lol@ The Gargoyle entry. I swear I was going to ride that gimmick all the way to the finals had you guys not stopped me.
#19
Location: Vector
Vector, the capital of the dominant Gestahlian Empire. Hidden in the depths of a valley surrounded by mountains, this huge city shows shows its technological wonders to the world, a stronghold made out of sheer iron, where multiple airships and Magitek armor suits fly about every day. Looking at the dull orange sky from a balcony high atop the main tower is General Leo, one of the most decorated and recognized Empire generals. He is soon joined by one of his colleagues, the general Celes Chere.
Couldnt stand the Emperors speech either, eh?, Celes comments with a smile.
I respect our Emperor very much, but to be honest, all these politics are just not my thing. I prefer to be out there, on the battlefield, fighting for my principlesthats where I belong!
Yeah, I guess youre right.
Thats not what worries me, though.
Huh? What is it, then?
I read my horoscope in the newspaper today. And it said I was going to be killed in Thamasa by Kefka during an Imperial invasion!
Wowusually they dont get THAT specific, do they?
Yeah, but I dont believe that. I mean, why would I EVER turn against my beloved Empire? Sure, some things they do are shady, and there are even atrocities attributed to our own deeds, but.I know our ultimate goal is pure, right?
Ummmmm…I guess?
And how could I ever be killed by that silly polka-dot wearing court jester Kefka? Guy can barely lift a sword, let alone topple ME in hand-to-hand combat!
Yeah, but Kefka is a deceiving little bastard. He knows magic tricks up the sleeve, too!
Pah! Magic! A mere tomfoolery used by losers who arent able to back up their stuff with a sword!
Celes looks annoyed, Need I remind you, I am a Magitek Knight.
Oh.yeahoh well, you get my point. Me, the great General Leo, can NOT be found is such a silly scenario!
Celes looks around, Yeeeeeaaaaahhhh.say, Im going to take a trip to South Figaro. I think I.uh.left my Rune Bra at the inn there. Catch ya later, Leo!
Celes leaves in somewhat of a hurry. Leo watches down at ground level where several Guardian mechs parade on to an unknown destination. Leo points at them and laughs, Hah hah, silly machines! My Shock technique can make short work out of you in seconds! No way you could ever topple ME!
But as Leo points out in mockery, a bird doodoo falls on his shoulder, as he just gazes at the stain in all seriousness, A bad omen? Naaaaaah, it couldnt be… Silly me! Hah hah hah hah!
Leo chuckles it off as he goes back inside. What destiny awaits this proud and honor-bound warrior?
Name: General Leo Cristophe
Sponsor: Fudd
Origin: Final Fantasy VI
Games: –
Company: Square Enix
Won: Optimus Prime, Olan Durai
Lost: M. Bison
Fun fact: Rumors about being able to revive General Leo in FF VI was about as rampant as the Aeris revival rumors in FF VII. When FF VI Advance came out, those rumors grew even stronger, as there were pictures of him fighting in the party at later scenes in the game (way after his death occurred). The pics were soon confirmed as a hoax, though.
#18
Location: Ikaruga
In a somewhat grassy plain in the country of Ikaruga, with mountains extending in the horizon, walks a couple of properly-uniformed youngsters, whom despite their innocent demeanor, are actually elite members of the Novus Orbis Librarium Armagus, the world government order that kept the region in check. However, not many people agreed with the regulations of the NOL, which sparked a civil war in Ikaruga. The plains these two soldiers walk on was once ravaged by the civil war, and it is barely gaining back its old splendor.
The two members turn out to be Jin Kisaragi and Noel Vermillion, actual survivors of the civil war. They both stop for reconnaissance, as Noel looks down in sadness.
So.you are going after Ragna after all?
Jin does not turn around to answer, It was meant to be. I must finish the job I began years ago. This time, he wont escape. I wont rest until I have his head on a platter!
Noel shakes her head, Ahhhhsibling rivalry. You know, the world would be a MUCH better place without such trivial stuff.
Jin sneers at Noel as he looks back over his shoulder, You most certainly would regret that commentif it wasnt for the fact that you look just like our lost sister, Saya.
Wellwhat would happen if I was?
Naaaah.that would be too much of a coincidence. Because even if you do look just like hertalk like herand even act like her, you just CANT be her!
Why not?
Because it cannot, and thats that!
In that moment, the huge cyborg Iron Tager also appears out of nowhere, whom even with his menacing posture, seems quite calm, And I could be your long lost uncle on your stepmothers side!
Rachel Alucard, the female vampire, also emerges from behind Noel, And I could be that friends cousin that everyone talks about. You never know!
Jin also spots their friend from the Academy, the squirrel-like Makoto, also roaming by. Jin glares at her menacingly, Let me guess.you want to assume you are the cousin of my aunt of my second grandmother of the fourth brother of my third brother-in-law, is that it??!
Makoto confusingly shakes her head, Uhhh.not really, I was just here to play whack-a-mole with tigers!
Jin frowns and thrusts his arms into the air, THAT DOES IT! These people are too weird for me. Im outta here! OUT OUT OUT!
Jin storms off in a rage, as Noel is left giggling, Oh, Jin. Thats why the serious types ALWAYS win me over. They be so cute when they get mad. Which is not really hard, come to think of it.
Makoto gazes with a grin, I like mold cheese!
Name: Noel Vermillion
Sponsor: Windlord0
Origin: BlazBlue Calamity Trigger
Games: –
Company: Arc System Works
Won: Minsc, Crimson Viper
Lost: Alien
Fun fact: As most other girls her age, Noel has a weak spot for cute little animals, even agreeing to be dressed up by Litchi if she could play with Panda during one of her story paths, and even shouts Hands off the panda! during a battle with her). She also has an inferiority complex regarding her bosom.
#17
Location: St. Petersburg, Russia
Inside the confinement of an office building, the annual SNK Lets Not File For Bankruptcy Again is being held, and even though the location is quite odd for such an important meeting, the cost reduction offered no other choice. Within the thick walls, the SNK executives plan their next move in their everlasting campaign to surpass their eternal rivals, Capcom, as well as the incoming wave of fighters that loom in the horizon.
So, it seems that our netcode is sucking pretty bad like it was the 90s all over again, and KOF XII doesnt seem to be beating BlazBlue at any rate, much less SF IV. Any suggestions on what we should do?
Yes sir! We plan to sustain a meeting with the characters from our many series to see which one deserves a TRUE sequel. The constant milking of KOF can only get us so far!
Hmmmm… And those bootlegs running around sure isnt helping business, either. What are the options?
Well, sir, Kaede and Minakata Moriya were here just a while ago shooting for a Last Blade 3 releasebut we already have Samurai Shodown, so we figured, WHY BOTHER?
Hah hahif we cant even make a AOF 4, which is one of our main sources for KOF staff members, what makes them think they can make the cut? Just make another Metal Slug sequel and be done with it!
Sir? It seems the next candidates are now in wait.
Well, what are we waiting for? Send them in!
A small, odd-looking scientist, wearing his classic labcoat, messy brown hair, and small glasses, nervously enters the room, waving at everyone, G-Good evening, gentlemen!
And just who might you be?
Oh, forgive my rudeness, kind sir! I am Dr. Brown, famous scientist and expert in time travelling!
Oh wow, so you are THE Emmitt Brown? The one with the DeLorean and the flux capacitator and all that fancy jazz?
Dr. Brown doesnt seem very pleased, Nonot really. Thats another Dr. Brown. I have brought my representatives from diverse time periods to defend our case of a new World Heroes game!
World Heroes? You mean that joke of a game? With all the historical parodies and stuff? Man, why would we ever make a new version of THAT crap?
Suddenly, a monkey man dressed in some strange Chinese outfit emerges from behind Dr. Brown, looking all fessed up and pouting like an enraged animal. The SNK suits look at him all puzzled, Wowwho is this monkey boy?
I will let you know that my name is GOKUU!
HOLY SHIT! You mean that game from Dragon Ball? AWESOME! Anime fanboys will COMETH!
Dr. Brown slaps his forehead, Again.not THAT Goku! This guy is actually a lot more based on the original story than that other guy does.
Uh, coolso, does he shoot potentially devastating chi blasts?
Gokuu looks around in confusion, Uhhh.no?
Then what good is he? Get the fuck out!
Dr. Brown hurries to intervene, Wwait, good sirs! I have yet another trick up my sleeve! Behold! The ever successful Mudman!
A particularly bizarre native wearing a huge ceremonial mask comes dancing in some sort of tribal ritual, as everyone looks at each other in confusion. Mudman finally strikes a rather odd pose, WAHOOOOO! Behold the mighty Mudmanthe man who SINGLE HANDEDLY sold a lot of NGBC copies! Fuck what you heard about those Hanzou and Fuuma punks!
Yeah, wellKyo and Iori were in that game. So was Terry and K.
FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD! Mudman is great, Mudman is WIIIIIISE! ALOLOLOLOLA!
Everyone looks pretty annoyed as Dr. Brown seems more nervous than ever. One of the execs speaks up, Man THIS is why we never consider WH for future sequels. All just a bunch of misguided freaks babbling like drunk fucks! Now, get the fuck o.
Right then, the executives feel a sudden chill as they see some giant hands caressing the back of their heads. A bearded monk with green robes is the wielder of such hands, and he smiles to be carrying a naughty smile on his face.
Gentlemen, gentlemen. A new WH is NECCESARY! The whole world needs to know about our message of LOVE to our fellow men, and how to FULFILL such love to the FULLEST! Dont you agree?
One of the suits gulps down a cold swell in his mouth, Aw FUCK! Its that crazy Russian monk again!
OK! We accept! Justdont rape us, OK?
The director picks up the phone, Yes.production? Start development on WH 3 NOW!
Rasputin smiles, Oh JOY! Now let us all celebrate in my GARDEN OF LOOOOOOVE!
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
All the executives disappear in a bed of roses, dragged in by Rasputin. Mudman and Gokuu look in disgust, as Dr. Brown smiles nervously, Errrrso that means were set, right?
Gokuu points out, Mandont even THINK of putting me in the same room than that guy!
Name: Rasputin
Sponsor: ToyRobotTerror
Origin: World Heroes
Games: World Heroes series
Company: SNK
Won: Freia, Luigi
Lost: Demitri Maximoff
Fun fact: Although we all know that this character is obviously based on historical Russian character Grigori Rasputin, this is probably the moreumsexually confused interpretation of the character (although the real-life Rasputin was said to be sexually active, including raping a nun.which doesnt really diminish his disturbing background, really).
#16
Location: Kingdom of Baron
The Castle of Baron stands majestically, overlooking the nearby town of Baron, as the sun comes out on a new day. Within the castle walls, the paladin known as Cecil, former captain of the Red Wings (no, not the Detroit hockey team) walks by the soldier quarters, his cape flowing as he continues. Once he takes the stairs to ground level, he is met with a truly gorgeous sight in the form of his beloved Rosa, a talented (and quite scantily clad) white wizard.
Rosa smiles as she gives a small kiss to her beloved Cecil, How is my brave knight doing today?
Wellconsidering our King is dead, then turned out to be an Elemental Fiend, my best friend turns against me, and that my own brother has taken over my place in the Red Wings and is now trying to destroy the worldI cant say I really complain!
Wow, that bad, huh? I hope I dont get kidnapped today, if you know what Im sayin.
Cecil puts an arm around Rosas waist, The only one who is going to do some kidnapping.is me! In my quartersheh heh.
STOP!, a sudden voice echoes from afar.
Cecil and Rosa seem puzzled, until some random guy (dressed like NO ONE else in the kingdom, with civil clothes and all), comes up to the couple, and starts pointing a finger at them, What do you think youre doing?
Cecil frowns, How bout its none of your damn business, pal?
The staff guy acts offended, Well, in case you DIDNT know, Im a staff representative of Nintendo. And in the name of family morals and ethics, you WILL stop this sexual blabbering right now. This IS a Super NES game after all!
Rosa puts her hands on her hips, acting offended, Is this for real?!
Cecil rubs the back of his head, I think it is. We did get the big bucks from the Big N with the other FF games, so the payoff now is really big. We shouldnt mess this up.
The staff guy nods, See? This guy has the right idea. Now, lets get back on the road.
After the staff guy leaves, Cecil asks her beloved, So? Are you going to the cathedral and pray for our well-being?
But right away the staff guy comes right back in and objects, Hey, HEY! We cant allow religious talk in here, too! Our games are supposed to be cool regardless of religious beliefs!
Rosa crosses her arms and fumes, So what am I supposed to wield? Bleach? Toothpaste?
Staff guy aims at some drawboard he has, Just stick to the script, OK toots?
Back to the story, Cecil looks down, I wish Tellah was here. His knowledge would prove to be very valuable right now. But right thenwhen he sacrificed his own life, and.
Alarms blare! The staff guy is in the fray again! This time, he just stands still and shakes his head, Hey, nobody really DIES in Nintendo! They are just.defeated. Ordisappear. Kids arent ready to know the afterlife yet! Whats the matter with you?!
Cecil and Rose are about to lay the big beatdown on the annoying staff guy, when all of a sudden, the wacky inventor Cid appears, happy as an oyster, Hey, guys! I bring great news!
Rosa puts her hands together in hope, We get to have a very own sequel like FF VII or FF X?
Welluhmaybe. Thing is, word is out that Sony is planning to re-release us, this time, free of censorship! Hows that.MOTHER FUCKER!?
The staff guy objects, HEY! This is still a.
But Cecil just slices his head clean off with his holy sword, smiling as he puts it away, Sometimes, even us paladins must get our hands dirty from time to time!
Name: Cecil Harvey
Sponsor: Ephidel
Origin: Final Fantasy IV
Games: Dissidia Final Fantasy
Company: Square Enix
Won: Green Ranger, Aokiji
Lost: Alex
Fun fact: As part of Nintendos wonderful censorship policy in the early SNES days, there was a part between Cecil and Rosa in Baron that was conviniently changed (Rosa originally asked Cecil to sleep with her for the nightobviously, we cant have sexually hungry ladies in Nintendo, so that part was AXED!)
#15
Location: Kyoto, Japan
The bell rings for yet another exciting day of learning activity at a high school facility in Kyoto. Girls and boys alike, dressed in their respective uniforms, slowly walk into their classrooms for yet another session of educational value. Everyone seems to be on point and ready to goexcept for a single girl who is desperately making her way to get on time. She is the ever-so-late Sakura Kasugano, who apparently NEVER misses school without her trademark white bandanna around her head.
Sakura barely makes it past the gate as it was being closed, and cleans some sweat off her brow, Whew! Yet another fabulous save by the amazing Sakura! This whole running gig definetly adds some bonus points to my training!
But as soon as Sakura turns around to enter the building, she is soon cut off in her path by a blond chick wearing a distinctively red uniform, with a cocky look on her face. Its no other than Sakuras most fierce rival, the sole daughter of a corporative family, Karin Kanzuki.
Late as ever, Sakura? I wonder why all you high school fighting types ALWAYS seem to be stuck in the same stint? I guess its because you guys NEVER have time to get your stuff finished!
Sakura rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh of annoyance, Who made you the spokesperson for youth values? Look, Karin, if you wanna go, cant you wait till recess? I have a test right about now, and I just cant POSSIBLY be late!
Karin points her finger out in a defying manner, SHUT UP! I find it preposterous that Capcom would choose YOU over ME to appear in SF IV! While you get this whole mega-blockbuster launch hype, I get to be…in Capcom Fighting Evolution. You know how hard it is to bear THAT kind of burden??!
FunnyI never heard Ryu complaining about appearing in that game.
Pffft! Thats because Ryu gets to be in ALLL sorts of games! He wouldnt give a rats ass if he was stuck in Shaq Fu! Hes still freakin Ryu! But I, on the other handhave to prove my worth by appearing in more games! I cant just live on SFA 3 forever, ya know?
You know.Capcom made a poll on all thisand I got a place in SF IV. Heck, even freakin DAN made it into the roster. What does that tell YOU?
Karin stomps furiously, ENOUGH BABBLE! Capcom told me that if I beat YOU, I would get a chance.as DLC, to be honest!
Huh?! They really told you that!?!
Yeah, me.and Dee Kay, and Thunder Hawk, and Alex, and Guy, and a bunch of other guys. We really need to cash in on dat SF IV, ya know?
Well, I wouldnt want to ruin your chance for glory. Butit will definetly have to wait! See ya!
Sakura unexpectedly makes a beeline for the door, as Karin is caught off guard, and chases after her, Come back here, you pantyhose flashing whore!
Meanwhile, in the corner of the courtyard, Karins lackeys (beefy butler Ishizaki and technological expert Shibazaki) confer with each other while holding their cups of coffee.
You think the job market is THAT bad we cant relocate?, sighs Ishizaki.
You bet! But I heard the Masters Foundation has a couple of openings here and there., comments Shibazaki.
Yeah, I also hear that some company called NESTS is having a LOT of openings for all sorts of jobs! You think they will hire me in!
Hey, knock yourself out, kid. But if Shadaloo taught us anything, its that mega-powerful crime syndicates ALWAYS fail in the end, regardless of their power and influence. I guess thats the price you pay for having such wack ideas like stealing fighting energy or making female clones out of yourself.
Ishizaki shakes his head while he takes a sip from his coffee, Man.even corporate crime is such a bitch these days!
Name: Karin Kanzuki
Sponsor: Ephidel
Origin: Street Fighter Alpha 3
Games: Capcom Fighting Evolution, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash
Company: Capcom, SNK
Won: Yuna, Miss X
Lost: Wolverine
Fun fact: Its commonplace to see SF characters appear in other media such as manga or anime, but have you seen it the other way around? Well, in Karins case, it does! Karins origin is actually from an official SFA manga created by Masahiko Nakahira called Sakura Ganbaru, which revolved around (you guessed it) Karins rival, Sakura Kasugano. Game designers liked her so much, they incorporated her into SFA 3 as a playable character.
#14
Location: Shanghai, China
My name is Chun Li. I am agent for the ICPO. My job is to clean the streets of the scum that infects it. I am currently at the Chinese branch of Interpol, questioning some suspicious individuals that are certainly up to no good.
I sit here at the interrogation table, and spin the pen in my hand around, waiting for these scumbags to finally fess up to me about their misdeeds to society.
Sohow long has it been since youve terrorized the earth with your blatantly-obvious terrorist skills?
Subject #425: Oro. We picked this nasty little booger up in Brazil snoozing off inside a cave. And I do mean little booger quite literally, since this guy can produce snot the size of a beach ball! I mean, he OBVIOUSLY had something in mindsleeping in a cave, inside a sleeping bag hanging 15 feet above the ground, surrounded by animals? That guy was UP to something, Im tellin ya!
Now if we could only get that little old shit to wake up. Even after we towed him away here, he hasnt even flinched one bit!
WAKE UP, YOU WRINKLED PIECE OF CRAP!
Wow, it took a while, but finally old Chicken McNugget finally woke up. He seems pretty shaken up and doesnt even realize where he is. What an odd-looking old fart.
Huh? H-Hey! Just where did you drag me now, missy?
Shut up, fossil face! Now tell mewhat kind of drugs did you sell in your secret little cave? Come on, spill the beans!
Wha.? Drugs?! You dragged me out of my secret resting place for THAT?! You better send me back, or Ill.
IM asking the questions here, not you, one-hand wonder! Do you expect me to believe you when you got your wrinkled old weiner hanging out like that??!
That sick old bastard even looked down at his crotch, and had the nerve to give a cynical smile at me!
Weeeelllll.arent we the feisty little ones, eh? Do you want a piece of good ol Oro, toots? If you wanted some, you could have just asked!
What the.?! Ill have you jailed in our most lowlife prison, and PRAY that the inmates are not as caring as you are, old man!
They finally drag that ancient relic back to his cell, obviously falling asleep just a few minutes later. What a creepy little shit.
Oh my, I like the looks on this one!
Subject #127: Rolento. I dont see what the fuss is about this guy. He looks like a perfectly normal citizen to me! People just love to discriminate guys who wear uniforms and have huge-ass scars going down their faces. Where is the love there?
So, Mr. Rolento. What do you have in mind right now?
I want to create an utopic nation, by recruiting what is left of my former employers, the reknown criminal gang Mad Gear, raid Shadaloos arsenal, and rebel against the nations that dare put us down!
Well, I like that! A man with dreams and goals he sets for himself! I dig it! And what are those little trinkets you carry there?
Ohthis? These are my grenades, and this is my baton, and these here are my knives, and the thing lying on the floor is a cable from which I can hang my enemies on crane hooks that descend out of nowhere!
For real?! I need me one of those cables! Sorry to have bothered you, Mr. Rolento. You may leave now.
I may kill you in your sleep.
What a nice man he is!
Subject #1456: Q. I simply cant figure this guy out. He wears a trenchcoat, a hat, and some weird Ultraman mask. He is not really the talkative type, and barely moves a muscle anyway. He is just sitting there.and that creeps me out somehow.
Uhhhcan I get you a cup of coffee or anything?
Nope. Not even a flinch. Guy must be made of ice or something.
Do you have any relation with Shadaloo? The Taliban? The drug cartels? The Illuminati? Microsoft?
This Q guy barely shrugs. I guess that is better than nothing. At that moment, a fellow officer of mine comments about a swimsuit contest going on on TV right now. Holy Christ, that must have lit a fire underneath Qs ass, because he just smashed through the wall like nothing and darted off in a hurry.
This is my story. I will continue to hunt down these dangerous criminals wherever they lurk. Next up is criminal subject #2399: Ingrid. Lets see what we can get out of THIS little bitch.
Name: Chun Li
Sponsor: 4neqs
Origin: Street Fighter II The World Warrior
Games: Street Fighter series, Vs. series, SNK vs. Capcom Chaos, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash, Super Gem Fighter Mini Mix, Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo, Capcom Fighting Evolution, Breath of Fire (cameo)
Company: Capcom, SNK
Won: Tifa Lockhart, Saya
Lost: Mike Haggar
Fun fact: Chun Lis hair ribbons actually have a special meaning. In Chinese culture, to wear such ribbons and silk brocades signify the mourning of a loved ones passing (in this case, it would be her father).
#13
Location: Savannakhet, Laos
Deep within the humid regions of the jungle, hidden beneath the extensive vegetation is a huge fortress, stronghold for a band of terrorists and common criminals. A large group of said evildoers patrol the outer walls, with large guns, armed jeeps, and mounted guns spreaded all over the facility. What they dont seem to catch on, is a single, buffed man looking over them from a small cliff in the distance, his blond mullet flowing in the wind, his stern look, and his imposing physique.
Its killing time.
Not before long, gunfire can be heard in the distance as the terrorists aim their attention (and their arsenal) towards the source of the noise. From amidst the trees, Brock Samson, the imposing field agent, comes out screaming with guns ablazing! Surprisingly enough, his aim is dead-on, and nails every criminal he sets his eyes on with lethal accuracy (paired with the terrorists awful shooting skills). Brock even takes some time in snapping some necks, ripping out some throats, and even gouging out eyes to take a piss in their eye sockets.
As soon as the heavy artillery begins to enter the game, Brock grabs a string of grenades, and starts throwing them all over the place like tennis balls. Lots of explosions ensue like a Michael Bay film, and vehicles, disembodied corpses, and pieces of scrap metal fly everywhere, as Brock stands unfazed by the whole scene. He grabs a discarded tank turret, lifts it, and uses it as a baseball bat to topple down the front door.
Using some weird wiring skills, Brock is able to operate the tank turret manually as he shoots down a couple of wave of guards trying to repress the invader. Along the way, Brock grabs some swords from the suits of armor lining the halls, and uses them in so many creative ways: gutting, decapitating, slit throats, impromptu castration, and even improvised anal probes as Brock makes his way to the underground dungeons.
However, on the way, he stumbles upon a fat general-like type with an eyepatch, no hair, a monocle, and a curly mustache (yeah, not THAT curleh moustache) appears, laughing out at Brock, Soooooo.Mr. Samson! You have come to rescue our special guest? I dont think youll go any further! You will die here, and I shall decorate the walls with your head!
Stop talking.and just die!
The fat bastard pulls out a machine gun, but Brock manages to deflect the wave of bullets with his sword, and after that, he uses his own belt to block the bullets! The criminal warlord is visibly shaken, before Brock pierces him in the stomach with a fountain pen, pulls out his guts, chokes the fatman with it, and finally rips his head off. All in a days work!
Finally, Brock kicks down a cell door, and in the shadows of the prison, a single figure emerges.Dr. Rusty Venture! The good ol doctor blushes and smiles at the sight of his hero, Oh, Brock, I knew you would come for me.
Brock gives a tender smile, I wish I knew how to quit you.
The two run in apparent slow motion, embrace, and shortly after, share a passionate kiss, tongue action and all.
However, as it turns out to be, Brock is simply taking a nap at a restroom in Venture Industries. The Venture brothers, Hank and Dean, simply watch him as he snoozes and licks his lips.
Eeeewwwwwhat do you think hes dreaming about?, Hank asks with a disgusted look on his face.
Probably having some wet dreams about one of his chickshes already pitched a tent, as you can see, Dean points out at Brocks crotch.
Hank gasps, By golly, youre right! Do you think its the roids talking?
Roids? Whatcha talkin bout, Willis? I thought that stuff shrank your junk!
Yeah, I wonder how that works?
Save it, bro…
Name: Brock Samson
Sponsor: Fudd
Origin: The Venture Bros. animated series
Games: Rough Justice
Company: Cartoon Network
Won: Chuck Norris, Felicia
Lost: Deadpool
Fun fact: Brock has displayed a voracious sexual appetite on par with his macho bearing. No woman seems to be able to resist his advances once he catches her eye. His conquests range from sleazy (middle-aged prostitutes and overweight strippers) to bizarre (The Queen of the Ant People) with the exception of Dr. Girlfriend, whom he is convinced is a transsexual & Ginnie, Dr. Quymn’s bodyguard. This promiscuity is likely a reference to the legendary exploits of James Bond, another character with whom Brock has much in common.
#12
Location: Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Dayton, Ohio
F-16 fighter jets fly through the air as their engines boom through the skies, as captain Guile sits comfortably behind a desk, flipping through some papers in a folder, looking quite bored. Guile is sorta wondering how he has to resort to desk work now, when he could be out there in the field kicking some ass. Times certainly have changed, where there is no use for the veterans and these young punks come in like they own the place.
Guile looks to his right, where an old picture of him and Charlie lies. He picks up the photo and smiles at the memories of their time in the Force. In fact, it was time for an epic flashback, as the scene blurs out.
Guile remembers a time when he loved to run on his motorcycle chasing sunsets, playing Jerry Lee Lewis on a rundown piano in some random bar, and even playing some beach volleyball with his fellow pilots, all of them shirtless and with their exposed chests tanned and all, and.
Guile momentarily breaks his flashback to shake off that rather gay memory, but once again gets back to his flashbacks, where he reminds having had an air battle along with Charlie against some other flying noobsbut the victory was not counted due to being made under the hard deck, which was not allowed.
Hard deck my ass!, shouts a young Guile. We nailed that son of a bitch! And with that said, Guile and Charlie gave each othe a high five.
But it was at that dinner room where they were confronted by the leading pilot of that batch.Captain Commando! Sans his bionic armor, Commando fixed his red shades, Wow, you guys really are cowboys.
Guile frowns at Commando, Whats your problem, Cap?
Commando slams his helmet against the table in a fit of rage, Youre everyones problem. Thats because every time you go up in the air, youre unsafe. I dont like you because youre dangerous.
Guile gets all in his face, Thats right! Comman.do. I am dangerous.
Tom, the guy who Guile and Charlie beat earlier on, approaches the two friends, Guile, you and Charlie get your butts outta that flight gear and up to Vipers office right now.
Some ninja dude called Ginzu, Commandos partner, chuckles as the two walk by, Remember, boys, no points for second place.
Charlie smiles as he passes by, Youre a lot brighter than you look.
Oh, you shut up.
Guile remembers how many high-fives he actually gave that summer. His palm must have been sore from so many of those. He remembers a time during some of his profound chats with Charlie about so many deep matters.
I feel the need., Guile would start.
THE NEEDFOR SPEED!, the two would exclaim in unison, and later give each other ANOTHER high-five.
Oh, those dayswhere everything seemed to be accompanied by a song from Cheap Trick. Now everything seems to be cheap renditions of hip-hop. What was so wrong with a good dosage of the Danger Zone?
Guile picks up his old friends dog tags, wraps them aroud his hands, and prepares to leave his office, when he stops and looks out the window.
Ill be up there.with the best of the bestsomeday.
Guile smiles and leaves the office, throwing the dog tags away.
Name: Guile
Sponsor: jae hoon
Origin: Street Fighter II The World Warrior
Games: Street Fighter series, Vs. series, SNK vs. Capcom Chaos, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash, Capcom Fighting Evolution
Company: Capcom, SNK
Won: James Bond, Vic Viper, Rob Lucci
Lost: Mike Haggar
Fun fact: Capcom sourcebooks suggest that Guile’s famous hairdo is styled with a special-order army hair spray to keep it up (though he ends up fixing it quickly after a match). Contrary to the character’s design, Guile’s hair length would not be authorized according to U.S. Air Force regulation
#11
Location: San Mateo, California
At Capcoms headquarters, there is a huge conmotion in the lobby that gave access to the programmers offices. But this is not just a laboral dispute by a few disgruntled workers. This time, the ones in discontent are superhuman beings! An 8-feet tall demon, an octopus-like one-eyed creature, and a young woman with bone fragments sticking out of her back, all stand at the reception arguing about their appearance in a future Marvel vs. Capcom game.
Its around this time that a single man, of the African-American type, wearing a bizarre armor and an even stranger hairstyle, approaches the front desk, puzzled at the ruckus before him.
Ummm.is this where the line for getting into the next Marvel vs. Capcom game is?
Marrow crosses her arms and gruffs in frustration, Yeah, youve come to the right place. Its been madness ever since Marvel vs. Capcom 2 was re-released online. Now due to the inminent Marvel vs. Capcom 3, we gotta make sure we keep our place in the roster!
Shuma Gorath drops his tentacles to the floor, Guys like Spider-Man and Wolverine have already assured their spot, damn overrated punks! Us obscure characters must stick together so we can have a fighting chance!
Trevor Fitzroy, the weary time-traveller, points at himself, And what aboutguys like me?
Blackheart turns around and gives a heartily (yet still quite disturbing) laugh, Yeah right, kid. Go stay with those guys over there, also waiting for their turn.
Trevor looks around and finds heroes like Thor and the Punisher sitting at a bench, impatiently waiting for an appointment with the main Capcom execs. Trevor approaches them and waves, Hey, guys, you looking for a chance, too?
Thor crosses his arms and nods, Yeah, you know, I actually worked as an assist in Marvel vs. Capcom 1. You would think that would be enough to include me in MvC 2, eh? Well, NOT REALLY! Instead they had to fill 2 slots for that midget punk Wolverine. Pisses my divine ass off so bad.
Trevor then turns to the Punisher, And what about you?
The Punisher is seen cleaning his shotgun with a piece of cloth rather calmly, I use guns.
Trevor seems confused, OKand?
What do you mean and?! Didnt you catch Cable in MvC 2? People can do a lot with big gunsand I intend to bring the biggest of the big. Thats some big guns, ya hear? Everyone gets FUCKIN SHOT!
Thor raises an eyebrow, And you, kid? What do you got that makes you so special?
Oh, me? Well, I create time portals.and.I got this nifty armor, too!
The Punisher pauses a bit in his cleaning ritual, and?
Uhhhh.thats about it.
Thor laughs it off, Good sir, time travelling isnt even a valid ability. What you gonna do in a fighting game? Restart matches? We already got Gambit who glitches games so bad!
I also forgot to mention… I need to absorb vital energy in order to make time portals.
The Punisher spits on the ground, So you cant even create your own time portals out of your own damn will? Thats some weak-ass shit! No wonder Spiral beat you in the forerun for a place in MvC 2!
Trevor punches his own thigh, Thats because that bitch has always been Mojos favorite in everything! Dam six-armed bitch! Ill drain her life so bad I can travel back before I met you 2 fucks.
Thor picks up his Mjolnir hammer, You were saying something, boy?
Having realized his mistake, Trevor gives a few steps back, Uhhh.no, nothing in particular.heh heh.
Unbeknownst to Trevor, is that his whole ordeal is being filmed by Mojo himself, as part of a TV series called How to Become a MvC 3 Superstar. It brings mad ratings every week! Stay tuned for our next episode, where Trevor will attempt to see the Blob naked!
Trevor (unknowingly) turns to the camera and holds his head, Fuck my life
Name: Trevor Fitzroy
Sponsor: Muff Daddy
Origin: Uncanny X-Men comics
Games: X-Men Mojo World
Company: Sega
Won: The Protagonist, Hypno Toad, Space Godzilla
Lost: Abraham Lincoln
Fun fact: Fitzroy possessed the mutant ability to drain others of their life forces, converting it into energy and absorbing it into himself. With these energies, Fitzroy could create portals that could teleport those passing through them across time and space. He often was dependent on the mutant Bantam to direct and catalog the time-portals he made, lacking the ability to do so himself.
#10
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Its a fabulous night in the Windy City, as the United Center is the official host for the NBA All-Star Game this season! The gallery of celebrities and basketball stars is amazing, as the Eastern and Western Conferences battle for supremacy in the NBA. Now on the court are players the caliber of Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, among others. The crowd seems to be having a good time, contrary to what is expected lately out of the Chicago Bulls.
However, in mid-game, the lights suddenly dim out, and the whole arena rumbles, as suddenly a hole is broken in the ceiling, and from the crevice, a tall figure descends into the middle of the court, bearing the number 23 on his back. The crowd erupts into what seems to be an endless ovation to the returning glory, Micheal Jordan.
The referees blow their whistles as if they were some sort of circus act, trying to cut the game off and eject Jordan, but His Airness just bitch slaps them away, Naw, dawg. You refs have been my bitches ever since my prime days, and that wont change anytime soon. So just sit there and act like it never happened, bitches!
Allen Iverson stands there with a sarcastic grin on his face, Man, who is this fool?
Jordan turns towards AI with a mean stare, and suddenly, laser beams fire off his eyes, burning Iverson into particles, Bitch, PLEASE! You have NO rings on ya, so ya cant say SHIT to me, worthless mortal!
Jordan then focuses his attention of the rest of the players, Man, Im just sick and tired of this shit. Every new player or rookie that comes along each year is said to be MY successor and this and that. Anybody remember Harold Miner? All dem bitches trying to get on his nuts cuz he was Baby Jordan. Where dat nigga be at now?
In the bathrooms of the United Center, a janitor pops his head out of the toilet stand, Did someone call me?
Back in the center court, Dude, things arent what its all made to be now. Stupid David Stern killing this game with his whiteness. You boys gotta STEP YO GAME UP, cuz there only be one me!
LeBron James steps forward to Mike, Nah, mang. Yo shit already be taken, and dis nigga be all up in dis joint! Ya gotta recognize and RESPECT the awesome power that is THE KING! BE A WITNESS, fool!
Jordan smirks, Witness to what? The constant failure of your career so far? Nigga, stop chokin on games and choke on DIIIIIIIIIS NUTZ!
Jordan extends his hand, and surprisingly, LeBron starts floating into the air, struggling to break free. Jordan directs his levitation with his hand, and as James is high enough, Jordan closes his hand, and James explodes! Everyone is astonished, as Dwayne Wade candidly comments, Man, maybe I should take up baseball. If Im gonna suck at it, then at least I can appeal to my basketball greatness and return as strong as ever!
Jordan merely flinches, sticks his tongue out, and Wades head pops like a balloon! Everyone is scared out of their mind, but when Jordan focuses his attention on Bulls rookie Derrick Rose, who just smiles nervously. Surprisingly, Jordan smiles back, Yo, kid. You got some mad skillz in ya. This town needs your ballin style, know what Im sayin? You can make big things happen, I can tell!
Roses eyes shine bright, Y-You really think so, Mr. Jordan?
Jordan slaps rose over the head, Word, but ya better MAN UP, nigga! Dont go around playin dumb. Get your shit straight, and big things are bound to happen! See ya around, folks! Gotta put those Bobcats bitches up straight, if ya know what I mean!
Jordan vanishes in a beacon of light, as a single crowd member remains seated and with his head between his handsit turns out to be Jordans eternal partner, Scottie Pippen, in distress.
Man, this was supposed to be MY night, and Mike goes up and fucks things up YET AGAIN. Fuck dat nigga Jordan.
Name: Michael Jeffrey Jordan
Sponsor: Bowling Pin
Origin: University of North Carolina
Games: Jordan vs. Bird One on One, Michael Jordan Chaos in the Windy City, Michael Jordan in Flight, NBA Street vol. 2, Space Jam, NBA Jam
Company: EA Sports, Midway, Acclaim
Won: Shaquille O Neal, Captain Falcon, Mars People
Lost: Demitri Maximoff
Fun fact: Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals (between the Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz) will always be known as The Flu Game. 24 hours before the start of the game, Michael Jordan came down with a bad case of food posioning. Being told that he could not compete in said game, Jordan challenged the medics and played the game anyway, despite the visible fact that he was sick. Regardless, Jordan scored 38 points, collaborating to the Bulls victory, giving them a crucial advantage in the series which they would win a couple of days later.
Good work sir. I love the factoids at the end.
The Chun-Li one is like… a cross between her Marvel vs. Street Fighter ending and (the over-narration of) the Kristin Kreuk movie. 
:looney:
I’m up to Ivan Drago now. So far the ones for Tenten and Tails are my favorites but they are all really funny! :clapdos:
#9
Location: Albuerqueque, New Mexico
In a regular suburb of western America, everything is so peaceful and quiet, with kids running on the streets, people mowing their lawns, teenagers rolling around in their cars with their stereos near sonic-boom explosion levels, couples walking with their babies in tow. It all seems too normal for most people. Except that Mr. Jones seems to have a new pet on his leash these days. And its not like ANY creature seen on Gods green Earth before.
As Mr. Jones arrives home, he is intercepted by his neighbor, Mr. Smith, near the fence that divides both properties, Hi, Mr. Jones! How are you this beautiful Sunday morning?
Aaahhhh, good morning, Mr. Smith! What a lovely day it is, eh? Perfect to just go outside and have a fresh glass of lemonade, eh?
I bet! But say, Mr. Joneswhat is that you carry with you every single morning? Is itsome kind of African dog? Or a huge-ass bug? Icant really make out what it is.
The creature that Mr. Jones has with him on a leash is no other than a xenomorph Alien, which seems pretty aware of its surroundings, Oh, you mean this guy? My wife found him near a open manhole. She just couldnt bear to let the poor thing be run over by some cars, so she brought it here home, and its already a member of our family!
Oh.got it. Guess someone flushed that ugly bugger down the toilet, hence his appearance there. Does it do any tricks?!
Does it ever! The little guy can swish his tail out and pretty much ruin everything it lashes out at. Pretty useful to cut off the weed patches, I tell ya!
The Alien scratches its neck like a dog, and a green fluid jumps out of it, splashing some on the fence.and partially disintegrating it! Mr. Smith now finds himself face-to-face with Mr. Jones in a matter of seconds. The shy neighbor is now shaking before his friend, Wow…those are quite the fleas eh? More like a bunch of damn termites!
Oh yeah, and the little fella also has.another mouth on its tongue!
Say what now?!
Oh, you see, there it goes!
The pet Alien indeed lashes out its tonguebut to totally decimate a nearby dog, which has found a way to be the Aliens next dinner. Mr. Smith is now horrified, MY GOD! Sprinkles! They got Sprinkles, man!
Ohwell.sorry about thatyou should the things poop! Its pretty awesome!
Yeah.because Im sure shit is SOOOOOOOOOOO amazing to you.
Hey, dont hate! Just take a look, its not like youll step over it and smell crappy all day!
The two friendly neighbors walk towards Mr. Jones backyard, where they witness a huge black egg-thing in the lawn. Mr. Smith is baffled, Whoa, thats a pretty huge dung! Guy must be eating pretty damn goodHow many Sprinkles does he eat a day?
Will you cut that out already? We just give him the usual dog biscuits and leftoversalthough it keeps hissing all the time! It gives me the creeps every now and then.
.What the?! Is the shit OPENING?
As a matter of fact, the egg thingy was indeed blooming like a flower, much to Mr. Jones surprise, Funnyhe just shat it a couple of hours ago.
As Mr. Smith peeks into the now-open egg/shit, a scorpion-like creature jumps out of it, and latches on to Mr. Smiths face, wrapping its tail around his neck! Mr. Smith tries to break free, and Mr. Jones loses grip of his pet Alien, which now runs widely all around the lawn.
HEY! Come back here, Sam Cassell! COME BACK HERE! The games are over. ITS GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!
Name: Alien
Sponsor: Diek Stiekem
Origin: Necronom IV litograph (made by H.R. Giger)
Games: Alien series, Alien vs. Predator series
Company: Activision, Konami, Capcom, Atari, FOX Interactive, Acclaim, Sega, Rebellion
Won: T-1000, Mr. Saturn, Noel
Lost: Wolverine
Fun fact: In case you havent figured it out by now, the Aliens whole mouth is supposed to be one huge phallic reference (as in, a penis!). In fact, the Aliens retractable tongue was originally a penis in Gigers original artwork for the Alien, although in the movies, its basically a smaller mouth with teeth. The Aliens mouth itself is also suppoed to resemble a vagina of sorts, so theres the double whammy for ya!
#8
Location: Bucarest, Romania
A night of full moon looms over the Romanian countryside as night falls deeper and deeper. The moon has a blood red hue to it, representing a moon eclypse which is rare to see these days. A bad omen for a country where legends of vampires run rampant, and not too many people dare to go for a walk near the mountains at this late an hour. Moreso as a castle emerges from the dark void, and settles on the mountainside like a shadow that rises.
A whole legion of bats flies into the dark sky, as a single figure looms around the throne room of the castle. An ominous aura surrounds this mysterious man, whose shiny red eyes make him all the more menacing to everyones sight. In the shadows, he seems to be more of an inhuman demon, but as he steps into the light, an elegant man takes his place. This is Demitri Maximoff, exiled from the Makai, and an overall pissed vampire.
Demitri sneers as he walks through the halls of his castle, Stupid Belial! He could have least exiled me to a nice beach resort, but NOOOOOOOOOO! He had to cast me away HERE in this murky dump! I might not be the biggest fan of sunlight and all, but ANYTHING beats being here, and in Romania of all places! There is nothing FUN in Romania! Eastern Europe is so damn boring!
Demitri makes a halt in his ranting walk, and looks back with a calm look on his face, My my, next time, why dont you use the door like everybody else? Or are you too high and mighty for that, too?
From one of the many windows lining the hallway, emerges the figure of a sexy mistress with long light-green hair, and several bats fluttering around her, with an almost hypnotizing charm to her, You know I dont like that butler of yours. Hes so old.and creepyI cringe to think what he is planning!
Demitri shrugs, Just let the old man be, people like him cant afford much if they becoe vampires at THAT age. You look just the same to me, Miss Morrigan.
Morrigan runs a hand through her hair, Why, thank you. It takes a lot of mens souls to preserve my youth, you know?
No, I mean, you look EXACTLY the same! Didnt Capcom arrange for you to get your sprite re-drawn? Sheesh!
Not THAT joke again!? Look, considering Im the most popular character to come out of the Darkstalkers franchise, and appear in every crossover known to man since our own series is pretty much dead, I would like to make you an offer to come by my side, and bask in the glory of being paired with one of the most popular Capcom divas ever! What do you say, handsome?
Demitri crosses his arms, Geez, let me thinkNOT! I dont whore myself out like you! I may not have the big bewbz and massive cleavage, but I still have my dignity!
Dignity wont sell games, champ.
Hmmmm. You may be right there. Can I think this out for a bit?
You have about.30 seconds.
Shityou run a tough game, mistress.
Their conversation ends abruptly when a single man, dressed in some peculiar blue robes and wearing a white bandanna comes out, brandishing a whip in his hands, pointing out at Demitri, Die, you monster! You dont belong in this world!
Demitri raises an eyebrow, Huh? Did my minions who pay me tribute let you get in here so easily?
The Belmont warrior still points at Demitri angrily, Tribute?! You steal mens souls, and make them your slaves!
OK, enough of this crap.
With a swift dash, Demitri grasps Richter by the throat, hoists them in the air, and suddenly the Belmonts body suffers a drastic change into.Maria Renard! Richter is shocked at his sudden sex change.
What?! What kind of treachery is this?!?
Take a hike, loser!
Demitri bitch slaps Richter right out of the window, as Morrigan chuckles, Thats pretty damn impressive, to say the least.
Yeah, I did a number on one of the Wachowski brothershe kinda liked it, so I kept him that way.
Youre a disturbing little man.
Demitri smiles with his grin filled with sharp teeth, And the best is yet to come!
Name: Demitri Maximoff
Sponsor: P. Gorath
Origin: Darkstalkers The Night Warriors
Games: Darkstalkers series, Capcom Fighting Evolution, SNK vs. Capcom Chaos, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash series, Namco X Capcom
Company: Capcom, SNK, Namco
Won: Umaro, Diablo, Rasputin, Michael Jordan
Lost: Mike Haggar (Asia Division Finals)
Fun fact: One of the most fun attacks ever has to be Demitris super, the Midnight Bliss, which is present in both Darkstalkers 3 (Vampire Savior) and SvC Chaos. It usually just morphs the characters into female versions of themselves (and morphs females into alternate versions of themselves), although some transformations are both fun AND a bit disturbing (Hsien-ko turns into a younger version of herself along with her sister Lei-Lei, ROB Iori turns into Miss X, and Hugo just grows boobs! ACK!)
#7
Location: Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, Salem Center, New York
Its a regular day in the X-Mansion, home to many young mutants who seek to explore their newfound powers for the benefit of all mankind (and mutantkind). What would seem like a regular school, with kids running around and teachers giving regular classes is spiced up by the fact of having children vanishing into thin air, others who manipulate the elements, and several others who can enhance their body proportions to all-new properties. One of the original students, Scott Summers (aka Cyclops) smiles as he sees some kids run past him in the hall and going through a wall without breaking it. His passive hobby, however, is cut short when a hand drags him into a room.
HEY! What the fu–?
Cyclops was about to remove his ruby-quartz shades to fire his deadly optic beams at his assailantonly to discover that it was Storm, Cyclops fellow X-Man, who had yanked him in. Much to Cyclops surprise, a bunch of other X-Men are in the room with her, sitting around a long wooden table. Cyclops fixes his shirt, Wow, the gang is all here? Whats the problem now?! Is some intergalactic entity trying to fry our genes again?
Storm frowns, No, Scott. It is worse than that. We are here to discuss our very essence at stake now!
Come again?
Were talkin bout Wolverine here, Scotty boy. Get with the times!, Iceman speaks out, in his regular human form. He puts his finger into his glass of water to cold it up a little. Cyclops slumps his shoulders, Oh yeah? What has Logan done this time?! He always has been a problem with discipline.
Ve be talkin about his constant role as ze head of dis team. Ve are ze X-Men, not Volverine and ze X-Men!, Colossus roars out as he slams the table with his fist, effectively breaking out a piece of it.
Iceman ponders about it, Actually, isnt that the title of the latest animated series? Wolverine and the X-Men?
See vhat I mean? He is taking a larger spot than vhat he deserves! Ve need to take some actions before dis team becomes like the Jackson 5!, Colossus demands with a serious tone.
Cyclops thinks about it, I see what you guys mean. Logan has assumed a role far bigger than the team itself. His broken healing powers, his insane fighting ability, and that utterly long age of his which has transcended timefar more worked on than most of us. We need to demand an equal treatment in storyline writing!
Psylocke nods in agreement, I know, the guy is a walking encyclopedia. Guy must be related to every Marvel hero and villain out there! We just gotta make a common front!
Storm also nods, And with his new movie that just came out… I mean, he already WAS the leading man in the other X-Men movies. Did they really need to have him star in his very OWN movie?
Cyclops smacks his hand, Youre right about that! That bastard sent me back to the sidelines in those movies! ME! The field leader of the X-Men! Im not gonna put up with that shit!
Gambit fiddles around with a playing card as he has his feet on the table, So, what are we waitin for? He will be here any minute now. Lets get dis show on the road, mes amis!
Just a few minutes later, Wolverine himself, the man of the hour, comes in. He is wearing his trademark look of a brown leather jacket, jeans, and some shades. He looks at everyone looking at him with icy cold stares, as Wolverine shrugs, Whats up, bubs?
Bub yourself, furry man!, Iceman violently retorts. Where have you been?!
Picking up the Best Canadian Ever award over at Toronto. You know, when your competition is guys like Bret Hart and Celine Dion, you know you have it made, heh heh.
Shut your mouth, midget man! Were gonna teach ya whats what, and were gonna do it quite handily!, Gambit points out as he grasps his staff.
Wolverine nods, Oh, I see. Jealous much? Well, before you attempt to beat me into a state of mind and fail miserably, how bout I make a call?
Psylocke tilts her head sideways, Sounds fair.
Wolverine picks up his cell phone, makes a call, nods and waves his hand a bit, and hands over the phone to Cyclops, Its for you.
For me?
Yeah, youll probably find it interesting.
Cyclops picks up Wolverines phone, and is seen speaking, Hello? …Uh-huh? .Yeah. What? But, sir.! I. Uh-huh. I understand. Yes. I will. Good da Oh, OK…
Cyclops looks at the cell phone in disbelief. Storm snaps him out of it, Scott. Who was it?
It was the Professor. He says that since Wolverine has brought in so much money for the Institute on his name alone, we should just leave him aloneor he will mind fry the whole lot of us.
The room remains dead silent as Wolverine snatches the cell phone out of Cyclops hand, Got that, bitch? My license means lots of dough! Now all of you pussies get lost, before I SNIKT the whole lot of you.
Wolverine leaves with a smirk, as Colossus slumps over, NOOO! Ze X-Men victims to capitalism.vho knew?
Name: Wolverine (James Howlett/Logan)
Sponsor: Wolfkiller
Origin: The Incredible Hulk comics
Games: X-Men series, Wolverine, Wolverine Adamantium Rage, Marvel series, Vs. series, Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcades Revenge, Ultimate Spider Man, X-Men Legends series, Marvel Nemesis Rise of the Imperfects, Spider Man Web of Shadows, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Tony Hawks Pro Skater 3 (as an unlockable costume)
Company: Konami, Capcom, Activision, LJN, Acclaim, Sega, Electronic Arts
Won: Saber, Rei, Karin Kanzuki, Alien
Lost: Abraham Lincoln (Africa Division Finals)
Fun fact: If there ever was a fluent walking language encyclopedia anywhere, look no further than good ol Wolvie! Our furry pal is fluent in English, Japanese, Russian, Chinese, Cheyenne, Spanish, Arabic, Lakota, French, Thai, Vietnamese, German, Italian, Portuguese, Korean, and Hindi. Wow, and I though totting 3 languages was hard.
#6
Location: Providence Island, South Pacific Ocean
There is a remote island in the South Pacific which is basically NOT an island made by nature. What seems to be a regular piece of land is actually a futuristic space station, brought to the present era by the time travelling mutant Cable. In a place which was meant to harbor the greatest minds of the Earth, Cable now sits himself in front of a huge computer in the main room, where he is monitoring some activity around the Earth. Not before long, his concentration is disrupted when an old friend dressed in red-and-black enters the room.
Old friend? Dude, the man can barely STAND me being around, much less be his friend. Maybe you should reconsider the term friendship, shall we?
Cable lets out a deep sigh, Wade, what are you doing here?! Cant you seem Im busy?!
Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, nods at Cables disdain, Sorry bout that, Cable my man. But I need to borrow some of your guns. I might be needing them soon again.
What?! What kind of trouble are you in this time, Wade?
No trouble at all, mate! I just wanna use your big guns! Considering your Viper Beam is all the rage these days thanks to Marvel vs. Capcom 2, I plan to cash in on YOUR success and make myself disgustingly rich. How about that?
And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?
By entering this hella cool Heaven Clash tournament, yo! Its this semi-nerdy online contest where you put a bunch of random motherfuckers together and place them in this sorta popularity poll with weird skills and stuff. I placed sixth in the last competition, if you know what Im sayin?
Thats just great, Wade. Too bad you didnt even make the top 3.
You say that just because youre part of the big 4 in MvC 2, ya bigot! Anyways, I guess I have to change my sponsor. That jae hoon is such a hard ass. Bitch would hate on life itself had his mother not spurned him out with a coat hanger!
You seem to be pretty high on Haterade yourself, Wade. You can take my guns, but NOT my Psimitar. That one is my pride and joy.
Damn, man, why do you have to be so picky about it? We Marvel types gotta get our game back on in this tournament! Bunch of Capcom characters (and Beast) beating our asses all over the place! Not even Magneto or Dr. Doom could win it! Not even that Canadian whore Wolverine! We gotta plan a strategy, QUICK!
How bout you whore out your cameo in that Wolverine movie you made?
Deadpool smacks his forehead, HehI like when Lantis anticipates my actions. Anyways, did you even SEE that abomination? That was definetly NOT me! I dont have optic blasts, gimme a break with that shit! If I had to be an overpowered experiment, I would rather choose to have Magnetos airdash, Sentinels unfly, Storms annoying voice, and.
Let me guess.my guns, right?
I was also hoping you would call your buddy Captain Commando and see if he can help me out with covering my back. Dude seems to be of great help even with lowlife chumps.
I dont have access to his extension, Wade. Would you rather settle for my dads AAA?
Meh, if I have to. Just set the teleport device to SNK Land.
Huh?! What the hell for?
THINK, man! SNK bosses have the sickest shit this side of the fighting game universe. If I can somehow steal the abilities of each and every boss around there, man, everyone would rage quit on my ass! I would boss even Daigo and Justin Wong together!
OK, whatever, Wade. Just dont blame me if you land in SvC Chaos land.
God forbid! Beam me up, Scotty Jr.!
Huh?
What gives, man? This epilogue is not getting any shorter, if you know what I mean…
It says the connection with the other universe has been lost.
HUH?! Why???!?
Didnt you notice? SNK online play is so damn trippy. At this rate, you wont be getting into SNK Land unti.say.Battle Poll XIV.
DAMN SHIT! Lantis, end this epilogue NOW!
Name: Deadpool (Wade Winston Wilson)
Sponsor: jae hoon
Origin: New Mutants comics
Games: X-Men Legends II Rise of Apocalypse, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, X-Men Origins Wolverine
Company: Activision
Won: Griffin, The Joker, Brock Samson
Lost: Mega Man (America Division Finals)
Fun fact: You mean there ISNT a fun fact about Deadpool? The guy is basically a huge laugh riot. His funniest side, though, has to be his constant breaking of the fourth wall, which include telling other heroes which issue they had met in, telling about past comic book sagas as if he had read them before, and even harassing Marvel editors for certain storyline claims. There is basically NO sacred ground for Deadpool, and I guess we all love him for that.
Lantis, when I said NOW, I say NOW!
#5
Location: Manhattan, New York City
Inside a rundown gym located in the bowels of Manhattan, a single, bulky blond man trains himself, bench pressing some rather lofty barbells, under the stern watch of a seasoned veteran solider, with very short black hair and a thin beard. A young blond teenager sits on the window, watching the gray sky that covers New York. After doing some 200 lifts, Alex, the buff brawler, rests to clean the sweat off his brow, removing his headscarf.
Tom, his mentor and surrogate father, crosses his arms, What do you think youre doing, Alex? Your objective was to do 300 lifts! What gives?
Alex takes a sip from a bottle of water, Cmon, Tom, weve been here since 8:00 am! Lets take a breath, no?
Youve gotta be dreamin, kid. You didnt make the finals in the Heaven Clash tournament, and your so-called lead role in the Street Fighter III series has already been compromised. How can you be considered the face of the series when you can barely get over mid-tier? Thats just sad!
Alex slumps his head, Cut me a break, old man. I DID place fifth in the Heaven Clash tournament, did I? That has to count for something, no?
Yeahpure SHIT! No one gives a crap if you get into the top 10! Winners always get the whole book, losers only get one page!
Patricia, Toms daughter, smiles as she turns towards Alex, Knock it off, dad. Alex did pretty good! There is no shame in losing to the tournaments winner. You still have it, Alex!
Alex feels sorta disturbed at the naughty looks Patricia flashes at him, Ummm.yeah.OK.whatever you say, Pat.
Tom scratches his beard, I wonder what we can do to put you back in the spotlight. Abel is already winning popularity points as the resident SF grappler in Street Fighter IV. How can we beat that French fruitcake?
Alex shrugs a shoulder, I dunnoget projectile attacks? Get myself an evil version? Ally myself with Gill?
Tom gets enfuriated as if a lighter was slammed up his ass, Are you fuckin KIDDING ME??!? Anything but that! Even I will kick your ass if you get together with that thong-wearing pansy!
Yeah, but he beat your ass to a cripple pretty handily.
ILL beat your ass handily, noob!
A feminine voice echoes from the doorway, Gentlemen, gentlemenwhy all the ruckus? Cant we all just get along?
Alex, Tom, and Patricia look over at the door, and they see the sexy Poision spinning her handcuffs around her finger, and winks. Patricia looks amazed, Wow, she sure has an amazing body! A bit trashy, but still hot! I wonder how she gets it done?
Alex buries his face in his hand, If only you knew the dreadful truth.
Poison enters the gym with her sexy strut, Come now, handsome boy. Youre getting a little bit out of shape. At this rate, Capcom will NEVER take you back, aside from random crossover games.
Well, what do you suggest I do, tranny?
I wont suggest a thing.but he definetly can!
The ground rumbles slightly as a huge man with messy black hair and a mean mug barely fits into the door, and walks towards Alex. Alex quickly stans up to face his old rival, German grappler Hugo.
Hugo! The fuck?! You wanna go right now??
Hugo stops right next to Poison, looks at his manager, and then shakes his head, No, Alex. Hugo wants to offer you a chance to train yourself while Capcom calls you up for their next game.
Alex raises an eyebrow, and lets down his guard, I cant see you coming up with such an idea.but.Im listening.
Have you heard about…TNA?
TNA? Whats that? Some pervert club?
No, man! Its a wrestling organization. I hear theyre taking in anyone who they can get their hands on. Youre pretty good with the throws, right? We can get in there and make a name for ourselves via coherent angles and huge paychecks!
Alex rubs his chin, Hmmm.I am a bit short of cash right now.and the bills arent getting any lower. So, I have no choice. Sounds exciting! Lets do it!
Tom shakes his head in dismay, If only you knew the dreadful truth.
3 months later, Alex made his TNA debut. He changed his gimmick to being an angry ice cream man that allied himself with LAX. He jobbed 5 matches in a row to Kiyoshi and was released in just 4 months to make way for recent WWE dropout, Vladimir Koslov.
We wish Alex the best in his future endeavors!
Name: Alex
Sponsor: Bowling Pin
Origin: Street Fighter III New Generation
Games: Street Fighter series, Capcom Fighting Evolution, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash, Tatsunoko vs. Capcom Ultimate All Stars
Company: Capcom, SNK
Won: Ivan Drago, Amuro Ray, Cecil
Lost: M. Bison (Europe Division Finals)
Fun fact: Alexs rivalry with Hugo in the Street Fighter III series resembles the rivalry that professional wrestlers Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant had in the 80s (aside from their resemblance to the aforementioned wrestlers). The special staredown intro between the two of them in Third Strike is actually an exact representation of the staredown that Hogan and Andre had before their epic match at Wrestlemania III began.
#4
Location: Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Lets go back to Pennsylvania circa 1863, a time where the Civil War is at its peak and the Battle of Gettysburg has proven to be a turning point in the conflict. After the sacrifice of thousands, the current U.S. president, Abraham Lincoln, walks around in his tent, practicing his speech in the dedication of the Soldiers National Cemetery. His personal bodyguard, Ward Hill Lamon, comes into the tent.
Mr. Presidentare we ready yet? Edward Everett is about to finish his speech.
Four score and seven years ago. Four score? What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Four people will score? Well, what the hell do I care about that?!? The whole state of Illinois could score for all I care!
Mr. President, this is a crucial time in history! We cant afford to be lollygagging around like this!
Lincoln smiles at his assistant, Dont worry, Ward my boy! I managed to pick on a couple of few verbal tricks in my recent trip to the future.
I cant imagine how.
Lincoln clears his throat, Check this out: Well, Im not going home. Ima gonna get on mah boat, and Ima going up the reever, and Ima gonna keek that son of a BEESH Bisahns ass so HORD that the next Bisahn wannabe is gonna FEEL it! Now, who wants to go home.AND WHO WANTS TO COME WITH MEEEEE?
Ward Hill looks dumbfounded, Ummmsir? What is up with that accent? That is totally corny if I do so say so myself!
Lincoln strokes his beard, Really? You think? I thought it was pretty funny. How about this one: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
Ward again slaps his forehead, Mr. President. The Fourth of July already passed several months ago! And what do you mean by aircraft? Im starting to think this whole trip to the future has been bad for your mental health!
Lincoln puts on his top hat, Oh, can it, Ward. Are we doing something else today?
Well.I think we can arrange some appointments. How bout going to the Fords Theatre to watch a play?
I love going there, Ward. But maybe some day, when Our American Cousin is on stage, how about that?
Your taste in theatre is quite strange to me, Mr. President.
I know. How is the Emancipation thingy going along?
Its doing great, sir. Abolishing slavery is one of the smartest moves you could ever do. Those black people are quite the hard-working type!
You never know, Ward. Maybe one of them will become President one day!
The two look at each other before bursting into laughter, as Lincoln wipes his eyes after a few good minutes of laughing, OK, OK. Lets just get it over with.
As Ward leaves the tent, Lincoln stops at the entrance, and thinks up, I had a dream.nah, that wont work. Lincoln thinks aloud as he leaves the tent.
Name: Abraham Lincoln
Sponsor: quiche
Origin: Illinois state legislator
Games: Civilization series
Company: Microprose, Infogrames, Take-Two
Won: Major Dutch Schaefer, Lokken, Terry Bogard, Trevor Fitzroy, Wolverine (Africa Division Champion)
Lost: Mega Man (Semifinals)
Fun fact: Lincoln visited battle sites frequently, and seemed fascinated by scenes of war. During Jubal Anderson Early’s raid on Washington, D.C. in 1864, Lincoln was watching the combat from an exposed position; a captain shouted at him, “Get down, you damn fool, before you get shot!”
Just backtracked to read the Yuna one.
Really. The moment Lobelia picked the character I tried to warn him about her rep over here, and how he was at a great disadvantage. Oh well.
#3
Location: Metro City
Inside his office at City Hall, former professional wrestler-turned mayor Mike Haggar checks out some files in a folder as he goes on some research during his campaign for senator, in what could be foreseen as a possible presidential strategy in the near future. He is also scheduled for an interview later on for an important news channel, as Haggar fixes his tie and shirt, which is sorta complicated for someone of his physical complextion.
Shortly after noon, the camera crew and the news reporter, Miss Hosey, walk into Haggars office as they set everything up. Haggar makes a few phone calls before Mis Hosey grabs her microphone and starts doing her deal: So, Mr. Haggar, we have all known Metro Citys long and filed history of crime for the last few years. How did a former professional wrestler manage to set things straight?
Well, miss Hosey, my momma always said that there was NOTHING you couldnt resolve with a nice lead pipe smash to the skull. Not only does it set the town straight, it feels pretty satisfying, too!
Soyou believe in hard justice?
Not only do I believe in itI do my best to reinforce it! Just this morning, I piledrived a beggar into the ground cuz he wanted to take my watch! I bet he cant find the pieces of his spine on the sidewalk, now can he?
Butwhat about the economics, sir? Surely that is important too!
What are you saying, miss Hosey? Check this out!
Haggar kicks the trash can located next to his desk, and much to the reporters surprise, a diamond necklace falls out of it! Haggar smiles as he points out, You see, this town has some issues, but if go out there on the streets and break ANY trash can, oil drum, or even a stack of tires, you can find priceless valuables and even edible food lying around, straight for the picking! Isnt this town awesome?
Miss Hosey gives a nod, I see you have all things straightened out. Now, on more personal mattershow true it is that your son-in-law Cody served time in prison, broke out, and is actually wandering around with a prisoner jumpsuit and handcuffs?
Haggars expression turns serious as he sits back in his chair, No comment.
One of the cameramen whispers something to Miss Hoseys ear, as she smiles wryly, Mr. Haggar, can I turn on the TV for a moment?
Sure, go ahead, although morning TV is usually pretty bor—
As it is, the first image that pops up on the TV screen is Rolento driving down the business district on a tank as he laughes wildly, HAH HAH HAH! My utopian nation will soon be FULFILLLLLLLLED!
Haggar quickly changes the channel with his remote control.only to see Sodom driving his semi-truck down the industrial section like a madman, KAMI KAZEEEEEEEEEE!
Haggar once again swaps channels (as an explosion is heard in the distance), and suddenly comes up with the Damnds ugly mug, Hellooooooooo, Mr. Mayor!
Haggar shakes his head in dismay, Oh manwhat do you want now?
The Mad Gear gang wants your cooperation in.
Cut the crap, Damnd! This is like the fifth time this week that someone claiming to be the Mad Gear has jacked my TV reception this weekand its still Wednesday!
Ummm, well.I got your daughter again. She is a pretty easy catch. Malls arent the most secure place to be roaming around anyway!
Haggars daughter, Jessica, once again appears tied to a chair.in her undies, of course. The whole TV crew stares in awe, as Haggar buries his face in his hand, Nintendo censorship.why have you abandoned me? He then peeks over at Miss Hosey, You guys from FOX News?
No sir, we are CNN.
DamnI guess there is no way around this, huh?
Dont worry, Mr. Haggar, we are always so discreet about these issues
The next day, the editorial METRO CITY: LAND OF PERDITION is broadcasted. Tourism to Metro City drops 80%, but surprisingly, sex crimes rise 64%. God bless America!
Name: Mike Haggar
Sponsor: Fudd
Origin: Final Fight
Games: Final Fight series, Saturday Night Slam Masters series, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash series, Namco X Capcom
Company: Capcom, SNK, Namco
Won: Mega Zangief, Grey Gargoyle, Chun Li, Guile, Demitri Maximoff (Asia Division Champion)
Lost: M. Bison (Semifinals)
Fun fact: Haggar seems to have some ongoing rivalry with Zangief…but in regards to stolen moves, that is (there has been no official record of them ever fighting/wrestling/whatever)! First, Zangief took Haggars Lariat from Final Fight when Gief made his debut in Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. Then, Haggar returned the courtesy by stealing Giefs Spinning Piledriver in Final Fight 2. Nowadays, its Gief stealing Haggars CLOTHES for his alternate costume in Street Fighter IV! Perhaps Haggar should steal Giefs vodka for the next Final Fight game.
Props to Lantis for wordprocess-o-mania:tup:
good shit man. some of these are too funny.
#2
Location: Dr. Lights Laboratory
Inside the confinements of Dr. Lights workplace, Mega Man, a fighting robot of justice, gets the final tweaks from the repair expertise, the green robot, Auto. After a few adjustments to his Mega Buster, Auto puts Mega Man down from the operation table where he has been strapped on for the last 2 hours. There you go, just like new! Dont forget to take your regular Energy Tanks! Only two a weekany more than that will make you a scrub!
However, the Blue Bomber doesnt seem at all in the mood, Yeahit looks great from here.
.Whats the matter, little man? Feeling a little blue in the blue?
YeahIm just guessing whats gonna happen right about.now!
As if on cue, Dr. Lights image appears on the big screen that overlooks the repair shop, Mega Man! Im afraid we need your help once more! 8 new Robot Masters have seized the city! You are the only one who can stop them!
Mega Man lets out a deep sigh, Let me guess, Dr. Wily is at it again, right?
.No, actually, its some mad scientist called Dr. Yzen, but strangely has adopted the same strategy as Dr. Wi.
Save it, Doc, Mega Man interruprs abruptly. We ALL know its Dr. Wily in some form or another. This Dr. Yinseng or whatever his name is is just gonna be a cover-up for Wilys schemes, I end up going to Wilys 172781th Skull Castle, and kick his ass again. Comments?
Dr. Light is at a loss for words, Ummm.good luck?
Yeah right, whatever.
A soon as Dr. Light fades away from the screen, Mega Man boils up as he clenches his fist, Man, FUCK that old fart! You would think that after 70+ Robot Masters, the guy would FINALLY learn that he cant create a robot that can beat me worth a SHIT! Hes like the Wily E. Coyote of video games!
Roll peeks into the room, still holding her vacuum-cleaning arm, Is something the matter, Rock?
Get the fuck outta here, bitch! Youre just dead weight lingering around the lab anyway! The Vs. series already proved your worthless value, so why doncha keep cleaning and bake me a sandwich, WHORE?
Roll tears up and leaves the room in a blaze of sadness. Mega Man now focuses on Dr. Lights mobile toolcase, Fliptop, And YOU, you little shit, how about packing some USEFUL items every once in a while? I dont want Weapon Energy pellets if my weapons are all full! Get a clue, shit box!
Without even moving, Mega Man now points at his own pet dog, Rush, And you, stupid mutt. Turn into something useful for once, dont sniff around for items I dont even care about! And why do I need a Rush Submarine, anyway? For one fuckin level? Thats about as useful as the Frog Suit in Super Mario Bros. 3! Go get yourself cybernetically neutered, stupid dog!
Mega Man now points up to where the flying bird, Beat, is, And you, fuckin fuckface. Why should I be collecting a bunch of letters for YOUR stupid ass? Do you beat Dr. Wily in one hit? No? Then go sink yourself in a deep fryer so someone can get their free hot wings, moron!
As everyone looks shocked at Mega Mans rant, the young hero picks up his helmet from a shelf, as Auto looks confused, Wow, did you absorb the powers of Hate Man or something? Chill out, whats the whole rush?
As Mega Man puts on his helmet, he raises his arm, Im more than a robotIm a fuckin superstar! Later, supporting cast bitches!
Mega Man then beams up to wherever the battle is to be held. On to glory, Mega Man!
Name: Mega Man (Rock)
Sponsor: 4neqs
Origin: Mega Man
Games: Mega Man series, Mega Man Power Fighters series, Wily & Lights Rockboard Thats Paradise, Mega Man Soccer, Mega Man Battle & Chase, Super Adventure Rockman, Vs. series, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash series
Company: Capcom, SNK
Won: Axel Stone, Pikachu, Minato Arisato, Deadpool (America Division Champion), Abraham Lincoln (Semifinals)
Lost: M. Bison (Final)
Fun fact: Although originally the names “Mighty Kid” and “Knuckle Kid” were proposed, Capcom eventually settled on “Rockman” as Mega Man’s Japanese moniker. The name “Rainbow Man” was also proposed, due to his ability to change color. The word “Rock” in Rockman is a reference to the music genre rock and roll, and is meant to work in tandem with his “sister” robot, Roll. Such music-themed naming conventions are present in a number of Keiji Inafune’s other character designs, such as Blues. In addition, the original Mega Man titles intentionally incorporated a “Rock, Paper, Scissors” gameplay mechanic into defeating certain enemies.
#1
Location: Bisonopolis, Secret Point 48106
Deep within a secret base, hidden inside a mountain range, a hi-tech military facility belonging to the international crime organization, Shadaloo, lies in wait of their eternal leader and winner of the Heaven Clash tournament: M. Bison! Hundreds of soldiers line the halls in their tidy red uniforms, well-armed and backed up by heavy-duty military vehicles. As the huge entrance door opens, Bison finally emerges, drapped in his trademark cape and sporting his patented pearl-white grin. As he walks down the aisle, the soldiers salute until Bison arrives at his throne, and comfortably sits.
Bison pushes back his cape as he sits down, Aahhhhhhh! It feels GOOD to be on top of the world, for once! Now, the world will be MY playground! Ill sit atop the world governments, and everyone will abide by MY demands, and.
A single soldier tiptoes to where Bison is sitting and rambling, and whispers to him, Ummm.sir?
Bison sneers at being interrupted, What do you want, pawn? It better be good, less you seek a painful death by the hands of my PSYCHO POWER!
The trembling soldier pulls out a folder stacked with papers inside, All this came in the mail during your absence, my lord. Im afraid theyre not discount coupons for Wal-Mart, either.
Bison carefully retrieves the folder, opens it up, and shuffles through the papers, his empty eyes opening wide at the contents, Wha. What is this blasphemy??! Balrog has filed a lawsuit against me? Because I havent paid the last 6 months worth of his.fight money??! And 3 buckets of fried chicken??! What do I look like, the welfare program??!?
Bison keeps shuffling through the papers, and finds another paper, Say what now?!? Juli and Juni accusing me of sexual harassment? How can I sexually harass my own clones?!? Doesnt that make me sexually harass MYSELF?! That makes ZERO sense, whatsoever! Although, I must admit, they are some fine specimens indeed.yes, YES! They are DELICIOUS!
Mr. Marik, Bisons trusty midget scientist, shakes his head, That will not help matters any, sir.
Bison keeps running his fingers through the documents, and finds yet another lawsuit, stating, Huh? The Morals and Good Customs Committee accusing me of my own fighting pose?!? It says that I look like Im. pleasing myself?!? What, you mean I cant shake my fist like this.?!
Every soldier in the room quivers in disgust as Bison emulates his own stance, making Bison look around in confusion. A single sheet of paper falls off the folder, as Bison picks it up and looks disturbed by it, What the hell is THIS?! The Thai government filing a complaint because my Psycho Drive makes too much noise and could be hazardous to the ecosystem?!? THATS IT! Im gonna make these bitches PAY! Face the mighty CHIN.Er, I mean, face the mighty BISON!
Emulating what he did in a previous operation, Bison now pulls out a HORI stick, as one soldier stares in awe, WHOA! Is that shit modded, yo?
Bison winks, Best believe, mang! And no macros, either! Macros be for BITCHES, ya hear me?
Bison lowers down a huge computer map of the world, and aims for the United States. His grin turns a shade of evil, and starts mashing on those buttons like he was Dark Prince. A couple of soldiers whisper amongst each other, Dayum, lord Bison is one hell of a masher.
Yeah, he could be a champion flowchart Ken player with those skillz.
Bison laughs aloud as he keeps targeting locations in the States, Hah hah.so, you came to fight a madman, and instead find a God? Do you still refuse to accept my godhood? Keep your own God! In fact, this time may be a good time to pray to Him! For I beheld Satan as he fell from Heaven…like LIGHTNIIIIING!
But all of a sudden, the whole screen freezes, and a small box emerges in the middle, saying The connection with the other player has been lost.
Bison stares in awe at the map, until he finally mutters, The day that the world rage quitted on me was the worst day we ever had. But for me? It was Tuesday.
Mr. Marik butts in for his master, Actuall sir, today is Thursday.
Bison places his hands on his hips, Well, there you have it!
Name: M. Bison
Sponsor: Lucretz
Origin: Street Fighter II The World Warrior
Games: Street Fighter series, Vs. series, SNK vs. Capcom Chaos, Namco X Capcom, Capcom Fighting Evolution, SNK vs. Capcom Card Fighters Clash series
Company: Capcom, SNK, Namco
Won: Genghis Khan, John Rambo, General Leo, Alex (Europe Division Champion), Mike Haggar (Semifinals), Mega Man (Final)
Lost: –
Fun fact: Raul Julia, the actor who played Bison in the 1994 Street Fighter film, actually kept his stomach cancer a secret even during filmation of the movie (it was said that he was diagnosed with the illness ever since late 1993), yet still managed to finish both The Burning Season (an HBO original movie) and Street Fighter, arguing that his ailing shape was due to a macrobiotic diet. A true professional through and through, we dedicate this BP to the memory of Raul Julia. Vaya con Dios.
So, in case you missed it, the final rankings go like so:
- M.Bison
- Mega Man
- Mike Haggar
- Abraham Lincoln
- Alex
- Deadpool
- Wolverine
- Demitri Maximoff
- Alien
- Michael Jordan
- Trevor Fitzroy
- Guile
- Brock Samson
- Chun Li
- Karin Kanzuki
- Cecil
- Rasputin
- Noel Vermillion
- General Leo
- Terry Bogard
- Rob Lucci
- Mars People
- Minato Arisato
- Space Godzilla
- Olan Durai
- Tron Bonne
- Aokiji
- Captain Falcon
- Hypno Toad
- John Rambo
- Samus Aran
- Grey Gargoyle
- Luigi
- Crimson Viper
- King Ghidorah
- Mr. Saturn
- Saya
- Rei
- The Joker
- Lokken
- Yoko Littner
- Taokaka
- Miss X
- Felicia
- Diablo
- Pikachu
- Amuro Ray
- Vic Viper
- T-1000
- Optimus Prime
- Starkiller/The Apprentice
- Edgar
- Ultraman
- Agrias Oaks
- Haruhi Suzumiya
- Tifa Lockhart
- Kamen Rider Kabuto
- Saber
- Android No. 18
- Tommy Oliver/The Green Ranger
- Yoruichi Shihoin
- Cham Cham
- Waluigi
- Zangief
- Jehuty
- Lina Inverse
- Major “Dutch” Schaefer
- Ted Logan
- Nvrnsqr Chaos
- Rei Ayanami
- Predator
- Mega Zangief
- Clank
- Anubis
- Axel Stone
- James Bond
- Kaku
- Alita
- Ivan Drago
- Charles Barkley
- Avatar Aang
- Miles “Tails” Prower
- Genghis Khan
- Bo Jackson
- Freia
- Mew
- Chuck Norris
- Yuna
- Minsc
- Umaro
- Nathan “Rad” Spencer
- Goro
- Tenten
- The Protagonist
- Shaquille O’ Neal
- Griffin
THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING THIS BP GREAT, AND SEE YOU IN THIS YEAR’S CRAZY POLL!