so yeah, got a sweet ass job for the summer until school starts up again (contract lasts until october, but if I don’t go back to school in September I owe the gov’t $15000, so yeah). But they needed me to have a medical done, in order to test if manual labour will kill me, and see my vision, check if there is already lead in my system, etc.
First things first, they need a urine sample. Awesome, so glad I went to the bathroom before i went there Anywho, for those who’ve never done it, it SUCKS trying to turn off the stream while the cup is over flowing, after taking awhile to get the urge to piss again. Also, pee is REALLY FUCKING HOT. That was one hot jar I handed that lady.
Next I do a bunch of other tests, the only one standing out was a hearing test I took in a soundproof claustrophobics nightmare booth. A booth that I got stuck in while the nurse went to deal with other people. While hearing annoying beeps for like 20 mins.
Then comes the fun part. Doc brings me in, and first shit out of his mouth is "take off your pants and shirt. I’m like ‘ok, I’ll play along with u for now’.
He runs a shitload of tests on me, making me physically active for the first time in ages. I do lunges, situps, pushups, get scolded for smoking, etc. I almost fell down repeatedly trying to stand on one foot with my eyes closed while touching my nose with a finger.
Then he asks me to take off my boxer shorts. I’m like WTF. Even better, is I am in a room WITH A WINDOW, and outside the window is a fucking preschool. So yeah, now I’m naked in front of a window staring at kids, while they stare at me. Pedobear to the rescue? I wish. How sad that the only action I’ve had this year is from a random doctor I hope to never see again?
He then does a hernia test, either that or he molested me. Not sure. Either way, he moves aside my humungous balls, and asks me to force down like I’m taking a shit. I proceed to let out the rippingest fart I have ever had. He wasn’t impressed.
So yeah, medicals suck. Thank god this job is worth it.