https://www.reddit.com/r/smashcirclejerk/comments/474cym/anyone_have_the_copypasta_of_the_mew2king_story/?st=ir0ykfn4&sh=46660660
A couple of the locals around Pittsburgh were going to a casual 20-30 man Melee tournament in Michigan, which is about 5 hours away for us, but over the last 2-3 years we’ve grown close the Michigan melee community, so we decided to go with a couple of Ohio guys, to consolidate the expenses.
M2k, being the considerate guy he is, posts on our Facebook group and Smashboards thread us know of his purchased tickets for Mega-bus and his 1:30 am arrival time. Knowing that no plans were made to have him come to Pittsburgh, let alone join us on the 5+hour trip to Michigan, we let him know that he should cancel his tickets. However, in classic M2K style, he says that he’s already bought the tickets and that we pretty much have to take him (this kind of attitude comes from years of being served by the community because you’re good at a video-game). Presented with the possibility of a homeless, and possibly frozen (this was in the dead of winter) Mew2King, we decide to make room for him, granted that he bear the 5+ hour trip being entirely locked in the trunk of a car. We thought he may have an ounce of protest, as no one in their right mind would just vehemently agree to such circumstances, and again in classic M2K style, he obliges, and only requests a blanket as his source of comfort. It should be noted that i drive a compact car, where the trunk is closed off completely. This is something that would get the blue lights flashing in a heartbeat to see a guy wrapped in a blanket tumble out of the trunk of a car in the middle of the night, had we needed to stop for gas/food. Mew2king was originally welcoming to the idea of being locked up in the trunk of a sedan for hours. This is some dedication that I wish to never achieve. Luckily for him, we swapped cars with the Ohio smashers, which happened to give him some wiggle room as it was an open SUV trunk.
The ride there is pretty uneventful, as is the ride back, except for the fact that our driver got distracted and started veering. Sure enough, a couple of blue lights flash behind us, and we find ourselves in freezing weather, pulled over, exhausted, and with a blanket-wrapped Mew2King in the trunk. I’m not sure, but Mew2King may have slept through the entire ordeal, so he may not even be able to recall these events. But our driver was instructed to step out of the car, which from my experience can only mean that shit is about to get real. Our driver at this point is nearly shitting his pants. Suddenly the cop instructs him to get in the police cruiser. Everyone in the car (minus Sleep2King) collectively defecated our pants. A few minutes pass by with our driver in the police cruiser. Our driver finally emerges, hops in the car, and shows us a warning and explains that he got in the police cruiser because the P.O. thought it was too cold to be standing outside. We make our ways home, I drive an extra 2 hours from Ohio, to get to Pittsburgh at approximately 4:00 am, at this point Mew2King’s bus ride isn’t for another 3 hours. and being the only one with a vehicle at that time, I had no choice. I had to babysit Mew2King for 3 hours. I was contemplating whether to just leave him in the car, as he was passed out anyway. But being the freezing Pittsburgh winter, I felt bad and woke him up and invited him back to my apartment which I share with my Girlfriend.
Now bare in mind i’m essentially sleepless at this point, and all I want to do is crash for the few hours that I can before I take his ass back to the bus station, so that he may never invite himself to another tournament again. As we make our way down the steps, I just show him to his sleeping space, and want to leave. Mew2king, however, runs on a slightly different program than normal people. The first words uttered out of his mouth “What’s your wifi password?”, at this point i just want to shut him up, and get those precious 3 hours of sleep. I give him the WiFi password, to which he again replies in a tone of voice resembling the nematodes from sponge-bob “I’m hungry”. I offer him some juice, and a pop-tart, not just any pop-tart but a peanut-butter pop-tart. He proceeds to gulp the juice, and wrap himself in one of the blankets i provided him, in what I can only describe as an M2k “tent” (he took his laptop under the cover with him). As I go off to the bedroom to crash, I change up, and am about to make a last trip the the bathroom before I go to sleep. And before me is a sight I would not wish on anyone. The “tent” is seemingly flat, except for the moving center “pole”. The movement was erratic and jerky(no pun intended) in what I can only liken to a horny dog speed humping the shit out of your legs. I try to make my presence known, after all this is my house, couch and blanket that are allegedly being violated. Given the awkwardness of the situation, just continued on, went about my business and went to sleep. I was awoken by Mew2King asking to be taken to the bus station. Before we head out as I make sure he has all of his belongings as he is prone to losing his shit, and the blaming people for stealing, he hands me the back the pop-tart…
I drop him off at the bus station and proceed to accelerate as fast as I can out of there. A few weeks later, as I was moving out of there, the couch was thrown away, as was the blanket.
TL;DR: Don’t give mew2king your WiFi password.