Ive been doing pretty bad over the past several months. Severe depression and anxiety. I did stop drinking for 14 months. At around the 11 month mark I became a dry drunk. I started to huff those compressed air dusters. Those made me lose it. For some reason when I get really messed up on any substance I go into this warrior mode and I want to kill either myself or someone else. I become very violent and very dangerous. That got me picked up by the police on a 51/50 and sent to the ER at one of the hospitals here. I was at the hospital for several hours before a social worker came to see me. He released me and I went home. Ive stopped huffing that fucking shit and will never touch it again. I wont even have it in my home.
Fast forward to 14 months and I had another mental break. What did I do? I went and started to drink. The warrior came out again. Since I didn’t have anyone to hurt, I hurt myself. I cut myself.
I was once again picked up on a 51/50 and taken to a different hospital. This time I was not released but was sent to a mental health inpatient facility. I was there for 6 days. I got my head straight, I got off Xanax (thank god) and I’m starting my recovery over anew.
I had been to the same mental health facility twice before but I didn’t really want to be there. I wanted to be there this time. I wanted help. I got it. Now I’m home and I’m feeling pretty good. I plan to start attending AA meetings starting this week and I also have an appointment to see my psychiatrist and I plan to get REAL with him. I want him to adjust my meds and take some labs. I want to find out whats really going on besides what we know. No more fucking around or I’m going to end up in jail again for something far worse than what I went to jail for last time.
It scares me to think that I become so dangerous when I drink or huff. I don’t even know that I’m doing it but I do and its just scary. So scary that I really, really don’t want to drink again. That’s why I’m going to AA. I’m not going to go it alone anymore. I’m going to get help in my recovery and figure out how to keep myself from losing my shit and doing something I will regret forever.
Anyhow, I hope anyone else that is here on SRK that suffers mental illness and/or substance abuse learns from my mistakes. I hope anyone here is doing ok and getting the help they need if they do suffer mental illness. It is a real thing and it can destroy a person and the people they love.
I’ve been diagnosed bi-polar and have had varying mental health issues since age 16 (I’m now 40). I also will have mood swings that will turn violent if I haven’t had my medication. I currently take Geodon and Depakote ER, which combined with food; caused me to gain a metric fuckton of weight (talking 75-90 lbs in a year and a half). The mental health stuff hits every part of my lifestyle; including money management to the point where I have my SO help with managing my money.
I feel you on the weight gain. I was on the highest dose of Latuda possible for about 2 years and I gained over 100lb because of it. One of the reasons I’m so sick and in the hospital with respiratory issues is because of the weight. Being a heart patient didn’t exactly benefit me either.
I’ve lost 50 pounds since being in the hospital though (2 weeks as of today. Expected to be here another month). It’s was entirely water weight but it’s a start.
Same with me. I take Seroquel, 200mg in the morning and 300mg at night. It makes me gain weight like crazy but I have to take it. If I don’t I start hearing the voice and my depression and anxiety just get worse. I’d rather be a bit fat than be…unsafe. I just need to work out and that will cut down the weight.
I just got a workout bench and weights (I already have some weights to go along with it as well) so I’m gonna start working out again regularly. I think that will also help with my recovery. It will give me something to do and shave off some weight.
Went to see my psychiatrist today. Got real with him and told him everything that’s gone on since jail. He did not want to give me any kind of benzo for my anxiety. Against his better judgment he gave 1mg Ativan 3 times a day. I don’t plan on takin’ it three times a day though. I’m just going to take one in the morning and one at night.
He was really hard on me but he was right, I need to get out and start doing shit other than being a hermit. I also cant miss appointments with him any longer. If I miss my next appointment he will no longer give me any type of benzo and I’ll just have to suffer with my anxiety.
I didn’t realize it but I had been on Xanax for 10 years. That shit is what was keeping me in a super funk I think. The Ativan doesn’t do that to me. I’ve been on it before and, even though its a benzo just like Xanax, it doesn’t keep me down like the Xanax. Not only was I super addicted to it but it was just too strong for me. I was on 2mg three times a day and that was just too much. Even .25mg is too much. I’m glad the doctor in the hospital took me off it. Its a terrible drug.
Edit - I also dont get addicted to Ativan and I can stop takin’ it without any withdraw.
How much would meditation help people with bi-polar disorders? Would it help a lot that you can reduce the intake of medicine? Or do you guys need to take meds all your life?
The medication I take helps with that and other shit. I’m not certain but I think I’ll be on 2 of the 3 medications I take for the rest of my life. Sad but true. The only one I can see me not takin’ forever is the one I take for anxiety. I may (I hope) learn how to cope with my anxiety without medication.
So idk wtf happened but since yesterday my brother is in a catatonic state. I don’t understand how this could happen. He’s in the hospital under observation. He’s always been a lost and depressed kid with no friends and is a big pothead. Yesterday he tried to talk to me then just shut down in front of me which made me call an ambulance. Man is he always going to stay like this? There’s so much I don’t understand.
I picked up my meds yesterday for my bipolar and I found out that one of the meds I take currently has a 1 in 10 chance of gaining 100+ pounds as a side effect. Guess who got hit with that?
@mikeohara Is it Latuda by chance? I was on 120mg of latuda for about 2 years, maybe 2 and 1/2. I weighted 220 when I was first put on it. I ballooned to over 340 by the time I took myself off of it. The massive weight gain was one of the tipping points of me being in the hospital for a month.
Shit sucks. I’m trying really hard to lose the weight. Since being admitted in February until now I’ve lost over 75lb though.
did a generic search on alternatives to the medication, and they all have weight gain in some form or fashion as a side effect. The only alternative would be to start taking CBD regularly, which is expensive af.
Since I got off the Xanax and have been taking my Seroquel as prescribed Ive gained a shit load of weight. I weighed in at 185lbs at the end of February. Now I weigh in at 235. Its crazy and a bit scary. Fuckin’ Seroquel makes me mad hungry and I just go crazy and eat everything I can then I fall asleep. Gotta start fighting the food cravings just like I fight the sleepiness.
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