Ah, Laura Fraser. My sweetheart. My muse.
Time for some inebriated rambling.
The more I think about it, the more I think I’ve had Walt figured wrong all along, and I’ve had moments like this before when I’ve reevaluated my approach to his character.
All along, the question being asked among viewers is, how far along is Walt? Assuming he started out as a meek schoolteacher and is on his way to becoming the fully-fledged, fully evil Heisenberg, how far through the process has he gotten? Is he at the end yet? Are there crucial steps left to be completed? There are even some people who still insist (most certainly in the wrong) that he’s exactly what he started out as–the quiet-living family man who was put in a tough position and has done what he needs to in order to survive.
For a while, I was under the assumption that Walt is Heisenberg and has been for some time now. As my line of demarcation, I picked the first obviously evil thing he ever did, which was when Jane died in front of him and he did nothing to stop it. But then doubt crept in. Why did Walt break bad in the first place? People with families and limited income get cancer all the time. It sucks, but it happens. Very few of them become violent druglords. Viewing his progression from Walt to Heisenberg as a simple progression of evil acts somewhat misses the ring.
So then I started figuring that maybe Walt had been Heisenberg all along. My pet theory was that the real Walter White is the guy from the flashbacks during season one: a voracious student of chemistry, flush with insight and dynamic energy, behaving as though the world was at his fingertips. That’s the real Walter White. At some point, he wrapped himself in a chrysalis–the self-protective shell of a meek schoolteacher and family man. With this new risk-free schoolteacher/family man persona, Walt isolated himself against whatever might have harmed him in his former life as a brilliant chemist. The schoolteacher is not his identity. It’s merely a self-preservation strategy–a chrysalis, allowing him to sleep undisturbed while the big, scary world rages around him.
Viewed in those terms, his transition during the TV series has nothing to do with transforming from one identity into another. By the beginning of the series, the young and brilliant chemist had already been transforming for years inside his cocoon. When we first see him, Heisenberg is already fully formed inside the shell–and the show is not about changing into Heisenberg, so much as the already-present Heisenberg casting off pieces of the shell. Walter White was already long-gone. Heisenberg simply gained the confidence to cast off his self-preservation mechanism.
But again, I’m thinking that I got it wrong. I think the young, brilliant, dynamic Walter White has been alive all along, but he’s been smothered by a mass of constructed identities. The schoolteacher is a construction. Heisenberg is also a construction. Who knows what other identities he’s built for himself–the reassuring father, the cautiously magnanimous brother-in-law, the tough-love mentor, etc. What they all seem to have in common is that he assumes whatever he believes the situation demands.
The few times we ever see him being real, doing something genuine, without being blustery or lying or overcompensating–those are the times that we get a glimpse of his young, brilliant self shining through, alive all along. Anytime he’s forced to throw together a MacGyver-esque solution, anytime he shows his tortured affection for Jesse, the few times he blurts something passionate that reveals how he really thinks and feels–that’s not schoolteacher Walt, it’s not Heisenberg, and it’s not any of the other bullshit he wraps around himself when he thinks he knows what’s best for himself. In those moments, he’s the real Walt, the young Walt, the one he did his best to crush out of existence decades before Heisenberg was even a twinkle in his eye.
Frying Crazy 8’s lungs with an on-the-spot concoction: real Walt. Druggedly confessing his feelings about Jesse to Walter Jr.: real Walt. Lying sick on the bathroom floor, admitting to Skyler that he screwed up: real Walt. He’s still there. It’s just that after a painful break from the life he cared about and through years of sedated domesticity, he’s learned the unfortunate habit of rarely being himself.
The interesting thing about real Walt is that he’s very passionate about two things: science and survival. He is quite possibly amoral–a chaotic, unpredictable expression of those passions. I’m betting that once the show catches up to the flash-forwards of the assumed identity and the car trunk full of guns, we’re probably also catching up to real Walt. My new pet theory is that over the next year, his capacity for bullshitting is chipped away from him, and the guy we saw in those flashbacks no longer has a reason to hide.
tl;dr version:
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Heisenberg since [any moment in the show here]? Wrong.
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Heisenberg all along, having developed for years before the start of the show? Wrong again.
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Mess of contradictory assumed identities, all the while with the young, brilliant Walt still lurking beneath and infrequently showing himself? Bingo.