Hello SRK,
Long time lurker here. I recently just turned 21. My friends in college took me out for a night of drinking. Well, I got way too drunk. Against my wishes, i was taken to a club. I’ve always been kind of shy and socially awkward irl because i’m a virgin. I didn’t even get my first kiss until i was 20.
Needless to say I’m not the most comfortable or successful when I go clubbing. But since i was completely hammered i just went around and asked the girls for birthday blowjobs (I got that from a PUA website, but I tend to just read up on strats but I don’t really go out and execute because I’m very self conscious). Some girls thought it was a funny pickup line, but a lot of them got mad and one girl slapped me. None of them put out. Eventually i found a fat chick and started groping her. She seemed into it, but her friends seemed to be pretty pissed and eventually formed a human wall to cordone me off.
At this point my buddies realized I was fucked up on alcohol, so they said it was time to go home. Well, with me this night was this one girl who I have had a crush on for years. Since I had liquid courage I felt now would be the time to confess my true feelings. I told her how I secretly smell her hair when she walks by and how she always smells so good and she’s so pretty, smart, nice and funny and how its the highlight of my day to see her smile. Then I tried to kiss her. Well she kind of tried to play it off by laughing and saying that I’m more of a brother to her. I was pretty devastated and begged her for a kiss, but she kept saying no. I got really upset and ran off. I found some homeless person on the sidewalk, I think it was a woman but I just started groping her (him???) because I’m so lonely. I just want somebody to love me. My friends wrestled me off the homeless person and took me home.
I sobbed non stop on the car ride home. The love of my life had taken a cab to avoid awkwardness. Now she won’t really talk to me anymore, and the story of how I attacked a homeless person has spread around my school and lots of people make fun of me. Its really hard not to burst into tears. I want to keep telling myself “It gets better” but honestly I feel like life sucks. I find it difficult to even masturbate to porn anymore because I know porn is fake like wrestling and that no one will ever love me and that I will be forever alone. I throw pity parties for myself and struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
What should I do? Serious answers only, don’t say “kill yourself” because I don’t want to bring pain on my parents.
TLDR: I’m an ugly virgin who nobody likes and who got rejected a bunch on my 21 run and the love of my life thinks of me as a brother. FML
