Criticize my writing

[DaDesiCanadian]

I’ve started a blog mainly so that I can improve my writing style. When I write something I know a large number of people are going to see, I tend to write much more formally, and lose a lot of my individuality. So I started my blog to see if I can fix this.

ANY criticism is welcome, it’s the whole point of the blog. So please, read and if you have any comments at all, please go ahead.

http://theuncritic.org

[DaDesiCanadian]

Thanks for the input!

[DaDesiCanadian]

Like 70 views from this link, and no comment?

[Shafted]

I took a glance at it. On the whole it was written pretty soundly, but other than that i can’t say your writing style is terribly interesting or exciting, comes across as being kind of flat. It could have been the subjects as I don’t watch any TV nor care for many of the things you wrote about.

…and ugh, you actually liked be kind rewind?

[System_1]

Like 70 views from this link, and no comment?

I got 230 on mine and one reply. :sad:

[Bowling_Pin]

The main thing that brings this movie down for me is the pure hatred I have for Jack Black as an actor (barely), and a comedian (not even close).

We wont even get into Peter, who has all these powers, AND MORE, yet cant seem to do anything remotely useful with them except cry a lot.

Pulling a couple choice quotes from the entries. For some reason, I’m getting an almost whiny, fanboy vibe from the blog. Now, you don’t suck, but I feel as if you’re trying to find an M.O. for your entries as a whole. Are they reviews? Are you just posting up your thoughts on a particular subject? I think you’d be most successful with the latter.

Now it’s easy enough to crtique a work. First you analyze it and explain, objectively, what is going on. Then you assess the work and decide what it’s trying to accomplish and convey and whether or not it is successful in that endeavor.

Overall, I would say… go see it.

This is how you chose to wrap up your review of Pineapple Express. Don’t do this. What I mean is, don’t bother to recommend whether or not your viewers should watch something. Don’t bother wondering if your audience will enjoy a given film or show. It’s not your job to care about your readers. All that matters is what you thought, how you felt. If you take away only one thing from this post, I think it should be that.

You seem a little dry, but I say you should work with that.

[DaDesiCanadian]

I took a glance at it. On the whole it was written pretty soundly, but other than that i can’t say your writing style is terribly interesting or exciting, comes across as being kind of flat. It could have been the subjects as I don’t watch any TV nor care for many of the things you wrote about.

…and ugh, you actually liked be kind rewind?

Yes, that’s my main problem. My writing just isn’t…interesting. And sadly that’s the most difficult thing to work on.

Pulling a couple choice quotes from the entries. For some reason, I’m getting an almost whiny, fanboy vibe from the blog. Now, you don’t suck, but I feel as if you’re trying to find an M.O. for your entries as a whole. Are they reviews? Are you just posting up your thoughts on a particular subject? I think you’d be most successful with the latter.

Now it’s easy enough to crtique a work. First you analyze it and explain, objectively, what is going on. Then you assess the work and decide what it’s trying to accomplish and convey and whether or not it is successful in that endeavor.

This is how you chose to wrap up your review of Pineapple Express. Don’t do this. What I mean is, don’t bother to recommend whether or not your viewers should watch something. Don’t bother wondering if your audience will enjoy a given film or show. It’s not your job to care about your readers. All that matters is what you thought, how you felt. If you take away only one thing from this post, I think it should be that.

You seem a little dry, but I say you should work with that.

Thanks for putting some time in. It’s more a set of my thoughts than an official review. You’re right, i’m trying to formalize and find my style, which is one of the reasons I started the blog. Looking back at those posts, I do come off as whiny.

Thanks for the comments guys, this is 10x more than I expected. I will try and work with all your suggestions.

[Bowling_Pin]

Of course, I should also mention what I did enjoy about the blog. I did like the Dexter review, to the point where I might want to actually check the show out.

You have an interesting mix of subject matter, from politics to TV and film. I wonder if there’s a way you can link these together?..

[Shafted]

Yes, that’s my main problem. My writing just isn’t…interesting. And sadly that’s the most difficult thing to work on.

Thanks for putting some time in. It’s more a set of my thoughts than an official review. You’re right, i’m trying to formalize and find my style, which is one of the reasons I started the blog. Looking back at those posts, I do come off as whiny.

Thanks for the comments guys, this is 10x more than I expected. I will try and work with all your suggestions.

I don’t like TV and politics so im most likely not your target audience anyway. Props for putting yourself out there tho.

[DaDesiCanadian]

I updated with Max Payne. Hopefully it’s better than the last few!

[System_1]

You writing style is decent, but I feel that you need to create more of your own style if you are expressing your thoughts on the matter, or you need to be more detached if you are reviewing.

Also, please don’t take this the wrong way but it almost sounds like you are trying to nail Ben Crowshaw’s Zero Punctuation.

[System_1]

I updated with Max Payne. Hopefully it’s better than the last few!

Yup, the Max Payne update was much improved. :china:

The smarmier, the better, Desi.

If you’re looking for a role model in regards to this, try looking up some of Roger Ebert’s reviews on his webpage - the 2 stars or lower ones. I swear, the man is a veritable pith-bull <sic> of derision when aroused.

[DaDesiCanadian]

need to create more of your own style if you are expressing your thoughts on the matter, or you need to be more detached if you are reviewing.

Hmm, interesting. Can you clarify on “your own style”? I know that’s kinda asking a lot, but if you wanna take a jab at it.

Don’t really think of my reviews as a traditional review; I enjoy throwing in my bias, i’m not really going for journalistic integrity here. I think that actually makes my stuff more enjoyable to read, as opposed to a dryer review. (which is also why I chose the “uncritic”)

Also, please don’t take this the wrong way but it almost sounds like you are trying to nail Ben Crowshaw’s Zero Punctuation.

I can honestly claim guilt-free here, as I think i’ve only seen one of those videos.

jabhadouken: Thanks bro! I will definitely check out Ebert’s reviews.

[DaDesiCanadian]

orko

THANKS FOR THE CREATIVE INPUT!

:woot:

[DaDesiCanadian]

Updated with Slumdog Millionaire.

[funkymusic]

I like the way you review things.

With that out of the way before I can really go on to “criticize” your writing i’m pondering what your really looking for…

Are you looking for a sort of copy editor or a critic of the work after the fact?

In any manner you spelled George Clooney wrong. <3