NeoSeifer hereby enlists in the Revolution, and will be playing as **Miles Edgeworth **from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and will be bringing along an assist, Franziska von Karma, from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice For All. I testify my realness, and may Black Jesus strike me down should I falter to The Man. Thank you, God Bless, and No Homo.
ternity: Niggapocalypse Episode 3 -Story Thread-
Niggapocalypse Episode 3:
I Want My BET
[LEFT]The audience is packed to capacity with hundreds of enthralled college students, each proudly emblazoned with sweatshirts screenprinted with the logos, mascots and colors of their respective campuses. A familiar theme song rattles through age old speakers, harkening back to the 1970’s. An announcer booms over the rising din of the crowd, encouraging selected members to COME ON DOWN![/LEFT]
[LEFT]An old man in a worn tuxedo stands on the stage facing the audience, his arms folded and the crowd looking at him in awe as if he were a monolithic deity. His name is Bob Barker and his purpose is to challenge all competitors to guess if their Price is Right. But for him, this is a tired routine he does his best to fake his encouraging tone of voice, this time asking five challengers what they think the MSRP of an expensive combination vacuum/scooter.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]The Razor Roomba! This scooter doubles as a vacuum cleaner, encouraging both the moms and kids of the household to leave the floor sparkling clean! The turbo suction wheels on the Razor Roomba both such up microscopic dirt particles and help propel you to high speeds! From Ronco![/LEFT]
[LEFT]$650, Bob, the first player declares.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]$745.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]$700.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]$1, the overly cautious 4th player, Rick from Wisconsin declares. The audience’s cries deafen, for they see what he did there. Bob Barker smirks ever so slightly, moving on to the next contestant. He is a lanky black man in an afro, who seemed to have suddenly appeared out of nowhere.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]$2, the last contestant announced, his name tag reading JAMAL. Rick from Wisconsin was pissed.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Actual retail price for the Razor Roomba is… $599 US dollars! The audience once again cheered, this unknown man named Jamal being their new champion. Unusual for a Price is Right contestant, Jamal walks up to the stage as he would if he were walking to a 7-11 at night: very cautiously, his hands in his pockets making sure his wallet isn’t exposed so the cops won’t shoot him mistaking it for a gun.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Hey, Bob. Jamal snapped his fingers, and suddenly the stage was bumrushed with about fourty people. Sorry, but we’re hijacking your show. The audience gasped, unsure whether to clap or scream this is unprecedented in all the years Price is Right had aired. Bob Barker’s eyes grew wide. He didn’t appear frightened or intimidated actually, for the first time in years, he felt excited.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]I see, Barker said. His subtle smirk grew into a full-blown grin. It won’t be that easy, Mr. Jamal. You want to take my show? Bob Barker went into stance, raising his index and middle fingers, speaking in a hushed chant. The stage suddenly erupted, each of the games on the stage growing larger, for the stakes were now higher. Fine! I challenge you to a Shadow Game![/LEFT]
[LEFT]Welcome back to the show, a wizened host intones to the cameraman in front of him. Today our guest is Aisha. If she looks familiar, it’s because this is Aisha’s 15th appearance on the show to date. She is still looking for the father of her baby. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Aisha is a young woman whose posture and expression remained indignant despite her peculiar hopelessness. Years of searching for her child’s father had resulted in nothing but disappointment. She still needed a man in her life, any man, so she could have someone to watch her child while she went to the beauty parlor and the club. Aisha’s lifestyle was demanding, and a baby had no room in it. The talk show audience was filled with similarly precarious young men and women, all of whom having not a shred of sympathy for her despite how they so easily related. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Okay, Niggapocalypse. Princess Pin said to pick a show with a large ratings base, so I figure this is as good as any. The Korean assassin Park Kun-wan strolled onto the stage with about an entourage of niggas fifty strong, blissfully unaware of the topic of the show. Host Maury Povich got up from his chair, going up to Park and staring him down.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing on my show? Maury demanded.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Don’t take it personal, Maury. We got our orders, Park replied.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Wait! I… I think that’s him! That’s gotta be him! Aisha got up from her chair, apparently recognizing Park. Of course, he didn’t remember ever seeing her at all. You know, my baby is kinda light-skinned, AND he got chinky eyes THAT’S HIM! THAT’S MY BABY’S DADDY! The audience erupted, believing that once and for all, Aisha finally located the mystery man. Park was met with heat from the crowd, the boos and profanity deafening everything else. Aisha smiled to herself perhaps she finally baited a man out.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]…Wait, what? [/LEFT]
[LEFT] Exactly what do you think you’re doing? A modest-looking television reporter appeared from behind an outdoor jacuzzi, instilling absolute dread into the heart of the buff ex-marine who was sitting naked at a table. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Um…it’s not what you think, seriously, the buzz-cutted potential child molester replied. The journalist named Chris Hansen raised his hand, motioning for the marine to take his seat. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Really? Because I think you were about to engage in sexual conduct with a minor. I have the chatlogs to prove it. Hansen pulled out several sheets of printed instant messenger logs, reading out loud from them. Don’t you go by the online handle 'Semperfi_69?[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Um…[/LEFT]
[LEFT]‘how old r u?’ you ask. Our undercover agent replies, ‘lol im 14.’ You respond with, ‘delicious flat chest, i must kneed it.’ Five minutes later, you add, ‘w/ my cock.’ Exactly how do you intend to knead this underaged girl’s flat chest with your penis, Mr. Semperfi_69?[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Uh, I mean, you know… I can explain.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]You then go on to engage in what appears to be online roleplaying. In another chat session, you sent our agent an unsolicited picture of your erect phallus, writing, and I quote: ‘my lvl.70 druid rolls 8, i cast jizz missile.’[/LEFT]
[LEFT]…You won’t catch me alive! The marine rushed out of the backyard before being successfully pummeled by a legion of police situated outside the house. Chris Hansen shook his head, disgusted but satisfied that he had taken down yet one more pedophile from the Internet. He felt a finger tap on his shoulder, but as Hansen turned to look behind him he was met with a fist to his temple, knocking him out. Chulo Chino stood victorious over the investigative reporter and summoned a group of about fifty niggas to his side. Chino looked at the cameraman who caught it all on video, who had also visibly soiled himself.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Uh, yeah. Viva la Revolucion! Chino cried out. Pin had given him a speech to say in front of the camera, but was cut short by the police helicopter now hovering over the house. The streets were now filled with cop cars, and they were now encroaching the area around them. Goddammit. Pin! Princess Pin! We need you to teleport us out of here, now! Chino yelled into the PS9 console he was holding onto.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Not now, busy. Pin placed her PS9 back into her coat pocket, standing above the unconscious bodies of 106 & Park hosts Terrence J and Rocsi. Hell’s Kitchen, Metropolis, make some noise![/LEFT]
Earlier.
[LEFT]Bea and her Niggapocalypse stood in the parking lot across BET Metropolis’s headquarters. Their numbers were rapidly growing, with some seven hundred niggas in their army. She handed every member of the group a PS9, and stood in front of them to give them more instructions.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Okay gang. We need to invade all the broadcasts we can so we have to split up again. Hold onto those PS9s I’ll be teleporting everyone across the country all day long with them. All I need you to do is hijack the most popular TV shows and on my signal, I’ll broadcast our message around the world. Anything you’re not clear on?[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Yes. A relative newcomer, a man wearing an exquisite magenta suit with frills, raised his hand. We won’t have to invade a taping of the Steel Samurai, right?[/LEFT]
[LEFT]I don’t think Steel Samurai ranks high on our list of priorities, Mr, uh…[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Mr. Miles Edgeworth, the prosecutor said, adding a bow. And thank you.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Okay, Niggapocalypse! Roll out![/LEFT]
Choose your destiny! There are currently four television broadcasts to intercept, and each presents its own obstacles in your way. You’re able to freely go from one show to another by telepathically paging out Princess Beatrix Pin with the PlayStation 9s she handed you. This would normally be a problem as these shows are being played across America, but fortunately your fearless leader can freely teleport all of you in and out of each location.
[LEFT]The Price is Right [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Welcome to the legendary game show! You enter the brightly lit studio expecting to win a wad of cash and a brand new car, but there’s something different about this broadcast. Host Bob Barker’s hand is dealt, and to defend his show he has devised several Shadow Games, variations of familiar Price is Right games with a twist: they’re harder, and the penalty is death! Or being stuck in limbo. One of the two. The games following are available, but other games are eligible within the limits of your imagination:[/LEFT]
[LIST]
[]Shadow Plinko
[]Shadow Cliff Hangers
[*]Shadow Punch a Bunch[/LIST] [LEFT]Pics: 1, 2 [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Maury[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Today’s show is interesting enough: one of the topics of discussion is frequent Maury guest Aisha, who is determined to find the father of her baby. She will attempt to pin paternity on every Niggapocalypse member in the studio including characters who obviously could not be the father of her child, including Dinobot or Suika Ibuki. Feel free to dance on stage as the paternity tests inevitably prove you right. However, the other topic of the show is out of control teenagers at this point, disgruntled high schoolers and children will attempt to flood the stage, attacking the Niggapocalypse on sight. Preapre to ban their underaged asses from life.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Pics: 1, 2
[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Dateline: To Catch a Predator[/LEFT]
[LEFT]You’re at a nice-looking, two story house in the middle of suburbia, with a wide backyard to hang out in. Unfortunately, the Anti-Pedo Unit is about to take all of you down, as you’ve just succeeded in knocking out Chris Hansen for the time being. There isn’t much to do on this show, besides take your pent up aggression out on the cops and cause massive collateral damage to their cars, helicopters, and tanks. FUCK THE POLICE![/LEFT]
[LEFT]Pics: 1, 2
[/LEFT]
[LEFT]106 & Park[/LEFT]
[LEFT]The infamous live video show on BET, playing generic rap music videos to rabid teenagers, niggas and wiggas across the world. Princess Pin has successfully taken it over, but is waiting on the Niggapocalypse to take down the other TV shows before she can begin her broadcast. Come back to 106 & Park if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the other shows and take a breather, as this is the hub location of the round. Feel free to engage in lyrical freestyle battles, if you’re so inclined.
Pics: 1, 2
[/LEFT]
ternity: Niggapocalypse Episode 3 -Gameplay Thread-
Tutorial Time
: Greetings comrades. This is Teta Hyral.
: And this is Alma Beoulve! It seems you guys went and killed our giant enemy crab girl.
Teta: Most of this round’s missions were easy, but some of you failed them anyway. For the love of Marx, Lenin and Castro, what manner of disassociative disorder have you?
Alma: Teta! That’s neither constructive or objective!
Teta: Objectivism is for the bourgeois machine which enslaves man! You should embrace that raw, illogical emotion is the essence of humanity!
Alma: Your passion will be the end of you one day. :\
Teta: So be it. Anyway, let’s examine some of the missions from Episode 2.
Teta: So sorry Black Panther. Hacking into security systems will do you no good when you still have to actually buy the PlayStation, as indicated in the flavor text.
Alma: Sorry Rock! Niggas aren’t the negotiating type, from what I hear. The mission synopsis states that this mission requires somebody with the passion to stir hearts. That sounds a lot like the skill Inspiration, right?
Teta: While there hasn’t been too much participation over in the gameplay side of things, it seems that the data received was still valuable enough to usher in the following changes. Alma, please do the honors.
Alma: Right! AP Limits are now on a character-by-character basis. For example, if Player A and Player B are on the same team, and Player A spends 5 AP on a mission with a 5 AP investment limit and fails it, Player B may also spend 5 AP on that mission.
Teta: As a result, BP is now also earned on a character-by-character basis. If Player B wins a mission and earns 50 BP, and Player A didn’t contribute any skill toward completing that mission, Player A will receive nothing. However, sponsor characters on a team will, at the end of a round, receive a bonus of 20% the total amount of BP that team has earned. Also, all assists now have 3 slots regardless of prior BP totals, and will have 3 slots for the rest of the round. Reallot your skills accordingly.
Alma: Just so you get something for your troubles, even if your skills or lack of skills leaves you utterly worthless!
Teta: Hey! That was kinda cold.
Alma: It’s sad but true. There comes a time in all our lives when we are a complete waste of oxygen.
Teta: Hey, wait! What happened to that happy-go-lucky streak of yours? Now you’ve got a dark edge too?
Alma: I like to cut myself at night for every time you use a word I don’t know.
Teta: You mean like obfuscate?
Alma: That’s gonna hurt.
Teta: Anyway, you bring up a point. What if you don’t have the necessary skills to tackle a mission? You too have an option, because the Revolution does not forsake even the meekest among you! That is where Mission Obstruction skills, also known as MO skills, and [T-ISM], the version of a skill which affects directly targeted characters comes in.
Alma: …huh?
Teta: MO skills are skills that target missions and change the parameters of that mission, typically making it harder for characters in other teams to complete them. You do not receive a Hazard penalty for using an MO skill. Meanwhile, [T-ISMs] harken back to more traditional abilities which directly deal both benefits and setbacks to individual targets, but they can only target **characters undergoing a mission. **Here’s an example.
Teta: As you can see, I was in the middle of a mission and gave myself Weaponry.
Alma: Oooh! Let me try!
Alma: Ha! Gotcha!
Teta: That’s despicable. Now I’ll strike back!
Teta: Enjoy half of your potential BP obliterated before your very eyes, capitalist pig!
Alma: Aiiieee ;_;
Teta: That concludes our second tutorial. Good day.
Team Ranking
Saber/Emiya/PS2
-Saber 135 BP
-PS2 135 BP
Sion/Dinobot/Naruto
-Sion - 80 BP
-Naruto 80 BP
Black Panther/Dolemite
-Black Panther 98 BP
Rock Howard/Demyx/Yugo
-Rock Howard 30 BP
-Demyx 30 BP
-Yugo 30 BP
Barret Wallace/Storm - 0 BP
Reiji Yamazaki/War Machine - 0 BP
Paul Phoenix - 0 BP
Pookie - 0 BP
Venom/Jagi - 0 BP
The Caged Demonwolf/Suija Ibuki - 0 BP
Magneto - 0 BP
Dave Chappelle - 0 BP
Chun-Li/Yuffie Kisaragi - 0 BP
Rasputin/Mr. 2 Bon Clay - 0 BP
Eddie Gordo - 0 BP
Jason G - 0 BP
Darth Vader - 0 BP
Kujo Jotaro/The Genie - 0 BP
Characters By Slot
9 Slots
Saber [S] - Soulshard01
PlayStation 2 [S] - Just Some Guy
8 Slots
Sion Eltnam Atlasia [S] - Mizuki
Naruto Uzumaki [S] - NarutoUzumaki
6 Slots
Black Panther [S] - RockBogard
Rock Howard [S] - Lady Lionheart
Demyx [S] - Luminitrium
Yugo Ohgami [S] - Midnight Shadow
4 Slots
Barret Wallace [S] - Wild Kitty
Reiji Yamazaki [S] - G.O.T.
Paul Phoenix [S] - LordLocke
"Pookie"/Nick [S] - Nude Bob Dole
Venom [S] - ArcadeFire
Riley Freeman [S] - Cleofis Randolph
Magneto [S] - Elirericerocket
Dave Chappelle [S] - Chris
Chun-Li [S] - 4neqs
Rasputin [S] - ToyRobotTerror
Eddie Gordo [S] - Compound
Jason G [S] - Amethyst
Darth Vader [S] - Lucent
Kujo Jotaro [S] - Adam Warlock
3 Slots
Dolemite [A] - RockBogard
Dinobot [A] - Mizuki
Emiya Shirou [A] - SoulShard01
Storm [A] - Wild Kitty
War Machine [A] - G.O.T.
Jagi [A] - Arcade Fire
Suika Ibuki [A] - Cleofis Randolph
Yuffie Kisaragi [A] - Yuffie Kisaragi
Mr. 2 Bon Clay [A] - ToyRobotTerror
The Genie [A] - Adam Warlock
Public Assists
[LEFT]Chulo Chino-Demolitions (2 slots)[/LEFT]
[LEFT]-Block (1 slot)
Park Kun-wan
-Improvise (2 slots)[/LEFT]
[LEFT]-Research (1 slot)[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Jamal Clinton
-Inspiration (2 slots) [/LEFT]
[LEFT]-Gambling (1 slot)[/LEFT]
Missions
[LEFT]The Price is Right[/LEFT]
[LEFT] The three Price is Right missions are easy enough, and require the same lone skill to complete all three. Remember that Charisma is an indicator of which skill to look for. [/LEFT]
[LEFT] Social: Shadow Plinko[/LEFT]
[LEFT] Almost impossible to win, the Plinko board now towers at an astonishing two stories, and some of the slots your chip can fall under are fatal! The contestant is given a Plinko chip, and can earn up to four more chips using small prizes, for a total of five. The small prizes are presented one at a time, each bearing an incorrect two-digit price. The contestant must decide whether the first or second digit is the actual digit in the correct price to win another Plinko chip. The contestant then takes the chips they have earned up a set of stairs to the top of the Plinko board. The board is made up of a field of pegs, with each row offset from the previous row. At the bottom of the board are nine slots marked symmetrically with the values DEATH, $500, $1,000, SHADOW REALM, $10,000. [/LEFT]
[LEFT] Invest: 1-3 AP | Base BP: 5[/LEFT]
[LEFT] *Hazard Rating: **[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Social: Shadow Cliff Hangers[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Unlike the original Cliff Hangers, you play the role of the climber as a giant mountain appears on stage. You are shown a two-digit prize and asked to bid on it. If you bid the actual price, you are told to stay where he is. However, if the bid is wrong, you must ascend the mountain, advancing one step per dollar difference between the your’s bid and the actual price, as marked on the ruler. (eg: If your bid is $25, and the actual price was $20, you will climb five steps.) If you are unfortunate enough, you will end up climbing to the top of the mountain and falling off the edge to certain death.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Invest: 1-3 AP | Base BP: 5[/LEFT]
[LEFT]*Hazard Rating: **[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Social: Shadow Punch a Bunch[/LEFT]
[LEFT]MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! You are shown four small prizes, one at a time, each with an incorrect price. You must decide whether the correct price is higher or lower than the price shown. Correct guesses are rewarded with a punch on the wall, entitling you to a maximum of four tries.[/LEFT]
After all four prizes are played, you must punch out however many holes in the punch board you have earned. Each hole on the board contains a slip with a dollar amount written on it. This process repeats until all of the punched holes have been looked in; if the contestant has not yet quit at this point, they win whatever is in their final hole. The only way to win nothing in Punch a Bunch is to be incorrect about all four small prizes and earn no punches. The values on the punch board, and their distribution, are as follows:
SHADOW REALM (10 holes) / $50 (10 holes)
$100 (10 holes) / $500 (10 holes)
$1,000 (5 holes) / DEATH (3 holes)
[LEFT]$10,000 (2 holes)[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Invest: 1-3 AP | Base BP: 5[/LEFT]
[LEFT]*Hazard Rating: **[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Puzzle: Paternity Test[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Aisha has challenged your innocence! Fortunately, you have one weapon in your disposal that will shut her up for good paternity tests. However, you must administrate the test yourself to prove your semen’s innocence. You must obtain evidence, specifically DNA samples from you, Aisha, and the baby boy in question, and use your findings to fight back her claims.[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Invest: 1-3 AP | Base BP: 5[/LEFT]
[LEFT]*Hazard Rating: **[/LEFT]
[LEFT]**Fighting: Troubled Teen Throwdown **5 Damage Levels[/LEFT]
[LEFT] If that isn’t enough, disgruntled teenagers have stormed the stage. Once again, you are fortunate they’re easy to dispose of. Fight them off in any fashion you’re comfortable with, as these teenagers, despite their rebellious nature, are unable to effectively fight outside of slapboxing. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Invest: 1-3 AP | Base BP: 5[/LEFT]
[LEFT]*Hazard Rating: **[/LEFT]
[LEFT]Fighting: Rumble with the Cops 10 Damage Levels[/LEFT]
[LEFT]The police at the Catch a Predator house won’t take any chances, opting to pummel into submission first and ask questions later. Each officer is proficient in martial arts, so merely swinging your fists will be brutally ineffective. It is absolutely important that you are on your guard because the cops will be bringing night sticks, pepper spray, guns, and tanks to knock you down. [/LEFT]
[LEFT]Invest: 2-8 AP | Base BP: 10[/LEFT]
[LEFT]*Hazard Rating: *****[/LEFT]
And of course, times. lol schedule.
Gameplay Midpoint: 9:00 AM, July 07th
Round End: 12:00 AM, July 08th
Forming team: Jason G/Darth Vader.
Setting abilities:
Block
Weaponry
Leading team on Rumble With The Cops
Block - 4 AP
Weaponry - 4 AP
Leading team on Troubled Teen Throwdown
Weaponry - 2 AP
2 AP remaining
All ability uses above are M-ISM, used by Jason G.
Name: Saber
Assist: Emiya Shirou
Affiliation: Team Harem
/create Team Harem
- Saber
- Emiya Shirou (assist)
- PS2
/assign skills
- Emiya Shirou - Fighting: Challenge
- Emiya Shirou - Charisma: Delay
- Saber - Fighting: Block
- Saber - Fighting: Weaponry
- Saber - Technical: Improvise
- Saber - Technical: Parry
/mission Social: Shadow Cliff Hangers
- Emiya Shirou casts Fighting: Challenge [M-ISM] - 2AP
- Emiya Shirou casts Charisma: Delay [M-ISM] - 1AP
/mission Puzzle: Paternity Test
- Emiya Shirou casts Fighting: Challenge [M-ISM] - 2AP
- Emiya Shirou casts Charisma: Delay [M-ISM] - 1AP
/mission Fighting: Troubled Teen Throwdown
- Saber casts Fighting: Weaponry [M-ISM] - 3AP
/mission Fighting: Rumble with the Cops
- Saber casts Fighting: Weaponry [M-ISM] - 8AP
note to self: Saber has 1AP left
“THE RABID DEMONGOAT CONSIDERS HIS OPTIONS. VERILY HE HAST OBSERVED MUCH OF THIS FILTHY ANIMAL SHOW, THIS “PRICE IS RIGHT” FROM VARIOUS BOXED DVD SETS THAT THE UBERWENCH AND HER P-WHIPPED CONSORT PROVIDED FOR HIM… BUT HERE THE STAKES APPEAR TO BE DIFFERENT. THE RAVENING SHADOWLORD CAN SMELL THE STENCH OF THE INNUMERABLE LAYERS OF THE ABYSS, THE STENCH OF 40,000 YEARS… SUCH POWER IN THE GRASP OF SUCH FEEBLE CREATURES WOULD BE UNNERVING TO THOSE LIMITED BY MORTAL STRICTURES ON MENTALITY, BUT THE WILD DEMONWOLF IS UNRESTRAINED BY SUCH–”
“Nigga shut UP, nigga!” Riley swatted the belt he had acquired from somewhere in the mall with the back of his hand. “Gotdamn you talk more than Huey, and yet you somehow manage to make LESS sense than he does? That’s some shit.” He dug his fingers through his deteriorating cornrows, dragging his fingernails through the nappiness that was developing within his wild nest of hair. He needed a barber–this was a matter of national importance for the boy–but Grandad wasn’t on the “Niggapocalypse,” and he was the one with all the money. Now where in the world could a young, enterprising knucklehead like Riley get som–
“Awww shit!” Riley’s eyes bugged out wider than porcelain plates as he observed the familiar booth arrayed with pegs. “Awww sheeyit! Y’all ain’t tell me y’all had Plinko up in this bitch! Plinko’s my shit, for real son! Lemme at this bitch Bob,” he added, approaching the black-suited Barker with a conspiratorial grin on his face. “I’m 'bout to make me fifty gs.”
“…is this kid serious?” Barker asked, playing the audience for laughs–and laughs he received, laughs those in the Netherworld must make after they are fully, finally broken by the devils which dwell therein. "This kid is serious! Alright, alright, I’ll let him play…
…***SHADOW PLINKO.***" The carnival-barker’s smile Bob wore suddenly seemed to grow fangs, and hellfire danced in his eyes.
“THE RAVENING SHADOWLORD finds this ‘Barker’ untrustworthy… but as the boy fleshling has volunteered himself for the Plinko-game, it appears he shall have to accompany him on his fool errand.”
“Man, you a hata. I ain’t neva heard’a nobody hatin’ on Bob BARKER, man. Yo momma ever tell you how much of a hata you was? Cuz if so you need’ta start listenin’.”
“THE UNFETTERED DEMONGOAT WAS BORN IN THE DEPTHS OF A COSMIC PIT FAR HOTTER THAN EVEN YOUR NINE THOUSAND HELLS COULD EVER DREAM ABOUT! HIS MOTHER WAS NOTHING LESS THAN MERE HATRED! SPEAK NOT TO THE SHADOWLORD ABOUT HATRED, FOOL NIGGLET, LEST YE BE SORELY VEXED!”
“Choke back more haterade, bitch. Bob Barker’s my homie, we go back to '99. Shit. Now lemme at this Plinko, dammit.”
Forming Team IMPUDENT FLESHLINGS, UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT
The CAGED DEMONWOLF (sponsor)
Suika Ibuki (assist)
Jamal (public assist)
Assigning slots as follows:
The Caged Demonwolf:
-Fighting: Weaponry (3 slots)
Suika Ibuki
-Mental: Investigate (2 slots)
-Mental: Research (1 slot)
Mission Attempt: Social SHADOW PLINKO
Jamal: Spending 2 AP on Gamble (M-ISM)
Mission Attempt: Rumble with the Cops
CAGED DEMONGOAT: spending 8 AP on Weaponry (M-ISM)
Mission Attempt: Paternity Test
Suika: Spending 2 AP on Investigate (M-ISM)
ternity: This Bastard Universe Episode 0 -Story Thread-
ternity: This Bastard Universe
Episode 0: ternity Numbers Strike!
What if God surfed the Internet? Coffy Mackenzie asked out loud, having taken one too many swigs from a snuck-in bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Under the warm coat of inebriation, Coffy fancied herself a most distinguished scholar, but to the rest of LOL-Mart’s smokers’ break room, she was off her fucking rocker.
What? Seriously? Will, a Code 3, made the mistake of indulging her. And why would God talk to people through the Internet?
Why not? Seriously, God spoke to random people in this reality we call the 3rd dimension, right? Coffy went on, her voice continuing to slur. Right? Right. Now, let’s say God is omnipotent and omniscient. Our reality is, like, primitive to him, right? He’s God, dude! He can travel the Multiverse!
Uh, what’s a Multiverse?
Theory of multiple universes existing all at once, yadda yadda. Anyway, our reality, this 3rd dimension… is completely and utterly meaningless to God! So what makes reality more legitimate an arena for divine communication than the Internet? Hell, it’s thematical! You can’t believe anything on the Internet! That’s why God is most likely to hang around it to seriously test the faithful who stumble onto him, you know what I mean? Coffy paused, waiting for someone, anyone in the break room to reply to her. When no one came forward, Coffy planted her face on the table, spending the rest of her lunch break passed out.
She eventually came to and stood aimlessly by the Pets department, waiting for customers to ask her stupid questions about the temperament of cats. Pets remained a slow-moving corner of the store, Coffy spending most of her shift realigning bags of dog food and zoning for out-of-place kitty toys. Despite her idle hands, Coffy noticed a steady influx of customers coming into the store. Many of them were odd looking, some with ornate costumes and facepaint, and were clearly from out of town. Maybe even from overseas. Coffy grabbed a friend of hers working at the nearby Toys department to ask what was up.
Hey, what’s with all the interesting looking customers? she asked.
They’re probably here for one of the conventions, the Madden game, or the concert. If that’s not enough, you know it’s tax-free weekend right?
Really? Guess that’s why traffic’s a bitch today? Coffy took a moment to glance at her wrist watch, noticing the minute hand ticking toward 12. Oh shit, my lunch’s about to start. Hey, see you in a little bit, okay? Coffy rushed to the back of the store, slashing the time clock with her badge, signing her out for one precious hour.
I’m eating out of the store today. I need some ice cream. <3
19. D[di;] - Fire Star Man ~ Fire Star Man
“Testing, testing. Mic check one two, mic check one two.” The rock star named Iori Yagami uttered into his microphone in front of a mostly empty arena, uncharacteristic for an Iori Yagami performance but to be expected from private rehearsals. He gently brushed aside his half-hearted pompadour, the stage lights beaming uncomfortable heat at his face. His black shirt and red pleather pants only compounded the heat, and by now sweat was streaming from his body. “I-No, that improv you did on the bass composition last night was great. I know Rick said not to freestyle at all during our tour, but fuck Rick.”
“Yeah, fuck Rick,” the vaguely-witch-like bass guitar player clad in red pleather said.
“Oh Zero, thanks for the idea to get a live conga band to do that cover for the MTV Unplugged shoot next week. Good shit.” he nodded to the slender red robot with inexplicably knee-length blond hair.
“Just looking out,” Zero said. Iori wondered to himself whether or not the color coordination of his bandmates looked tacky, but was remembered that they all just happened to really like the color red.
“Bob!” Iori yelled out to a balding man in a business suit and sunglasses that exuded the yuppie poseur look. “When does the concert start again?”
“Six hours from now, baby.”
“Good. Scalp all the tickets I bought now. All 100 of them.”
“Will do, Iori baby.”
“That’s the most ghetto shit I’ve ever seen a rock star do,” I-No said.
“I’m broke, yo.” Iori was about to snap his fingers, coordinating his band to practice their last hit single Cop Killer when a certain woman burst through the doors. Even from far away, Iori recognized her 80’s glam rock look, donning jean short shorts, a police officer’s cap, and wild pink hair that resembled a monstrosity.
“Iori!” the promoter named Poison yelled out. “Got time for a smoke break?”
“The hell do you want?” Iori asked.
“Just business. You want to make money, right?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Iori replied: “Fine. Guys, let me take fifteen.” His bandmates nodded, Iori leading Poison backstage. They walked through dingy, barely lit hallways, their footsteps muted by the continued construction of the concert’s stage. Rather than have their very important discussion drowned out by the sound of chainsaws and hammers, Poison and Iori wandered out to a small, empty and comfortable room with chairs and a coffee table. Poison pulled out a pack of Lucky Strikes from her shorts, which inconceivably had room for a pocket and lit up. She noticed Iori staring at her blankly.
“Uh, you gonna light up?” she asked.
“I will if you let me bum a cig.”
“You really are a cheap fucker.” Poison flung a cigarette at Iori, who caught it between his fingers. “A cheap fucker with great reflexes. Speaking of that, I just have to ask: why?”
“None of your business. Get to the point. Oh, and light.” Iori stretched his hand out, catching the lighter Poison tossed at him.
“Get to the point? Fuck getting to the point. I’m your promoter. In the business world, we sweet talk each other till we reach an amicable compromise. Besides, it’s all about the journey and not the destination, right?”
“What are you going on about now?” Iori asked.
“Never mind. Sorry. I lit up a doobie an hour ago!” Poison said, adding with a wide grin. This was the happiest Iori had ever seen her. “So, why are you so stingy?”
“Same reason I don’t have a girlfriend. I want to be able to save enough to live very comfortably for a long time on my own terms.” Iori took a long drag from his cigarette.
“I see. So, how much time do you have left?”
“About six hours before the concert.”
“Now you’re the one who isn’t getting to the point.” Poison took another long drag of her cigarette, wondering if Iori really knew what she was letting on. “How much time do you have left to live?” Poison glanced back up at Iori, her demeanor now serious. Iori clutched his face and pulled his hair back.
“What are you saying?”
“Orochi,” she answered. Iori went up to the coffee table and flung it at the wall, completely shattering it. He screamed and grunted incoherently before clutching Poison’s shoulders with his hands.
“What the fuck do you think you know?!” Where most women would be terrified and scared for their own lives at this point, Poison could only smirk back at him.
“That’s why you plan ahead. You want to delude yourself into believing you’ve got more life to live than you really do. What’s left? Five years give or take? Fate doesn’t smile on rock stars with health conditions.”
“Piss me off Poison, piss me off again and see how short your life is!”
“No, no, no Iori. I’ve got news for you. You don’t have to fear your impending death anymore. I’m gonna tell you about your chance to see yourself at age 50, 70, 100 or whatever the hell you want.” Poison paused for a moment, waiting for Iori to let go.
“Go on.”
“Then get the fuck off me!” Iori took his hands off Poison, who decided to sit in one of the chairs in the room. “Good.”
“First off: how do you know all this?”
“Come on. You know I’m not just a music promoter.”
“Yeah, you got your hands in wrestling and street fights also.”
“Right! I get around in the entertainment industry, but I’m not some dumb bitch. I overhear the right shit, especially the shady shit. As it just so happens, I learned a few things about old Aristotlian gods with a hard-on for humanity. It’s about the Yagami clan and the Kusanagi clan, right?” Iori grunted at the mention of the name Kusanagi, but he nodded. “Right. The big names in the fighting circuits are all shaken up right now. Someone’s gonna resurrect Orochi. The way I heard the legend go, you can uncurse your whole bloodline if you just killed the fucker outright instead of sealing him like your ancestors. You interested?”
Iori nodded.
“Figured so. I took it upon myself to register you for the next Millionaire Fighters’ Clash tournament. Starts in about a week. You ARE game, right?”
“What?!” Iori nearly flipped out again, but remained composed after another stern glance from Poison. “You couldn’t ask me first?! I have a fucking tour to wrap up!”
“Fuck your tour! This is your life I’m talking about! You’re no good to anyone dead, unless of course you have a boatload of songs recorded just waiting to be released, am I right? You keep a journal?”
“Nope.”
“What kind of tortured artist are you? Whatever. Write some shit so we can sell it afterward.”
“Who,” Iori said.
“Who what?” Poison asked.
“Who’s the idiot whose hand I have to shake for summoning Orochi?”
“Little group called Second Wave NESTS. Wanna kill them too?”
“If it’s in the cards.”
“Great. Oh, one thing that’s been bugging me for a while. You know that a cold-blooded homicidal rampage doesn’t hold well next to your pacifist routine, right?”
“So I’m not the first rock star with issues.”
New Gotham gained an influx of tourists that weekend. Iori Yagami’s Tears of the Saxophone tour almost drew as many visitors to the city as the Madden Bowl, there were two conventions running concurrently with each other: the Justice Convention, in which lawyers, judges, politicians and law enforcers gather to discuss the creation and abolition of laws, and the Hobo Convention.
They came on motorcycles, cars, trains, buses, airplanes, helicopters, and even fighter jets. Certainly, many of them came via ships. The most important guests that came to New Gotham that weekend chose to invade the city via the sea. Standing on the deck of a certain cargo ship were a small army of metallic, vaguely humanoid beings with black visors for eyes. Contained deep inside the ship’s hull were a phalanx of cyborg chimera, all bred to terminate all humans in their way with extreme prejudice. They were chimps, snakes, dinosaurs, and even hippopotami, all grafted with other animal parts or man-made weapons in order to make them fiercer combatants. The chimeras all stood still within the dimly lit hull,lined up in formation until they would receive the order to advance.
At the very front of the deck leading the metallic beings known as Starmen was the Second Wave operative known as Mayhem Mackenzie. Whatever plans she had for the city looming in front of her, she kept them hidden behind her folded arms and her concentrated glare.
Location: New Gotham, NJ (Realm of Technology)
New Gotham is a city which followers of the ternity trailers should be well familiar with. Imagine Gotham City crossed with Austin, TX or San Francisco and you have a city that’s as eccentric and colorful as it is threatening and foreboding. While the city maintains some of the darker, more gothic architectural elements of its canon source, New Gotham is not a city of the night, but rather of a golden dawn. It has a significant immigrant population, and New Gotham citizens tend to be more open-minded, friendly and liberal as a result.
One of the major hub cities for metahuman superheroes and their villainous counterparts, New Gotham is protected in part by the Batmen, a group of Zorro-inspired vigilantes who are all physical manifestations of millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne’s psyche. Most supervillain rogues wind up in Stonegate Penitentiary or Arkham Asylum, with many escaping from the destroyed Stonegate after a botched attempt to free mobster Johnny Viti.
Episode 0 takes place during one weekend in New Gotham. It’s been weeks since the Stonegate Pen inmates broke free (many of which joining Princess Beatrix Pin’s Niggapocalypse movement), and the city is once again in relative peace. It’s an exciting time for New Gotham’s citizens and visitors, as the city hosts several events at the same time.
Iori Yagami Tears of the Saxophone Tour
Internationally famous rock star-slash-street fighter Iori Yagami’s tournament has drawn many fans across the world, from zealous groupies, rock aficionados, and fighters who all want the chance to fight Iori Yagami.
Justice Convention
A national convention for individuals involved in the law, be it lawyers, negotiators, police officers or judges. This is an important congregation, as members of the Supreme Court itself are set to appear. This is where new laws may be established, helping set dramatic precedents in the years to come.
Hobo Convention
It is just as it sounds a communion of the homeless. From all over the country they beckon, each drenched in the odor of liquor, ass and marijuana. There is a widespread urban myth that some of the lucky hobos are chosen to go on an interuniversal tour of reality, but it remains unfounded to this day.
Madden Bowl
The championship game of Madden (football) for the whole season, and the event drawing the most people. The finalists are the Opal City Geometrics and the Las Vegas Bastards. The Bastards are the favorite to win the game.
LOL-Mart
This weekend also happens to be tax-free for all retail stores across New Gotham, and as such many patrons will be visiting LOL-Mart.
This prologue episode is of course a story-only affair which also serves as a place for you to write your intros. Whatever you choose to write, your characters must all end up in New Gotham for one reason or another. Within one real-time week, Second Wave’s assault on New Gotham will begin, although about two in-story days will pass throughout the entire round. Use your remaining day to meet up with your fellow soon-to-be comrades, because at a critical moment, fate will bring all of you together and the ternity Numbers make their long awaited first strike!
Currently available NPCs:
Coffy Mackenzie
Coffy is currently walking around New Gotham, in a commercial district close to the LOL-Mart she works at. As always, she is cool and approachable about nearly anything, although she probably won’t be able to help anyone out during her lunch break at any capacity beyond bumming cigarettes.
Iori Yagami
If you’re a fighter with a vendetta against Iori or an overzealous fan, you can find him at the New Gotham Hallrena (a combination music hall and arena). While he’ll attempt to maintain some sort of pacifism as befits his public persona, it won’t take long for him to get genuinely pissed at you and start swinging.
This prologue will end on August 14th, 2007, which is when This Bastard Universe finally begins.
Good luck, bastards!
Stephanie Brown’s poofy blonde hair garnered her some attention while walking down the clean, white corridors of Arkham Asylum. Many of the patients-slash-prisoners wanted to pick at it as her hair bobbed back and forth, which Stephanie was none too comfortable with. She was accompanied by the similarly blond Jason Todd, both of them donning their Robin uniforms. The Robins followed a small squad of guards to the most secure cells in the asylum, reserved mainly for costumed rogues. These patients stared helplessly through small slits in their doors, unable to lash out at the Robins who helped put them in the Asylum in the first place. The guards led them to a cell at the end of the hall.
?We usually advise that you speak with the patients through a glass window, but this one’s been docile enough for years. Call us if you need any help,? one of the guards said. He opened the cell allowing the Robins to do their interrogation. The guards left, leaving the vigilantes alone with the rogue named Roger Hayden. Jason and Stephanie found Hayden sealed in a strait jacket, sitting at a corner of the cell with his back facing them. Hayden turned his head, looking over his shoulder at the Robins.
?Oh. You’re the dead ones,? he said.
?Roger Hayden? Or Psycho-Pirate, if you’d like to be called that?? Jason said. ?Two weeks ago, Stonegate Penitentiary’s inmates broke free. There were two girls present near the downtown riots who… grew stronger as the rioters became more violent. One of the girls piloted a mechanical spider; the other was a very young albino. Uh, we just want to know if you knew anything about them, since they seem to be feeding off emotions like you did.?
?Oh.? The man formerly known as the Psycho-Pirate didn’t bother to turn his back, although he was listening. ?That’s interesting. Not only are you one of the dead ones, Mr. Jason Todd, but you’re the one from before the first Crisis.?
?Wait, what do you mean by that?? Jason asked.
?Now now. One question at a time for me, please. The girls you mentioned? I’m think I know who you’re talking about. I’m attuned to the universe, the multiverse, and the Multiverse beyond that. But my mind! It’s been so foggy lately. The girls, you said? The little white one and the one in the black skirt? Give me a moment. Let me ask the universe.?
?(This guy’s off his rocker),? Stephanie whispered.
?(Tell me about it. What can we do?),? Jason replied.
?I got it. The universe says that it left those two the same, because they’re very important. You see, the universe sometimes changes you, directly controls your life if you have a particular destiny. All of us have a destiny. It’s the ones who don’t have a meaning, the few of them that are here ? they’re the most important. There is a very real separation between ‘us’ and ‘them.’ As for the emotion-based powers those two girls exhibited… I guess that’s what I felt that one night two weeks ago.?
?Wait. What did you feel?? Jason asked.
?So much rage, you see. Very liberating to be able to feel that angry. I’m fond of happiness myself lately. But I have my own questions to ask you two. Living beings are able to propagate themselves genetically. However, what they don’t realize is that they can also reproduce memetically. For example, I’m sure you both know that you’re memes.?
Jason and Stephanie had only a vague inkling as to the Psycho-Pirate was saying, but the implications of what he might’ve been referring to was enough to shock them both.
?You two, and the rest of those memes are very important to that man named Bruce. So important that when you both failed to cross over to this side, that the world put you all inside of him. Very fascinating, at least to me. How many Batmen are there??
?Three,? Stephanie replied. ?There’s three of them.?
?Interesting. Where I’m from, there’s just one. Want to know more about the Multiverse? Of course you do. There’s more than one multiverse, lower-case m, but there’s one Multiverse, capital-M. Here’s the thing about emotions and universes that disturbs me the most, that makes me not mind spending the rest of my natural life cornered here like some sort of specimen. In multiverses, it’s typical that an unemotional, coldly logical deity construct or ?God? controls everything. That’s obviously very good, because we all know the damage emotions can cause. Here’s the sad bit: our one, greater Multiverse? Guess who rules that? A society of emotional little boys and girls! Surely this means reality will lead itself to ruin, correct??
?Hold onto that thought.? Stephanie clicked on a small transceiver located under her shirt. ?You getting all this? Do you still want him??
?Yes,? the crackling voice of Bruce Wayne responds.
?Okay.?
?SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!? A woman cried out from the cell next to Hayden’s. She started pounding on the walls in-between her cries. ?I’m trying to sleep! I had a dream where I almost saw my father’s face! I swear I’m going to fucking KILL YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!?
?Huh. Who’s that?? Jason asked.
?Oh. That’s another refugee from my Earth. What poor Duela Dent doesn’t understand is that in this universe, there are no mothers or fathers. Just ideas.? Jason Todd pulled Hayden aside, lifting him from the ground.
?Want to be free, if only for a little while??
?Sure.? Jason and Stephanie led the Psycho-Pirate out of his padded cell because he now had an audience pending with the very busy Bruce Wayne.
ternity: This Bastard Universe -Drafting Thread-
Welcome to the lternative World
Summer’s greetings! This is the drafting thread for *ternity: This Bastard Universe. ternity *is the latest in a line of round robin collaborative storytelling and competitive voting games called Eternity, the central hub for information for which being at this reference site. This Bastard Universe Episode 1 will begin August 14th.
First, let us discuss where you, the player will come in.
Players & Teams
In ternity, each player is allowed to bring one Sponsor, and if he or she so chooses, one Personal Assist… People still interested in the game but not wanting to commit may register as a Voter, who will also choose a character to represent him or herself. Voters do not participate in gameplay beyond voting for a sponsor character, which as explained later will grant a Sponsor gameplay bonuses. sponsors and personal assists must be assigned **skills. **A description of these skills and how many you may equip will come later.
Also available in the game are storyline characters called Public Assists. Public Assists are characters who have their own skills.
Players are encouraged to join Teams. Teams are groups of three characters that must mutually agree to join each other. Only three characters can join a team, including assists and sponsors. If two players want to join the same team together, but both have assists and therefore have a total of four characters between them, one of them must give up their assist to the Public Pool to form the team. An opportunity to change or reconfigure your teams will be presented at the beginning of each round.
In This Bastard Universe, you will sponsor a character who is derived from a crossover, appears in a crossover, or exists within a shared universe. A crossover is defined as a piece of fiction (official or licensed) which features characters from different stories, who come from different realities that don’t constitute a shared universe. For example, Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue is a crossover and not a shared universe, because no one will honestly believe for a second that Bugs Bunny, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Chipmunks, Garfield and Scrooge McDuck’s nephews co-exist in the same world. Cameos also count as crossovers - Chrono Trigger’s Lucca makes a cameo appearance in Xenogears, and thus she can be sponsored that way.
Shared universes are a very broad category, but generally if there is a series of individual fictional titles that take place in the same setting, but are narratively disconnected from each other, then this constitutes a shared universe. For example, all of Quintin Tarrantino’s films, from Reservoir Dogs to Kill Bill, take place in the same world, reference some of the same characters and fictional companies, etc. Therefore, it constitutes a shared universe. Another popular shared universe is the infamous Marvel-616, AKA the mainstream Marvel Universe. Also a shared universe is the .hack series, since within it are many games, anime and novels which follow different characters who all follow slightly inter-connected-but-still-individual stories. Also eligible are characters from universes where alternate universes exist. See: Fullmetal Alchemist’s anime continuity.
An important note: you are encouraged to portray your character in a different fashion than his or her canon iteration. On that note, if you have sponsored a character in an Eternity tournament before, you cannot sponsor a reprisal of the same character. All characters in This Bastard Universe come from the in-game world, and as such know nothing about prior multiversal exploits.
Gameplay
In every round, the hosts provide a number of Missions. Teams or players may attempt to complete missions to score Bonus Points, or BP, or attempt to make a mission harder to complete, or help or hinder other teams in their efforts. Players interact with missions by using skills, which are assigned before each round into skill slots. Missions allow a range of Ability Points, or AP, based on how complex it is-- basic missions might allow 1-3 AP, while complex, involved ones expecting cooperation might be 3-5 or even more. Each AP invested allows the player to apply one of his skills toward that mission.
Skills take 1 to 3 slots; players begin with 4 slots, but will gain more as the tournament progressions.
Here’s a rough outline of how the mission block will look:
**Sample Mission *[Mission Type] - Reward
Brief description of mission here, look closely for hints about what skills to try
[Amount of AP allowed (typically, the minimum number is also the number of skills required)], *Hazard Rating *
Missions are divided into four types: Combat, Technical, Puzzle, or Social. These correspond to the four basic skill types of Fighting, Specialist, Mental, and Charismatic. A mission’s type always indicates the primary skill type required to solve it, but what skill that is may not be as certain. Most missions aren’t hazardous, but some are so dangerous that merely attempting them may cause you damage. Make certain you have the proper skills before attempting them!
Skills have a variety of components and uses. As previously mentioned, they can help your team complete a mission and aid or hinder other teams. For more information, please peruse the System Document when it is ready later tonight.
*For comparison, let’s examine a sample mission based on the opening scene from Final Fantasy VII. *
Defeat the Guards - /Combat Type/
Being a Shinra red coat is an envious job. Given Shinra’s smothering of public opinion, few people have risen up against the corporation. For the most part, a Shinra guard is a kid fresh out of high school who spends most of his shift staring at blank monitors. It’s safe to say that these guards aren’t the most intelligent opponents you’ll face. They are armed with weapons, usually semi-automatic guns and grenades however, most of the guards you’ll encounter hold their armament with a tense grip as the sweat streams down the sides of their face. Most of them have never fired their weapons before.
Invest: 1-3 AP. Base BP: 10.
*Hazard Rating: **
You are supposed to use a skill called Brawl. It grants your character a rudimentary knowledge of hand-to-hand combat, and is the lowest cost Fighting skill. How do you tell that you can use Brawl? The description above indicates that Shinra guards aren’t actually used to fighting intruders before even with guns, they are visibly nervous. Brawl, then, will suffice.
BP will also be used to determine who will win the tournament. By the end of the Beta’s 4th round, the two sponsors with the highest BP will advance to the finals, barring a tie (in which case, all tied players will advance to the finals).
Remember that all players and characters are to be allowed at the discretion of the hosts, and you may be removed from the game at any time for any reason. This means don’t act like a colossal retard. Small, moderate amounts of mongoloidism are fine, though.
To draft yourself into ternity: This Bastard Universe, please paste this into your reply.
(Your user name) admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as (Character Name/Source Material Here) and (will/will not) be bringing along an assist, (list assist/source here if applicable). I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.
For any further questions, please contact me via PM.
?Lady Lionheart admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Dante fromt the Devil May Cry series and will be bringing along an assist, Kyo Kusanagi from the King of Fighters series. I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.?
Metropolis Warehouse District
(Devil Hunter~Lock and Load)
No moon tonight meant no light outside of streetlamps and glowing neon, the dark alleys hiding sinister surprises.
While some teenagers were out trying to vandalize one of the many warehouses that crowded the docks, witnesses claimed that they had seen several of the offenders mysteriously vanish in front of them, never to be found.
A crimson motorcycle sped through the maze of warehouses this very night, heading for that specific place. Its driver had a small grin on his face as he reached his destination, skidding to a stop. He dismounted with a flourish, walking into the place, disregarding the signs depicting ?DANGER? in brilliant red and white.
Shapeless figures drifted across the warehouse, waiting. The sound of the doors creaking open excited them. Prey… This was almost too easy. Humans could be so stupid sometimes. They would wander in on dares, usually drunken and defenseless…straight into their clutches.
The man walked forward, his footfalls echoing softly against the cement. The crimson trenchcoat he wore billowed around him as he ran a gloved hand through his snow-white hair. A small smirk came to his lips as he glanced around, ice-blue orbs taking in his surroundings. He was slightly surprised that they hadn?t noticed his weaponry. Two pistols and a claymore hung from his back, clanking together lightly with each step. Then again, he thought with a wicked grin, they?re just overconfident cannon fodder.
?Alright! Cut the fancy theatrics and get your asses out here! I got a schedule to keep!? He yelled with an elaborate flourish. If there was one thing he was known for, it was, as he once put it, being ?stylish?. But good God, how he wished he had brought one of his other Devil Arms tonight…but it was Rebellion?s turn this time around. It wasn?t that he didn?t like using the sword, far from it. It was the fact that he never spoke a word. Whether it was from the spells Sparda placed on him or his own will, Dante didn?t know. Even Beowulf was more friendly…but not by much…actually, Rebellion was better than Beowulf. He didn?t have to worry about Rebellion trying to, for lack of better term, rebel against the half-devil.
A flicker of movement registered in Dante?s vision, snapping him out of his thoughts. He grabbed Ivory out of its holster, already firing a rapidfire clip of shots in a wide arc. ?Now, that?s more like it! Come on! I know there are more of ya!!?
The demons were dumbfounded. Sure, most of their prey fought back, but this man was completely different. He walked straight into their nest and had weapons that could actually kill them. Wait…one sniffed the air tentatively, then relayed the information back to its brethren. It was him.
?What?s the matter?? Dante taunted. ?Don?t have the stones to fight me??
?Son of a traitor and his whore!!? One of the demons screeched, leaping toward the devil hunter with extended claws, ready to rip him to shreds.
His eyebrow twitched slightly as he frowned, eyes narrowed. Holstering Ivory, he withdrew Rebellion from its magnetic back sheath and rushed at the attacking demon, leaping into the air to meet it, slashing wildly at it with an Aerial Rave combo before slamming it into a stack of crates. Dante rushed at it again, growling, ?You got stones pal, but…? he trailed off, stabbing at it repeatedly until it was a pile of mush, ?..that?s going too far.? He turned to face the other shadow demons, beckoning for them to come at him, ice blue eyes glinting with a dangerous light. He sheathed Rebellion to draw Ebony and Ivory, aiming his beloved pistols at the mass of demons surrounding him.
With another smirk, he fired upon them, salvo after salvo of bullets tearing through the air to rip them into nothingness. When he had finished, Dante lowered his guns to check his watch. ?..five minutes…damn. Should?ve went straight in,? he muttered, looking down to his custom-made .45 caliber pistols. To his surprise, they were smoking slightly. He frowned, holstering them before walking outside. Glancing around, he noticed his client waiting near his motorcycle, wringing his hands nervously. When he had finally noticed the devil hunter, he seemed to relax visibly. ?It was just a pack of shadow demons…I cleaned ?em out.?
?Th-thank you, Mr. Dante!? He said with a sigh of relief.
?I just need my payment, then I?ll be on my merry way,? he replied, disregarding the man. The only reason why he had even taken this job in the first place was for the jackpot…there were other demonslayers out there that could?ve taken care of this no problem. That he knew.
He gulped, nodding as he grabbed a duffel bag from his feet, staring longingly after it once Dante took it and opened it, making sure that the cash was in there. However, he began to sweat slightly as the blue-eyed half-devil frowned, pulling something out of the bag.
?..what is this?? He held up a crudely made bomb, the kind you can make with some standard household supplies. All this grief, and he gets a fucking pipe bomb as a reward?
?Uh…?
He grabbed the man by the shirt collar, lifting him into the air. ?What the hell do you think you?re doing by planting a pipe bomb? Did you think I wouldn?t notice it, dumbass?!? He snapped, throwing him down before sighing, staring at it for a moment. This was just great. He sighed again, taking a close look at the wires. ?Man, what a shitty reward,? he grumbled, ripping out some of the wires to disable the charge before flinging it back at the man. ?Look, if you want to try and kill me, I suggest you try harder next time,? he said with a mock-stern tone before mounting his motorcycle again, speeding off into the darkness to yet another job.
So many demons, so little time.
Devil May Cry Investigative Agency
?Well, shit. I might actually have to try tonight,? Dante said with a grin. Almost a dozen jobs tonight… this was unusual, even for Halloween. No matter. He threw open the doors to Devil May Cry, cracking his neck as he walked in for a short reprieve. His ice-blue gaze flickered up to Nevan in human form, playing secretary yet again while he was away. The thunder demoness had just gotten off the phone with another client when Dante walked in.
?Hey, sugar. You?ve got another one…you want it or not??
?Just give me what I need to know, Nevan.?
?You?ll be heading over to New Gotham…your client?s name is Morrigan Aensland, and she wants you to take out a demon named Jedah Dohma…? She frowned slightly after reading off the notes. ?Hon, these are familiar names to me…and they?re extremely powerful demons… You sure you want it??
?Why not? I need to get stronger, anyway. I have to kick Mundus?s ass yet, remember?? He pointed out, taking the notes from Nevan to read over. He then let out a chuckle, shaking his head. ?Call me crazy, but this might actually be one hell of a party. Might as well let everyone else in on the fun,? he said with a grin.
?Okay, sugar. I?ll go get the others,? she said with a smile, standing to head back where most of the other Devil Arms were situated.
Dante sighed, kicking his chair once he reached it, sitting in it as it came back down, kicking his feet on the desk. That was definitely different. Nevan usually didn?t worry about his jobs like this… Bah. No matter. If these two were as legendary as she implied, then this would be fun. His smirk came back to his lips as Nevan came back with Agni, Rudra, Beowulf, and Cerberus. ?Alright, gang! We?re off to New Gotham! Weapon mode, on the double!?
New Gotham City Limits
A little while later, Dante found himself riding into New Gotham?s city limits, grinning as he thought about this new job. According to Nevan, besides the fact that these two particular demons were high-profile, there was a nice jackpot involved. That always made things more…interesting. But before he could contemplate what he was going to do with said jackpot, something grazed his side and the motorcycle, sending the half-devil into a skid. He quickly corrected himself, glancing around to see who tried shooting him down. ?Well, well. Looks like the welcoming committee has arrived,? he snickered, revving the cycle a couple times before speeding off again, drawing Ebony from its holster. He twirled the firearm for a moment, driving one-handed (don?t try this at home, kids) before looking up to see a swarm of… ?Soul Bees? You?ve gotta be kidding me!? He had heard of these things before… but they were almost completely extinct… how the hell did there get to be so many? He shot a couple down, whipping the cycle around and skidding to a stop to draw a purple guitar from his back sheath. ?Alright, Nevan. Let?s rock!?
The thunder demoness in weapon form strummed in agreement before he began to play a couple chords, sending waves of electricity at the incoming demons to knock them out of the sky. After a while, however, they had somehow figured out a way to dodge the shockwaves and began to swarm around him. Cursing, he unfolded Nevan into a scythe to drive them away. With a few quick, successive swipes, he had managed to take out quite a few of the demons before they had backed off to regroup.
But before either the devil hunter or the Soul Bees could attack again, the yell of ?KURAE YAMATTE! SHOTGUN!!? was uttered, a bright flash of light enveloped the area, and the Bees began dropping like stones. Upon closer inspection, Dante realized that they were struck down by what looked like reiki projectiles. On the other side of the smoking corpses of the Soul Bees was a young man with slicked-back hair and a cocky grin on his face. ?You okay??
Dante couldn?t believe it. ?Who the hell are you?!? he snapped, folding Nevan before placing her on his back. He almost had them, and this punk kid took his finishing blow!
?Don?t like help much, do ya? The name?s Yuusuke. I was sent by Lady Morrigan to come get ya,? he replied, crossing his arms while stepping forward. Something about this kid seemed weird to Dante.
?And what makes you think I?ll believe you? For all I know, you could be one of Jedah?s minions.?
?True, but why would I have taken those Soul Bees out if I wanted to have you dead??
?Maybe you knew that I would?ve defeated them… or you?re a glory hound.?
?Hmm…good point.? Yuusuke chuckled at that. ?Fine, then. I?ll tell her you?re here. Seeya!? And with that, he leaped off toward the city.
?What a strange kid…? Dante muttered, mounting his motorcycle again before speeding off into the city to meet up with Morrigan.
?Sugar,? Nevan spoke to the red-clad hunter, still in weapon mode, ?I didn?t want to tell you this before because you were wound up…but…you?re getting involved with Makai politics… hon, are you sure you want to-?
Dante grinned while he weaved around traffic. ?Hell yes, I?m sure. Screw politics, I want to kick some ass and have fun doing it,? he replied, ice-blue gaze flickering up to the glowing neon signs of the Entertainment District. ?My kind of place,? he said quietly as he dismounted, checking the notes that she had given him earlier to confirm the address. ?Besides,? he added, ?I already accepted the job. I can?t back out now, can I??
If Nevan had a mouth in this form, there was no doubt that there would be a smile plastered on it at this point. So brave and dedicated to his cause, even as young as he was…!
?Welcome!?
Dante nodded, amused grin shrinking down to a smile. ?I?m here to see Morrigan about the ?Divine Hate?,? he said, watching as a group of women were talking amongst themselves at the end of the bar farthest away from the devil hunter. One pointed to him, then giggled as he raised an eyebrow, turning to the others.
?Right this way! Miss Morrigan?s been expecting you,? the hostess replied, oblivious to Dante?s ogling. Although, even if she did notice, what could she do about it? This is the son of Sparda we?re talking about here. After they had passed the bar and lounge, she led Dante to a door marked ?VIP Only?.
?Sweet.? Dante let out a low whistle as he walked inside. This was an atmosphere he was used to, considering all the clubs and strip bars he visited on his downtime back in New York. Low lights, an intoxicating scent that seemed to seep into everything…it would?ve driven most men insane with lust…but he wasn?t exactly normal, now was he? His gaze flickered over to a green-haired woman in a tight corset and leather pants who was beckoning to him from a corner booth. Grin widening, he walked over toward her, sliding into the seat. ?So I take it you?re Morrigan??
She nodded. ?Yes, I am…you must be Dante…I?ve heard a lot about you,? she said, smiling at him while taking a sip of some drink she had ordered earlier. ?Especially from my father…and yours as well.?
?You knew the old bastard?? Dante chuckled. ?You don?t look that old.? Quite the contrary, actually, he thought. Then again, according to the info Nevan gave him, she was a succubus. It shouldn?t be that surprising that she was this beautiful.
She laughed, setting her drink down to lean forward and whisper in Dante?s ear, ?What I may lack in appearance to you, I make up for in experience.? She then leaned back into her seat before adopting a more business-like tone. ?Jedah wants to take as many pure souls as he can get and create a new Makai with them. Obviously this is not acceptable.?
?Obviously,? Dante agreed, nodding. Another crazy demon hell-bent on changing things that shouldn?t be meddled with… He mock-sighed. ?Why can?t villains be original anymore?? he muttered, waving over a waitress to order some beer. ?So, why me??
?My father told me if I needed a favor, then I should contact the Dark Knight Sparda… My father helped him from the Makai while he was fighting Mundus. But since he?s passed on…?
?You called on little ol? me.? Then Verge still hasn?t been found…dammit. He chuckled despite the serious thought running through his head, taking the beer that he had ordered as soon as the waitress came close, winking at her before opening the bottle, taking a deep swig. Besides, even with ten drinks, it wasn?t like he was going to get wasted any time soon. Yay for an enhanced liver. ?Okay, then. One more thing. Did you send a kid named Yuusuke out to find me??
?Yes, he told me that you had arrived and refused his help. You?re smart…I hired him to do cleanup and recon while you fight Jedah,? Morrigan replied. Besides, it would be that much easier for Dante to focus on his mission if there were no distractions. ?But enough about the details, I can tell you?re anxious to fight him.? As am I to watch.
He smirked at Morrigan?s words about the upcoming match. ?You?re a mind reader. So, where can I find this bastard??
Her smile widened, and she could feel the anticipation coming off the devil hunter in waves. This would be an interesting fight indeed. ?He?s currently holed up in an office building not far from here…knowing him, he probably hasn?t even cloaked it in any way, so it should be easy to find…good luck.? She leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek before standing, heading to another section of the lounge.
Dante grinned, taking another swig of his beer before standing, setting some money on the table to pay for the drinks. I?ll have to stop here more often, he thought with a smirk, downing the rest of his beer as he left, blowing past the hostess and a group of people as he exited the establishment. Instead of going to his trusty motorcycle, he went into a nearby alleyway, jumping onto the roof of one of the nearby buildings. From there, he glanced around, smirking as he felt a wave of demonic energy hit him. He rooftop-hopped toward the source, smirk growing into a lopsided grin as he reached his destination.
He reached into his coat, extracting a sansekkon from the ?vortex pockets?, as Ren had so nicely termed them and set it down next to him. With a small ?poof!?, it turned into a three-headed dog about the size of a Great Dane. ?Time to wake up, Cerberus. I?m gonna need your help for this. You ready??
The dog nodded his three heads, stretching. ?Whenever you are, master.? The ice demon shook his body, sending icicles into the air before he walked up to Dante. It felt good to run around again. Hopefully this was going to be an interesting mission.
?Alright, then. Let?s go kick some ass.?
Yuusuke grinned as he pummeled a demon into a wall, leaping off said wall to blast a group of them with the Reigun. Hopefully Dante would get to Jedah no problem…but, he wasn?t worried. The half-devil had already proven himself worthy enough to take on this mission. Although he didn?t look it, that Shotgun blast that he used on the remnants of the Soul Bees had actually taken quite a toll on the youkai mercenary?s reiki supply, so he had to watch it against these guys.
Dante had already passed him, Cerberus at his heels. This was turning out to be more and more interesting by the minute. With a chuckle, he sped up, ignoring the demonically-tainted architecture.
So cliched, he thought with a roll of the eyes. Alright, Vampire-bastard shouldn?t be much farther…damn, Nevan was right. If this energy trail is any indication… Bah! Just makes it all the more interesting. He slowed down as the hall ended, slamming his shoulder into the door ahead. With a flourish, he kicked it down before walking through, slightly disgusted-and annoyed- by the change in scenery. ?Living walls…the hell…? he grumbled, raising an eyebrow as he heard a peal of maniacal laughter. Pressing onward, the devil hunter eventually found himself in a large, open room with one figure standing in front of a group of screens. By the looks of it, this guy was the one he was supposed to take out. And, as an added bonus, then he could get him to shut up.
?Yo! Crazy vampire bastard!!? He yelled, firing a clip from Ivory. Come on…show me what you?ve got! A lopsided grin appeared on his face as he began to rush the vampire, firing again and again.
Jedah quickly turned, using his wings to deflect Dante?s bullets. Who was this man…no, he wasn?t human. Couldn?t be. There wouldn?t have been any way for him to be able to get in without going horribly insane if he was. Either way, he was trying to interfere…something he did not tolerate. He laughed again, reaching with clawed hands toward the hunter?s throat, tearing through the flesh with ease.
Dante staggered back, stunned as blood spilled out of his throat. He tried to make some sort of insult, but all he could manage was a strangled gargling sound. Eyes narrowed, he took a couple steps to fire again-
Shaking his heads, Cerberus ran forward full-force, transforming back into his true form before firing consecutive blasts of ice from his mouths. He had to buy Dante some time. He had seen the white-haired devil hunter take worse damage…but he needed some time in order to recover.
Dante?s throat had already healed itself by the time he stood up, crimson running down his chest. ?Well, shit, son,? he grumbled. ?Shouldn?t have let my guard down. Cerberus,? he raised his voice so that the ice demon could hear him, ?Back down and go help the kid with cleanup. I?m gonna be using the twins for this.? As he said this, he picked up Ivory and holstered it before drawing a pair of scimitars. He grinned despite the blood loss. This wasn?t so bad.
?Brother, wake up! We?re needed by the master!!?
?Really?! What would he need our assistance for-?
?SHUT UP!? Dante roared, slamming the handles of the swords together, frowning as he got back into his fighting stance. No matter what happened, those two always had to have the last word in…it was extremely annoying. Even though he had threatened them with abandonment at the tower if they began talking again, he really didn?t mind, especially if they realized their mistake and kept quiet for the rest of the time. But this wasn?t one of those situations where he would be forgiving. He couldn?t afford any distractions during this fight. He sighed, shaking his head-
-Before Jedah had stabbed him with one of his scythe-wings.
Dante grabbed the blade with one gloved hand as it made impact, grinning up at the vampire. ?Sorry, buddy, but I don?t have a date with Death tonight…I have other plans.? He then took and sliced through the blade-wing with Agni, pulling it out of his midsection before picking up Rudra.
?Who are you??
?Well, my friends call me Dante, my enemies call me Dante,? he paused for a second, idly tossing Agni before continuing, ?And I like to call myself the Lord Emperor of All Things Badass, but… you can call me Dante.? He grinned like a maniac, and he probably looked like one at this point with all the blood running down his midsection from his already-healing wounds, but…he really didn?t care at this point.
Jedah sniffed, not at all impressed with the introduction. Wait… he sniffed the air again. He recognized that scent…or, at least, something extremely similar to it. ?You…boy, do you know about the Dark Knight Sparda??
?I?d better,? Dante said with a cocky grin. ?The bastard?s my dad, but let?s not discuss family history. I?m on the clock here.?
The two flung themselves at each other, Dante slashing wildly in every direction conceivable to keep his opponent on his toes and forcing him to stay in defensive mode. ?Now this is more like it!? He crowed, enjoying this way too much. When he got the opportunity, he slammed his leg into Jedah?s torso, sending the vampire off-balance while he jumped back, slamming both Agni and Rudra into the ground below. A shockwave of fire and wind made its way to Jedah, and before he could react, it sent him through the wall and into the air. ?Heh…jackpot.? He rushed after him, leaping out of the makeshift exit he had made and into the night sky. With the range that he had to work with at this point, he was forced to sheath the scimitars, much to their protest.
?What? We?re being replaced already??
?But, master! We?re still-?
?QUIET!? Dante could feel his eyebrow twitch as he withdrew Ebony and Ivory, firing a series of rapidfire clips at Jedah. It wasn?t like he wasn?t going to use them again…he just needed to get close first, plus the fact that he needed to figure out a way to defeat this guy without any collateral damage. Considering their proximity to any nearby buildings, this wasn?t going to be easy.
The vampire used his scythe-wings to deflect the incoming bullets, wincing as one grazed his shoulder. The upstart wouldn?t get another chance like that if he could help it. He gathered a large amount of dark energy in his hands, releasing it in an effort to cripple or incapacitate the devil hunter. This was going to end here and now. Besides, he had more important things to do- like gathering souls.
Dante?s eyes narrowed ever so slightly in concentration before he pulled out Agni and Rudra, quickly holstering his guns before twirling the scimitars to make a tornado of wind and fire. Of course, there was no way that he was going to let Jedah realize his thoughts like this. Besides, he liked playing dumb and cocky around his opponents. Made it all the more fun when they realized their mistake. Actually, part of it was also the fact that he liked to smartass around his opponents as well. It just made the whole thing seem like less of a duty and more like something he wanted to do. Not that he didn?t want to do this, it was in his blood, after all. Surprisingly, his attack was dead-on and had knocked the other into the starry sky above. Looks like some rooftop-hopping is in order, he thought, grinning.
Dante leaped into the air again, catching his feet on the edge of one of the taller buildings, slashing wildly at the vampire again and again, trying to find some weakness…and juggle him in the air as long as humanely-or demonically, in this case- possible. ?Come on, ya crazy vampire…I know you?ve got more than this!? He yelled, the blades of his weapons and Jedah?s wings clashing in a furious tempo, neither fighter gaining much of an advantage.
By this point, the two hadn?t even realized where they were heading for their landing…the fact that they were so focused on their battle forced them to ignore the rapidly approaching stadium. The two heard screams and gasps of astonishment, but they were too focused on getting rid of the other to really take any notice of it as they descended.
Phew~ Part one, complete. Dante has taken on the job of taking down none other than Jedah Dohma, and, unknown to the two, they’ve just landed smack dab in the middle of Iori’s concert. >_>;
Both are open for interaction, and Kyo’s post is next.
Midnight Shadow admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Jon Talbain from the Darkstalkers series and will be bringing along an assist, Felicia from the Darkstalkers Series. I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.
Amethyst admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Auron from Final Fantasy X/Kingdom Hearts 2 and will be bringing along an assist, Porter Rudolf Inguardsen Nadoff Nkuku Yewell, a Prinny from various Nippon Ichi games. I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.
?Lumintrium admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Ash Crimson from the King of Fighters series and will not be bringing along an assist. I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.?
Switchblade admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Roxy Spaulding from Gen 13: Magical Drama Queen Roxy and will be bringing along an assist, Grunge also from Magical Drama Queen Roxy (randomly alternating between sexist neanderthal Grunge and castrated PC Grunge as I see fit). I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.
?Mizuki admits to being a bastard, and will be playing as Neco Arc Chaos from Melty Blood Act-Cadenza and will not be bringing along an assist. I will consider the ramifications my actions will have on love, peace, anarchy, freedom, and everything in-between. Peace, god bless, and no homo.?