Late to this but RoTS was so unbelievably bad. There was a point during the movie where I genuinely wondered if I was watching a parody.
Summary
Everything from start to finish was so awful. Why did Palpatine come back? What was his plan, to kill Rey or have her kill him or succ her life juice or what? If he wanted Kylo to go see him, why not just tell him where he was instead of making him go find a map, since he could apparently communicate with him directly the entire time? Why did he even want Kylo around, considering that by himself he had a fleet of planet busters at his command and the element of total surprise? (Not even going to question where he got them or how heâs staffing them) What was up with his hooded homies in the cave, especially since they bothered fleeing as it collapsed they must have been corporeal people of some kind. What did Kylo even want the entire movie besides fucking Rey? Dude is the supreme ruler and does nothing with it. Finn and Poe are wasted characters because all they do is make really, really bad quips (like repeating something in a loud surprised voice in a stab at humor âTHEY FLY NOW??â) while helping Rey with her dumbass quest that culminates in a perfectly positioned sextant-knife in front of a ruin that shouldnt even exist. That whole pit stop on the ice planet was awful too, helmet bitch was ready to kill poe and then five minutes later is back to being his homie, and then even gives him her ticket out of the slums. No character felt like a real human, everything that happens is barely coherent bullshit, I couldnât believe what I was seeing. The final battle was a huge mess too, with the objective shifting for ill-explained reasons constantly.
Thatâs just talking about the flaws of the movie as a standalone plot, relative to the rest of the star wars series all it does is drag out as much of the original trilogyâs grave as it can to rape the corpse. Why even have CG carrie fisher? Every time that was on screen, all I could think of was how fucking weird it was that this character was here to deliver one or two words at a time while barely moving or emoting, like the freakish sock puppet it is. Disrespectful to the dead lol. I could understand why they had to use that in TLJ but here? Come on. Then there -has- to be the original death star, there -has- to be Lukeâs original X-wing, Lando -has- to show up to contribute nothing. I want to say the music was good, but considering it was almost entirely reprises of other star wars music, I guess it was impossible to fuck up. As a matter of fact I canât even say I remember a good original song in the disney trilogy, at least the prequel trilogy brought new tunes.
The movie doesnt even have the balls to stick to a single bad thing happening? Poeâs boo on ice planet? Itâs cool, she didnât get juiced in the planet attack! C3P0âs sacrifice of his memory to make sure his friends finished their retarded quest? No worries, R2 got that on USB! Rey realizing her dark powers by killing chewie in a terrible accident? Haha, got you dude there was a n o t h e r t r a n s p o r t
The most insulting part is that this movie was made by fuckers with more money than god. They could have made a good movie, they had good actors, they had good composers, they had the best special effects in the business and still managed to serve me a turd. Even the standard milquetoast disney product would have been fine, but they somehow managed to give the world this abortion of creative thought
2/10, the special effects were tight
