Today has kind of been a roller coaster.
started out good cause I finished Netflixās Castlevania. Need that season 4 ASAP.
Then it got bad because the news about my dad.
Tried listening to my usually feel good tunes when Iām anxious or on the urge of a panic attack. Werenāt helping as much as Iād like but I calmed down after taking my anxiety medicine.
Had dinner. Nothing exciting. Philly cheese steak pizza.
Had the first heart to heart with my dad in a long time. We talked about everything that happened today, how he felt, how he feels going forward, how much my mom is pissing us both off by going to defcon 1 about this whole thing without even know all the facts.
He wonāt say it but I think the talk meant a lot to him. We donāt talk a lot since about personal or ābigā stuff because our personalities, ideals and beliefs clash so much whether its us interpreting things different or just actual clashing whatevers.
This is the first real heart to heart talk weāve had in close to a decade, I think. So that was good. We talked for almost 3 hours I think?
Now to where my day ended up awesome again: (itās long, sorry, the tl;dr is I got to talk to cute girl from Sunday again which made today worth it. But if you want to keep reading I wonāt stop you. I will hide details though cause it is long.)
Summary
Then as I was coming Back into the house from the garage around 10:30pm I got a ding on my Apple Watch, since I wasnāt carrying my phone as it was charging in my room. It was the girly I swapped info with on Sunday. She randomly messaged me apologizing for not replying to my last message last night and was wondering how I was doing. I told her I had some stuff going on but didnāt feel it was appropriate to share since itās too personal of information and I feel something like what I am dealing with isnāt fair to dump on someone Iāve barely known a day.
After that we talked for about 3 hours. Which made my night infinitely better. We talked about books, games, cons, cosplay and fanfics (eat shit, @Pertho 
) and tons of other things. We have a a lot in common. Anything I wanted to talk about that I felt was too personal (not sex obvi but life in general) Iād always ask to make sure it was okay.
It feels really good to finally talk to someone on or around my level. And I dont mean that in an intellectual sense. I just mean it like, we seem to vibe really well together.
We have almost parallel hobbies and interests, similar childhood hobbies and interests, whenever I did talk about myself it felt like she actually listen instead of whatever the digital equivalent of nodding along is (ālolā or āyeahā would be an apt comparisons I guess) and she was always down to answer any questions I had about her.
Also her being close to my age (sheās 26 in July) is much more mentally and emotionally comfortable to me. Donāt get me wrong, I like my group of friends that Iāve met through work. But Iām a over a decade older than all of them. At times that can be incredibly uncomfortable and frustrating cause it feels I donāt really have anyone to have heart to hearts with or discuss anything even remotely serious with. Cause to me theyāre basically children.
My current crop of friends and my age differences just discovered boy bands and make up, you know? I just generally donāt get the same satisfaction out of talking to them about my personal stuff because I donāt feel they can relate. Where as I LOVE when they come to me for advice because Iāve lived and made worse mistakes and I want to pass on my knowledge or whatever.
With her it feels like sheās picking up what Iām throwing down. So far anyways.
Anyways. Iām fucking rambling as I always do. Itās just been a very plateau and valley filled day and Iām glad it ended on a plateau. Means I get to go to bed in a good mood and hopefully wake up in one too.
Have a good night you fucking nerds.
