Good thread idea, with EVO around the corner I’ll take all the advice and tech I can get. I typically eat light meals before a buffet, for some reason if I don’t eat regularly I can’t eat as much later on. Never go for filler foods, why get rice when I can make that shit easily at home? Only time I ever get a plate of one food is crawfish or crab. What do you guys go for as a drink? I usually get pop, so when I burp near endgame there’s more space for food in case I ate too much of something beforehand. Crude, but it works as a save spot if something new.pops up.
Soda is bad if you want to eat a lot. Just stick to water or tea, etc.
I’ve never had this problem at my local buffet, but I have seen people fight over lobster at Casino Buffets before.
This reminds me. When I was a kid, my local KFC started a buffet. I only went there once. This buffet was different in that you didn’t serve yourself. You went to the register and the employees gave you a plate of food each time. They constantly ran out of chicken. Apparently people would start fights and harass the employees every time they ran out of chicken. They discontinued the buffet after two weeks.
Can you also post on how to deal with the diahrrea that will follow after a few hours?
If you go to one of those ones where they have people bring you meat, NEVER sit too far away from the kitchen, did that with some mates once and we just kept having long gaps where we kept seeing the meat get brought out and taken away without even a scrap getting to our table whilst the closer tables always had meat.
Stop going to shit places.
Who needs a strategy?
Find a Buffet Place that doesn’t suck.
Fill plate with food.
Eat.
Repeat steps 2 and 3 until full.
Oddly enough I go for buffet mostly at this Chinese place called the Mandarin, because in Canada we are creative in our namings (my whole life my city has had a total of 4 Chinese buffets…The Ricksha (fuck spelling that right/wrong too drunk to google it properly but spellcheck says its fine so yaaaaay), the Empress, The Mandarin, and King’s Buffet…all have been top tier). My parents awlays take me when its Snow Crab day, and I never ever actually eat any crab ever. Mainly because I have already had lobster, so crab is just a shitty imitation.
lol fuck off you buffet thug
Meal tray? I ain’t talking about prison ‘buffets’. You get a smorgasbord of deliciousity presented in front of you, and just a plate that has no actual layer limit******
what fucking shitty buffet are you venturing to?
What about pants? How long are pants required? Like…all the time?
What’s the protocol governing how you handle the silly people who bring the giant trays of new food out? When do you actually legally be allowed to grab food from them?
When I am done my customary 5th++ plate of internal destruction, I generally go for ice cream. Little kids at a make your own ice cream station should have to watch nazi deathcamp footage before they are allowed to even stand near a self serve ice cream station. Get the fuck out of my way and give me my scoops of coffee, tiger stripe, and pina colada flavoured ice cream. Don’t you fucking dare stand near the fudge/caramel fountain, or the sprinkles, so help me God.
what if it’s multiple portions at once? Crazy asian noodles gain incredible amounts of flavour when paired with roast beef or 12 pounds of shrimp and mushrooms.
thank you for your valued research, please keep me updated.
I’m a slut
I welcome it.
If i don’t walk out of a buffet already halfway through a shit due to fullness, I have failed.
Everybody. I need to make sure that when I go to a buffet, I ensure a complete and total victory over and and all ownership and fellow patrons. I want wanted posters of me in buffet lines, and when I show up, people ask me to sign their plate before letting me go first. I want to ensure that when I go up for food, I get the best shit out at that time, and zero competition. I want to find out if I can knock somebody the fuck out and get away with it if they grab the biggest fucking drumstick or anything else that slightly irritates me
This isn’t a buffet friendship and appreciaction thread.
This is how to fucking win at buffets. PERIOD.
****edit: what is the layer protocol? Is it ok to have like 5 identifiable layers? I consider it saving time, rather than being a fat disgusting slob.
Oh and you gotta not eat before a buffet. Its probably not healthy, but it feels godly afterwards. Besides, it’s like that no sex before the Superbowl ideology. I want to show up and stare down every cute waitress and let them know I am there.
To win.
I been to a couple of Chinese buffets. I’m not a heavy eater so when I go to a buffet I don’t eat anything beforehand as usually the food will keep me content for most of the day. I go in grabbing small portions of everything. I go to buffets to eat stuff I regularly don’t eat so I usually start with those first. I pace myself with every meal and only drink water or tea so I can eat more.
Sometimes I get french fries. I just love french fries. Leave me the fuck alone!
Seriously though, who cares what you get as long as you like it. Obviously some people are “wasting precious space,” but in the end your goal is to be satisfied with your food. If it’s loading up on french fries, whatever.
IMO, it’s not kosher to get all/majority of one item. Leave some for the others waiting behind you, dammit. Taking ~1/4 is fine (half to me is eyebrow raising). If there’s another person waiting for that slab of prime rib too, don’t take the whole damn thing. Have some decency. IMO, you’re doing yourself a favor anyways. Why take the whole thing when you can get a decent sized chunk and then get another “fresh” piece later?
Also, I think it ain’t smart getting a whole plate full of 1 type of food. You’ll most likely get sick of it halfway through. Buffet is good not only because of all-you-can-eat, but you can have variety. At least get 2 things. Change it up a little in between mouthfuls of crab legs.
Oh, and just because crab legs is the “most expensive” item (or whatever it is at that buffet, I may or may not get them. Sometimes it’s too much hassle to eat, or I just don’t feel like it. As long as I feel like I’m getting my money’s worth, I win. Or else I wouldn’t go to buffet in the first place.
Cutting in line - generally speaking I think it’s acceptable if you don’t disturb the person you cut, as in you don’t take all the food ahead of them and they don’t have to wait for you if you’re taking too long at a certain dish. It’s like you weren’t there in the first place.
French fries at a buffet is wasted space. Shits aren’t fresh and crispy.
My strategy is to lick all the serving tools to get a taste of the dish. I also mix dishes together while still in the trays to see if I like them. I take toast and dip it in other dishes too, if it’s nasty, I put it back.
If other patrons have a problem with that, they can suck my dick. Which they probably do because I didnt wash my hands when I beat off to that server in the little black leggings.
How many different animals should I make it a goal to eat, in one night? I don’t feel happy unless I’ve eaten 10 different animals by the end of a buffet.
- Smoke weed, get nicely toasted to unleash that appetite.
- Drink water only, not pop or anything carbonated. This will keep costs to a minimum as well.
- Keep bread, pasta, rice, noodle (carbs in general) consumption to a minimum.
- If you havent tried something before, only take a little bit. If you dont like it and leave the rest you are wasteful (some buffets will charge you)
- If youre going for dinner. Make sure you have an early lunch and dont eat too much.
For me Itll usually play out like this
plate 1: Veggies, some Meat, A little bit of rice/noodle/pasta
plate 2: Hefty serving of Meat and/or Seafood
plate 3: Whatever Interests me that I havent gotten yet
plate 4: Fruit Plate
Plate 5: Desserts
Plate 6: Ice Cream
It takes your stomach 20 minutes to send satiety signals to your brain. The faster you eat the more you will be able to chow… but dont make yourself puke.
Don’t worry, the cheap places you eat at already have jizz in all the food.
Now for a serious question. FaceMeAndBeBroken has STDs, so if he jizzed in the food, and someone ate it, will they also get an STD?
Something to think about.
- Get there early. They prep almost all the food before it starts.
- Wait for a new platter if you need to.
- Try not to eat behind kids, there’s a higher chance they swished their hands around the platter.
- Sometimes you can get them to make something special for you. Like a well-done steak in the buffet.
- Make sure you get a safe way to leave. After eating hearty, I doubt anyone would be the same person they were before going in.
Buffet recommendations at Las Vegas?
Chicken
Pig
Cow
Turkey
Dog
Donkey
Fish
Horse
Lamb
Fat Woman
How accurate is this list?
I stopped going to chinese buffets because most of the crap made is lower standard food court stir-fry. Plus they charge a lot for one seat. If anything, I do only all-you-can-eat sushi restaurants, because Sushi isn’t as cheap which makes the price paid to get in worth the money. On top of that, sushi takes immaculate and doesn’t stuff me like oily fried stuff white folks love like silly spring rolls and “LOL” chicken balls.