The (un)official masturbation thread

angryliberal · 2012-05-17T03:38:54.000Z

Until you masturbate to a picture of your dead sister on the anniversary of her suicide, brought on by you raping her, you need to step up your game.

edit: I can suck my own dick. Actual true story.

deadfrog · 2012-05-17T03:39:40.000Z

I just wanted to check, is this thread still a good place to talk about unofficial masturbation? Because I’m really into that.

Foolinfection · 2012-05-17T03:45:01.000Z

I masturbate. Unofficially.

Lazyjosh2 · 2012-05-17T05:07:13.000Z

trolls masterbate too this thread

BBQ · 2012-05-17T05:54:55.000Z

Is it just me, or is there a sudden increase of stupid threads by people that recently registered? Seriously, some thing or someone opened up the flood gates.

Shintarru · 2012-05-17T06:05:00.000Z

Your avatar and your name makes this thread hilarious. No offense

MILF · 2012-05-17T06:16:02.000Z

:lol:
:lol:

Instead we get dudes that have been on this site for all of 6 months getting assigned mod duties and banning members for acting like they have been acting for the past ten years.

This

kenuran · 2012-05-17T06:43:16.000Z

Close to climax. Stop. Wait 2-3 minutes. Fap again. Repeat at least 3 more times. Powerful discharge.
Close to climax. Apply some cold object to testicles. Powerful discharge.
Do 1. Apply some cold object to testicles. Powerful discharge.

Both can be applied during sex for maximum results.

Thats all I feel like putting up. Take it or leave it

Winkawak · 2012-05-17T06:45:13.000Z

lol i cracked up
when i saw this on top of recently active threads

hybreezy · 2012-05-17T06:45:16.000Z

My fap sessions have been pretty lackluster since that Nini Heart chick stopped posting

The_Killah29 · 2012-05-17T07:07:08.000Z

Autofellatio: Another hard technique to master. Requires lots of stretching when your willy ain’t too big, like me. I’ve been stretching for 5 years and i’m only now managing to suck my own junk. Pretty physically demanding and honestly a bit gross. It feels pretty good but the pain from stretching your back kind of ruins it. I compromise by licking the tip which also feels pretty damn good. Best clean up since you can just blow it all in your mouth and spit it out later. Not as good as getting sucked by a girl but still pretty amazing. 4/5.

goodm0urning · 2012-05-17T07:08:59.000Z

Top tier cookie: chocolate chip

Runners-up: pumpkin, molasses

jedpossum · 2012-05-17T07:16:11.000Z

Crisco

This is better trust me.

RoGE9 · 2012-05-17T07:20:36.000Z

Top tier cookie: chocolate chip

I agree as long as its homemade. Oreo cookies are high tier when it comes to the store bought stuff.

BPDark_Knight21 · 2012-05-17T07:41:07.000Z

http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg7/scaled.php?server=7&filename=abondon.gif&res=landing

Negative-Zer0 · 2012-05-17T08:00:56.000Z

http://rookery9.aviary.com.s3.amazonaws.com/10419500/10419640_4f0d_625x625.jpg

Thia had me DYING/

omg_itz_a_trap · 2012-05-17T08:01:19.000Z

Close to climax. Stop. Wait 2-3 minutes. Fap again. Repeat at least 3 more times. Powerful discharge.

Close to climax. Apply some cold object to testicles. Powerful discharge.

Do 1. Apply some cold object to testicles. Powerful discharge.

Both can be applied during sex for maximum results.

Thats all I feel like putting up. Take it or leave it

I knew about 1 but I never heard about the cold object technique. Gonna try it tonight with some ice cubes, thanks.

Thread title changed to encompass every tactic, including the unofficial ones.

Great_Dark_Hero · 2012-05-17T19:36:01.000Z

[SIZE=4]My avatar seems to enjoy this thread… She is not going to climax anytime soon either. :rolleyes: [/SIZE]

GwynLovesMilk · 2012-05-17T20:09:15.000Z

http://rookery9.aviary.com.s3.amazonaws.com/10419500/10419640_4f0d_625x625.jpg

You can’t tell me you’ve never thought of sucking your own junk, the fuck outta here, this is SRK.

Xenogenesis · 2012-05-17T20:13:06.000Z

[LEFT]Hello people, some years ago when DDR Mania X was actually ACTIVE, I had made and posted an explanation on how to properly masturbate in the “Masturbation” thread, but it was lost overtime, so I re-created and improved it. Since I’m a guy who isn’t too familiar with the almighty cunt, I won’t be able to give a good explanation on how girls should properly masturbate. This is mainly for the guys.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Disclaimer:[/LEFT][LEFT] I made this mainly for the cut ([/LEFT][LEFT]circumsized[/LEFT][LEFT]) since I’m cut, so I am not sure if it will help the uncut as much.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]From my experience, I noticed that masturbation can be good, bad, bothersome, tiresome, etc. etc. The various factors come from various methods of masturbation. What I’m focusing on is something that can be good ALL/damn-nearly ALL the time when it comes to doing this; when I was 15, I had discovered this technique for myself.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]I call this [/LEFT][LEFT]The Tissue Technique[/LEFT][LEFT].[/LEFT]

[LEFT]It’s not too difficult to learn this technique, so here’s what you do:[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Step #1[/LEFT]
[LEFT]

[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Go the the bathroom and grab a strip of toilet tissue that is long enough to reach from your shoulder to your ankle ([/LEFT][LEFT]about 10-12 tearable squares long[/LEFT][LEFT]).[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Step #2[/LEFT]
[LEFT]

[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Roll/Fold the long strip of tissue so that there will be one thick square overall.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Tip[/LEFT][LEFT]: You can start folding with the middle of the long strip first and work your way in ([/LEFT][LEFT]it’s faster this way[/LEFT][LEFT])[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Step #3[/LEFT]
[LEFT]

[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Note:[/LEFT][LEFT] You should have a thick square tissue in your hand from the previous folding.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Put your fingers ([/LEFT][LEFT]middles+thumbs[/LEFT][LEFT]) in the middle of the square tissue and tear it straight down all the way.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Step #4[/LEFT]
[LEFT]

[/LEFT]
[LEFT]-Take a look at “flaps” that you created from tearing it straight down. This is important.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]-Turn the entire square tissue so that the gap is horizontal.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]-You will then open up the gap around to fit the penis and grab both flaps with your right index, thumb, etc.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]-With your left index, thumb, etc., grab the left side of the tissue.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]-Pull both flaps down for that “in 'da hole” feeling…tissue will be flat on both front and back of penis.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]-The penis should now be firmly surrounded by the thick tissue.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]Step #5[/LEFT]
[LEFT]

[/LEFT]
[LEFT]With your hands in place on each side of the tissue, begin the pleasurable ascending and descending motions until climax is reached. The soft, fluffy tissue will be the culprit in stimuutf8g the penis.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]For those who feel uncomfortable or find that it doesn’t “[/LEFT][LEFT]feel good[/LEFT][LEFT]”, that’s perfectly understable because if you’re used to using your hand ([/LEFT][LEFT]whether moist or dry[/LEFT][LEFT]), [/LEFT][LEFT]you’re just not used to this new feeling yet[/LEFT][LEFT]. This is most probably because using the hand itself can desensitize the penis, causing you to have to work harder for the climax. Use the [/LEFT][LEFT]Tissue Technique[/LEFT][LEFT] for about a week and you should eventually get used to it. There are [/LEFT][LEFT]benefits[/LEFT][LEFT] to using this technique too![/LEFT]
[LIST]
*Faster and Easier Cleanup
*Makes penis more sensitive
*Feels better than dry hand
*…maybe even better than moist hand
*Can increase sexual thrust
[/LIST]
[LEFT]The type of tissue can matter too. I particularly prefer [/LEFT][LEFT]Charmin[/LEFT][LEFT] tissue over most since it’s so soft. This is more of a “for best results” recommendation.[/LEFT]

[LEFT]For those who use The Hand[/LEFT]
[LEFT]I personally advise you all to use the [/LEFT][LEFT]Tissue Technique[/LEFT][LEFT] because using your hand has [/LEFT][LEFT]disadvantages[/LEFT][LEFT]:[/LEFT]
[LIST]
*AWFUL cleanup (you know the deal)
*Desensitizes penis
*Can cause injury if you’re too wild
*Why the hell use dry hand anyways?! XD
[/LIST]
[LEFT]It’s still OK to use your hand ([/LEFT][LEFT]whether moist or dry[/LEFT][LEFT]) from time to time, but I recommend you use this tissue technique because I believe it’s healthier and it [/LEFT][LEFT]FEELS HELLA BETTER[/LEFT][LEFT]. Sure you can use the hand from time to time, but using it ALL the time will only lead to more desensitization…and we all know, most of the time while masturbating, we don’t always think about giving an imaginary person an imaginary orgasm which you would imagine that would supposedly take hours ([/LEFT][LEFT]like REAL sex[/LEFT][LEFT]), so less desensitization FTW! =D[/LEFT]

[LEFT]I believe this method is the proper way to masturbate.[/LEFT]