Justin lost…convincingly. If you’re still reading this, that means you’re probably one of the thousands of people whose lives that this game has corrupted and ruined. Think back to before you played Marvel: How smart were you? How nice were you? How skinny were you? How much money you had? How many real friends you had? How good were your grades? You still liked porn.
Think where you would be if you never discovered MvC2? College professor? Financial consultant? Real estate agent? Stock broker? 7-11 clerk (if you’re Indian)?
Sanford would be graduating college right around this time. Justin Wong would be a millionare day trader. Ricky would be a drag queen. Mixup would still be living in a trailer park. I’d probably be done with my Ph.D. Desmond would be running yayo from Cacun to San Diego…Ah, the possibilities.
But fuck it. Better late than never right? If you’re one of those Marvel crackheads like the rest of the guys at ECCX and want to get your life back on track, the following is a simple 12-step program to get this devil drug out of your system.
Note: Some people whom I am not going to name have no hope at this time. They are forsaken and are too far gone for recovery. These people probably do not know who they are, and still think there is hope. So if you feel like you know one of these people, please help them save some time and effort and tell them to give up, and just sell their body for food.
Also, it’d be good to have a crackhead buddy to do this with. Strength come in numbers. Just don’t let one of those guys that are too far gone in your circle, or else they’re likely to jeopardize the success of quitting for everyone they come into contact with.
Blaze Asks Em: 12 Step Marvel Detox Guide.
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Acceptance - Admitting you have a problem is the first step to a successful journey through this program. Look yourself in the mirror and repeat times: I have a problem. Then repeat: I am a Junky. Then repeat three times: I need help. When you can do this and feel no more shame inside, you have accepted yourself for what you are: a fucking worthless piece of shit who is so weak inside that you have let a bunch of fucking pixels on a tv screen run your life for the past 5 years. Now we’re getting somewhere, now we can get help.
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Apologize - Find all the people who you have hurt over the years: lied to, stolen from, fucked over, etc…because you chose rom infinites and ahvbs over real people. Call your parents and thank them for putting up with your bitch ass for so long. Call your old friends and say you’re sorry for stealing their Mas stick. When your loved ones have forgiven you for hurting them, you can forgive yourself for hurting others.
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Get a J-O-B - Fuck finding a hobby or playing WOW or some other FPS game. You need to give up games altogether because games only lead to one place…MARVEL. You need to get it out of your system altogether. Get a job at a law firm if you’re qualified…and most of you won’t be. Get a job at Dunkin Donuts or Mickey D’s. Get a Job slanging rock. Anything to keep you occupied.
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Make a big financial investment - Lease a car, get a girl you have to take care of, buy expenisve clothes…anything that will give you a real life grasp on things and responsibility to keep the JOB you should’ve gotten in step 3. If you haven’t gotten a JOB yet, why the fuck are you still here? Go look in the classifieds.
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Forget your Marvel friends - Erase your computer HD of anything Marvel: matches, wallpapers, old Blaze Asks Em interviews…anything related to marvel. Change your AIM sn, so random marvel fuckers won’t im you talking about marvel. Change your phone number and erase anyone that has anything to do with Marvel out of your phonebook. Disappear. It might be hard to let go at first, but you must be strong and delete Justin Wong’s number from your phone if you have it. Nothing good will ever come of it.
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Get rid of any gaming paraphernalia - If you have copies of Marvel, any dreamcasts, mas sticks…mail them to Mike Mixon. I’ll give you the address by pm if you don’t have it. Guarantee that you will never see those again.
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Get a pet - At the start of this program you’re not going to be responsible enough to have a real pet, so I suggest getting a plant. If you can take care of the plant for 6 months, then you’ll be ready for a goldfish. If you can keep that alive for another 6 months, then get a puppy and so on and so forth. The point of this step is to teach you responsibility and to care for others besides yourself: a concept that is lost on many Marvel crackheads.
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Download lots of porn - Jacking off will help curb your cravings for Marvel. You will be tired all the time. You will be distracted by that blonde with the 19" black cock stuffed up her ass. Distraction is key. If your gay feel free to download gay porn and take a dildo up your ass. Whatever works for you.
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Avoid alcohol - When you’re drunk at 3am, it is too easy for you to lose your inhibitions and self control and to just run over to a late night Marvel sessions at one of your old crackhead friend’s house. Marvel is the devil. Remember that. And alchohol is the devil’s nectar. No drunkin 3am Marvel!!! DON’T DO IT!!! I know it’s hard to control yourself, but you must be strong. STAY STRONG DAMMIT!!!
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Don’t go to SRK - Ban Srk from your internet settings. SRK is the devil. This is what started it all. I was using Guile/Jin/Iceman before I found SRK, then all of a sudden I was shooting bishes with ground hyper vipers for no reason at all. Don’t come here. You might as well as put a Mas Stick in your hand. SRK is the DEVIL!!!
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Excorsism - Go to a church. Find a priest that specializes in satanic excorsisms and have him perform one on you. You need to be cleansed from the soul. You are one evil motherfucker. You have pretty much no hope left in life. This is the very last shot. If this doesn’t work, see step 12.
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Become Mixup - Read the How To Be A Top Player Handbook here and just just become him. There is no more hope for you. You are the scum of the earth. You are the grimy shit under my fingernails when I scratch my neck after I haven’t showered for 3 days. You are the crust on Sanford’s underwear. You are done.
