved his golf, especially when the holes are marked by nude Street Fighter statues.

Its a slightly obscure fact that he started Top Tier after Super Turbo was released. He left immediately soon after. I think the chap had a different agenda in those days.

Rugal spotted a set of golf clubs after appearing outside. It was a dark night, and the stars made such a grandiose appearance in the sky that it almost looked as pixely as a Neo Geo sprite. And whoever doesnt play golf at night is a fucking scrub. He pulled out his nine-iron and set a golf ball on a tee. He sent the bitch flying.

Oh, and why do you ask? Rugal addressed Sentinel, who stood like an unresponsive golem.

A cabernet and a breadstick special later, and Buletta was drooling on the tablecloth like a Sesame Street-captivated toddler. Akuma was feeling disheartened, that the special event he had assumed would play out tonight wasnt going to happen. In that case, he was just going to improvise something.

Buletta. Sit the fuck up.

Buletta returned Akumas demand by raising her head a bit. Both of her eyes looked lazy, facing different directions. She raised her middle finger, shoved it up her mouth, and went back to a drunken reverie.

As master of the Ansatsuken art, I have failed its noble legacy. I had hoped that Hsien-ko would show up, and Baby Bonnie would challenge her for the right to learn the Instant Hell Raging Murder Demon through bloodied combat. I couldnt simply show it to her the same way I showed it to that Chinese ghost; she needed to earn it and realize its true potential.

Why didnt you bring those Lillien Knights of yours? Arr. Ruby Heart and B. Jenet were standing in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, dodging the people pouring out of both the streets and the door in front of them.

Theyre busy scouring the city for more easy scams, like street poker and religious tithing. Arr!

You say that now, but I would put it on me ships pride that your crew be doing nothing more than dumping the latest Japanese Game Boy Advance ROMs. Arr…

Arr, ye mock me Lillien Knights, contemptuous woman?! What crew have you? Huh? Huh? B. Jenet stuck her tongue out and pulled on her lower eye-lid. Ill tell you where they be! Thanos got his Infinity Gauntlet jacked by Tron Bonne, Jill Valentine went on to the beginning of a lucrative movie career, Spider-Man has gone back to his wrench, Sakura went back to being a no-good stalker, and CapCom backed that shit up too good when he reversed your ship into an iceburg! Now tell me, Captain Ruby Heart, what crew have ye?!

…such scathing words ye say. Ruby Heart took off her hat to scratch her head, and lifted her eyes towards the sign overlooking them. Do you think theyre taunting us?

Chinese Ghosts? An easy hint, it be. A possible trap?

Perhaps their freedom has nurtured their egos, and demand to be challenged!

Shall we take our revenge out on her now? No one leaves the industrious employ of B. Jenet! She haughtily laughed, placing her hands on her waist.

Nor do they leave the employ of Rub-

Didnt I just get through telling you your crew straight-up bailed on you after MvC2?

Damn. It went into a pond. Rugal marched on forward, while Sentinel followed him, still silent. Meanwhile, the AI of the towering robot was engaged in a private satellite-feed conversation inside its inner-most chambers.

So what youre telling me is that he had a hit out on Super Turbo Akuma because he was a founding member of Top Tier?! And he doesnt know who YOU of all people are?! This was the boisterous yelling of Cable, one of the highest ranking members of Top Tier.

Obviously, he doesnt play Marvel, responded Sents AI.

How do you figure he knows how Akuma got involved with us?! A man like Rugal could easily get at least one or two more names off the hallowed Top Tier roster!

Allow me to present an analogy: American citizens know who U.S. President Washington is, but fail to acknowledge the existence of Taft, Sent responded.

…that might work. But why would he start knocking us out?!

I believe that Mr. Rugal wishes to overthrow the Top Tier defense force for the purposes of staging a worldwide coup.

…just wait there, then. As soon as Storm and I arrive, get ready to stomp his ass. Oh, and Mags wont make it; he got invited to the fuckin MTV Video Music Awards. I bet you hes halfway done rushing down the Olsen Twins by now.

Affirmative.

A mass exodus of Chinese Ghosts patrons began not soon after B. Jenet and Ruby Heart took the restaurant by surprise, beasting on whatever valuable property they could see in an effort to draw out their former business associates.

…the hell? Akuma didnt quite expect this to happen. He raised one of his eyebrows, and then focused his attention on the intoxicated and titular Ansatsuken kid. Baby Bonnie Hood was still out, burping into a cold plate of pasta.

What the hells going on?! Chef Hsien-ko herself shoved the kitchen doors out of her way with great force, quite offended at the chaos caused in her own establishment. Heart! Jenet!

The damned wraiths of lasses have finally made themselves apparent. Ruby Heart quickly thrusted her hand upwards, bringing about a large burst of water from the ground. Hsien-ko covered herself with her arms to protect herself from the powerful jets of water that would spring forth her way, but didnt expect B. Jenet to dash through the downpour undetected and whip out a vagina-exposing roundhouse for the loyal readership of The Ansatsuken Kid, knocking Hsien-ko down.

Akumas eyes gave off another eyebrow.

Aye, this capture of the lass was a grave disappointment. Weve overestimated her. B. Jenet laughed, jiggling her breasts in a profound, lava-lamp-esque way.

Mei-Ling! cough We need to combine cough to form…MAGICAL PRETTY GHOST HSIEN-KO! Still reeling from the offensive, the little tag Mei-Ling hopped on her sisters head to become the true Hsien-ko; traditional Chinese ghost dress, huge ass sleeves with the claws, with the red/blue palette.

Whoa… was all Hsien-ko could muster.

Arr, what the hell? Ruby didnt wait to warn her comrade when she summoned her mighty vessel from out of nowhere to crash into the modest restaurant with its cannons a-blazing. Suddenly, another burst of water came and swept B. Jenet away into the streets, while she cursed her partner out with a variety of pirate vernacular.

This is some repugnant shit, Akuma muttered to himself.

Hsien-ko, the target of the aforementioned cannonballs, blocked them all with the sound vibrations of her mighty gong.

The terrible noise of the accursed gong! Have at you then, wench! Ruby dashed through her own jet streams of water wielding an anchor. Ruby slashed Hsien-ko upwards, launching her into the air, but she countered by swinging off a bladed pendulum Spider-Man style, which appeared out of nowhere. Upon landing, she startled Heart with a funny diagonal roundhouse, Hulk style. Then she dashed to Rubys descending body and gave her a quick fierce slashes with her claws, Ibuki style.

What is this, Marvel Super Heroes + Second Impact? commented Akuma.

Hsien-ko sent a few spiked balls over to Ruby, attempting to knock her down Capcom Bowling style, but Ruby blocked the attacks and took off her…belt…and whipped Hsien-ko in the mouth, goddamn!

What the hell was that?!

I was being resourceful, arr.

Why did you have to use your belt though?

Because I want to whip ya like ya daddy shoulda; with his hard working belt! Arr!

Whats the point of adding insult to injury?! Why do fighters like you have to taint the honorable ideals of street fighting combat with your vain, ownage philosophies?!

Uh…ow…ownage? Bulettas eyes began to open slightly, as she came to.

Arr, ye dont get it at all, do you then?! Ownage is the right of manhood, the qualities that define who is the weak, and who is the strong! Those who deserve to reap the glory of the world, are those who pwn their weak enemies by any means necessary!

Thats right, I dont get it! Why did we ever come to be enemies in the first place?!

To one who owns, all are the owneded! Ruby summoned several great explosions of water, and was determined to tear the block apart. The building in which the Chinese Ghosts restaurant operated collapsed, and began to flood the streets. She and Hsien-ko did not seem to react, as they floated all the way to the top of a nearby buildings ceiling (a Best Buy, no less, so you know the roof had that fucked up angle thing going on with the logo). They both stepped onto the ceiling, with the cold chill of the howling midnight gusts blowing their clothing violently into the night (for added fucking effect!).

Buletta, lets go up there. The first words Akuma said to his freshly revived student. Oh, and why the hell arent you in a hang over?

We cant get up there. The water they used to float up to the ceiling just dissipated. And Im the greatest drinker in the world, of course I dont get hang overs.

Bull-fucking-shit. I bet Gen could drink like 100 bottles of Listerine and not give a fuck. Akuma reflected, upon the life of the Chinese assassin he once knew. And I know the waters dissipated. We have Super Jumps, and you have a damn double jump added onto that.

Oh. Yeah. Doh. The master and student pair Tigger-bounced onto the Best Buys ceiling. Whoever designed that fucking yellow tag needs to get SHOT.

Silence. The final battle begins. Akuma turned Bulettas head towards the culmination of the fight.

Ruby swung her anchor one last time.

Then Ill have to show you that power isnt a right exclusive to arrogant! Hsien-ko dropped the giant claws protruding out of her gigantic sleeves, and tore the threads connecting the sleeves to her dress right off. INSTANT…

Ruby dashed at her opponent and leaped into the sky with her anchor pinpointed directly at Hsien-kos head.

…HELL…

With the steam of blood thawing her hands, Hsien-ko teleported out of harms way, and before Ruby could descend from her jump, Hsien-ko had reappeared directly behind her, and had already grabbed her body, setting her up for the finisher.

…MURDER!!!

The moonlight eye had shut and flickered, and once the darkness was unsheathed, Ruby Heart had fallen.

VICTORY!!! Hsien-ko, posing for no one and nothing in particular, began shooting off V signs with her hands like nobodys business.

…gay was Akumas only response to the climax. Weakness. She barely ruptured the pirate womans back, much less her life. Dont you think so? Akuma didnt bother turning his head to check on Buletta for an answer; he already knew it would be a waste of a head turn because he had already known what her reaction to seeing the Instant Hell Murder again would be.

HSIEN-KO!!! Buletta pointed at her former bounty head, snarling with fangs. ONLY ONE WILL WALK THE EARTH WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THAT FINAL TECHNIQUE, THE GLORY OF THE ANSATSUKEN ARTS!!!

Um…oh yeah, you were at the Six Flags! Whatre you doing here?

THE INSTANT HELL RAGING MURDERER DEMON WILL NOT BE TAINTED WITH YOUR PROFANE, IDEALISTIC WAYS!!! Buletta clapped her hands together and formed a glowing, ki-based automatic weapon. This was Bulettas perfected, custom technique of the Ansatsuken ways: the Hadou-42!

So do you really think youre cool because you yell when you speak?! Hsien-ko quickly prepared herself against Bulettas inevitable onslaught.

Werd!

25

:lol: :lol: :lol: i haven’t laughed this hard in a long time

26

Here’s the introduction I wrote up for this story when I presented it to FFOnline’s fanfic forums earlier today. It’s kind of like something I’d like to have as my intro if The Ansatsuken Kid ever got licensed and published into hardcover form. :lol:

Enjoy.

Instead of post the as-of-yet unfinished serial story, in its entirety, on these boards, I decided that it’ll be better to post a link to the story and let this thread serve as an introduction.

It was a Saturday night, January 18, 2003. I was in a fanfic writing mood, so I decided to go ahead and try my hand at the old word processor. The result? A story called “WTF Stage,” based around Soul Calibur II, in which a variety of fictional characters would have it out for the Soul Calibur crew (ranging from Link/Spawn/Heihachi of the console games to such entries as Batman and Sanford & Son), simply because Namco really seemed to like that. It didn’t go very far at all.

So, I quit that story and I’m thinking about doing something else. Something that I really wanted to do, something slightly personal. I had grown fond of using B.B. Hood in Marvel vs Capcom 2 on my Dreamcast, and thought for a second, “she’d be a fun character to write.” … Boom. Another thought: “you know, I wanted to write a fic that parodied The Karate Kid for a while now, and Street Fighter has it’s own version of karate, Ansatsuken…why not have Akuma as the master who teaches his novice? And who, exactly, is evil, ruthless, and crazy enough to be Akuma’s apprentice? You know, B.B. Hood would be fun to writ-…oh yeah.” Second boom. The Ansatsuken Kid is born.

But first, when reading The Ansatsuken Kid, one needs to realize that it’s full of self-referencing in-jokes pertaining to the forum that it originates from (Shoryuken.com; best General Discussion ever!). It’s not too often that you’ll be scratching your head, but remember this: Sagat’s crouching fierce punch in Capcom vs SNK 2 is a poke with great priority. It’s really useful. Okay, now you’re prepared to read it no matter what genre of video games you love the most. Just keep in mind that the story is, partly, a swooning love letter to the fighting game community as a whole.

It’s a story made with humor in mind. And I admit, the first episode is pretty raunchy, more so than the rest of the series. But writing it made me realize a few of my flaws; I initially wrote the dialogue of the first couple of episodes with gangsta intonations that I immediately disregarded in later additions, forcing me to refine my style of “character conversion.” That meaning, I always exaggerate the defining traits of a character in a humorous story (which accounts for 100% of my fanfics). B.B. Hood is an easily frustrated little bitch who feels a little embarassed when she gets in over her head. Akuma is, by nature, reserved and never gets flustered. But when his own death is impending, and the irritation of not having any lineage for his own murderous intent grows, he decides to allow himself to let a smart ass quip let loose occasionally, and, much rarer, allow a semblance of a shade of a speck of emotion to rear its head. One can say that the murderous intent is a slow, spiritual transfer from master to apprentice, in this case.

Much of this story’s plot is derived from none other than Pocket Fighter, as Akuma’s island home is transformed into Sig Flags Over Gouki, and adorable Chinese ghosts Hsien-ko and Lei-Lei are job hunting stir-fry chefs. If B.B. Hood had any embarassing video game appearences, I’d exploit her for all she’s worth too. Something that may be jarring to some readers is how I, almost without thinking, crossover different fighting games that have nothing to do with eachother. But I love to imagine that there really IS a VS Game Multiverse where Marvel, Capcom, and SNK (and soon, Sammy) characters live, play, and fight eachother. Marvel vs Capcom 2’s Sentinel (who is actually written as an individual character, rather than as a series of giant robots), Cable, Storm, and Magneto later make appearences in the story (or have yet to), but only because these characters have made an impact on the fighting game community.

I really have yet to finish this story, and I’d probably be done right now if I didn’t waste important time by writing up introductions like this. :wink: But when it’s all said and done (HOPEFULLY to be completed on January 20, 2004, the one year anniversary of it’s publishing), I hope everyone who got to read it comes back with something they didn’t have when they went into it.

Pin out!

http://www.shoryuken.com/forums/thread20103.php

27

FORE! Rugal liberated a golf ball from its tee and into a moonlit treetop. Isnt that fresh?

Absolutely. Sentinel was getting impatient with Cable to arrive, and even began to blow some steam.

Hey, is that healthy? Rugal noticed his bounty hunters anxiety. You would fancy a masseuse?

Just a premium unleaded martini.

You can go back into my home and have one of the servants fix one up. Relax now, because I wouldnt want you to lose your cool on our little arrangement. Rugal chuckled, and went back to his golf session. Sentinel took his advice and left to freshen himself up…and make another contact with Cable.

Where the fuck are you?! Sents internal transmission to Cable had gone ignored for a half-hour now. Why must I wait for you when I can frying pan this gnat right now?! Sentinel was finally able to get a faint transmission, indicating some activity on the other line.

…m…ve mo…e … now!

?

…MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! NOW!

The shit?! Sentinel saw a flash of lightning, followed by a loud rumble of thunder. He turned around, and looked into the sky and saw Cable and Storm descending from a dark gathering of clouds.

Its starting to rain? Pity! Rugal casually raised his eyebrow and abandoned his game. Well, I hope you dont rust up or anything.

SNK bitch. Before Rugal can say what, Sentinel hovered above him and whacked Rugal upside the head with his giant frying pan, knocking him into a muddy pit of sand.

You double crossing… Rugal stumbled to his feet, not expecting a blow like that. He marched towards his robot enemy, only to be surprised by a sudden scimitar to the chin, knocking him down again. Rugal looked up, and saw a towering man with white hair standing above him.

You were too ambitious Rugal. Cable smiled, sternly, and nodded to Storm.

Yes. Hes frugal Rugal. Storm laughed out loud.

Shut up Storm. Cable picked up Rugal with his left arm and shot a quick Viper Beam to his gut. Too easy. Youre sure hes the guy Sent? Before Sentinel could answer, Rugal pounced up again and noticed the hole in his shirt.

You put a hole in my shirt? You must be stupider than you look! Do you know what happens when Rugal takes off his shirt?!

No.

I get cheap!

Meanwhile, the stare down between Hood and Hsien-ko was getting tenser. Hsien-ko stood indignant to Bulettas ranting and raving, while Buletta grew tired and irritated at the ghosts arrogance.

Why are you pissed in the first place?! Look at yourself, woman! Gain some semblance of sanity for a moment and understand the big picture! Hsien-ko gulped for a second, because Bulettas Hadouken firearm was getting closer, and less shaky as time passed.

Im sane alright! Its you whos too stubborn to accept who you are!

What?!

Exactly! Youre touting around a special technique that you never earned! Youre bastardizing the pride of my art!

This coming from a girl who turned our hallowed fireball into a semi-automatic gun? Akuma poked his head out, knocked Buletta in the forehead, and returned to the background.

Ow! But the point is, YOURE making unlawfully liberal use of the signature move of MURDER! You poser!

You pretentious brat! A warriors technique isnt defined by its origin, but of the heart of the fighter using it! And what makes you think I care about bastardizing your petty martial art anyway?! Hsien-ko stomped the Best Buy roof hard, and swung her ball-and-chain once.

Guess what? You might have convinced yourself now that you have no problem using the Raging Demon for the cause of good and justice, or even self defense, but I see through your shallow delusions! You must give into fantasies of weakness very often if you think you can defy the joy of murder so flagrantly! Buletta spun her Hadou-42 on its trigger, and formed a second gun with her free hand. She jumped forward, leaping above Hsien-ko. Akuma did good; he had me holed up in his boot camp from hell for so long that I havent killed anyone for months! She started cackling, uncontrollably. Hes made me so thirsty! And Ill get drunk off your blood!

That line wouldve sounded cool, but I dont have blood! When Buletta landed, the Chinese ghost caught her off guard by whipping out her giant black gong and banging on it. Knocked down by the auditory waves, Buletta got ran over by Hsien-kos lawnmower claws.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! Buletta was flung, bounced, and rolled on the ground. Hsien-ko dashed in again, trying to rush her down with her lawnmower claws once more, but Buletta was able to side step and counter with an uppercut. SHINRYUKEN! … Yknow, that looks cool, but why isnt mine flaming or anything?

You must be more than rich and white to perform the Shinryuken. Akuma growled, and went back into obscurity again. Hsien-ko was floored, and Buletta stood above her, already thinking shed won.

And she didnt even get to use that move too. Fuck! Buletta awkwardly stood there, waiting for something, perhaps even a little gopher to pop up from the ground. So…thats it?

Twack! Hsien-ko mumbled.

Huh? A giant claw erupted from Hsien-kos sleeve in a diagonal angle, responding to Bulettas face. Hsien-ko got on her feet again, and quickly whipped the aforementioned claw into her opponents face to produce a deafening smack. Hsien-ko grinned to herself, but was surprised when Buletta, fuming with rage, pulled on her claw and pulling her forward. Buletta headbutted Hsien-ko to the nose, and, while she was wobbling, clenched her right fist.

What the fuck? Did she ever study under Balrog? Akuma wondered to himself. He was getting irritated though; he wanted to see some Raging Demon action soon; otherwise this would be a trivial spat, and not the fight he had wanted to see when he finally passed away.

Ugh. Ive heard of this. SNK bosses take off their shirts and suddenly their strength and vitality increases tenfold. Cable juiced up the Hyper Viper Beam again, waiting to shoot it at Rugal. Sentinel!

Yes.

I need you summon your drones!

Will do. With one swipe of his pimp hand, Sentinel summoned his drones, affectionately called little Sents. They bombarded Rugal in a cloud of smoke, leaving him only slightly delayed.

Storm!

Yes.

Run the fuck away, and make a ton of whirlwinds in the air!

I shall. Storm ascended into the atmosphere with the summoned cowardice of an anorexic schoolgirl, quickly building meter by sending gales at no one at all. Cable jumped, and charged his AHVB. However, Rugal dashed forward, and rolled right through the laser, and Cable. Rugal grabbed Cable by the face, and sprinted into Sentinels direction. Rugal rammed Cables skull into the rocket punch intended for the rich bastard.

You new Top Tier kids are amateurs.

Buletta raced toward Hsien-ko, and unloaded a torrent of Shoryukens on her.

SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHO-SHORYUKEN! After pummeling her opponent, Buletta leapt and conjured her air fireball. ZANKUU…HADOUKEN! With her Hadou-42, she shot hundreds of rounds of Hadoukens at Hsien-ko. Hsien-ko, however, was unphased by that attack.

Naughty girl. You should have canceled into something. When Buletta fell back down to the roof again, Hsien-ko grabbed her in a familiar way. This is what I meant about fighters hearts!

Agh! What the hell?! Buletta could feel herself burning up, but was more insulted than worried.

This is the technique you wanted?! The power to demolish what little semblance of humanity is left in the world?!

What little semblance of humanity is left?! Get off your soapbox! Bulettas throat began to swell; it was becoming harder to breathe, much less talk. Oh…I see. So you were afraid of the Instant Hell Murder! Buletta exalted her hands on Hsien-ko with an unbreakable grip.

Ho…how did you learn the Instant Hell Murder?! Did he teach you?!

No! I saw it with my own eyes! You should really have more faith in the abilities of your fellow man, right?! Both fighters tightened their grips.

How could you?! Whenever its used…the arena turns pitch black!

Too bad for you that I could see through it then! Hows you like THESE apples?! Buletta could feel Hsien-kos arms give out due to the exhaust of fighting two heavy battles. She began the process of methodically attacking her, beating her out of and back into consciousness.

And thats what Satsui no Hadou was all along…the way to engulf the world in a shadow, and the path to see through it.

And fifteen minutes would pass before Hsien-ko would talk.

So…after you beat me…youre going to terrorize the world with that thing? … Are you going to do nothing but catch bounties with it?

…um, for your first question, you need to have a little more hope that whatever happens, all will be right with the world. Buletta, exhausted, laid down and rested, breathing deeply. For your second question…sure. But why do you care what I do with the Raging Demon? The girls stared straight into the now-tumultuous night sky.

Maybe because Ive felt more pain and destruction for a whole world. I dunno.

…I dont really care about your story. Still on their backs, Hsien-ko rammed a fist on Bulettas face. Ow. Sorry, but it sounds like you need to either do one of two things: stop caring for a society you dont know, or start to truly love someone.

You think? Hsien-ko could feel the rush of her nerves emitting pain again. Ow, ow ow ow ow!

Sure. Um, not that I know about love or anything.

So are you going to at least turn me into those pirates for my bounty?

Theyll probably cancel it now that you beat their asses left and right. Right?

I hope so. Ive got a real career now.

Hope. Hope that while we warriors take our rightful places in the hierarchy of destiny, the weak shall be humbled and happy, and will choose not to interfere with us. Hope that the world will one day realize that only the strong deserve to die.

How did you get to know him anyway? Hsien-ko nodded in Akumas direction.

A while back some guy posted a bounty on Aku. Then he sort of promised me a hot new ass if I studied under him, and I figured that my reward could wait.

…so why havent you turned him in by now?

…I dont know. He feels like the crackpot uncle I never had. He has to be, because one time he told me I reminded him of Ralph Macchio.

I bet youre just saying that because you couldnt kill him. Hsien-ko sighed, and for the first time, noticed a blue ridge permeating from the roof from the corner of her eyes. …um, are we on top of a Best Buy or something?

…uh…yeah. But hes gonna die REAL soon, I think…oh, and yeah, were on top of a Best Buy.

Jesus, why did I have to have a couple of fights on the roof of a Best Buy? I dont like their return policy.

Excuse me, but as you two girls gab on light heartedly about whatever insipid vagina-inspired bullshit youre spewing forth, Im dying here. Akuma suddenly coughed up a hearty hack of his own blood, and was already lying on his back. Buletta was speechless, never having seen her crackpot uncle in this condition before. Hsien-ko took her cue.

I guess … I need to leave you two alone. With that, the ghost exited from the story, fazing through the solid ceiling, leaving student and teacher alone to assess their situation…and say their good-byes.

This feeling wasnt entirely foreign to B.B. Hood. However, between then and now, lies a five thousand mile gap, with only her short time under Akumas tutelage as a feeble bridge. She never thought before that she would find herself mourning someones death again. She was nervous, and her eyes became bleak and tiny. She could only inch towards her decaying master.

Come closer. It was the only words she could derive from him, obscured by the gurgling of blood in his throat.

But I cant. But she did. Still injured a bit, she could only crawl towards the glow of his Heaven character exuding from his back. Buletta hesitated, in disbelief of her feelings. It doesnt make any sense… Youre just a bounty! She stopped, and began creep backwards. I dont act like this. I dont feel like this! I refuse to be chang-

Closer still, and look into your masters eyes!

Buletta pounced forth, kneeling beside Akumas head on one knee, and tugged at the beads on his neck.

You bastard! Why did you have to …?! Akuma quickly coughed out a small puddle of blood, pounding it out of his system so that he could clearly pass along his final message.

You became a bounty hunter and an assassin because you denied and detached from your human emotions. I meditated in the desert for many nights until I realized that Sagats low fierce, the technique which would finally defeat me, was powered by the courage of his heart.

Then tell me why I cant stand seeing you like this!!! By now, she had let herself sob all over her master, and began striking him in the face in outrage.

What the fuck. Akuma alpha countered and Buletta was flung backwards a few feet. Im not done talking. Buletta pouted, inching towards him again. I too was like you. I forfeited my humanity for my technicality, to become a being of pure skill. My mind was at peace, but my heart had already begun to rot. I have never felt true hatred, or true love before you. Buletta began to whimper.

…what do you mean?! She was finally able to get out, in between chokes of tears.

I have never felt true pride for the accomplishments of another warrior. I enjoyed seeing you progress as such.

…and what about the thing you said about true hatred?

I have discovered…that I am not very fond of you white people. They both laughed with eachother, but Akuma had to regain his composure because his message was urgent. You will be the first to use Satsui no Hadou and derive power from your humanity. Imagine the glory of our style, empowered by both love and hatred!

Why did you believe I would carry on your legacy?! Buletta began crying into Akumas chest. You still have more to tell me!

I am undone, my pupil. There will always be one master of your art to walk the earth. Only one. Akuma used the remaining bit of his strength to rip the necklace from his neck and raise them into the sky. He turned his eyes towards Buletta, and nodded. He let his eyelids collapse, and was freed. Buletta tried to stop crying, even slapping herself out of her sadness. She grabbed Akumas beads.

Rugal was finished ripping off Sentinels arms, and began to whistle Dixie. Hah! No more frying pans now!

Rugal… Cable was defeated, barely able to speak, with his enemy looking down on him. You son of a bitch! The rest of Top Tier isnt going to stand idly by while you go on your crusade to remove us! Youre a dead man!

Funny, Mister…Cable. You seem to speak as if you still in possession of your own balls! He suddenly received a call on his Sony Ericsson. Its Rugal.

Its Hood. I have the target.

Beautiful, just beautiful. You know where you need to go. Ill be there in an hour. Rugal turned off his phone, and gave Cable a smug look. Guess what? I already got ST Akuma.

THIS IS THE END OF THE SECOND STAGE OF B.B. HOODS EXPECTATIONS.

28

…V-Sakura? 3S Chun? A-Blanka???

The possiblities are endless!:eek:

29

:lol: Heh.

Great work yet again.

Seriously. I mean, really, there are a LOT of a top tier people and he hasn’t even used the ones from SNK yet: Iori (in almost any KOF), '02 Foxy (or is it '01), '97 Benimaru, Orochi Yashiro, Sogetsu (cheese monster), etcerta etcerta.

And that’s just if he’s sticking to fighting games… though I doubt that anyone as broken as Macguyver will be on the roster.

30

Well, I wanted to do a Top Tiers spin off story once I was done with this.

31

That’s awesome. I want to thank you for writing here since you’re pretty much the only person who is keeping Fanfiction alive as depressive as that is. I seriously have no idea what happened to tsj76, FistsofFury has appeared to have given up at moment, you write in Dan and Skullo more than m121akuma does, and so and so. I really have to get around to writing something, but I really need to manage my time better, as exampled by many many things.

So thanks again for the awesome story.

32

I’m flattered. But the thread that’s really keeping this board alive is that five billion page SF story thread. But despite the lack of activity here (I think the MvC2 Anakaris forum gets at least twice the views as this one :lol: ), I still see myself writing here for the foreseeable future, but only because it’s only here that I can get away with what I’m writing. The only other fics that have a similar SRK flavor come from that network of fanfic writers like Racewing and Gavok, the same community behind fics like Forget About Jae, Reforming Evil, etc. … but I really don’t feel like making my own fanfic site like the rest of them. I like the seclusion of SRK’s board. :o

BTW, I have discovered that FFOnline fanfic forum = SRK fanart forum when it comes to analysis and critiques. If you’re ever bored and want to read/contribute to the RPG fanfic field, check them out.

33

Incidentally, Pin, I’m still loving this fic.

…yeah, I know, I bet you were expecting something meaningful in this post >_>. Really, it kicks ass, and I can’t wait for the next chapters.

34

Bump, this story is still alive!

35

EX-Balrog was nervous. Today he made sure to dress conservatively, in a semi-casual, semi-formal black coat. He made sure his entire outfit matched before getting up and out into the morning world, and was prepared to walk through the Top Tiers courtyard, in an effort to intercept…her.

Nakoruru.

Balrog was trying to keep his composure, but his self-assertiveness all but vanished when he imagined Nakorurus expressive eyes, and attractive spunk. While they were both top tier in CvS1, they were still barely on speaking terms. But a fire ignited in Balrogs heart, and he knew that no cultural barrier was going to come between him and happiness. His dark outfit was a contrast to the fresh white blanket of snow that still sprinkled humbly upon the lush courtyard…

As soon as Nakoruru walked through the doors of the Top Tier HQs B-hallway, she could see him. A strong, big, defined man, who was also fairly intelligent because he took over and ran Shadaloo at least a couple of times. A warrior whose own standing fierce had to be seen to believed, he would have been a great man to help defend her gods.

Balrog, was his name.

And then, the two star-crossed admirers saw eachother…they were speechless, and crossed eachothers paths.

Dont puss out Rog! Gotta rush her shit down NOW!

Nakoruru, whatre you doing to yourself! Give him at least one more chance to speak to you!

After passing eachother by, they quickly turned around.

Hey Nak.

Oh…hello Balrog.

You watch VH1 last night? … I think that Dixie Chick won best quote of 2003. I was hoping voodazz or Azrael-sama wouldve gotten it for them 24 threads on SRK.com…that shits too funny.

Oh…um…the only forum I ever visited was Go-Gaia. Nakoruru shyly looked away, slightly blushing.

OH SHIT! OH SHIT! YOU TWO HEARD?! Balrog and Nakoruru turned their heads at Sakura, who was in permanent A-Groove. Trailing blue shadows followed her wherever she went, and however she moved.

Ah fuck, SAK. Balrog shook his head.

…Sakura? Nakoruru turned to her, slightly depressed. What is it?

OH SHIT! OH SHIT! CABLE! STORM! SENT 2003! BAD BOYZ II SOUNDTRACK! They got fuckin BEASTED last night by Rugal Bernstein!

…thats it?! Balrog roared at the custom combo schoolgirl, swinging his beefy arms at her. DONT RUIN MY SHIT!

Huh? Nakoruru turned her head towards Balrog…and she noticed that his face was steaming red. Are you…angry? What did she ruin?

…um…shes gettin footprints in the damn snow!

FINE! BE THAT WAY! XP Sakura razzed Balrog and continued shouting last nights news. AHVB AINT SHIT! FRYING PAN?! FUCK THAT! RUN AWAY ALL THE WAY HOME STORM, YA BITCH!

Can you believe it? Rugal Bernstein defeated Marvels top tier!

So? He aint touch us yet! We were CvS1s top tier! And I bet he cant lay a FINGER on Sagat… Balrog looked at Nakoruru, and at the glistening snowflakes descending from heaven. Hey…Nak. I was meaning to ask…

What? Nakorurus bright eyes perked up, attentive to nothing in the world except for what Balrog had to say.

Well…you see…youve been driving me crazy for the past couple of months now since I started seeing you in my dreams and shit. I guess it means…

What do you think it means?

I kinda wanna stuff my cock down your throat hard. Yknow. You Japanese girls, you dig that bukkake shit right?

…I waited so long for you to ask me. Nakoruru warmly embraced her new lover.

I thought Rugal Bernstein was dead. Chun-Li sipped on a cup of ginseng at the Top Tier Board of Directors, dismally catching up on the latest news. Seated next to her were several of Top Tiers most influential members. Wasnt he killed by Ky- Chun-Li stopped herself, noting Iori Yagamis growling. …osuke?

That scrub from Rival Schools? Who gives a fuck about him? Oh, I can do air combos and Snowstorm rides my nuts… and all that stupid shit. Wolverine wasnt exactly familiar with the animosity between Kyo Kusanagi and Iori Yagami, but the most he ever thought about was scratching his nuts.

I wish he were gone. Im pretty sure he wants to molest me. Guile lowered his head in shame. He has a sculpture of me taking a shit for Christs sake.

Who gives a fuck?! The only thing that matters is that hes after me! ME NEXT! Magneto was spazzing in the corner, foaming from the mouth, banging his head on the wall, triangle jumping, and trying to inject heroin into one of his veins.

…goddamn, Mags. Get a fucking grip! Wolverine growled, but Magneto snarled back, his eyes bulging so far out that the Azumanga Daioh girls would be repulsed.

Anyway…whats our course of action sir? Chun-Li turned her head to the Top of Top Tier himself, the chairman of the organization, as did the rest of the room, Magneto not withstanding. Swiveling around his plush ivory chair, he slammed his paws on the table. Rush was furious.

RUFF! Rugals going to learn that if he didnt start no shit there wouldnt BE no shit! RUFF! We have Red Venom place his bitch ass on lockdown, and then we strike! RUFF! Rush turned into a jet and flew away, ending his meeting.

Red Venom?! Iori Yagami started to whine on the floor, pounding it like a little girl. Shit! Why cant Rush send ME out on missions?!

Because youre a whiny Azn SLUT, now shut the fuck up. Wolverine gave Iori the middle adamantium finger, and everyone went on their way.

Rugal Bernstein was sipping on a glass of Baileys with the de-thawed Adolf Hitler, the previous owner and current inhabitant of the Albatross he purchased not too long ago. They both sat in front of eachother on a desk near the airships deck.

So, the first thing we replaced was the windshield after that damned American bionic man shot a bazooka through it. Hitler adjusted his new monocle and drank from his Aryan Cola with a pinky stretched out into the air.

What a disgusting waste that must have been. Ive had an airship or two wasted by some brats before myself…

Firstly, sir, I would like to congratulate you for being an exemplary example of a biologically superior human being. Your blonde hair makes me shiver in trepidation of the might of the Aryan brotherhood, and the rest of the members of the Neo-BADDS.

Actually, I was planning on becoming a god by fusing myself with the spirit of a Japanese man…

… Hitler looked around, confused.

I guess no one briefed you. Asians own everyone now. Its that blasted anime fad.

…this saddens me. Hitler let a sole tear stream down his face.

Dont worry, all the REALLY strong Asians have blonde hair and blue eyes, so it all works out.

The thought of blonde hair and blue eyes made Rugal think back to just a few hours ago; in the Albatross, Rugal descended into the nearby Catskill Mountains. On top of a steep cliff cluttered with trees and bushes, Rugal saw a silhouette cast by the moon on the mist. It was shaped like the bounty hunter he hired nearly months ago, cloaked in a dark red hood. She stood still, her face obscured in the dark, clutching a body by the neck in her right hand.

So, you finally did it. Good deal, Bonnie.

Buletta hurled Akumas cadaver at Rugal and gradually stepped away. Rugal cocked his head in curiosity, catching a glance at her un-obscured face once she appeared beneath a beam of moonlight; she looked considerably tanner, and a white lock of hair poked out of her hood.

She mustnt be a really strong Asian then. Rugal came back to the present, extending his pinky while sipping on a cup of Aryan Cola.

Edit: Looking up top, pw.n is still censored. :lol:

36

too good

37

It was an honor to be nominated. :o

That’s just way too good. :lol:

38

gimme a short review about this fan-fic

39

How’s this for a review: Funniest Fic Ever. Now go read it. It ain’t that long.

40

This fanfic SUCKS because it’s updated like annually. :bluu: