Chapter 1: Confrontation and Conflict
Samuel L. Muthafuckin’ Jackson sat in a chair (With the words “Bad Muthafucka” on it), in his downtown Detroit Pad (1531 Bad Muthafucka Way), caressing his custom .357 Magnum (With “Zeus” inscribed on it…what? you think I’d use that joke three times?)
he began to get impatient, the first interviewee was supposed to be here an hour ago…and had yet to show, which meant that the second interviewee was already five minutes late…
Sam hated lateness, when a muthafucka is late, a muthafucka gets nervous, and when a muthafucka gets nervous, that’s when people get shot…
finally, a knock came to the door, Sam stood up and opened the door…
“You’re Late!” Sam said to the larger black man standing before him…
“What?” came the reply…
“I said you’re over an hour late, muthafucka, what took so long?”
“What?” was all the larger man could stammer out…
“Where ya from, Laurence?” Sam said…
“What?” Laurence said…
“What ain’t no place I ever heard of, do they speak English in “What”?”
“What?”
“Say what again, muthafucka, I dare ya!, I double Dare ya!” (Long Way to go for a cheap joke, but it was worth it!)
Laurence sat down across from Sam…
“I’ve been going over your resume, Larry…Can I call you Larry?, anyway, Larry, I’ve been going over your resume, and I have just one question…”
“And that would be?”
“It says here that in the mid-to-late 1980s, you played a cowboy on a kid’s show, is that correct?”
"Yes, but I also discovered “The One”
“Nigga, don’t you be tellin’ me who found “The One”, do I look like a bitch to you?”
“N-no…”
“now it says you played a cowboy in a kids show, which you say you did…this is unacceptable, I need men of resolve, of character”
“A Cowboy is a character!”
“Do you want me to shoot you now?, muthafucka, I need a guy who’s got a little bit of self-respect, putting on a cowskin suit and saying “Yes Massa” to a faggot in a grey suit and red bowtie just doesn’t cut it”
“But, I got to use a sword!”
“Nigga, I got six guys who can use a sword, I got a laser sword right here,that I used to beat the fuck out of the toughest white boy in the galaxy with!” (It says “Bad Muthafucka” on the handle!)
“Sorry, but application…denied!”
“But, I helped save Humanity!”
“So did I…more times than I can count…NEXT!”
“You’ll pay for this!”
“Are you finished?”
“uhm”
“Well Allow me to Retort!”
“uhh…”
“The Path of the Jedi Knight, is beset on all sides by the inequities of the Darkside, and the Tyrrany of the Sith, Blessed is he, who in the name of the Lightside of the Force, Shepherds the weak through the valley of Darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper, and the finder of Lost Children, and I will strike down upon thee, with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison, and destroy my brothers, and you will know my name is Mace Muthafuckin’ Windu, when I lay my Vengeance upon thee…”
“nooooo…”
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM…
Samuel L. Muthafuckin’ Jackson ventilates Laurence Fishburne, in a hail of bullets and sadistic glee…
“NEXT!”
(I’ll post Raven and Wesley’s introductions in a few…)