It was a bright and sunny day on a far off planet. But suddenly, the sun was blotted out by a giant humanoid figure. Large, claw like, metallic tentacles shot down to the planet and began to drain it of its life energy. Oceans dried up, plants withered and animals gasped and blacked out as the oxygen in the atmosphere was depleted. Within minutes, billions were dead and the planet was reduced to a lifeless husk suspended in the immense blackness of space.
“Mmmm-MMMM that was tasty!” Said Galactus as he licked his titanic lips. His big, wide eyes gleamed as he thought about all the suffering, while lip smackingly good, was not very nourishing. He lamented the days when his silver tug boat would drag him around to planets ripe with easily scared and psychically potent sacrifices. Lines of eager virgin psychics would line up and fling themselves into his gaping maw in hopes of saving their planet. He sighed and rolled his eyes into the back of his head and began scanning the vast expanses of space. After an unimaginable amount of time he found what he was looking for, a single, burning white dot of power. “I foooooound you” he cackled.
“Now feel my psycho power Chun-li…mwa hahahahahahaha” “But Lord Bison, my name is Cam…” “SHUT IT! You are ruining my role play! Its bad enough your ass can barely fill this custom made costume…” “Sir there is…” “Did I say you could stop squatting?” “Well its that big purple…” “I know its big and purple! Its the finest Shadowloo technology! It cost 6 billion dollars, how hard do I have to choke you before you…” "I meant behind you…"
M Bison gasped and instinctively clenched his anus…realizing he had just broke the neck of his Cammy doll, he tossed her aside and flung his cape over his naked lowerhalf. “Who…who…who are you!?” He cried, staring at the impressive physique of Galactus. “I AM GALACTUS, and I have come for you” “Oh no no no no no no” M. Bison cried as he tried to scramble away, over the piles of discarded dolls. “I hunger for psychic energy, I shall consume” M. Bisons eyes lit up “Psychic energy!? Well why didn’t you say so!? Come with me”
The pantsless M. Bison lead Galactus to a deep underchamber lined with futuristic looking glass canisters various naked bodies suspended in clear blue fluid. He pointed at a bald, naked man with shriveled legs. “DR. WILY! LOAD THIS ONE INTO THE…psycho power thing…you know…the amplifier dealy…RIGHT NOW” “Of course Lord Bison HEE HEEE HEEEEE” Dr. Wily manipulated the 4, large arrow buttons that controlled the crane and picked up the appropriate canister. After pressing a large number of nondescript, but important looking buttons, he pressed the large green “Go” button. “Nya ha ha…it has begun…by the way sire…have you reviewed my application for the funding for Sun Glasses Man?” “FUCK YOUR ROBOTS WILY! We’re still rebuilding the Madagascar complex after Megaman wrecked our shit…I thought we told you, Nuke Man’s powers were NOT supposed to be transferable to any blue bombing piece of shit.” “Well…yes…but on the off chance he were to be defeated, his powers aren’t very…” M Bison punched Wily in the mouth with a purple fist. “Tuh tesht subhect ish ready” "mmm Yes…professor Xavier was it? " He turned to Galactus and said "You see, we acquired him recently, he was on a ‘sight seeing’ excursion in Thailand when one of our 12 year old agents subdued him in the hotel room they were staying at…to think…one of the most powerful psychics in the world…rendered harmless by a tin foil hat"
Galactus smirked and reached for the naked, hairless man…a brief psychic spark caused him to hesitate, he then plunged his mighty fist deep into the chest of professor X. Blood ran down his arm and he could feel their energies mingling. As he caressed his heart he could feel it growing and spreading around his hand. The psycho power device amplifying the already unquantifiable power in both of them, his mind went black for a split second, then all infinity opened up to them gazing at both the known and unknown universes. It was only an instant, but all time and space was laid bare before them for an eternity. A single point of light called out to Galactus…his right hand still clenching the heart of the dying Xavier, his left began to stretch for an infinite amount of time, the closer his hand got to the point of light, the darker it seemed to get. Darker, darker and darker. Eventually, the blackness was so prevalent, that infinitesimally small point of darkness was so dark is stood out on the blackness of space with an almost burning quality. Closer and close Galactus was drawn, and the began to notice to panic in the heart and mind of Xavier. He began to try to pull away, but he at an increasing pace began to be drawn closer and closer to that point. He began to struggle, pulling with all of his might and psychic energy of the duo, he wrested free of the ominous gravitational pull.
But only for a moment. His hand had already traveled the unimaginable distance to that single point. A single moon, if he could breath, Galactus would not be breathing as his hand drew ever closer and closer to the surface. He closed his eyes, in hopes of blotting out the powerful psychic projections. Without realizing, his hand was covering a significant portion of the orbiting mass. He felt a wave of relief wash over him as everything seemed to be ok. Then, in his momentary lapse of psychic defense, a pair of gigantic eyes peered unto his soul. He twitched and writhed and felt things unimaginable as he was amalgamated into a cosmic force unheard of.
Dr. Wily and No pants Bison in the mean time were staring at the two twitching bodies encased in purple psycho power. Galactus’s violent movements were getting blood everywhere and his left arm was waving violently. The wild movements began to grow rhythmic and a white fluid began to flow from both of their mouths. Suddenly, the arm began to swell up, distort and shimmer. It burst into fine strands of black hair. A transformation swept over the bodies and within seconds they were replaced by a brilliant black winged unicorn. “NIGHTMARE MOON!” Bison and Wily cried in unison. They both knelt to the ground and Bison let out a faint shudder as his penis touched the cold steel grate beneath them. “YES! I HAVE RETURNED AND I AM NOW YOUR QUEARRRGGFFHGHHUUUHHHH” the evil pony said as it began to throw up violently. Streams of pure white candy flavored vomit began to stream out of her mouth, covering Wily and Bison in the putridly sweet, sticky white strands. She began to convulse and tremor as she lost shape, she then turned into a bright white ball and exploded, sending a horrible rainbow out in all directions. The shock wave threw Bison and Wily across the room and they could see and feel space being bent around them…A new figure now stood before them. It was a half pony, half planet eater, half wheelchair abomination. “I AM CYBER GALACTOMOON” It bellowed.
On a distant mountain, Ryu was climbing a sheer cliff, the destructive rainbow wave washed over him and he was disturbed that all the footholds and size of the mountain had seemingly changed. Oro poked his head out of the white bag on Ryu’s back. “Master, what’s wrong?” “Nothing, shut up, keep climbing” Else where Jean Grey was having a seizure while the rest of the xmen laughed at her antics. Twilight Sparkle briefly looked up from her book and let out an exasperated sigh.
AppleJack and Rarity were busy cleaning up Sweet Apple Acres…the shock wave have scattered apples everywhere, and some of the trees had fallen and killed several migrant workers! “Aw shucks…don’t this beat all” said AppleJack as she pried a still golden and delicious apple from a mangled hoof." “I know…it is just SUCH a drag, I am getting apple sauce all over my manicured hooves, and these SLAVES of yours! Such filthy coiffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuahhhhhs” Rarity screamed as Wolverine lept down from a tree and plunged his claws into the sides of her torso. Wolverine, enjoying a nice bath was somehow transported by the blast into a tree in the middle of nowhere. The sight of ponies enraged him, and in his berserk, feral blood lust, he attacked. “What in the hay!?” Exclaimed AppleJack as Rarity’s wild bucking knocked her hat off. AppleJack was momentarily stunned as she watched the small, hairy Canadian eviscerate her friend. “My Hat!” She exclaimed as she began to chase down the wind swept garment. Meanwhile, Wolverine was continuing to perforate Rarity with his claw and was covered in her cherry colored life blood. Rarity managed to wheeze a faint “help me” from her punctured throat, which only served to enrage Wolverine more. Screaming, he put his thumbs through her eyes and gripped her soft skull as hard as he could and began to pull with all his might. After a few cracks and pops there was a long, wet ripcord sound as Rarity’s skull and spinal cord was separated from the rest of her body. Wolverine began swinging it like a flail above his head. Out of the corner of his eye he spied one the younger ponies, who came to loot in the confusion, trying to sneak away from the carnage. He would have none of it. Within moments, he was upon her, viciously clubbing the baby pony with the still dripping skull. The other tiny ponies whinnied in fear and began running away, unknowingly leading the berserker to the heart of Ponyville.
“Just a mite farther…and THERE” AppleJack had finally managed to catch up to her character defining hat. “Yee-haw!” She said, affirming her southern charm. She looked over and saw a man in a red gi learning against a tree. “Hey babe, I like your style, can you give me a ride?” She felt a strange but immediate bond to the American, despite never hearing of or being to America. and agreed to let the complete stranger ride her. “Alright stranger, where ya headin?” “The name’s Ken Masters,I need to get to the nearest town to call a tow truck, I ran ov…I mean ran into some…car troubles.” “My name’s Apple Jack and I haven’t the darndest idea what a trove fuck is” “Well…maybe in town there won’t be as many backwards hicks” “What was that sugar?” “Oh nothing…you know…I bet Ryu would feel gay doing this” Ken said, contemplating his journey on the 3 foot pony. “Who is Ryu?” "Just a man I…"Ken trailed off. “Um, sugar? Are you touching my butt on purpose?” “Shhhhh, don’t talk”
As they got closer to town, the sounds of commotion grew more apparent. Only now remembering the violent and untimely end of Rarity, AppleJack spend up. As they neared the center of town, she stopped one of the lesser, unnamed ponies to ask what was wrong “What in tarnation is all the hoo-hah?!” “Oh its awful…there is a…a…black man!” “Oh no! Did Rainbow Dash catch wind of that?” “Yes and she’s fighting him right now!”. As AppleJack and Ken approached the centre of the commotion, they saw a large black man with cornrows in short shorts and a basketball jersey with a t-shirt on it. Balrog was taking big damage from the 90 pound pony as her flight gave her crazy mix ups and he could not hold a charge. “GRR! GET DOWN HER BITCH! YOU FIGHT DIRTIER THAN I DO!” Rainbow Dash did a flying headbutt that caught Balrog square at the top of his head. His teeth ground together and shattered outwards. “I HATE BLACK PEOPLE! YOU’RE NOT IN THE RAINBOW” The disoriented Balrog wildly swung at her, she easily dodge and crushed his testicles with a well placed hoof, as he keeled over, she was already behind him, she bit deeply into his achilles tendon and pulled. With a cry and spurt of blood that flew out of his mouth, he fell to the ground and began to to crawl away on his knobby boxing gloves…“You win…jush…jush tae my monee…” But Rainbow Dash would not listen, she rushed in and kicked him as hard as she could in the spine…his body went limp. “Stop it Rainbow Dash you won! Just let him…” said Apple Jack, trying to break up the fight. But rainbow dash was a hardcore racist and punched Apple Jack in the mouth. She then went up to the limp and battered Balrog and dragged him to the nearest curb “BITE IT!” she commanded. When he didn’t respond she bit a chunk out of his massive bicep, reluctantly, he scraped his teeth again the surprisingly clean and minty smelling curb. She then flew up as high as she could, then came crashing down with all of her magical, racism fueled might. As Balrog’s face was cracked in two he managed one final “MY FIGHT PONIES!”. Rainbow Dash was still not satisfied, she picked him up by her teeth and began shaking him back and forth violently, sending droplets of blood onto the horrified on lookers. “Stop it…he’s dead! HE’S ALREADY DEAD!” AppleJack begged. Ken could only watch in terror and slight arousal as Rainbow dash began to peel layers of skin of the dead mans face and eat them while laughing maniacally.
It was the trade mark “SNIKT!” that brought Rainbow Dash back to her sense. Turning around she saw the slightly less enraged Wolverine “How about picking on someone your own size” He taunted “OH YEAH!? Bring it on!” The two warriors charged at each other in dramatic fashion, one that would be worthy of a title screen as lightning and powerful pyrotechnics erupted between them. “IN THE NAME OF ALL EQUESTRIA, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!” In the heavens above, Grand Psychic Pony princess Celestia was advent!
A new challenger awaits! Find out what happens next month in the in the fantastic world of MARVEL versus CAPCOM, versus MY LITTLE PONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!