I wasn’t a big sitcom guy, but Fresh Prince was like required viewing whenever it was on and I caught a glimpse of it. My Wife & Kids, The Bernie Mac Show (RIP), Everyone Hates Chris, The Nanny, Martin, In Living Color, and a few others I could fuck with, but nothing was as straight up “oh hell yes” on a weekday afternoon like Fresh Prince.
Two of my favorite stories from them:
My youngest aunt nearly caught the beating of her life when she started clowning around singing about how she has a boyfriend in second form. My grandmother comes out of nowhere and says “Mi hope seh him name Geography, gwan go get yuh book!” Apparently, any mention of Geography as a subject makes my aunt instinctively remember that one.
That same aunt apparently trolled the shit out of my mother/the eldest sis frequently and my mother, seeking some time alone holed herself up in the bathroom. Long story short, trollsis goes “I need to use the bathroom” not really needing to, my mother told her what was up, the aunt got loud and annoying and Crossover Countered into my Grandpa who was hearing the entire thing, Guard Broke the door and gave my mother a beating so bad she told herself she wouldn’t beat us kids anywhere near as often as she would get it.
My parents never used a belt… but I got spanked back then by a racket and well I think that’s close to it. Most of the time it was time outs to me though.
My Mum and her brothers were playing cards in their room after being told to “Find unu quatas!” which means “Go to you fucking bed”. One of them was sleeping while the rest stayed up. When my grandad went to warn them the first time, they quickly ran back to their beds and pretended to sleep. The second time he went to warn them was the last. He busted in and tore up the whole room, including my poor uncle who was innocent.
The worst Part of fighting with your parents was those tag teams. When you talk to one i felt like i had more success than when one talked to me then the other jumped in
Belts, the garden hose, and the Chanclas! Those still make me cringe =S
I remember my mom tried to slap me on the back of the head, but I reflexively ducked it. I didn’t want to, I just reacted to it and that pissed her off. I turned around and she went for a straight slap to my face, but I avoided it by stepping away. I realized shit got real when she started swinging. Naturally I raised my hands and blocked a few of her punches, but while my hands were busy stopping a punch she threw a knee straight into my gut. She laughed and said that although it was fun, that she’d punch my teeth in if I did that again. Ohhhh mom, you’re so crazy.
Spankings aren’t threatening. Spankings are part of good foreplay.
I got whooped. With an old leather belt. That was passed down in the family. It had long ceased being functional as a belt. The fucking thing had a CREASE in it where it had been folded. Because whoopings are serious fucking business in my family. At least they were for me. My sister never caught them. Because she’s a delicate flower.
Sorry Ant, my cat threw up for some reason so I had to take care of him. Then I ate. Now I’m about to go to work.
