I don’t watch the show, but this is my favorite guy 
he’s cute.
What’s the difference?
Ok people…Dr. Phil time: Gay relationships are pretty hard to maintain because a large portion of it is sexual (moreso than straight relationships). So my question for you is:
For those who have been in long term relationships, what are the keys to making it last? I believe that a key part is communication. My last relationship (which ended inFebuary 2006) ended because the guy I was with wasn’t very good at saying what was wrong. He would just keep everything bottled in. He didn’t want to say anything negative to me because he thought that I would get upset. I told him that regardless if it’s positive or negative, tell me so we can work on it. So we broke it off but are still on good terms. Ahh well…:wonder:
No one answered my stupid question on the previous page!
Actually, it isn’t uncommon to see female black or latina (sometimes white) lesbians to dress up in baggy hip hop clothes, deepen their voice, try their best to look like a man without getting surgery and whatnot, and date lipstick lesbians. Those are called ‘studz.’
Pic: http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j119/Jenro415/24285701.jpg
There’s a lot of myth there. While it is true that MEN are generically more openly sexual than women and thus a relationship with two men would seem more sexual this isn’t true if indeed it is an actual relationship.
I agree and disagree here. Communication is important, but equally important is the understanding of who you are with. If you are with a person who’s not ridiculously open with everything you need to be able to accept that. If you are the type of person who feels the need to discuss everything ad nauseam (as most people are) then you’re with the wrong person. Some things can and probably should be worked out on your own since most problems people have with other people are personal problems and the person with the problem needs to decide if the “problem” is worth actually bringing out into the open and creating what ever drama ensues. Yes, some problems DO definitely need to be brought out regardless of what type of person you are, but some don’t.
Some of my Ex’s have had a problem with me not telling them when I had something very minor bother me. But the fact is said thing is minor and I analyzed the situation and decided it wasn’t something I couldn’t live with. Besides who am I to make another person insecure about something they’re doing and indirectly ask them to change it just to appease me with something I can actually live with and isn’t all that important anyway. At least two of my ex’s told me basically what you seem to have told your ex. That “you can tell me anything, good or bad and blah blah blah.” Simple fact of the matter is that’s a lie. Because I then proceeded to actually tell them literally everything that annoyed me about them (and not just the annoyances but the good stuff too) when they did something whether it was a big deal or not. Needless to say that doesn’t go well, even with the good stuff, the bad always overshadows the good and then people feel the need to walk on egg-shells around you. Which I absolutely hate that and is not something I can live with.
Word that makes sense, I just do not get how two butch lesbians can find each other attractive.
^ Mabye their nipples secrete honey. :wonder:
I would rather someone tell me what I’m doing wrong rather them tip toe around issues for the simple fact that not saying something THEN would most likely result in someone saying something like ‘Well…you do this and that and blah blah.’ Say it then so it won’t be used against you in the future. When it comes to relationships, with me anyway, honesty IS the best policy.
I’d bang him so fucking hard as long as he didn’t open his mouth…
…scratch that. He can’t sing for shit though. There are times when I hate having perfect pitch, and hearing him sing was one of those times.
i’d totally buy that porno.
maybe they both look butch to us… but to eachother they don’t.
The sex part. That’s a bridge we all cross when it comes.
I think that communication is important. But I think a bigger part is another C word. Compromise. If you can do that without skewing the balance in the relationship… things will be just fine. What i mean is you don’t always want to be the one to fold to your lovers whims. But to maintain a sense of self while using empathy to balance your thought process it’s the challenge… and one that I still fuck up on every so often. But he loves me I know it… we have our fights… sometimes major ones… we’ve broken up officially like 4 times… but only for like a day then we work it out.
You’ve described one of my biggest pet peeves when i’m with someone.
When someone is Visually ticked off, and claims they arent. Yeah you may be annoyed that i’m asking why you are pissed off. But if you really didn’t want anyone to know you are pissed… Fix your face:
You walk in. You look pissed.
“hey what’s wrong”
“Nothing”
“You sure… cause… you look pissed”
“I’m fine”
"Okay… you don’t look fine though… Are you pissed about annoyance number 1"
“I’m not pissed”
“alright then… i’ll leave you alone.”
2 weeks later during a fight
" … and that’s just like 2 weeks ago when annoyance number 1 was bothering me… you didn’t even care."
HATE that.
Even though i do it to sometimes. I’ve adopted a new policy though “If it’s bothering me… it’s going to be bothering you” (if “YOU” are doing somethign thats annoying me).
Which takes some tact because you cant always shit on everyone, (even if what you are saying is the truth) you cant shit on everybody, that’s how you find yourself by yourself.
So even when things are bothering me when it comes to my bf I’ll say things like I was definitely upset at annoyance number 2 I don’t understand why you did that knowing how i feel about that particular annoyance. It’s tough. There is that communication again.
lol, and you just described mine.
No one short of Charles Xavier should be trying to tell me how I feel. And my single biggest pet peeve and the single fastest way to piss me off is to insist I feel something I don’t or am something I’m not. And telling me I “looked pissed” will infuriate me and I will then become actually pissed - and things will escalate from there.
As I said in my post, MINOR annoyances do not need to be brought to light. And it’s terribly arrogant and self-serving to piss off someone else simply because I’m a little annoyed with something they’ve done that is minor and ultimately insignificant.
Now, if said thing gets brought up later then it clearly wasn’t minor. The only way something minor should get brought up later is if it somehow comes up in conversation without it happening or being an annoyance.
As I said, (and you said – only in different words) Communication is EQUALLY important to compromise (as you put it) or accepting the differences in yourself and your partner (as I put it). Yes, communication needs to happen and with major issues for sure, but being told about every little thing is simply not necessary.
so do you feel that body language can tell your partner… or anyone else anything with regards how you really feel despite what you say? Or is it you feel nobody should bother to question you if your body language is telling them otherwise?
Cause i’ve had this “discussion” with my bf before where we’ve been to gether for about 3.5 years I’ve been friends with him for 6 years… He’ll be pissed it’ll show on his face … but he’ll Tell me he’s not. Which makes me angry because now he’s lying to me. and makes me want to know more what’s on his mind because now he’s lying to me … hiding some feeling about something that he doesn’t want me to know…
you see the slippery slope.
It’s almost like yeah i’m pissed but if I say i’m fine you have to ignore the other signs that are strongly suggesting other wise.
“Hey is the thermostat to high in here for you? I think that it is cause you are sweating.”
“No i’m fine”
“Really? because it looks like you are uncomfortable.”
see. That’s the the logical application of my pet peeve and why it bugs me.
[media=youtube]fbGkxcY7YFU[/media]
didn’t watch it with sound…but just from looking…that was TOO FUCKING GAY
lmao you HAVE to watch it with sound…
That marks the 239847239847298347th time this has been mentioned.
GTC: I’d love to make that porn. =P
The problem here isn’t what your body language is telling people, it’s what you choose to tell them. If I’m dealing with something and don’t want/need to concern outside parties with those issues then I don’t see a problem keeping them to myself.
Sure your body language can give away some things, but I’ve also found it can be woefully inaccurately interpreted by said parties. Let’s take the more literal sweating analogy you used for example. Sweating can be a sign of being hot, it can also be a sign of being nervous, it can also be a sign of being sick, or it might even be a sign of anxiety in general (having a lot of fun without being nervous for example). And by assuming I’m hot because I’m sweating might be a misinterpretation of my body language. So what pisses me off is when people use body language as a means by which to analyze me. And when I deny that said situation is the case upon being asked they continue to insist that my body language suggests otherwise like it is some tell-all of everything going on inside me.
And yes, I fully recognize that a lot of people are out right lying about their feelings, (ie. they’re sweating and really are hot) but upon asking about it as a significant other you’ve done your job of caring. If the other party is ready to talk about it or feels the need to do so they will tell you at that point. This is where the compromise part comes in. People in relationships think they need to know literally every single thing going on in the other person’s life. Yet the double standard exists that neither person brings every little problem to their partner. You yourself even admitted to being guilty of denying what your body language is portraying. The compromise here is that each person needs to accept and trust that the other can and will deal with things that they can and will deal with. And trust that when there comes a time to talk about the big issues that do affect you they will do that when the time is right.
And even with the big issues, sometimes you have to actively allow time to pass before you bring it up. If the big issues explode immediately without any amount of thought things could go terribly wrong and cause more catastrophic results than if it had waited. As I have said multiple times now, I fully agree that communication is key, but PERFECTLY EQUALLY important is the realization that relationships are truly two way in other regards too. You have to accept that the other person has needs that may differ from yours. If your needs are to communicate about everything and you are with someone who doesn’t then you need to decide if you can compromise on that. If not, you’re with the wrong person.
Edited to add: If any one watches Grey’s Anatomy. The perfect example here is the Christina Yang/Preston Burke relationship.
Except not really. The argument is that you are sending out signals that you are feeling one way and you saying you feel another way.
for arguments sake this is communication between people that are dating or boyfriends whathave you… not 2 people that don’t know eachother or arent even intrested in eachother cause in that case who gives a fuck if you or I am pissed… just move on. I think we aggree that much
In my analogy the last thing i said was… "it looks like you are uncomfortable"
Your ideology would lead me to belive that you’d likely say “I’m fine” rather than “I’m just a little anxious/ nervous/ sick /etc” All of which are “uncomfortable”. So in a situation is the problem that you don’t want to know that you can be read so easily? I will tell you that It is annoying when you get read inaccurately by people… I went to a company dinner once and they thought I was shocked by there behavior … when really I just didn’t give a shit about there conversation. But they insisted that they tone down there behavior for my sake and I was like … ummm… okay… not offended at all though. Is that the kind of thing you are talking about?
I guess that’s the disconnect for me. I do my best never to let things stew… but i guess i impose that veiw on people i talk to. maybe that’s what i’m doing wrong … maybe i should let people stew more.
I disagree that anxious is uncomfortable, but that’s splitting hairs and not really the issue at hand. Especially since that was merely an analogy to a much more complicated issue.
The company dinner example is quite accurate in the misinterpreted feelings thing. But the real issue here is apparently when people are lying about it. Which again, I stand by my assertion that sometimes that’s not a problem either.
And that’s the source of what we’re ultimately talking about. Compromise! You can’t go pulling things out of people they don’t want out. Similarly if you want to know things that person needs to know that and try to tell you some stuff. But again you’ll have to accept that you’re not going to get told everything.
Also, use of the terms “stew” and as Zulu said previously “keep everything bottled in” implies that people have kept in big things and let them boil over to where they explode. Obviously this isn’t healthy. I’ve said all along that the big things should be communicated. However there is a happy medium to when that needs to come out. Because keeping them “bottled up” for too long is a problem. But exploding on someone without giving it any thought at all will be a bigger problem. Pressing the issue out of someone before it’s time to talk about it will only make things worse, not better.
Now, since compromise demands compromise on everything… As people we have to recognize that some people will actually keep everything bottled in and won’t talk about anything. In this case we’d need to ask ourselves if that can be dealt with in a relationship. The unfortunate reality is in some cases the compromise is a break up.
Wow. I’ve been really stoked about dating a guy thus far because we skip all this ridiculous crap. I relate most of this stuff to things women do, but I should probably realize there’s plenty of gay guys who’ll do it, too.