that embodies every statesmen that has balls and has become leader of their nation.
__
the nearly same stories can be attributed to two things. There was a flood a long ass time ago and the bottleneck event ensured that all religions came from the same place. All religions can be broken up into roughly ~35 themes
AE mythology among the GOAT with some weird ass shit thrown in
The death of Baldur is an awesome Norse tale, and one of my favorites, mainly because it shows just what a miserable dick Loki is. Like, he’d do shit like shave people’s heads, making bets he couldn’t keep when he lost, or tying his balls to a goat (no, that’s actually a thing that happens). But in this story he suddenly becomes the largest asshole in the universe. Literally.
Basically, Baldur was the broest of all the Norse gods. Everyone loved Baldur, he was the life of every party, and he was so goddamn sexy he literally glowed with light. But one day Baldur has a prophetic dream stating he’s going to get killed. His dad, Odin, rides to the underworld only to discover they’re setting up a huge party for Baldur because they know he’s going to die, and even the dead want to party with Baldur. Anyway, Baldur’s mother Frigg goes to every goddamn thing in existence and gets them to promise to never hurt Baldur. This makes him functionally immortal, since anything that could conceivably harm him refuses to do so. Naturally, the gods find this shit hilarious and enjoy themselves by throwing rocks, axes, sticks and whatever else is handy at Baldur, only to watch them bounce off him without the slightest harm. And let’s be real, we’d probably all do the same if we knew a dude who was completely immortal.
But Loki, who is often an asshole for no other reason than being an asshole, goes up to Frigg and asks her if she really asked every single little thing in existence not to harm Baldur. Because Frigg is a fucking idiot who doesn’t know that the dude who gave birth to the fucking wolf that is prophesied to eat her husband, a snake that will kill her son, and the fucking goddess of the underworld is not to be trusted, tells Loki that she never bothered talking to the mistletoe, because what kind of bitch would get killed by mistletoe? Loki, dead set in proving the irony of this, gathers mistletoe, turns it into a spear (or an arrow, depending on the version) and gives it to the blind god Hodr. He then tells Hodr to join in on the fun with the other gods and throw it at Baldur. He does, and the mistletoe pierces Baldur’s heart, killing him instantly.
Baldur gets the biggest, most awesome funeral ever, because fucking everyone loved the everliving shit out of Baldur. He gets a funeral ship so big it requires the single strongest being in all of existence to push it out to sea. His wife is so sad she dies on the spot of a broken heart. Giants, elves, dwarves, gods, valkyries, fucking everyone is there to mourn the death of the coolest bro to ever live. Meanwhile, one of Odin’s jobber sons rides to the underworld to ask the goddess of the dead to bring Baldur back to life, because life without Baldur is absolute shit. She agrees that if Baldur is so awesome that every single thing in existence mourns for him, she will bring him back to life. Baldur being that fucking cool of a guy, has every single thing weep for him, except one. A giant named Tokk goes “Nah, man, fuck Baldur! I’m glad that nigga dead!” And so he’s forced to stay in the underworld for eternity.
Turns out Tokk was actually Loki in disguise, because he’s just so much of a dick that he would not only kill the guy as a joke, but also decides to be the only thing in all nine worlds to not want him to come back to life. Think about that, even the fucking dragons, giants, mountains, stars and shit all loved Baldur, but Loki decides he’s going to be an asshole and ruin it for everyone. When the gods eventually find out about this, they tie Loki up underground using one of his sons’ guts as a chain and have a snake drip venom in his eyes for all eternity. Which seems like a pretty light punishment considering he’s basically responsible for like 80% of what goes down at Ragnarök. You know, the end of the world.
Religion exists because humans have a fucken big ego.
Or rather becaise we have a biological imperarivr to believr in something higher than ourselves. 99% of religions male man feel small
Goddamit, stop always using your phone to type lol
Im sorry man, if im on my desktop im usually always doing nerd shit. :tdown:
Just are 5 seconds to proof read your posts. Stop being lazy.
Sounds good.
I just saw that…gonna smack the shit outta myself for it -.-
Don’t even know how my phone changes"take" to “are”. Smh.
You guys ever read any of the core Dragonlance novels?
No, because I’m not a huge nerd. Only a loser with no life would follow the adventures of Tasselhoff Burrfoot, Tanis Half-Elven, Caramon and Raistlin. And it would take the largest dork in the universe to know about their quest for the dragon orbs, or the mass-produced dragon lances. Not to mention the pimple-faced eternal virgins who cried at the death of Flint the dwarf.
I honestly never read 'em (but I plan to).
:tup:
He ousted hinself. Lofl
To be honest, they’re not very good. It’s that trashy sort of fantasy novel that hits all the right spots when you’re in your early teens, but when you revisit them as an adult you realize you were just a nerdy kid who wanted stories about wizards and dragons and beefy dudes who totally bang all the hot big-tittied chicks (especially the evil one who is also into the kinky shit).
I made it halfway through the first novel during my revisit before I came to the conclusion I was just exposing my shit taste as a kid and actively ruining my nostalgia. I consumed a fuckton of fantasy novels and couldn’t distinguish between good and bad because the thirst was so intense.
@Manx Actually, reading these are like watching a movie. That’s how good they’re written. You can’t put them down. I liked the Amber trilogy and the Vanished Moon one.
In order the 1st book is DoAT (Dragons of Autumn Twilight) from the Chronicles trilogy. Ariakis is a badass like a Shao Kahn or Darth Vader (Rogue One version) type of character.
@Kecka you know about the Blue Lady…
Sounds like Conan the Barbaria. Those books awesome.
It looks like a cult.