Inspired by http://www.dontevenreply.com, I posted Craigslist ads related to Street Fighter and hilarity ensued…
Rm’s Street Fighter Training
CL Ad Title: Private Martial Arts Lessons
Spoiler
http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/1359/craigslistlessons.jpg
From Manuel Chavez ****** to Me
Hey I’m interested in your martial arts service for my 7 year old son, can you send me the curriculum and the prices? thanks
**From Rm to Manuel Chavez **@.com
Certainly I can provide the curriculum information. I would first need to know what level in fighting your child is in. Does he have any previous experience?
-Rm
From Manuel Chavez ****** to Me
He doesn’t have any experience from before so he would need to learn the basic stuff
**From Rm to Manuel Chavez *********
No problem Manuel,
I would suggest Shotokan Karate for your son since he’s a beginner. In total, the training will cost $200. I will break down the curriculum for you.
The normal attack lesson is free of charge
This is essential for footsies and general poking.
Including: JAB (LIGHT) PUNCH, STRONG (MEDIUM) PUNCH, FIERCE (HARD) PUNCH, SHORT (LIGHT) KICK, FORWARD (MEDIUM) KICK, ROUNDHOUSE (HARD) KICK
Special Attacks:
SHORYUKEN (DRAGON PUNCH) $25
Typically used in combos and as a go-to anti air special attack. Medium Punch version is best used for anti-air. So if some guy tries to jump on your kid he can use this move and it’ll totally counter the guy.
EX Version has a ton of invincibly and deals a lot of damage. I’m sure your kid will find this move useful when thrown to the ground by bullies, he can just get up and right away use it and most kids will fall for it because they don’t expect it.
TATSUMAKI SENPUUKYAKU $30
A Hurricane Kick that’ll make shit talkers pay with a boot/feet to the face.
HADOUKEN $45
This move is serious business, I don’t usually teach kids under 10 years old but for you I’ll make an exception.
It?s the primary zoning tool, and is effective in combos and block strings as well. Basically you shoot fireballs from your hand.
SHINRYUUKEN $50
A pretty badass special move which initially stuns your opponent and then a couple of attacks, followed by a dragon punch. You can use this move after a DP to FADC but it won’t do full damage unless its a counter hit. Even if you kid misses the move and just does it by itself people will just run in fear from the awesomeness of it.
GUREN SENPUKYAKU $50
This move is like TATSUMAKI SENPUUKYAKU but it does a ton more damage, as long as the person he’s doing this move to doesn’t duck, he’ll pretty much own him.
I do not provide any fire retardant clothing, this will be your responsibly as most of these moves will cause fire to be ignited.
I also suggest you get fire insurance if you decide to want these lessons to be done in your home.
-Rm
From Manuel Chavez ****** to Me
you’re a fucking moron I’m not gonna pay 200 bux for your retarded made up lessons
**From Rm to Manuel Chavez **@.com
It is unfortunate you have decided not to enroll your child in my program, but I am not surprised. I think your child would be more familiar with lessons in KOF’98. I can provide you the number to a trainer that would be more suitable if you wish.
-Rm
Adon and Sagat teaching Muay-Thai
CL Ad Title: Adon and Sagat’s Muay-Thai Kickboxing
Spoiler
http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/1083/kickboxing.jpg
From Jen ****** to Me
Hi I saw your ad on craigslist and I’m interested in your program, can you tell me a little more, like how much it costs? I already have a gym membership and only work part time so money might be an issue
**From Sagat to Jen ******@*******.net
Hello Jen,
Thanks for checking out my ad! I’ll be glad to tell you more about Adon and Sagat’s Muay-Thai Kickboxing. My partner and I have been teaching Muay-Thai for 12 years now and like I said in the ad, this is the real deal. My style of Muay-Thai is a little different than my partner Adon so depending on how you want to approach your workout. I specialize in the Tiger style which includes Tiger Shots and Tiger Uppercuts and my partner Adon specializes in the Jaguar Style which includes Jaguar Kicks and Rising Jaguar.
If you eventually want to get in the competitive scene, I’d suggest you start of with my program. The Tiger style is highly renowned and used by many top fighters such as Mago, Sanford Kelly and Combojack. If you just want to have fun and not really get anywhere in the competitive scene, I’d suggest you go with my partner Adon’s technique.
It’s $65 a session or five sessions for $300. I have some clients that will get ten sessions at a time since they train with me so often and I’ll give them the rate of $519 to help them save a bit.
I’M OFFERING AN INTRODUCTORY PRICE OF $25 FOR THE FIRST HOURLY SESSION TO TRY THIS OUT!! YOU’LL LEARN QUITE A BIT OF MUAY-THAI and HAVE A GREAT OVERALL WORKOUT WITHIN THE VERY FIRST SESSION! Come give it a try! You’ll be glad you did!
Hope that helps!
-Sagat
"They call me the King for a reason"
From Jen ****** to Me
OK cool I’ll think about it. I might take up on your offer for the first session for $25 but $65 a session is too much for me and I don’t really want to go competative I just wanted a little more than what my gym was offering. Do you have a # that I can reach you?
**From Sagat to Jen *********
Don’t waste my time if you’re not going to be able to pay for my lessons. This is world class material that I teach and if you’re just going to use me for my generous offer of $25 for the first session then don’t even bother.
-Sagat
"They call me the King for a reason"
From Jen ****** to Me
wow nevermind then… you don’t have to be an asshole about it
**From Sagat to Jen ******@*******.net
I just had a word with my partner Adon and he said he’s willing to teach you for half the price if you’re still interested.
-Sagat
"They call me the King for a reason"
From Jen ****** to Me
Well you can tell your “partner” that you just lost yourself a customer
**From Sagat to Jen ******@*******.net
You’re not worthy enough for us to teach you Muay-Thai anyways. Maybe you should hit up Dan Hibiki, I hear he’s offering Saikyo lessons for cheap bitches like you.
-Sagat
"They call me the King for a reason"
From Jen ****** to Me
you know what fuck you and your ****** ass muay-thai lessons
**From Sagat to Jen ******@*******.net
You’re lucky me and Adon don’t know where you live or else we’d go bonus stage on your car and your cheap ass.
-Sagat
"They call me the King for a reason"
From Jen ****** to Me
I’m done talking to you
Zangief looking for love
CL Ad response to: looking for fun tonite - w4m
Spoiler
http://img821.imageshack.us/img821/5641/gieflove.jpg
From Gief to -*-******@craigslist.org
Hello! I am Gief from Russia. I am also looking for fun! I am very strong professional wrestler. My stat is Height 7’0" (214 cm), Weight 253½ lbs (115kg), Eye color Hazel, Hair color Brown. My hobby is Drink Vodka, fighting and Cossack dancing. Maybe i can show you piledriver 
From Nikkie Perez ****** to Me
Lets meet tonight. i am asking for a small donation of 175 roses. hope you dont mind since i would be giving you a great time with my sexyness. and go home happy.lol if you r dwn reply with ur number and i’ll call to verify tonights adventure…hope to hear from u…
From Gief to Nikkie Perez @.com
I am very confused why you need 175 rose flower… and what you think i am magician? or Dudley?
From Nikkie Perez ****** to Me
no man $175 not flowers
From Gief to Nikkie Perez @.com
oh why not you say so? ok i make deal. I will give 315 Russian Rouble, I think american bank will exchange for you
**
From Nikkie Perez ****** to Me**
i only take cash and ur wastin my time so forget it
**From Gief to Nikkie Perez @.com
**
Ok I will talk with Dudley and maybe he can give me some of his roses he’s olways throw at peoples. If not maybe i will talk to mexican by freeway he olways give good rose deal.
**
From Nikkie Perez ****** to Me**
no you fob dumsht I told you alread I dont want flowers
From Gief to Nikkie Perez @.com
In Soviet Russia I can buy 2 wife with 315 Russian Rouble, maybe you should reconsider.
From Nikkie Perez ****** to Me
then go back to Russia and quit fkn messaging me
Balrog goes bike shopping
CL Ad Response to: Title: 2003 Hayabusa: GSXR 1300 -$6750
Spoiler
http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/958/bikepw.jpg
From Rog to -*-******@craigslist.org
YO I DIG THAT BIKE. HOW MUCH YOU WILLING TO LOWER THE PRICE CUZ IMA GET SOME FIGHT MONEY SOON AND I WANNA GET THAT BIKE.
From Mike ****** to Me
Hi Rog,
I’m willing to go down to $6,500 so you save yourself $250, but that’s all
**From Rog to Mike ***@****.com
YO MIKE I WAS THINKING YOU SELL IT TO ME FOR $4000 HOW BOUT THAT AND YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO HOLD IT FOR ME FOR ABOUT A MONTH.
I GOT SOME BETS GOIN WHERE I GOT SOME INSIDE INFO ON WHOS GONNA WIN.
From Mike ****** to Me
There’s no way in hell I’m gonna sell it to you for $4000 and no I’m not gonna hold it for you.
Its first come first serve, you’re not the only person that’s interested in buying the bike
**From Rog to Mike ***@****.com
OK MIKE CHECK THIS OUT I’LL CUT YOU A DEAL AND LET YOU ON IN THIS INSIDE INFO IF YOU LOWER THE PRICE TO $4,500 AND HOLD IT FOR ME TILL I GET THAT BIKE MONEY. ITS A WIN-WIN SITCHASHUN. YOU GET MONEY FROM THE INSIDE INFO AND YOU SELL YOR BIKE. I’LL GET MY HOMEBOY VEGA AKA CLAW AKA BOLMUTHAFUCKINROG TO HIT YOU UP AND LETCHU KNOW THIS SHIT IS LEGIT.
From Mike ****** to Me
No guy I don’t want to be a part of your illegal betting shit I just wanna sell my bike
**From Rog to Mike ***@****.com
HEY WHO YOU CALLIN GUY, I AINT DOIN THAT NINJA SHIT IMA FUCKIN BOXER. IMA GET THAT FUCKIN BIKE IF YOU SELL IT TO ME OR NOT. I FUCKIN KILLED AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE PUNCH. I’LL PUNCH YOU BACK TO LAST YEAR FOO.
From Mike ****** to Me
Fuck off asshole! I’m not selling you the bike
**From Vega to Mike ***@****.com
My associate Rog said you needed a reference? Well let me tell you that he’s legit, he always
get that bike money. He’s one of the best boxers around, even Dudley can’t compare to Rog’s
amazing skills. This one time I even saw him punch an elephant dead in one hit.
-Vega
From Mike ****** to Me
Is everyone on craigslist a bunch of fuckin psychos?
C.Viper looking for a roommate
CL Ad Response to: Title: $620 Female Roommate Wanted
Spoiler
http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/6179/viperroomate.jpg
From C.Viper to -*-******@craigslist.org
Hi! I’m a single professional working mother and interested in your available room. I have no pets and my daughter lives with my parents so she won’t be living with me. Most of the time I won’t even be at home due to work so I won’t be much of a bother. I would love to come check out your place at your convenience.
Thanks,
Maya Sunee
From Cathryn ****** to Me
Hello Maya,
Thanks for your interest, sounds like you would be a great roommate! My # is (**)- call me and we can arrange a meeting.
let me know if you have any questions!
**From C.Viper to Cathryn ***@****.edu
Actually I was wondering if you have any pets in the house because that might be a problem.
From Cathryn ****** to Me
I have a cat and she is an easy-going indoor/outdoor animal who will likely win your heart. She’s very friendly and won’t be any problem for you. Are you allergic to cats?
**From C.Viper to Cathryn ***@****.edu
Well its just that I have this crazy ex that’s been after me for a while. He’s a leader of this gang called Shadaloo… I don’t know how but he somehow caught me cheating on him with Guile. I got pregnant and when he found out he tried to induce an abortion by punching me in the gut…
Ever since he found out my suit protected me from his punch and I had my daughter Lauren… he’s been looking for us. You might be wondering what this has to do with pets, well he has this thing where whenever he breaks into my new home and holds my roommates hostage and questions them… he gets his goons to kill all the pets in the house to let them know he means business… My last roommate, he made him eat his own goldfish 
But you don’t have to worry about that because I’m sure he won’t find where I live this time…
and I think he likes cats.
From Cathryn ****** to Me
WTF yeah I don’t think this is going to work out, don’t bother calling me
**From C.Viper to Cathryn ***@****.edu
Why? Is it cause I’m a single mother? Like I said, Lauren is with my parents so she stays safe.
From Cathryn ****** to Me
No… if you read my ad it said "(It would be great if new roommate is a single. Roommates who have BF or GF always have been made troubles so we prefer a single.) " I know you’re single but I don’t want any drama in the house and your ex sounds like a fucking psycho.
**From C.Viper to Cathryn ***@****.edu
You don’t have to worry about him hurting you, when he shows up just tell him “Viper said, The Princess is in another Castle” he’ll know what that means. its kind of an inside joke cuz he likes to dress like Mario lol!
From Cathryn ****** to Me
Both you and your ex are out of your minds, go get some help and there’s no way I’m considering you as a roommate!
Rufus Rideshare (pic included)
CL Ad Response to: Need a ride from LA (USC AREA) to (Bay Area) Sunnyvale
Spoiler
http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/1830/rideshare.jpg
From Rufus to -*-******@craigslist.org
Hey!
Hows it going, I read you needed a ride from LA to Sunnyvale? Well I’m headed there too!
If you’re willing to pay for the gas then we got ourselves a deal.
let me know if you’re interested and I’ll get ya some more info.
-Rufus
From Sumit ****** to Me
Hey Rufus,
Yup, I am interested. Are you leaving on Thursday and what time??
Actually, you know what, call me at (**)--, then we can discuss about it more.
Looking forward to hear from you soon.
Thanks,
Sumit
**From Rufus to Sumit ***@.edu
I tried calling you but some lady on the phone said that you don’t have any credits left to make this call, you should look into that. Anyways I’m leaving Thursday morning at 3:30am so if you can be ready around that time that would be great. Also I wanted to let you know that I drive a motorcycle so there won’t be much room for your bags but I was thinking that since you’re saving money on gas and all because I drive a bike you can just ship your stuff to yourself. Another thing, since this is a 6 hour drive, I get tired easily and need you to take over maybe an hour or so after we head out. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven a motorcycle before but its easy, its like riding a bicycle without the peddling. Also I only have one helmet so if you have some sort of helmet then bring it with you. If not then I can just take my neighbor’s kid’s helmet, I’m sure he won’t mind, the kid is special needs but I think he’ll be just fine without it, I mean how much more special can he get anyways? and you sound like a small guy so it should fit you just right. Another thing I gotta warn you is that if I get aroused while you’re driving, don’t mind it because I’m not gay, I have a girlfriend, its just the whole closeness factor to another person and the vibration of the bike so don’t think I’m getting weird on you or anything its just a natural thing. So what do ya say? Shall we get this trip going or what. I attached a pic of my bike so you can get a feel of how much room you’ll have and such.
http://yfrog.com/1l24667398591079272666869j This is the pic I attached
Let me know where I should pick you up.
-Rufus
From Sumit ****** to Me
That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, you have to be joking right?
First of all I’m not waking up that early, and looking at the picture that looks like it’d be the most uncomfortable ride that anyone would be on.
I’m not going to ship my bags and no I don’t want to ride with you.
**From Rufus to Sumit ***@.edu
This isn’t a joke, this is the real deal my friend. I know you’re thinking to yourself this is too good to be true, but don’t. I have been traveling all over the world on my bike to find that jerkface Ken Masters and last I heard he was at Norcal Regionals in the Sunnyvale area. When I find him, I’m gonna break all of his bones into tiny little pieces as if his body was being held up by a bunch of mini Altoids. It gets me soooo mad just thinking about that spoiled little brat! Anyways, I’m getting off topic here. There’s plenty of room so you don’t have to worry, besides Candy says I’m like a big ol? fluffy pillow so comfort won?t be a problem. If you don’t want to ship your bags then I can borrow my neighbor’s kid’s red pull cart and hook it up to my bike to drag along with your bags. I’m sure he won’t mind, like I said, he’s a little “special” so he’d probably think the cart just went for a ride on its own or something haha. I?ll even fasten the bags pretty tight so your bags won?t fall off. So what do ya say pal? You up for this adventure or what!
-Rufus
From Sumit ****** to Me
I can’t believe I’m reading this.
Do you really think I’d want you to put my bags in a kid’s pull cart and drag it on your motorcycle? Do you even think anyone could actually fit on that bike with you?
Seriously this is disturbing, I think I’ll just take the bus. I really don’t want to deal with people like you on here anymore.
**From Rufus to Sumit ***@.edu
Your loss pal. I was gonna bring you some coffee and doughnuts even.
If you change your mind let me know, the offer is still open until tomorrow.
-Rufus
