Meanwhile, back at the McDonald’s, Akuma and his Assistant Manager, Adon, are talking. Adon is wearing his usual Muay Thai shorts, but instead of his trademark headband he has a McDonald’s visor
Adon: What should we do with the body?
Akuma: What body?
Adon: The headless cashier who Dan pimp-smacked.
Akuma grins at Adon (like in my avatar)
Adon: … oh no.
Akuma: We’re running low on meat.
Adon: … but.
Akuma: Do it.
Adon stuffs the body in the deep frier
Tiffany finally regained consciousness after being pimpa’d by Sakura’s still novice pimp slap. Being her first ho, Sakura would cherish this one very much. After getting what she wanted from the mall, Sakura and Skello went back to the parking lot, only to hear Tiffany’s wails. The sun had set an hour ago.
Tiffany: WWAAAHHHH!!! MY CHIN’S THROBBING AND I’M COLD AND I’M…KIDNAPPED!!!
Sakura slapped her.
Sakura: HUSH up!
Skullo nodded approvingly.
Sakura: Now, since you’re technically my very first bitch, I decided to at least get you a new outfit. That American flag thing is so tackey.
Sakura unveiled a bra and panties from Victoria’s Secret and a pair of floppy socks from the Gap.
Tiffany: sniff This is sniff very kind of you sniff but I need to get home now!
Tiffany wailed again.
Sakura: What are you crying about? We are going home!
Tiffany: Really?
Skullo: nods
Sakura and Skullo drove to a back alley in the impoverished part of Detroit.
Sakura: HEY! BUMS! I know you have liquor money! For a special one time offer of eighty dollars, you can spend the rest of your stinky night with this blond ho!
The bums in the back alley gather together, and decide that they should combine their liquor money for a one night orgy with the scantily clad girl with the floppy socks.
Bum 1: Hey…you’re new aren’t you.
Sakura: That’s right! I’m Shotopimps Level 3!
Bum 1: That’s nice to hear young lady.
Sakura shoved Tiffany off of the Cadillac after getting her money, and ignored the screams when she waited for the bums to get through with her. She was thinking about the moment Ryu would be at the airport, and the moment she would smack him by surprise and rush him down, beating her master and one-time lover and making him her man slave!
Although a lot of shit went down in Akuma’s Mickey Ds today, people still went there. Late at night, Justin Wong came here to rest after an MvC2 tournament. Then, some nameless scrub came up to him.
Justin: …what?
Scrub: Hey man, I was jus’ wonderin…you like fries?
Justin: …yeah…so wha-
Scrub: HEY!!! MOTHAFUCKAS, GET MY BOY SOME FUCKIN’ FRIES!!!
Akuma and Adon were visibly pissed, but made up a new batch of fries.
Scrub: You like Big Macs?
Justin: …well, yeah, I guess I d-
Scrub: HEY!!! MOTHAFUCKAS, GET MY BOY SOME FUCKIN’ BIG MACS!!!
Akuma and Adon grinned, using the manbeef of their fallen co-worker to make the next Big Macs.
Justin: Hey, listen, you’re too fuckin’ loud.
Scrub: I know, it’s just that I praise you and I worship you and I pray to you every day and I even have posters of you on my bedroom wall and I masturbate thinking about you and I … JUSTIN!!! GIMMIE A HIGH FIVE!!!
Justin: …
Justin Wong left the McDonalds, disgusted.
Scrub: JUSTIN! JUSTIIIINNN!!! YOU FUCKIN’ MEAN DAWG!!!
Adon: Now, you wanted a large order of fries and a couple of Big Macs, right?
Scrub: Well…I guess I might as well eat them.
The nameless scrub pays for the food and eats. Then he gets sick and dies.
Akuma: I didn’t know manbeef could kill.
Adon: Me neither. The more you know…
Counting her money from hoing out Tiffany, Sakura and Skullo arrived at the airport. Sakura almost dropped the money out of excitement when she saw Ryu.
Sakura: Ryu! You came!
Ryu: Of course, I’d never turn down a challenge with Ken.
Sakura: Yeah, well, about that…
Sakura puts her hands behind her back, where Skullo applies the baby poweder. She goes in for a quick pimp smack, but Ryu effortly blocks it.
Ryu: Sakura, was this all just a big scheme to pimp me?
Sakura: How did you block my super ho-slappin’ pimp smack???
Ryu: I have reached a level of pimp you’ve never even imagined. You are talking to the official 3rd World Pimp. Did you really think you stood a chance?
Sakura: Well…
Out of nowhere Sakura feels a strong back hand against her face, and she is on the ground.
Sakura: Where the hell did that come from?! Damn you!
Ryu: Now… Bitch, give me my fuckin’ money, or I’mma bust a hadou in yo’ ass.
Sakura hands him the money, as Skullo steps forward.
Ryu: You want a piece of this, biatch? Let’s see what you got.
Go Ryu, 3rd World Pimp:lol:
Skullo reaches into his scarf and pulls out two giant wooden, pre-powdered hands. He begins to twirl them around a la Bruce Lee.
Ryu: Awww, Hell naw…
Skullo begins to swing the giant hands at Ryu, but they are effortlessly parried and broken in two.
Ryu: cocky What now, biatch?!?!?
Skullo shrugs, then pulls an X-Box out of his scarf and smacks Ryu upside the head with it. If it weren’t for his pimp skillz, Ryu would have been decapitated, but as it stands, he is knocked unconcious. Skullo nods approvingly, then helps Sakura get up.
Sakura: Great job, Skullo!! Wait 'till we drag him back to HQ. I might get another promotion!!!
Ah hell fucking naw, the Third World Pimp got X’ed by a mute and a little shoto-ho?
LOL this is realy fucking funny, reminds me of the Balrog fic that once existed, anyhow, keep posting, and ill keep reading 
I always wanted to see more of that one…
A signal on Skullo’s wrist starts to whistle uncontrollably, and accordingly Skullo raises his arm to block whatever attack would come his way.
Sakura: Hey, Skullo, what the hell are you doing?
Sakura shrieked when someone jumped out of one of the airport’s windows and yelled a superhero theme song.
May Lee: DADA-DADA-DADA-DADA-DADA-DADA-DADA-MAY LEE!!!
Skullo: makes finger noises
Sakura: Say what? She’s a super hero who thinks you’re a villian?
Skullo: nods
May Lee: QUIET NAIVES! I’M MAY LEE, THE KOREAN DEE JAY WHO WHOOPS EVIL’S ASS!!! MY EVIL VILLIAN RADAR HAS DETECTED A VILLIAN, AND YOU, MISTER SKELETON, LOOK LIKE A FIEND!!!
Skullo reacted by performing Egyptian hand movements to Sakura.
Sakura: So, you’re telling me that her Villian Radar wasn’t upgraded and has a glitch that detects super heroes? Hey, D.J., you need an upgrade from Symantec!
May Lee: ENOUGH! I CAN SEE YOU’VE HARMED AN INNOCENT KARATE MAN TOO!!!
Ryu: ungh
May Lee: LET’S SETTLE THIS WITH A MATCH, OF BURNING DESIRE AND FISTS!!!
Skullomania nodded, ever so silently.
You mean, Balrog Beats Down Everybody?
I was thinking about including Sag and Rog in this one early on, but I’m gonna wait and see…unless someone does it before me.
makes sure to give Dan’s story a bigger part next time
May Lee charges charges at Skullo, and shoulders him to the floor.
May Lee: THAT WAS PATHETIC!!! NOW IT’S YOUR TURN LITTLE GIRL!!!
Sakura:I’m getting sick and tired of you, biatch! You’re gonna be my next ho’!!!
May Lee:BRING IT ON!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
While she was busy taunting, May Lee did not notice Skullo slowly rising behind her. Skullo reaches into his scarf and pulls out his Shotopimps Pimp Hat. He signs something to Sakura, who nods in return.
May: WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO ATTACK, OR ARE YOU TO AFRAID TO MOVE!
Sakura: Thats it, ho’!!! SHIPPU JINRAIPIMP!!!
The powerful attack knocks the bitchy DJ into the air. Skullo is quick to act. He tosses his Pimp Hat at Lee, promply decapitating her with the brim of the hat, which ends up landing back on Skullo’s head.
Sakura: Thanks Skullo!
Skullo:thumbs up
Sakura and Skullo grab Ryu by his headband and drag him through the airport. At the exit, they find Dan. He waring a tattered pink shirt, and is lying in a pool of vomit and blood. He has dark circles under his eyes and a nasty 2 day stubble.
Dan:So thirsty…Need pink lemonaide…groan
Sakura:How long has it been since he was demoted anyway?
Skullo:signs
Sakura:15 minutes!!! Dayumm…
May Lee is reborn inside a “pocket universe” and some how comes back to this universe.
May Lee: HA HA NAIVES!!! SUPERHEROES CAN’T DIE!!! I’LL BE BACK…AND NEXT TIME, I’LL FILE A COMPLAINT TO THE AIRPORT SECURITY, WHO OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T TRY TO INTERFERE WITH OUR SKIRMISH!!!
The dj flew through the dark, starry sky. No one paid attention to her, though.
Dan: Skullo…did you see a little white hamster scurry behind you?
Skullo: shakes head
Dan: BITCH, did y-
Sakura PIMPSLAPPED Dan.
Sakura: I’m your SUPERIOR now, Padawan.
Dan: …I’m sorry, ma’mn.
Sakura: NO, I didn’t see a hamster.
Dan: Shit.
Outside the airport, Bijou was engaged in yet another Ham Ham orgy.
Bijou: Tu a un beaucoup peni, Boss!
Boss: HAW HAW HAW!
Hamtaro: umph Pata pata pata pata pata pata pata…
Bijou: AIIIEEE!!!
Boss: Bitch, you done? Shiiiiiet.
Hamtaro: peckeit
Boss: …now where’s that pimp of yours? I can’t believe I need to pay sunflower seeds for this shit now.
Hamtaro: koosh koosh
Boss HAMSLAPPED Hamtaro.
Boss: No more of that shit!
Meanwhile, Mel Masters was playing Yu-Gi-Oh with Guile’s daughter Amy, who was also his cousin.
Mel: Dark Magician that shit!
Amy: I counter…just Blue Eyes White Dragon that shit!
Mel: AWW SNAP!!! Where’s my French hamster?
Amy: That weird guy in the pink took her.
Mel: That GAY guy? My dad’s GAY friend Sean told me to look after him…it’s because I’m a Level 10 MO’ FUCKA Pimp.
Amy: How’d you get to be that?
Mel: My dad owns the place!
Amy: Oooooh…
Mel: He even bought me Cable’s Hyper Viper Beam! It’s right over…
It was gone.
Sakura: Skullo! You put my new BITCH in the Cadillac while I go find the other one.
Sakura had sent Tiffany to whore around the men’s bathroom near the deli at the airport. She checked up on her results, only to see her atop a pile of knocked out men.
Sakura: …what is this?!
Tiffany: They wanted to do mean things to me, like make me smell their icky penises!
Sakura: So you KNOCKED THEIR ASSES OUT?!
Tiffany: I really like these giant boxing gloves!
Sakura: …bitch, are you aquainted with this sound? “shmup, shmup, shmup?”
Tiffany: Not really…
Sakura PIMPSLAPPED Tiffany.
Sakura: That’s the sound you make SUCKING DICKS. If you don’t “shmup shmup shmup” right now, I’ll…wait a second.
Sakura realized that there were no less than 12 guys knocked out, all wearing buisness suits. She picked their pockets and collected over three thousand dollars, and some credit cards.
Sakura: Bitch, you might be useful after all.
Dan: Hey, Skullo…
Skullo: turns head towards Dan
Dan: I’m running low on baby powder.
Skullo: hands Dan baby powder
Dan: Good looking out for a pimp.
Dan went outside looking for Bijou. He found his ham ham ho by baggage claim.
Dan: Now Bijou, have you been suckin’ ALL these little mother fuckers?
Bijou: Well, just Boss and Hamta-
Dan FLICKS HIS FINGER AT BIJOU’S BELLY.
Dan: BITCH, you “shump shmup” THIS mother fucka only! He PAID me!
Boss: She finished early too.
Dan: WHAT?! Unsatisfied customer?! Bitch, once you can’t hump, that means you SUCK. SUCK him till he HAPPY. Now come on, I got to get back to that bitch kid’s house before his daddy Ken slap me silly.
Bijou: …Oui.
-Meanwhile…a shadowy figure watches from afar…-
Figure: Yes…yes…it seems the shotopimps are in action…and have had a change of ranks…this is the perfect time to act.
Bill Gates continues to watch, a camera devide hidden in the green center of Skullo’s X-box…like all Xboxes.
Bill Gates: hehehehehehehehehahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- snorthehehe…come my minions!
(From the shadows emerge Magneto, Sagat and Blanka…but Magneto is a raging crackhead…and the only things Sagat and Blanka can do are crouching Fierce)
Bill Gates: I need to find a body worthy of me to comandeer…go my lackeys! Find me a body worthy of my greatness!
(lackeys set off, and return 10 minutes later…with Halle Berry)
Bill Gates: excellent…hehehehahahahHAHAHAHHAsnort…ready the body excahgne machine!! Soon…I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! HEHEHEHEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-wheeze…I need my inhaler…
(Magneto hands Bill Gates his inhaler)
Skullo found Dan hoing his hamster to ask him a question, using his freestyling skills.
Dan: Why was I in a puddle of blood and why do I look like I’m dead?
Skullo: nods
Dan: …I WAS HVB’d DAWG!!!
Skullo: shock
When Sagat walked out of Microsoft HQ with Blanka and Magneto, he so Balrog hiding behind a dumpster in a backalley in Seattle.
Balrog: SAG! What’chu doing workin’ for THA MAN?!
Sagat: You know me Rog, I like to have a little fun while I’m seeking the ways of the fight.
Balrog: Shiiit. How much is THA MAN paying you?
Sagat: I was the Emperor of Muay Thai. Now I’m the Emperor of Japan.
Balrog: Dayum! Does THA MAN need any psycho boxers?
Sagat: Not now, I’m afraid.
Balrog: Shit…wanna beat people down with me?
Sagat: I’m too busy. Sorry.
Balrog sulked and went to the top of the Space Needle to look at the people of Seattle…and how they look like ants to CRUSH.
Magneto and Blanka went to the nearest Toys R Us to support the Gates Empire. They found a boy playing a Gamecube.
Magneto: You like the Nintendo Gamecube, boy?
Kid: I guess.
Magneto: Why aren’t you playing with the X-Box?
Kid: That football game they have on it now is gay.
Magneto knocked the kid out, tore out the Gamecube, and replaced it with an X-Box.
Sakura and Skullo drove over to 4th Street & Lincoln (are there really streets like that in Detroit? … I don’t care, there are now) and parked their Cadillac.
Sakura: Bitch, you go to that rave right over there. When mothafuckas say they wanna hump you, take them to that alley over there, and knock 'em the fuck out. Ryu. Ryu, wake up!
Ryu was having a nightmare while he was knocked out by Skullo’s X-Box. He saw fleeting images from his past, merged into the demons of his future.
Gouken: Ryu! Go fetch me some cold water, okay?
The old master was unseen, and spoke from his humble shack.
Ryu: But master, the river is far, an-
Gouken WHIPPED Ryu with his 10th degree Black Belt.
Gouken: No buts.
Ryu: Yes, Master Gouken!
One day, Ryu had been confident in his skills as a martial artist. Everything changed from this moment on…
Gouken: Ryu! Go fetch me some cold water, okay?
Ryu: Don’t you have enough?
Ryu saw the black belt pop out of the window of the shack. Ryu smacked the belt away.
Gouken: Ryu…you are ready…
Ryu woke up to a smack from the cold hand of Sakura. The past repeats itself; the scrubby bitch has become the pimp. Ryu sighed and started to moan.
In a beautiful room atop the highest tower in Detroit (what’s that?), a man with white hair displays his latest prize; the Hyper Viper Beam. The man’s hair is a contrast, to his dark skin, his dark clothes, and his pitch black heart. His name is Setsuna, the leader of the newly formed counter-pimp group The Distinguished Chaps.
Setsuna: Alucard, tell me more about your day.
Alucard: I found a pimp, ripped out his gold tooth, and slaughtered him.
Setsuna: As usual.
He put his cold hands to his chin, and settled into his desk. His guests sat comfortably in the plush seats, made from zebra hide.
Sephiroth: I found a pimp earlier…I opened his stomach and ate his intestines, then threw the rotting corpse at a meteor.
Setsuna: Ha ha. I found the legendary Hyper Viper Beam in the room of a young boy. He was busy with some card game, so my owl was able to take it without alerting the lad. Then I found a ridiculous looking pimp with a pony tail and I obliterated him.
Alucard: Ha ha.
Dan got back to his master Mel’s room just in time. Ken walked in to check on his Pimp Padawan.
Ken: Mel, did Dan fuck up yet?
Mel: Dad, Dan’s GAY.
Ken: Dan…tell me the truth. You fuck up yet?
Dan: NUH UH! I pimped yo’ kid’s hamster today!
Ken: …You’re fucking sorry, but it’s a start. Tommorow you’re going on field training. You know the deal; you’ll be given a bitch who will report your progress to Sean. Tonight, you can rest up in this room. Mel, you can sleep in the TOY ROOM.
Mel: The toy room? Thanks Dad.
Ken and Mel left Dan to his devices. He felt depressed and decided to watch what was on the big ass TV, since Mel hadn’t bothered turning it off. He was immediately enthralled by what was on Toonami’s Midnight Run.
Dan was inspired…he knew that he wouldn’t fuck up being a pimp this time.
HAHAHA OMFG this si so fucking great LOL :LOL:
Gotta love Bigo…errr I mean Big HO!!!
The sunrise that represents new hope humbles the world as Dan Hibiki sets out to reclaim his pimpdom. But this new hope also mocks Ryu, whos fall from grace leaves him in a fetal posistion and a depressed stupor.
Dan finds himself on the corner of Fitty-Fo’ Street and Bitch Avenue, with his trainee bitch Lilith and their instructor Sean. Lilith is the trainee bitch because of her easy to handle disposition, and her overall innocent nature.
Sean: I will give you three hours. Then I’ll pick you up in my… ** PLATINUM PT-Cruiser.**
Dan: A PT-Cruiser? What kind of pus-
Sean PIMPSLAPPED Dan.
Sean: Don’t hate on my van!
Sean drives away, leaving Dan to Lilith. Dan whistled, trying to think of a good routine today. Lilith thought about bunnies and flying with them and rainbows.
Dan: Alright. We’re going to QUIZNOS.
A tired Sakura and Skullo arrived at what was once Skullo and Dan’s pad. Seems that they bought themselves a YMCA, and usually invite ladies to the giant swimming pool.
Sakura: DAMN! This shit is suitable for… a pimp like me!
Skullo turned his head towards Sakura.
Sakura: Well, come on… look at the progress I’ve made! I’m going to surpass EVERYBODY at Shotopimps!
Skullo looked away, silent as ever.
Sakura lifted Ryu’s depressed body off the Cadillac on her back. She dropped him at what was converted into a main hall. Then she went back and noticed the sleeping Tiffany. She had an innocent smile on her face. Sakura PIMPSLAPPED her.
Sakura: Did I beat you last night?
Tiffany: Um, y-yes…
Sakura: Well, did you get slapped by an X-Box?
Tiffany: Not real-
Sakura: Get to the fucking YMCA.
Skullo’s face was down. Sakura was becoming a megalomaniac pimp.
The Distinguished Chaps were planted atop their platinum covered HORSES and galloped away, with one goal in mind: to conquer Shotopimps!
Sephiroth: Excuse me gentleman, allow me to cast Firaga on that civil servant?
Setsuna: Please, make yourself at home.
Sephiroth: Thank you, good sirs. Now, have at you, naives!
Meanwhile, Bill Gates and his henchmen walked into their brand new airship, Word, for the first time. It was built upon the backs of ten hundred thousand slaves. The behemoth was as big as a SUPER Wal-Mart. Gates had his men discuss the latest matters in his throne room.
Gates: Blanka, how are the operations to conquer the women of Brazil going?
Blanka: MMMF!!!
Gates: Excellent. Magneto, have you conquered the southern United States yet?
Magneto: They told me the South would rise again…heh he- excuse me.
Magneto ran out of the throne room and into the bathroom to take a look at his new crack rocks.
Gates: Excellent. Saga-…where’s Sagat? Shredder, where is Sagat?
Shredder: He told you something about governing the people of Japan, didn’t he?
Gates: Ah, yes. Shredder, how were your ideals of creating an army of Ninja Foot progressing?
Shredder: Excellent, my liege. I have already seduced millions of teenagers with my brilliant TRUTH campaign.
Gates: That is most pleasing. Now, as you all know, we are going to invade Shotopimps and take advantage of the pimping game. Any of you have objections?
No one dared to speak.
Gates: Very well.
Sagat, meanwhile, took residence in another giant tower in Tokyo. He communicated to all of the Japanese people using his frequent television addresses.
Sagat: People of Japan. It is now necessary for EVERYONE to learn the ways of the fighter, for it will lead us all into an era of greater prosperity and wisdom if we were to meditate and concentrate on only doing our best.
The people of Japan were confused, but most become muay thai kickboxers. Who would fuck with a country that’s all muay thai kickboxers?
can I give it a shot?
Go ahead.
Sorry about not posting in a while. I wuz at band camp:bluu: . Anyhoo, I’ll post a new installment soon. If you wanna post, megaul, go ahead. And props to BP on his posts. BIG HO!!!
Ok, I’m gonna post a section in just a little while, I want it to be really good. So I need some time to think.