Man tries to turn his faeces into gold, sets home on fire

KudistosMegistos · October 21, 2011, 4:28am

A man from Northern Ireland (where the fuck else could something like this happen?) has been jailed after an experiment in which he attempted to turn his own faeces into gold went wrong and started a fire in a block of flats.
Paul Moran will now serve three months in jail and a further 12 months on license after the failed experiment caused a fire at his Housing Executive home in Derrin Park, Enniskillen.
Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others in the fire, which reportedly caused over £3,000 worth of damage.
It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.
In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.
“It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”
Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/man-jailed-after-trying-to-turn-faeces-into-gold-.html

One of the great pioneers of our time

Missing_Person · October 21, 2011, 4:31am

Equivalent exchange.

Try to get gold out of turds? Get a prison sentence.

angelpalm · October 21, 2011, 4:33am

More like he was trying to make it into a bomb with his crazy IRA looking ass.

Death_Insurance · October 21, 2011, 4:33am

The stories posted here just get better and better.

AOS · October 21, 2011, 4:34am

lol a man can dream…

I mean hey, if it somehow worked, he’d be laughing at us right now.

felineki · October 21, 2011, 4:40am

If you’re gonna try to make gold, at least try to make it out of nutmeg and buttermilk. That way when you inevitably fail you might at least get some nice donuts out of the deal.

The_Grey_Area · October 21, 2011, 4:43am

Wow, what the fuck do you have to do to spend more than a year in jail in the UK? This dude could have killed people, and he fucked another person’s investment. Not to mention, he could have put people out of their home.

Yazumatto · October 21, 2011, 4:44am

Holy shit. Or Goldy shit.

…

…whatever. >.>

Infernoman · October 21, 2011, 4:48am

Guess his experient doesn’t seem like it’s hot shit anymore.

Sent from my Care Package using CoDtalk

KudistosMegistos · October 21, 2011, 4:48am

Saying that a famous footballer fucked a slut from a reality TV show should get you a nice long sentence.

Missing_Person · October 21, 2011, 5:00am

This guy failed to seize a…puts shades on…GOLDEN opportunity.

YEAHHHHH

M.D · October 21, 2011, 5:04am

Gives a whole new meaning to shitting bricks.

de_BLOO · October 21, 2011, 5:06am

I’m glad someone is continuing rushmarine’s work and making any piece of crazy news its own thread.

People can make food out of poop, naturally the next step is gold.

Manx · October 21, 2011, 5:11am

LOL @ the smelly alchemist. Or The Full Fiber Alchemist

Missing_Person · October 21, 2011, 5:52am

He called the shit poop!

Dhalsimowns · October 21, 2011, 9:12am

That’s the only way to set your house on fire

DevilJin_01 · October 21, 2011, 9:13am

He most likely watched The Holy Mountain.

Mr.X · October 21, 2011, 9:19am

Can we find out his inspiration for such an idea? Was he just on the toilet dropping a deuce and was like “I CAN MAKE THIS GOLD”?

NickRocks · October 21, 2011, 9:21am

man this really stinks. i mean this poor guy just wanted to get something good out of his shit, yknow? probably was living a shitty life, having to handle a whole bunch of shit, then this shit happens.

poor guy

Missing_Person · October 21, 2011, 9:30am

So, like, is this the unrated version of Goldmember or something?